I am having such a bad two days. My kids are driving me crazy with all their bad habits. I am trying to change them but I have to blame myself for letting them get these bad habits. My husband is working too much and not here at all. I see him for maybe 15 minutes a day that we can talk. I miss him.
I am not being very nice to my kids I am not feeling well with my MS and now I have a cold and I had a rash on my side and its shingles. I am so angry about my health right now i am only 32 and have the body of a 90 year old. i just can't keep up.
My house is trashed like gross trashed and I don't want to clean it. I just want to sit in my chair and hide from the world.
I hate yelling and I keep yelling at my kids. I see myself as this big monster standing over these kids scaring them. I don't want to yell at them they are not used to this and I know that I am upsetting them. I just wish I could calm down...I can't I feel like I have so much to do that I just can't do any of it.

Any advice on how to get myself back on the right track? I am just so P@ssed off and not sure why I am so angry. These are all things I could normally handle. WHY can't I now? Maybe this is the start of me going crazy. Thanks for reading this.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Carrie...1st take a deep breath...Is there anyone that you can call and watch your kids for just a couple of hours,so you can have some time to re-group? And maybe take the time to take a nice long bubble bath?? I hope you feel better soon and ((((((HUGS))))) to you.

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

::hugs::

do you have anyone who could watch the kids for a day? it sounds like you just need a day to yourself to do some cleaning and some relaxing.

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rhapsody112@gmail.com

Kids are at school right now. So I have all day by myself. I guess I should make it clear cuz I just read my post....The kids are not in danger or anything like that. Just more yelling than is necessary. So nobody call Childrens services about the crazy lady on the internet.

__________________
cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Have you looked at flylady.net?

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

If you can afford to do so, I would recommend hiring someone to come in and give your house a thorough cleaning. It something that can easily be done by someone else and in my experience, takes a big weight off one's shoulders. Once that's done, it's much easier to maintain.

cj/

If you belong to a church, call some one at it and let them know what is going on. Your church should be your family too, and they should help you out in the bad times. Maybe someone can come over just to spend time with you and help you clean.
I'm sorry about your health, it would make me miserable being so sick, but remember, being miserable can only add to the sickness, it can't help it get any better.
Becky

I agree with talking to someone..it can really help with your mindset. I think you should really do something that is just "me time". It could be an exercise class, a craft class, or some sort of group. Just something that can get you out of the house one hour a week. When I get really overwhelmed with tasks around the house..I make a list of each and everything I need to do, and I am not talking about just doing dishes..like deep cleaning. Those deep clean things that don't get done everyday but really make a difference doing them twice a month or so (mopping floors, steaming carpets/furniture, washing the walls, etc.) Those types of things make having a sink of dirty dishes, or things all over the floor waiting to be picked up, look not half as bad. I make a HUGE list, and just work on through the house, checking off what I can do. Hopefully just you posting this, and admitting to yourself, and others what is going on, will help you get started doing what you know you need to do.

I know you know this already, but your children are not any part of what is making you feel down, upset, or angry right now. Take a deep breath, and give the children something to do, so they can be active but you don't have to be right there supervising them doing it. (Not sure how old they are, but you said they were in school, so assuming this is quite possible.)

Good luck to you.

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If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers... - Homer Simpson

Find someone to talk too. Take it from me....it helps. You have a lot going on health wise and that's stressful enough without kids and mostly gone DH. You could have depression. I'll be thinking of you

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Hey Carrie, I know exactly what you're going thru. I have FM and other medical problems and on disability. I'm a little older than you but I've had it for a while now -- had to give up my business and like you, I feel like 90 years old sometimes. Sometimes you just want to scream and give up. But please don't. Your kids need you. You feel like you scream a lot so maybe when you find yourself screaming, just stop and count to 10. I don't know how old your kids are but maybe they could help you clean the house. I've gotten to where I want to scream about my house sometimes too! People who don't have disabilities and chronic pain don't understand that this disability will weigh down your mind as well as your body. I know sometimes (like right now) I KNOW I've got to get up and clean and straighten my house but my body just doesn't want to. If you're like me, you can't afford to have someone come in and clean.

