I 'm 37 and married but I have no children. I keep going back and forth if I want to have any or not. I know I need to decide in the next couple of years so just wanted to know if there or others that waited later to have children or decided not to have any at all?

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I had my daughter at 30. I'm glad I waited..I was settled and ready.

My daughter, however had her daughter at 16. I am now 51 and raising a four year old. I've got to say, it's harder this time around.

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Everybody's happy, everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
(Fred Rogers)

I was 35 when I got pregnant with my one and only. My husband and I had been married for 10 years. When we were first married, we decided we would wait on children. As the years went by, we decided that we really didn't want any, but we still had time if we changed our minds. The closer we got to really having to decide one way or another (because of all the complications you can have after 35, I really didn't want to wait any later), we started leaning toward wanting just one child. The timing finally felt right. We had lived in Atlanta and my husband got offered a job back in my hometown in VA. where most of my family is. (His is pretty much non-existant.) Since I have fibromyalgia, I knew I wanted to be around family to help with child care and also to raise our child with family around, in a small town environment, rather than the city. Everything just kind of fell into place and we thought we would try. If I got pregnant naturally, great, if not, we weren't going to try any other way and just know we weren't meant to have any. Well, I got pregnant the first time we tried! I had a horrible pregnancy, threw up every single day (no exxageration) and got gestational diabetes. But it was SO worth it! We have the most beautiful, funny, smart little girl who will be 3 in March. We've had no desire to have another one. We just feel our family is complete with the 3 of us. I can't really decide for you, I can just say I've had no regrets and I'm glad we waited until later. The only thing is, she won't have a sibling. I knew age and health wise not to think of having another one after her, I had just waited to long. We don't want another one anyway and since we waited until we moved back home, she has plenty of cousins her age that are like brothers and sisters. I know this is really long, but I hope I've been able to help you one way or another. If you have any more questions, let me know on this post and I'll send you my email.

Tammy

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PUNKY'S MOM!!

I had my first dd at 27. My ds I had at 33. We weren't sure about having a second baby, but surprise, he's here anyway! Now we are on the fence about a third. I'm not sure about having a baby after 35 because you are "advanced maternal age".

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

I was 37 when my husband and I began trying to conceive (married at 36). We tried for over a year before beginning fertility treatments which finally proved successful. I am now 26 weeks pregnant (and about $20,000 poorer).

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

Have Children if possible it's the best thing we did. Sure there are the tough times here or there but the good far outweigh those. There isn't anything like a Childs sweet kiss. I know many seniors who have no Children and have regrets. But again this is such a personal decision that it really depends on each individuals needs in life. And I am so glad we decided to have a third it just feels right for our family. I had my first at 24, second at 27 and third at 33. Good Luck!

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I was a child bride when I got married.
1st @16
2nd@19
3rd@22
4th@30
5th@33
6th@34
7th@37
I can honestly say, I have enjoyed my last 4 children a lot more than the 1st 3, Mainly due to my age. I was more settled down, Knew what I wanted out of life. I had been married 2 times b4 and I'm very glad I did what I did.Although, Me and Hubby will be well into our very late 50's to early 60's when our last child will leave home. I'm glad we had them.Our life is centered around our children. We don't party or do any of the *wild things* as we both did earlier in life. Plus, I think its kinda of neat to have Grandchildren the same ages as our children ..

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

I think about it this way:


You would NEVER regret HAVING a child, but you might ALWAYS regret NOT having one.



Even if you just have one and that's it, that is enough to get all of the parenthood joys, cuddling, decorating a nursery, the anticipation of the birth, the pampering afterward, the first step, first word, potty training, the first day of school and all of those great things I haven't had the joy of experiencing yet.

Makes me want one more. Almost........

I was 31 when I had my first and 32 when I had the second, I don't think I have it in me for another and neither does DH, poor guy. I really wish I would have started earlier, we would have a much bigger family now.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I don't think it is too late for you yet to start a family. I have had friends have their first kids in their mid 30's and some starting all over again in their 40's. I even knew a couple in their early 40's that adopted a little girl from China, both were career military and the joy was so contagious about them with their new baby you couldn't help but smile & they were ready to adopt another one right away.( I think they did too)

I want to tell you have children they are wonderful because they are,and I personally feel that people who decide not to have children miss out on the very best part of life. However when you have children life changes and everything revolves around the child(ren). Many people decide not to have children because they do not want to change their lifestyle, children are a lifestyle change. So do not let anyone make you feel guilty because you have decided not to have children either.

My best advice to you is simple, talk with DH, pray about it, and leave the rest up to God and do not worry yourself with it. If it is mean to be it will be and if not it won't.

