A friened, not a close one, but someone I email or talk to weekly has been having tupperware, Mary kay and now a jewelry party....one or two a month sometimes.....I know she is looking for a company to continue to deal with and sell for ...mainly because she needs the money.... I however am getting sort of tired of the never ending invites to this parties and do not know how to decline without hurting her feelings.....

Last time, I called...lied of course saying that my spouse already had plans for that evening and I needed to be home with the kids.... Yes I got the "bring them along and they can play vidoe games in the other room" so of course.... I went.... I honestly have no interest in buying the items she is selling...my budget can't take it right now and would rather use the money for an extra payment on a bill then for a necklace I really don't need or $15.00 tube of make up that I'll never enjoy using/wearing........

SO how do I decline without hurting her feelings....the "I can't afford it" doesn't seem to work.... I get "Come anyway and enjoy the night....." I DON'T.... I'd rather not sit around with woman I don't know and feeling bad becuase I'm not "supporting" her venture to earn her own money.....It's to the point, I am getting bitter with each invitation that comes..... Since Christmas, she has done Mary Kay, a tupperware night, a childrens book,(HMMM my kids read them once, I'm not paying $20 for a book that I can get on ebay for 1/3....) a relgious book sale and now a "jewlery" party..... Does it end????????

WOW~She is quite the hostess!!!
My question is: was she your friend prior to her selling items. (I have several "friends" that are real friendly to me when they are hosting Longaberger and Southern Living parties!!)
If she is a true friend I would just tell her the truth. I do not know many people that could/would go to all of these parties and buy items. Let her know that you have $$ but choose and need to use it on things that are a priority and not a luxury.
I hope that she will understand.

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Do you see many of the same people at these parties? Maybe you could call one or two of them (that you know?) and brainstorm a solution. I am sure that you are not alone in this... I think LOVEMYCHURCH offered a good perspective. I hope that it works out!

I would just plainly tell her that you have helped support her parties up until now but there has to be a limit to it and now you have reached your limit.

She really doesn't have to check out this many companies before deciding on one she wants to represent.

In my opinion, of the parties you mentioned her having I couldn't see as being too productive as far as income. It's like who needs these things or who can really afford much of the merchandise.

I didn't realize that Tupperware was still having parties. I haven't heard of one around here in ages. Rubbermaid has nearly all the same type items, and for much less cost.
Now, Pampered Chef is what's hot around here. I will attend one of those every once in a while. It's all more expensive than it should be but there are certain items I really like.

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I've worked out a deal with my close friends that we won't do any of these types of parties, because if we all feel like we have to buy something. So when I do get an invitation, then I know it's not a close friend, so I "have something going on already that night" which is not a lie, spending time with my family is my "something that's going on." If she is a REAL close friend, then talk to her and just tell her that you feel really uncomfortable at all of thost kinds of parties... What can she say about your feelings? If she doesn't care, or thinks you are not being supportive of her, then she isn't a real close friend, but one that you can sluff off to the category of "acquaintence."
Isn't it funny how we are so quick to try to be supportive and not make other people mad when we don't want to be somewhere in the first place, but then that puts the most important people in our lives second?

I went through this years ago in base housing. Plants, lingerie, Tupperware, baskets, home crap, makeup, you name it.

I went to 1 for a good friend of mine and told her I was making an exception in going for her head count, but wouldn't be buying anything. I would rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers than go to one of these things, sit with people I don't know, be expected to ooh and ahh over the overpriced crud there, and supposedly have a good time while someone makes $ off me, and someone makes $ off them, and yet someone else makes $ off of that person.

Just be honest. You will then know if she is truly your friend or not. You might be surprised, and then again, you might already know the answer.

I'm so tired of getting those type of invitations, I just don't RSVP anymore unless I am going. That way I don't have to come up with an excuse. If they do ask, for jewelry, I just put my hands out and say I don't wear jewelry. (All I wear is my wedding ring). For those business clothes party, I just say I'm a SAHM, don't need business clothes. I haven't been invited to a tupperware one for a while. Lately it's been jewelry and Passion Parties (those are kinda fun!!) around here!

