I just talked to a friend of mine and she has just ruined my mood for the day and i really could use some opinions on dealing with this one.

Her and her husband know everything or do everything better than everyone else.

It's not him, it's her attitude and I am just at a loss as to how to deal with it when she goes off. Today we were talking and she was complaining and no matter what I said she spoke louder and more insistant about the fact that SHE knows more about the subject.

Today was just not a good day to talk. We talked about how she won't put her son in Kindergarten, but I did and she thinks I am wrong. She is putting her house up for sale and we got into a little bit of a heated discussion about how realtors get paid too much, which I totally disagree, at least with the realtor I worked with who was my Dad's girlfriend and she made next to nothing for all of the hours she put in selling our house.


There is no way I could ever even bring up how I am feeling, she is very sensitive. She's just always right?! How can I deal with that?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Is this a friendship worth keeping? If it is then you either have to put up with her "Know-It-All" nature or gently confront her about it and hope she'll listen. If you never get to voice your opinion without her trying to make you feel that you're wrong then she's not a friend worth keeping IMHO. Maybe you need to distance yourself from her for awhile. Good luck.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

Drives me crazy but at least she's not a family memeber like your Sister LOL so you can just keep telling her your busy when she calls and get rid of her if you want to. Good Luck

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I would tell her..Everyone has their opinion ..We may not agree but there is no reason to get upset with me..If she keeps on..Tell her..I'm sorry I got to go.She'll get the hint one day and may try not to stress her opinion as strong as she does.

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

I have a friend like that, and she is always right and what her boyfriend says is always the "truth" the boy lies about everything and cheats on her, but their relationship is better than mine and my husbands and her boyfriend makes more money (my husband loves his current job and left the job her boyfriend was at and says he would have left the old job for this one even if the pay was $8 hr.) But she always makes me soooo mad. I usually feel better after i talk about it though, but she is a know it all and everything of hers is better than everything of mine, and I just feel sorry for her, she is a good friend she'll always be there for me when I need something, but she's just so judgemental that it drives me crazy!!!!

It isn't always as bad as it was today, most times I just let it slide. What is strange is that I am a very opinionated person too, but I just don't know why I can't do it with her?

Her husband did some work on our house, only because my husband was working like 60 hours and just didn't have time. She kept rubbing it in, what great work he does and things like that. Finally I said, yeah my husband can do all of that too, we just hire yours because he doesn't have time. Now she doesn't talk down about my husbands building ability anymore, so confronting it did work.

ANother example was over the summer, my Dad gets free produce from a friend who owns a farm stand and they had tons of squash that was going to go bad if it wasn't taken out of the feild. I called and invited her to come with us to get some free vegetables (money was really tight for them at this point too) and she said "oh no thanks, we don't like his produce". And went on to bash my dad's friend.


The more I think about it, the more times I can think of that she does this! I guess I let a lot slide!?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I once worked with a French man, when customers were complaining and yelling, etc. he would smile with his lips closed and Hum, as in "Umm, Hmm" Hard to type, but he would not open his mouth to say any actual words, just kinda aknowledge that the other person said something, but not really agree with them.

It always worked and the other person stopped talking/yelling!

I never had the courage to try it, but, BOY, was he good at it!

Paulette

This person sounds like my Mother.

I worked with a counsellor years ago who told me to say, 'O-hhhh' and 'Uh-huh'. Very calmly and then change the subject. Not an agreement, not a disagreement...

I notice that the worst times with my Mother are when she is unhappy with her own situation, is having undiagnosed health problems, or when she is going through hormonal stuff (the 'change' was REALLY hard). So, I have had to learn to ride it out and stay clear because it is not healthy for me and I reaaaaally don't like when she starts in on my kids!

It's hard! but maybe that will help.

What's even worse is when a mother's know-it-all attitude rubs off on the children. The next door neighbor children are the same age as mine (11 & 13) and everything they have or do is always better.

SHe is a very stressed person and today was a bad day for her dad, he was undergoing some bone tests, he has cancer. She has had it rough lately and I try to help her out the best I can, taking the kids to school, and running her around when she can't drive. I do feel sorry for her, but she brings a lot of it on herself (not the cancer part, but other worries and stresses). I will try to be more compassionate when I know she is going through a rough time, I will pay more attention to it in relation to her mood toward me.


And YEAH don't mess with the kids!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I have a friend like that too. It's always about her and she's always right. I've stopped answering my phone when she calls but then she comes over and barges in! Trying not to hurt her feelings but I'm fixing too!

Deal with her very honestly.....the Lord dealt with me very harshly this past over a long term friendship and showed me how my tolerance of bad behavior and actions to me from my friends is not me being a loving friend, but a terrible friend, because I was not able to be honest with them and tell them the truth.