I try to do a little at a time. I'll take one room a day and clean it. Or one section and clean it. Like someone suggested -- have you tried Flylady? I actually learned a lot from that website. You do a little a day and you'd be surprised at the difference it makes. That way you don't feel overwhelmed by everything you have to do. Hopefully you can enlist the kids to help you, too.

Your feelings are entirely normal. I've been there. Sometimes when I feel that way, I go outside and sit on the porch or go for a short walk to just clear my mind.

When your kids get home today, sit down and have a talk with them. Tell them mom needs help with the house. Make out a list of chores. Talk to your husband and tell him how you're feeling too. Maybe he's so busy with work, he doesn't even notice.

A bubble bath is nice but it doesn't wash away your sorrows and how you feel. I think talking to your kids and husband about how you're feeling and how you feel so overwhelmed and need help will help you so much more in the long run. ((((HUGS)))))

I know shingles is horrible too. I haven't had it personally but my sister had it a few years ago and she was in so much pain. That in itself is enough to drive you crazy!!

I second flylady.net. i don't follow all of her routines, but at the same time I can read her reminders and think I have that done already. this lady and her flycrew have it together and have a God-given calling. Try it you will like it.

Your meds are probably making you irritable.Is there anyway you could go off any of your meds? I know antihistimines can make you less tolerable to stress, and especially less tolerable to people.Thats just my experience.Hope you get to feeling better.Don't feel so bad about the kids,they'll get over it.

I've never had Shingles,thankfully,but I suffered with hives for 10 years in the past so I know how much misery that can be.I use to go to a health forum (healthboards.com) and talk to other people about it and it helped some.Those 10 years were the worst of my life!

IN your post you said you have MS I think that alone gives you the right to a call a cleaning service in. Then go out & have some fun with yourself or you & your kids have a fun night out like CEC that always makes me feel better, especially it being winter & all I think we are all ready to climb the walls sure hope things get better real soon for ya

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mom of 3 greats girls

Carrie,
I hope you are feeling better. Please know that you aren't the only mom who isn't always thrilled with her parenting techniques. This winter has been very challenging for me as well. Somebody suggested flylady.net, that has really helped me out over the years. There is also a book that I love that helps get me on track when I am having trouble with my kids -" What Did I Just Say!?!: How New Insights into Childhood Thinking Can Help You Communicate More Effectively with Your Child" by Denis Donovan. You can pick this book up used, it has really helped me be a more effective, positive parent. Good luck!

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Come and visit! http://www.gracefuldesigns.typepad.com

You guys are wonderful. My kids will be home in about an hour but I am ready to keep my cool. I have just sat around surfing the net today. I took a nice long bath and a nap. I feel more refreshed and ready to go. I have a list for the kids of things that they have to get done and I am not going to get mad if they don't do it. I just want them to know what I expect from them. Baby steps... I am feeling better I think someone said it might be my meds and I think you are right. Last night I took sudafed and I guess it does sometimes make you depressed. Plus my MS meds cause depression. So I think I am doing better but I think a lot of it is because of ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I looked at flylady what a cool site. I am going to start that in the morning. Today I just gave myself the day off.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

glad to hear your feeling a bit better-life can sure be overwhelming at times. Just wanted to send you a big cyberhug. Don't worry about your house today, but try to tackle one room tomorrow-just looking at your progress will make you feel better and hopefully give you a bit more motivation to finish the task. Also, put your kids to work when they get home-offer a reward if they put in a little time-perhaps baking cookies together, or something as simple as playing a board game-they just want to spend time w/ you, cranky or not... Hang in there girl!

Carrie,
This may not apply to you, but I came from a bipolar mother. Having a little knowledge I spoke to my doctor and he felt a very mild antidepressant may help. Well, yes it has. I no longer raise my voice, become overly frustrated, etc. I also am not in lala land. I I work fulltime, keep a reasonably neat house. It is clean, not always neat.
I remember when my boys were 5 and 2 and when I would be cleaning the mess from lunch the little one had left trying to feed himself in a hurry so he could go play again, and the older one asking for a soda. I told the older one yes, and I would get it momentarily after i had washed off the table. He so proudly told me he could get it himself. Before I could get across the room to "help" him he had opened the pantry, gotten the 6 pack, dropped it, pulled off one can and opened it. Well, after I yelled at him, sent him to time out, and cried because I had at least an hour of washing every can, bottle, and surface of a 8 rollout drawer pantry that had splattered coke all over them. I knew then that my son had not done anything maliciously, but yet I had not controlled my temper and said things such as why couldn't you be more careful, etc. that did not help his self esteem any. I needed to be able to think first, control my thoughts and words, and then be a positive role model to teach my children how adults act and react to all types of situations. I knew the horrs I had lived through and vowed I would "stop the insanity" and not perpetuate this sickness to the next generation.

Carrie,

Thinking of you today - hope this morning was a little brighter for you! Please keep us posted!

You are ALWAYS so warm and cheerful in your posts - I always look forward to reading what you have to say.

One thing that I try to do when my kids are getting to me - I actually write a little cute note and place it in their lunchbox. For some reason, this means the world to them! They come home with a smile on their faces, and we start fresh in the afternoon! It also makes me feel good during the day when I've done that, since I know that they will have a pleasant image of mom at some point during the day - especially when cabin fever has been striking us all, and we're not always so pleasant with each other.

Another thing I'd like you to think about doing- how about a reward for YOURSELF each night??? Put a simple reward in the calendar, or make a jar filled with little pieces of paper with little rewards to yourself. For example, you can write "eat a piece of chocolate" "paint your toenails" or "read a magazine article" "a glass of wine, or cup of herbal tea" or "bubble bath"..... - either schedule these mini-indulgences in, or put them in a jar, and MAKE yourself follow them!!

Be good to yourself!!! Don't put yourself last. You'll see that by doing this, you'll feel strong enough to manage the kids and DH, too! Don't forget the mantra: "If Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!!!!" HUGS!!!!!!!!

Well Last night went great no yelling no anger. I went to bed early just felt like dog meat so I think the extra sleep helped. I went to flylady and loved it. So guess what my sink is clean. (well so is the rest of the house cuz I don't think I could have waited to get it done) I guess I just felt broken yesterday. My kids got off to school pretty good today so I guess we are getting back on track. It's just going to take some time.

Still very nervous about my meeting with the teacher tonight..I don't think I am going to say anything about me being upset. I think I am a bit emotional and think that if I sit on this for a few days I may feel different. So I guess I will wait.

I have just had a lot on my plate lately and it spilled over.

Thank you I am doing so much better.

__________________
cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

I'm SO glad you're feeling better. Remember.... one day at a time!! (((HUGS)))

Sending HUGS!!

Remember that you can't do everything at once.
Just pick what ever bugs you the most to work on first.

Give little chores to your children to do.
Try to make it a game and have them help you with some of the house work.
They sure do help mess it up!

I don't think that kids should do all the work , but they do need to learn about housekeeping.

Carrie I do understand what you are saying.
Start one room at a time.
That is the best thing that I can do to pull mself out of the ruts I get in.
Sure it takes me a long time, but I am happy when one room gets cleaned.
I too blame myself when my child is not acting the way that I think she should.
I often have thought if I had another child could I make thier manners better by my actions.
As my mom says, "And this to shall pass."
Get to bed early.
I do not know how old your children are but if they are a bit older sit them down and just tell them pretty much what you told us. Let them know that right now that you need thier help. Let them know that you do not want to yell at them but sometimes that you are upset and they are just right there and ask them to help you out. (I have had these with my daughter on days that I feel like you.)
I enjoy a tidy house but seem to just not be able to get it done and that causes me to be upset and stress.
Take care and we are here for you.
ALSO, talk to your husband. I let mine know that I need his help and he will pitch in for me when I just feel to overwhelmed.
HUGS TO YOU!!!

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