I married my DH when I was 18..I had both of my children early.. I had DD when I was 20 and Ds when I was 22...Part of me is glad I had them early but I really miss having little ones around the house.Part of me can't wait until I have grandkids...then the other part of me feels like I'm too young to have a grandkids...I'm sure when the time comes I will be overjoyed and spoil my grandkids rotten

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

I have been married for 6 1/2 years
I am 28 , pretty sure I want one or two kids but not totally positive
Definately not anytime soon
We enjoy doing what we want right now

Suzanne

I'm in the minority here, but we don't have kids and don't plan on having any. I'm 35 and have been married for nearly 17 years. After we had been married for 5 or 6 years, we did try for a couple of years to have kids, but it just didn't happen. Now, I really don't think I have the patience to raise kids. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, but the older I get the less patient I seem to be. But I'd like to agree with what another poster said, don't let anyone talk you into having or not having kids, that's a decision everyone has to make for themselves.

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Don't dream it. Be it.

I love my kids from the bottom of my heart but also have immense respect for the couple that I do know that has never had kids. It amazes me that they could make that decision but once you get to know them, it is truly right for them to not have children. They LOVE children and are so good with ours but they have their dog and do river rafting, backpacking, etc. and have a LOT of money to spend on their own fun hobbies! I don't think of it as being selfish at all that they made this choice. They are in their 50's, have lots of neices and nephews, and seem to have no regrets for the life that they have chosen.

I always wanted children and have gone through some difficult times with them (also had lots of trouble actually giving birth and getting pg; another story!) but I also used to think that I did not want children -- and part of the reason that I ended up having them was because I felt the pressure on me from every side; society, family, and so on... I thought it was selfish for me to not want them but I now feel that it was selfish for to want them... So maybe selfishness really has nothing to do with it instead of everything to do with it, LOL.

Whatever you decide, make it a decision that works for you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision. You know what is best for you!

I guess my only piece of advice is be happy with whatever you or your bodies decide. I have met people with 16 kids who loved every minute. I have met people with one who hated every minute of it. If you can not have kids for some reason or if you decide not to have kids, just embrace it. I have met women (rarely men) who spend every month of their fertile life grieving over the child they can not bear. Every month she is in tears. Not all of us get exactly what we want or think we should have gotten. When the decsion is made by man or God- go with it, embrace it, and don't look back. Otherwise life is lost and the meaning of love and sharing is lost. IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

Get busy girlfriend! Having kids is the best!

When DH & I got married, we both thought we would never want to be parents. We waited a few years and then changed our minds. When we started I was 32, I had 3 miscarriages in 2 years and the Drs said I shouldn't try anymore; I would never be able to carry a child to term. Then, Oooops, I got pg with DS, at 36. He was born healthy and beautiful, but it was a very rough 9 months. I think a woman's body is much more flexible and forgiving when it is younger. Looking back, I wish I had started much younger and KEPT trying, despite the Drs warnings. It is a huge responsibility to have kids, but the best thing I've ever done!! As long as you and your DH are on the same page about being parents' GO FOR IT! Don't base your decision on seeing other people's kids. When you have your own, (or adopt) it is a COMPLETELY different feeling. Good luck.

P.S. My biline says: Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart. In this instance, I truly believe it. TRUST YOUR HEART!

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~LOL~
ladyoleisure@lycos.com

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart..

My husband and I married young - I was 20, he was 21 - and have one child. We never thought about having more than one child. One was our limit. Regrets?? Never!!

We had our son while we were still young (he was born 11 months after we were married - it was a planned pregnancy) and will still be young when he graduates from high school.

I think a lot of the reasoning behind us only having one child is the families we grew up with.

DH and I were both the oldest of 4 kids. The oldest, the most mature, the ones the parents always depended on to "help out" with the youngest. As awful as it may sound, we didn't want to have more than one child and put the oldest through that.

We are thrilled with the wonderful child our son has become, and know that we made the right decision in only having one child.

"A man and a woman had a little baby. Yes they did. There were 3 in the family. Three. That's the magic number."

If you don't want children, do everybody a favor and don't have any! There are a thousand ways to be around kids without having any of your own. I know a lady who never wanted children, her husband "talked" her into it at she has said many times that she regretted it. How sad to feel that way and for the kids to know it!
I always wanted children, had 2 in my twenties. They are now 17 and 19 and they are the loves of my life - but it is not everybody's cup of coffee!