Do not lie and do not make excuses, if she calls, tell her she is being negative and you are not going to let her negativity ruin your day. If she is insulting to you, do not overlook it, tell her. I can tell you right now she won't like it when you tell her and she will want to discuss it. Be honest, don't discuss it. She is negative, and rude. Tell her to talk to you when she has something nice to say, and not use you for a verbal garbage disposal for her emotions.

I know the answer to that.......

When she starts raging on, try laughing and saying, "I think we better agree to disagree on this one," and then change the subject. If she doesn't get the hint then go over to your door, open it very quietly and ring the doorbell. This gives you an out as you now have someone at your door! It has worked for me in the past as I also have a friend very much like this. I especially love it when my friend starts in on how "wonderful" her marriage is, how she is married to the best man in the world and then she acts like she knows everything about marriage and proceeds to try and give me unsolicited advice when we are just discussing an issue. (They had a very rocky dating period and her husband was not a fine upstanding citizen until a few years ago, but he has seemed to turn it around since marriage I should say). She's been happily married for 6 years w/2 kids, and I have been happily married for 13 with 4 kids. I can't figure out why she does that, unless there is some underlying problems in their marriage that she is trying to hide or convince herself aren't there. Go figure. I just blow it off and change the subject, but I know what you mean as it does really get to me too. I'm about to the point that I don't want to talk to her on the phone either.

Something I have noticed about my friend's behavior is that up until a few years ago they were really struggling and she didn't behave this way. Her husband has since gotten a new job making really good money and I have seen her attitude change, like now she thinks she has a license to behave like she knows everything now and she has no tolerance for another's views. I think it's somewhat of a form of bragging when people do this. I believe that psychiatrists say that it's a form of insecurity in a person when they always know everything about everything. I wish we could get it resolved too as I do value my friend's opinions, I just don't want them crammed down my throat.

I do a lot of listening with people like that! And simply avoiding them! Seems they get a thrill out of ruffling feathers, so if I don't engage in the "discussion" with them, it kind of takes the wind out of their sails. In the meantime, find someone you really CAN talk to!!! Or come chat with us!

Sometimes you just have to ignore people when they want to force their opinion down your throat. Most time it's an OPINION, you can't change the other persons mind and you shouldn't try and they can't change yours. Most people who are offensive and confronting like that don't even realize it and they keep pushing, they try to get you involved by asking questions, etc. knowing that they are just trying to start an argument/discussion so they can hear their own self spout (and usually it is not worth hearing, LOL). Sometimes it's just not worth wasting your time justifying your answers to their questions. Alot of times it's better to think in your mind "whatever" and move on to better things, change the subject, etc.

I have a so called friend like this she will go off about her situtation & if I say a word about mine & how it was different she will be like no this is THE WAY IT IS & demand she knows everything for a fact ya ok whatever LOL!!! I just quit taking her calls once in a blue moon now I talk to her I have known her for about 6yrs just became friends in the last 2 our paths keep crossing in life so I try to keep our friendship just keep it on the low ya know.

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mom of 3 greats girls

I like the idea about ‘we may disagree about this topic’ is a great phrase to use to end a line of discussion that you are uncomfortable with after giving her an opportunity to state her case.

Barring seeing her and just avoiding her altogether, you can also use the strategies like:

I see you have very concrete ideas on this topic. I think that’s great. I’m still trying to gather information to make my decision.

I think our values lead us to differing opinions, which can provide a different perspective on the matter.

Thanks for providing your perspective. I have chosen a different option, but I may change my mind later, or not.



Keep pointing out the differences and that there’s nothing wrong with her opinion and nothing wrong with your own opinions, but that on any given day, you believe you are making the choices that best suit your needs and your family’s needs. You have to be true to yourself.

I simply avoid people that are like that and if I was ever questioned about it I would tell them the truth!

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Smile and the world smiles with you!

Tami ~*~

That's a tough one. I have a friend that tries to come off as "all that", if you kwim??? They get new cars every few years, big screen TV, etc., etc. Nothing really quality, but, just kind of showy stuff. Well, I had their bill collectors calling me, so I knew the real deal. They were seriously strapped for money....anyway, not to hijack your thread, but, basically what I am saying here is that is was a difficult relationship.

The way I dealt with it was to just let her blab on and what not and just smile, and say to myself "well,I'm glad I don't have to try and be someone I'm not".


Is she moving away from you??? or just a different house near by??

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

No, it'll be a whole new state. They are putting their house up for sale soon and think it'll sell in like a month. Maybe it will, some people get lucky like that, but after selling in this market, I have some experience in the actual reality of it.

We really can get along sometimes and our kids have a lot of fun together, the husbands get along great and everything, but I think talking to her every day is too much.

I really do think she is VERY insecure, I can see it in other things and I guess I will just have to figure out how a way to deal with her. I will try the suggestions, and say the "well maybe for you......" sort of reply.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer