Ok need to know what you do at your kids Birthday Parties for Family not the big friends type held at Chuckie Cheeses of so.
When my relative has a Birthday Party for her kids she never lets them open their Gifts from the Grandparents or other relatives. I personally feel its rude not to have the child open the Gift and acknowledge the present and say Thank You. This is a 5 yr old and 8 yr old so to me not to young. The Gifts are just left unopened against a wall.
I always make the kids open and say Thank you and try to take a few pictures and maybe send one as a Thank you card to the Gift Giver.
So what do you do and what would miss manners say?

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Ok...I haven't a clue what Ms. Manners would say, but I think that's just crazy! Why have a party, invite people and not open the gifts?? I think that's extremely rude.

I wonder what her reasoning is?

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I always have my kids open the gift then I take a picture of my kid, the giving child and the gift. However my kids are not allowed to open the toy until all his friends have left and he does not have to share it with his brother for a week.

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I have never heard of that. I can see if it was a kid party and maybe they run out of time, but for a party at home with relatives I would think there would be no reason not to open the gifts. I am curious as to why she doesn't let them open the gifts, has she ever said?

Have to say very odd. We always open in front of and take pics. I guess I just don't get it.....

It's only been since moving to GA that I've been to parties where they don't open the presents (of course I didn't have kids before either!) At first I thought it was very odd but now I understand when the party is held at a place you're paying for - you want to get your money's worth with the kids playing nonstop.
I think a house party or family party I would definitely have DS open presents.

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I hadn't heard of not opening gifts at the party either until we moved to aTexas last yr. My kids went to a ton of parties and at least 80% of them, they didn't open the gifts. Most of those were at this bowling alley arcade place, so maybe they thought it would be too hectic but I thought it was very odd.
You can't change the way people throw a party, you can just have your own parties the way you want them. For me, I have the kids open the gifts, that's half the fun of the party.

Well the only reason we family members think is because the back of her car is always loaded with returns so maybe she checks out what she wants them to have or not have and returns them for a credit and gets what she wants them to have. Nevertheless I feel it is RUDE!

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If that IS what she is doing, that is just WRONG! I would love to know what her reasoning is. I know that when I give a gift, I want to see the reaction to it. Hmmmm, just odd if you ask me.

I think the anticipation in seeing the person's face is part of the fun! My grandson is so excited to see how the person will like the gift. I think by not opening the presents they are missing out on the fun.

With family we always open, but at a big kids party sometimes we don't since alot of the kids would rather be playing than watching the birthday girl open gifts. We always send notes if we don't open in front of the giver.

Etiquette/manners are all about not hurting peoples feelings. Miss Manner's reason is that Some children/people can be rude if they don't like something. Presents/gifts should never be opened in front of other guests, the only exception are Showers.

I think its' very rude not to open the gifts at the party..I took the time to find the gift atleast they could take the time out to opened the gift in front of my child...My children has always open the gifts in front the guest ..that's part of the excitment..Even when we had the b-day parties at Chuckie Cheese or the bowling alley center we always took the time to open the gifts..

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My kids always open in front of the giver. They ALWAYS say they like it, and thank them, rather they liked it or not. They know it is rude to say that you don't like a gift. They say they liked it and thank you and move on to the next. We also always send thank you's. My kids are 10 and 7 and they have been writing their own thank you's since they could write. I feel it is the right thing to do.

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Not if they are taught "manners" to begin with. LOL I have to disagree with Miss Manner's on this one.

They are very smart kids and would know not to say anything but Thank you but I have heard on many occasions about the returns she has to make. It just makes me mad because you put so much time and thought into these Gifts and there is a 90% chance they are going back. I do always before I leave pull the kids aside and say lets open my gifts so I can see if they are happy or not. I do try and find out what they want when I talk to them but I must see them open or they may never see them.
Maybe she thinks they have too many toys and wants variety I guess.

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Wow - I never realized so many people would feel so strongly that they actually wanted to see gifts opened at a child's party! I'm so glad this came up.

Prior to reading this, I felt (and have witnessed) kids get bored watching someone ELSE getting gifts, and I've seen many onlooking children want to take the unwrapped toys away from the birthday child, so I thought it was an easy way to avoid the trouble that could occur when unwrapping gifts before young children. I DID notice that adults seemed somewhat upset that the gifts weren't opened as its own party activity, but the kids seemed more than happy not to stop their fun. BTW, this was for children ages four and under.