Lisa

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I've said no to so many that I rarely get invited anymore! It seems that they are mostly acquintances that invite you to these things! I try to call at a time they won't be home and leave them a message saying I am unable to attend!! Usually works!

I did however, have a Tupperware lady that wouldn't leave me alone about HAVING a party! Man I hate hosting them. I feel terrible putting people in the position where they feel like they have to buy something. I had one for her and then she proceeded to call every six months to see if I was ready to have another! About two years later I finally had one more. I asked her very politely to remove me from her list after that.

I feel for you!!! You might just have to be very bluntly polite. No thank you, I don't have the money and although I enjoy your company, I'd rather stay home with my family that night. If you want to get together another time I'd be happy to...

A real friend, IMO, would be understanding. After so many invites, she would have to expect people to decline. Even if she is looking to make some additional cash, she can't expect it to always come from her friends. If you people relied on friends for monetary support like that, I'd either be flat broke or swimmin in the dough!

Be honest with your friend. Explain that you only budget so much for miscellaneous expenses every quarter or so and that it's just not in the budget.

Good luck!

Is she your best friend? If so she should understand and you should be honest with her. Plain and simple there should not be any stress there if she were a true friend.

I would say something like "Hey, we need to talk, I want to be supportive of your parties and I feel I have been to a degree but honestly I can't come to them every time. It isn't anything personal but I feel that I am taking time and money away from my family and their needs and I really need to buckle down to do some improvements.(make something up, simple but not dramatic enough to make her think your whole world is falling apart and just to get the point) I really do appreciate you including me in your invitations but I just can't do it.

Tell her you are saving money for you guys to do stuff as a family this summer. you want to take your kids some place special.

If it were me in this situation and it were my best friend she wouldn't even say anything except for I understand but just know you are still welcome to come, and end it with a "That's cool"

Honestly I think if she were a true friend she wouldn't expect it from you all the time. I can tell my best friend anything and not feel bad about it.


Edited to say I reread and she is not your bestfriend but I would still lay it out to her.KWIM? You shouldn't have to stress it.

Why HAVE these parties become so popular? It's not a nice social gathering with friends, as the inviters will suggest: "Don't feel the need to buy anything! Just come and socialize!" What it feels like is an opportunity for the host/hostess to earn items/cash, at our expenses.

I feel that it's the same friends over and over who do this to us.

If they wanted us to come and socialize, then they should invite us to social events - not self-fund-raisers.

BTW, Lia Sophia, Silpada, Southern Living and Creative Memories are the big ones around our parts these days.


Whew!!! Is it obvious that I've been invited to one too many of these lately???

I used to work with a lady who just told everyone who asked her to a party, that she didn't go to them and no, she would not take a catalog home either. Everyone then knew not to even ask her. She was polite but firm and no one got offended. She saved time, $ and grief.

It seems like your "friend "does not listen or care when you say you don't have the $ to spend at these parties. If she is that bold and forward to ask you to that many parties you might have to get that bold and forward with her in your response.

You might also tell her that one of your New Year's resolutions is to quit going to these parties or ordering from their catalog, and that you had only made an exception for her this month only. Now that February is around the corner you will be firmly implementing your resolution so don't even ask you to break your resolution again.

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How about "No thanks, but I'd love to get together with you for a cup of coffee one day"

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I would always say I had everything from tupperware I wanted now , I also explained how it was cheaper to buy off the internet from tupperware . I'd go sometimes for a headcount and once I won all sorts of free tupperware with the games they played.

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I worked in an office with 30 or so women. Someone was always having a "party" for something. I had a standard answer- "I don;t do parties". As the previous poster says, they finally stop asking because they want people there who will spend money. In 15 years I never went to one. Your problem is you started going and now you have to reverse your position. I would say, "we are reordering our priorities-no spending any extra money- thanks but no". On the third try, the hostess will get it and take you off the list.