DH and I were married for almost 7 years before we even started trying. I ended up getting pregnant the second month we tried. DD was born a little over 6 months ago. I was 32 at the time and DH was 34. I'm so glad that we waited to have a baby. I have so much more patience now than I did when I was younger. DD was very colicky for the first 3 months, and I honestly don't know how I would have handled something like that 7 or 8 years ago. Another reason that I'm glad we waited is because we had time to travel and enjoy each other's company as well as pay off debt and buy a house. We always agreed that we only wanted one, but now that we have DD, I truly wouldn't mind having one more. As miserable as I was with the morning (all day) sickness, back problems, fatigue, swollen ankles and feet and the barage of constant doctor's appointments, I actually miss being pregnant. I also miss all the attention I got while I was pregnant. People never seem to be as nice to you as when you are pregnant. Complete strangers start up conversations with you, bag boys at the grocery store insist on taking your groceries out, you get special pregnant lady parking at some stores and you can get out of cooking and cleaning a lot easier. I also miss my DD being so tiny and experiencing everything for the first time with her, although she's really getting to be a lot of fun right now.

DH and I realize that were very fortunate to get pregnant so quickly and have a healthy baby. One of DH's sisters had her first baby when she was 40. She has tried several times since then for another baby, but has ended up having several miscarriages. She's almost 45 now and said she's done trying. Another one of DH's sisters tried for several years, only to get pregnant once and that ended in a miscarriage.

If you want a baby, then don't wait too much longer to start trying. If you really don't want a baby, or if you would just be doing it because you are being pressured by friends and family and think it's what is expected of you, then just don't do it. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides, but the choice is up to you and your DH. My DH finally started pressuring me to have our baby because I kept procrastinating. Even though I agreed that I wanted a baby, I was terrified. I kept saying "We'll try next year, or in 6 months." Now that we have DD, I wouldn't trade being a mommy for anything in the world! It really puts your life in perspective.

This is truly an individual choice. Since you are asking, sounds like you may be leaning for having one. Your child will be your greatest sense of joy and on occasion you greatest sense of frustration. I have seen people who by their behaviors around their children that I thought needed better parenting skills, and a few who for the child's sake should not be parents.
Whatevery you decide may God be with you and bless your choice.

I'm 41 and have been married to my high school sweetie for 18 years. We have no children. I also agree that you shouldn't let anyone tell you that you must have children or not to have children. That is a personal decision between you and your husband.

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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

I'm hoping you only meant that as a personal statement for yourself since I have heard about and talked with many people who DO actually admit to regret having children.

I am about to turn 36 this month, have been married for 4 years and am childfree by choice. I have known pretty much my whole life that I did not want to have children. Yes, it's a personal decision for the most part, but because of the choice my husband and I have made, most people feel it's appropriate for them to question our reasons even though it's rare for someone to question the reasons as to why anyone would have a child. It's ironic to me since I can think of so many reasons not to do it, plus many of the reasons I've heard to have them are selfish or thoughtless. I mean this in the sense that I feel too many people do not give enough thought about what having children can do to your own life, the environment, society, your relationship or even about the well being of the child. Props to Christine for taking the time to at least give it thought and hopefully make a choice that is best for her and possibly a child. Ultimately, it is something that only you and your significant other can decide. Just think about your priorities in this life, your reasons for wanting or not wanting a child and what you truly feel would be best for you and the potential child.

If you need to get some input from the childfree perspective or if you just need to talk, feel free to contact me.
Debby

Going into the marriage, Dh and were both in agreement that we wanted children some day. We were married over 4 years before we both decided we were ready for children. It was a slow growing but overwhelming desire that totally eclipsed any of our fears or doubts about parenthood. I don't know how you would get through all the ups and downs of conception ( for those of us who had problems), pregnancy, and raising children without that unwavering commitment. I wish you luck and peace with your decision.

Debby, send me an email, Thank you

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

We know of a couple that never wanted children. She and her DH were very close and and happy with just each other. They were very happy for years and then he died. Shortly after that she was lonely.

She always complains to relatives about being alone and always says "but you have your children."
Well she NEVER wanted any , but when she was old then she regretted it! (she is 90 now and alone)

I have no real imput for you, but would you feel the same if you lost your DH??
I had mine when I was young and have never regretted it. Everyone is different and you have to decide what is best for you.

That is sad. I can understand why she would be feeling lonely without her partner and think that if she'd had children, it may be different. However, I've known plenty of people who are older with grown children and are still lonely because their children don't visit or appreciate them. Since she is 90, who knows...she could have outlived a child and still be in a lonely place. I'm sure most people who lose a spouse would feel lonely regardless of their family situation.
Debby

I agree.

It just always seems like she is so alone. She was an only child and now there are just a few neices and nephews. Only one still lives in the same city that she does. They try to include her for holidays,when they are home for them.

But then we are just one of those big families that do visit and call .