While I have taught my children to say thank you for all gifts, and to be (and look) grateful for everything (we even role played), it might be too much to expect such skills from very young children. While now I can see how others have felt about people who don't have their kids open gifts at a party can hurt feelings of the gift givers, I hope that anyone who has been hurt might consider that the host/hostess of the party was actually trying to be sensitive, after all.

I always have my children write thank you notes, and before they could write, I would write them, and I let them decorate the card with their drawings. We never returned gifts, and I hope the thank you notes conveyed this.

I will try to be more aware of the feelings of the children AND adult guests for future parties.

If it's a family party or a small at-home party, then I have my kids open their gifts. If it's a childrens party at a different location -- Pump It Up, gymnastics place, Chuck-e-Cheese, etc. then we take the gifts home and open them there. I take pictures of my child opening or playing with the gift and send the photo with the thank-you note.

Sarah........mom to Jason & Devin

I posted about this before; my child had gone to a party where the child did not open gifts. I had never experienced this before, and quite honestly was a bit annoyed.
After my posting, I was surprised to find quite a few people also do not have their kids open gifts.

Nonetheless, it would have been nice to receive an acknowledgement or a thank you note after the fact.

Having a child on the receiving end of a gift, I have explained to him beforehand how nice it was that the person even thought well of them to 1. come to the party and 2. give them a gift, so be thankful for WHATEVER they get. This teaches them proper manners as well as how to be gracious. I am also on the sidelines oohing and ahhing over the gift.

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We have always opened gifts, as I give my kids the option of either opening them there or taking them home to open them. Of course they always want to open them at the party. I prefer they take them home, however, as it is usually very hectic during the gift opening and it is very difficult to write down who brought what, etc. Seems like I always miss something or get who gave what wrong. I always make the kids send thank you cards. I also have to go back through the wrappings left over as never fails a kid missed something in the gift bags, etc., when opening. That's why I prefer them to bring them home. I never let them open the actual toys at an away party (if it's a home party that's fine--there usually aren't as many kids invited) as I've seen partygoers break the b'day kid's toys or actually walk away/try and take them home. I've also accompanied my kids to parties where the b'day kids (not my kids) have opened presents and make rude comments such like "oh I've already got that", or "I don't want that, can I take it back to Wal-Mart?", etc. You just never know nowadays what will come out of the mouths of babes! I think this can be very embarrassing for the kid that brought the gift. I also worry about the kids that bring like $5 or under gifts feeling badly when the b'day kid is opening much more expensive things (maybe the kids don't even notice though and I'm just a worrywort, ha ha--and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a $5 gift).

OP, one way to combat your relative that you feel is returning her kids' toys, etc., is to actually take the child out shopping for him or herself (normally the kid will open the toy as soon as they get in the car--therefore it can't be returned). You might even take him to the movies "for your b'day", something like that that doesn't involve an actual gift, just an experience. Or give them a gift certificate to something like the movie theater or a local playplace that will have to be redeemed and can't be returned for cash. Who knows, your relative might even prefer this. I know with all of the junk/toys my 4 kids have, I prefer the relatives to give them money for their savings accounts or just take them to McDonalds (or give gift certificates to places like these) or the movies, etc. I would rather they have the experiences with the relative than more crap, ya know? It may just be her way of not having a closet full of 'stuff' that the kids won't play with, that they open up and play with once and then discard.

I'm with AMulquin!
I've been to many many birthday parties in the past year or so. More so now that my kids are older and more social and in school....
I really don't like it when the gifts aren't opened and it seems to be more and more common. It isn't a Wedding Reception! It's a kids Birthday! OPEN OPEN OPEN!
Yes I also agree I get irritated when other kids try to Help the birthday kid open them...that's HIS mom's place to say "HEY, knock it off...let johnny open his own presents" or something similiar...it isn't my place...UNLESS it's my kids party then I have no issue saying.. "it's xxxx's birthday let's let him open his presents by himself" and gently steer them to their seat...
I like knowing if the present we purchases was a hit or miss.... it helps me for future parties too. If I know Jak got a nerf football this year I won't buy him one next year. etc..

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Long Lost ejm99 !

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I respect the opinions on both ends of this discussion, but I have a question for those who want to see the gifts opened at the party.

For those who feel strongly that their own gift should be opened in front of everyone because they want to see how well the gift is received, well - if we're all busy (like me) teaching my child to act as though he/she is thrilled with the gift, then does the onlooking guest really know (or need to know) whether the gift was a "hit" or not?

It is awkward, at least for me, to teach my children to act as though they are so excited about a particular gift they've opened -- yet I DO teach my children this, anyways. But I'd rather avoid this whole acting portion in front of a crowd - I always worry that my child didn't look excited ENOUGH about different gifts, and I don't want any guests' feelings to be hurt.