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Lyn Clarke

I have been selling Cookie Lee Jewelry for 3 years now. I never could get past the "hostage party" so I now only do shows for fundraisers or if someone requests one. I am sure this goes against everything the company says about how to run your business, but I just couldn't stand the thought of someone thinking I was pushing them into something (especially since DH is military and it is pretty much frowned upon). It is a shame, because the jewelry I sell is beautiful and a good value. I am sure I could make lots of money if I wanted to push, recruit and devote my life to the business. I choose to keep a few great customers who basically order when they see a catalog or see it on me. It works for me.

Of course, my husband gave me a great response for invitations years ago. I simply would say, "My hubby and I have an agreement--he doesn't go into stip bars and I don't go to home shows -- keeps our marriage very happy" I still love Pampered Chef and order occcasionally. I like Cabi, but can't afford it. One of my best friends sells Mary Kay and I just told her that I really love my current products. I must say, The last party I hosted was one of the "romance parties" and it was incredibly successful. I couldn't believe how much money the rep made. Must be a statement about some of my friends, and their friends because women came out of the woodwork for that one. We billed it as the "home party your husband will beg you to attend!"

Yes it ends, after Pampered Chef and Lingerie show. :-)

Our last church the Pastor's wife sold jewelry, and so did about 10 other ladies at the church. Everytime you turned around there was a jewlery party. I bought some however I like real jewlery and I can buy real gold at a pawn shop for the price of costume in that catalog. Real or fake? real or fake? *L* I used to sell Tupperware and Mary Kay years ago. Tupperware lasts forever and I enjoy the product so I pick it up in the thrift stores when I see it. Mary Kay is my skin care and make up, and I will seek out a rep to buy my product. On home parties I most pass now, if I need it I will go to the web site and buy it. It is fun to get together with friends however the pressure to buy when you do not have the funds is not enjoyable. Tell your friends you are done with home parties, if you want something you will go online and order it.

I think that threegirlsthenaboy had a great answer. Just be firm, but polite and tell her something like this, "Thank you for the invitation, but I have to decline. I've been attending so many of those parties lately and right now I just want to stay home and spend some time with my family. I'd love to get together with you sometime for lunch though."

You really don't owe her any other explanation, and if she guilts you over it, she's not a very good friend. It seems like you've been putting her feelings above what you really want, and you and your family should come first.

I to had to deal with this years ago and I always went and felt obligated to buy something. Our girls were small and I always knew what a waste it was to buy things like this when the money should have went to getting what the girls needed or paying the bills. I never spent enough to make any of that a problem it was just the point that I was buying something I didn't want or need just not to hurt someones feelings. There was at least one party a week between my friends and family. I quit going to these parties years ago , I just call them and say I hope you understand but these types of parties are just not my cup of tea. I never -ever go to them anymore so I am sorry but I can't attend. I do look forward to lunch with you so we can catch up. I have heard every reason why I should come such as oh please come anyway you don't have to buy anything we just want your company etc blah blah blah. I just stick to my guns and tell them again that I just would rather spend time with them one on one and then say I have to run but I will call you back to set up a time to get together with you. I rarely ever get invites to this garbage anymore. I hate to make the call but when I do but I never waver.

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I think just telling her you no longer "do parties" might be a good idea. It is afterall, a new year. Tell her it's one of your New Year's Resolutions not to spend money unnecessarily, and that stuff is WAY overpriced. Should do the trick. If it comes up again, just laugh it off, and say "oh, come on, you KNOW I don't do the party scene!!!"

I keep getting invites via email from the wives of people DH works with. I don't even respond. Honestly, these people have never even MET me. It's clearly a money making invite.

Good Luck.

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I love that response!