I had mine
1 @ 17
2 @ 18
3 @ 20
4 @ 23
5 & 6 @ 24
7 @ 26

I am glad I had mine early

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

WOW what a topic !!

It hits me hard because I am in almost EVERY single aspect of this issue here is me,

1. I am an only child (no brothers no sisters) so I will be a lonely old woman if I live

2. When I first got married I waited almost two years to try to have kids ( not sure I wanted any to begin with)

3. When we finally tried we found out that DH is infertile :-(

4. I felt quilty as heck ( my thoughts were I am beign punished for waiting/not wanting any).

5. Some days I feel selfish because I INTENSLEY enjoy our lives we take several vacations, buy what we want and money is ok. ( I know money would be tight if we had kids)

6. Other days I feel like adopting but again I feel its selfish because I feel like it would be to have someone around for my old age.

So I am VERY confused and still not sure of what to do eithier......

I never wanted children, well here I am 25 and 3 kids. I got pregnant when I was17 had her at 18 and then I had 2 more all accidents, but the best accidents that anyone could ever have I do think though that it is a personal choice but me and my husband couldn't be happier. We got married at 18 he was 22 and have been married for 7 years on the 19th They are such a joy to us and they say some of the funniest things, I think they are just wonderful and am so glad that we have them to enjoy. I will not have anymore 3 is PLENTY, but then you see those little kids on tv who need a good home and your heart just melts, so we won't have anymore naturally and plan to maybe adopt one later on.

I got married at 25 and planned to have two children, one at 27 and one at 29. It didn't work out that way. I had my first at 29, second at 37, and third at 38. I tried for 7 years to have number 2, and only got pregnant with the help of an infertility clinic. I got pregnant with my third when my second son was only 5 months old. It was a complete surprise, the best surprise I have ever had. My husband was very scared about having a third child but by the time I had her he was fine. I'm so glad that I have my three children, the last two were worth the wait.

Kelly mom to Chris almost 20, Andrew 11, and Emily 10.

I waited to have children and I don't regret the decision. In my 20's,I did not have the maturity, financial security, or patience that I have now. I had the twins when I was 36 years old. I did not have any problems getting pregnant-both sides of the family are very fertile, lol!For most of my pregnancy, everything was fine and I was working everyday (I was a practicing attorney). Since I was having twins, I was monitored to death and had lots of appointments, but you should see my babies now-they just turned 10, and at times they drive me crazy, but they are the best and keep me young and active. I had to go ion bedrest for the last couple of months of my pregnancy because of premature contractions but they were born fine and healthy, just 2 weeks early. Toward the end of my pregnancy, my doctor thought that she was going to have to induce me-I was not preeclampsic, but feet were swelling, etc. so I might have been leaning that way. She scheduled me for it on 1/30 (my mother's birthday) but they had other plans-I went into labor naturally the night before and they were born on 1/29/97! I had an easy labor and delivery-I was only in labor for an hour, I was fully dilated when I got to the hospital and the twins wer born 8 minutes apart.I also have a 4 year old, so I had another baby when I was almost 42-when you have a baby after 35, you really get used to the term "advanced age of mother", lol! I had no problems with my later pregnancy, never had to do bedrest and he was born late-I had to be induced twice! The fiirst time it did not take, so they sent me home and I had to go in the next day to be induced again. That labor was quick and harder than the natural one-I was only in labor 1-2 hours. Jared was a big, heallthy boy almost 9 lbs.(8 lbs. 9 oz.) the twins were 5 lbs. and 5 lbs. 6 oz. respectively. I don't regret waiting to have children-they are smart, healthy, and a handful at times. You have to keep your energy up and stay in shape, so if you are healthy and want kids, go for it! I need to lose some weight, but I am basically healthy and happy. There are days that can be overwhelming, but I manage. I do work full time but do not practice law, it got to be too hectic with court schedules, I teach at a law school-it is a full time job but I only have to teach 2 evenings a week but have a lot of papers to correct outside of the classroom. It works for me because my mother watches my kids and since I work evenings, I can go on field trips with the twins, go to school meetings, etc. It is a decision that is your own and don't let other people pressure you one way or another. If you want more information about mothering in your 30's and 40's, feel free to contact me. Good luck with your decision!

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Jocelyn



My babies are the joys of my life and keep me young:
The twins,Tatiana Gabrielle and William Joseph , 1/29/97, and baby boy, Jared Lawrence, 8/27/02.

I have a beautiful daughter, Elizabeth, at age 29, a handsome boy, Nicholas, at age 31, and my handsome step-son, Nathan, who is just a few months older than my daughter. I think that having them that late in life has made me more patient. I had my tubes tied, have divorced, and remarried. Now my husband and I are going to check into having my tubes untied so we can have a child together. I just turned 38!