My children know that they are to be grateful about each gift, and as i perviously stated, we even role play this part extensively. Just when I thought my child was ready to handle opening gifts graciously and enthusiastically, I heard her tell the fifth gift giver (in all innocence) "Wow - this is the best gift of all!!!!! Thanks!!!!! (happened 2 weeks ago). I feel like we need a hour long tutorial on what to do in any situation to be fully prepared. It's a weird lesson for a parent to teach, isn't it? Am I the only one?

I'm on the fence on this one.
I do understand people wanting to see the reaction of a the child when their gift(s) are open. But I also undesrtand too that some children might say things that can be hurtful also.

We dont have Birthday parties for anyone but the family. ( granny.cousins,brothers,sisters), So I dont know much about what is expected from a Birthday Party with other People and Children, Also, My children have only been to 3 B-Parties.
But I can tell you a few stories about them lol.
The Most embrassed I have EVER EVER been was at one of my owns Birthday Day Party.
I have taught all my children ( All 7 of them ) To have manners, say Yes/ No Ma'am, Yes/No Sir/ Please, No Thank- You, Thank- You. How ever Children will be Children and like anyone elses they can and DO say or act at times things we all have found to be very embrasisng.
When My oldest was 4 years old she recieved a Barbie Doll for a present from my Mother. Now my oldest has NEVER EVER liked Barbies, My Mother knew this before hand for a year or so. But she got her one anyways. Christine opened the present took 1 look and said I HATE BARBIE !! Granny WHY did you get me this YUCK !!, I about died right there ! Of Course i was very upset with her saying this, But she was only being as honest as she knew to be at 4 years old. she was not as polite as she could have been, But honest the same ( NO, I'm Not making excuses for her doing this at all, truth be known she got a spanking for being so rude ).I didnt spank her for not liking the present, But how she reacted and what she said about it. She had been taught manners since she was able to speak but Hence she just came out with that and it was too late to take it back once it was said. Yes my mother knew she had never liked Barbies nor had she ever played with 1, but she still gave it too her anyway. Now, Had that been say my neighbor instead of my mom I probably would have moved the next day.
So Yes I understand why some might not want to open presents till they get home, I understand that No matter HOW much you tell your child to be polite and act( Even though i think this is wrong tomakea child act as if they are just thrilled to death over something they clearly dont like, )Children dont always do , say or act as they have been taught all the time.
OTOH
I have been to parties as host / Guest where someone will open a present and YELL OMG this is the best present I have ever gotten, Now to me, Even tho, my prsent wasnt recieve with as much excitment as that presnt was, I was still kinda of hurt I didnt get the same.But hey ! I'm the adult and I try to over look kids and what they say and do, Esp if the present was something they really enjoyed and was really hoping to get a s a present.
I also have been to parties where the present were open and there was NO kind of reaction at all , just open, look sit asdie and open next one.I like to think this was because they were made to stop playing and sit down to open present when they would much rather be playing with the games, or other kids.

I also have been to parties where the reciever has LOVED each and every present as if it was the best present of the day !! Very pleased, loved it, thanked them for it and was ready to open all of them and play with them all at the same time.

With my own Children, The few parties they have been too, the present was all they could talk about , Oh XX will LOVE my present the best, Or the present XX is getitng from us is his/ her FAV !! I know I personally held my breath till said present was open and the child was excited they got it, Thank Goodness noone of them disliked their gift from the kids. I think I would be awfully hurt and more so for my kids had it gone the other way instead. Since the kids were so excited over that gift and just KNEW it would be the best, ( Even tho, I told them all day, now XX might already have this , or it might not be the color they like , ECT ECT ) I'm still glad it all worked out for all of them.

I do have to wonder tho, If and when People dont open gifts with their guest could something had happen in the past that completely embrassed them and they dont want to take any chances of it happening again ? Maybe it was something that happen as to them as a chile rather than their child doing it and its a raw memory ?, Or maybe this was the norm for them growing up. ?

Either way, I dont really see this as a big issue to me personally, as long as the Birthchild and theirguest has a good time its al the same to me.

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I should have added that Miss Manners, Emily Post, Dear Abby, Dear Ann, etc. didn't make up these rules. They just pass on the rules of etiquette through their newspaper Columns, and books. Read one book on Etiquette (manners ) you've read them all.

Also once you have given someone a present it's theirs to do with as they please, they can return it, throw it away etc. Gee, I wonder what the rule is for regifting ?

I love the ideas that some of you have about GC, and taking the child shopping.