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I think we have all had a friend like that at some point in our lives. My friend had every kind of party you could think of (Tupperware, t-shirt, Princes House to name a few). Then the one time I had a Tupperware party she didn't bother to come. I could not believe it. That was maybe 25 years ago and she moved away 10 years ago. What do I get from her a couple of months ago, an e-mail invitation to a Tupperware party. I thought that was so funny. I didn't buy anything. LOL I don't get invited to very many parties any more. The one that is popular right now is candle parties. I don't use candles so I usually just buy them to give away.

I found this thread to be very enlightening. I have been selling Tastefully Simple for almost 5 years.

I have a steady party schedule and do a lot of catalog parties.

I never went to home parties before I signed on with Tastefully Simple. I too was a person who made the "pitty purchase" and admittedly sometimes still do.

Please keep in mind that the consultants for these companies do this to make some extra $$. Yes a lot are hobbyists and some are stalkers (to get you to do a party for them). I do my "party" job to help pay for my kids school. I also LOVE what I do.

I get the opportunity to share my products with a lot of people. I always have a person or 2 who come and never order a thing. I am fine with that. I feel bad for the host who may only be able to afford to have some "extras" by holding a home party.

So I would say Honesty is the best policy. If you have a good consultnat they will not pressure you into buying or having a party. If your friend is a true friend tell them you do not care for whatever product is being sold at the party and would prefer not to come. They should understand.

Have a great Day

There is a circuit of these parties in my neighborhood. What I always wondered is - how does anyone ever make any money (or earn enough in product to make it worthwhile) if they are always attending each others parties?

after endless rounds of those type of parties I made a change and just started replying to every one that "I no longer go to those type of parties" and 25 years later I still don't!

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everytime I close my eyes I see the nails, I hear the cries! He did not keep Himself away! He walked a mile in my shoes........

I am at the point now where I only attend home parties if I am interested in what is being sold. If I'm not familiar with the company, I get the catalog beforehand and see if there is anything I'm interested in. If not, I decline the invitation, saying simply, "Sorry, I can't make it", or "Sorry, I have other plans that day".

I've found that by getting the catalog beforehand and making a list of what I like, it keeps my spending in check and I'm not buying stuff on impulse just because it was shown at the party. There are some companies that I really like -- Pampered Chef & Tastefully Simple, to name two, so I almost always go to those parties or at least order something, but it is because I like the products and will use them.

I've sold Stampin Up for the past 4 1/2 years as a hobby (just for fun -- I do not depend on the income) and mostly only do classes at my house or workshops if people specifically request them. One thing I hate is pushy home party demonstrator -- I have a Tastefully Simple lady calling me every few weeks now to host a party. Guess what, if I decide to host a party, it won't be with her!!!

I get invited a couple times a month and actually I do go, or at least look at a book. If there is something I can really use, I will get it, if not, I don't buy anything.

I have never had a party of my own until this year, a friend who sells it has been helping me out a lot, so I did it for her more than for me. I felt guilty asking people to come and i even got annoyed that one friend didn't come, not good. I will not do any more, it's not worth it imo and it has nothing to do with money. I didn't like the asking and the rejection or the feeling that went with it.

Sounds terrible, but today I signed up to be a comsultant. I told her I am not doing parties and if anyone wants one she can do them. I am going to sell it, but only if someone asks me(I'm not chasing people down or trying to talk anyone into anything), or as a fundraiser for the school, which was my main objective. NO PARTIES!!!!

Think that'll work out?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I am a pretty blunt person. If I didn't want to attend these type parties for whatever reasons, I'd be polite but firm.
That being said, I actually seldom turn down a chance to go to any party! No, I don't buy an item every single time, but I can have fun with the other women and enjoy the snacks!

we changed churches a few years ago and some how I got on the party list again. I finally just said I couldn't go to anymore parties and they have finally stopped asking me. You just have to be honest and say I know other people can come and not buy anything, but my willpower isn't that strong and I really don't have any money to spend on extras. I felt really stupid the first couple of times I told people that, but people understood and I am not longer on the party lists.

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