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The Cafe - 'TC' So? Your daughter wants her belly pierced? Your cat keeps using the couch as a litter box? Your husband taped the Hockey game over your wedding video? Your neighbor has a gnome collection and it makes you mad? Pour yourself a cup of coffee and come on in to The Café! Talk amongst yourselves...discuss, question, reply, or respond to many subjects!

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Old 03-01-2007, 10:36 PM
flipper113's Avatar
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Location: New Jersey
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How can friends get a long one day and then not stand each other the next?

This has been going on for a few months now and I have posted before about my friend, but it really bothers me! I talked to her a couple times on the phone this week and ran into her at the post office today, but every time I leave shaking my head, she is short with me, uncomfortable, sometimes downright rude and I don't know why?

A couple months ago she was laid up and couldn't drive so I drove her ALL over town, shouffered her kids to preschool, took her to Walmart, everything and then when she was better, she stopped calling!? Before that we were talking a couple times a week, but now every time we talk it's awkward. She "one up's" me, brags that her husband knows pretty much everything (a little exaggeration on my part, but it seems it), really puts me down when we talk to the point where I feel terrible after we hang up.

After some advice I recieved here last time, I really stopped calling her, but the couple time I have it's awful! I am afraid to say anything about it, I think she'll jump down my throght (sp?). She is very sensitive and I know she's under a lot of stress lately, but it seems so sudden.


We are on the same parents group and I was thinking about not going to the meetings, it was awkward walking in last week to see her and she never called to see if I wanted to ride with her, she picked up someone else? We live less than a mile from each other, but she never called?


I feel like she just hates me and I don't know why?
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Old 03-01-2007, 11:36 PM
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It almost sounds like she upset with you..Maybe ya'll need to have a talk to see whats going on?

I was friends with a neighbor and the lady acted just like your friend does.She was always putting down everyone one she knew. I always changed the topic fast because I didn't want to hear her trashing the neighbors.

She basically hinted to me that I needed to stop hanging around a friend of mine..My friend had a friend that she knew and she could not stand that person...Everytime I got back from my friends house she wanted to know if she was there and what was said about her..She was very parnoid..

I finally decided I didn't want a friendship with someone like her anymore..She was always cutting down the neighbors & etc..It lead me to think..What is she saying about me behind my back..When the other neighbors heard we were not hanging out together anymore they filled me in what was said about me. I wasn't shocked ..I was just disguisted with her.
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Old 03-02-2007, 12:18 AM
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I have a friend like this and I hate the fact that she always,always one ups me. "Her boyfriend makes more money than my husband", "he has a better job", "he ..... blah blah blah" HE CHEATS ON HER!!! I actually caught him with other girls and she doesnt ever want to believe it, yet she always looks for things to see if hes cheating. I finally figured out that she puts me and my husband down so much because she's so unhappy in her own life and probably makes herself feel better by thinking that her life, boyfriend, car, house, whatever is better than mine (and everyone else's for that matter) I just feel sorry for her now and don't pay much attention. But I know how you feel, my husband and her bf were in Iraq together and him and a couple of guys were in on their 2 weeks leave excluding my husband he came in for the birth of our son, and she was with them (the guys are all great friends with each other) she was talking about my husband how he's a bad father and so on, they went back and told him, he was so upset. My husband is a wonderful father.
Another one is that he proposed to her while he was in on leave and it was only so that she would stay faithful (2 yrs ago this was) they still haven't set a date. She doesnt even have the ring anymore, he gives it to her to wear when they go out to romantic dinners and then she always ends up throwing it back at him. But they have a better relationship than me and my husband of 7 years. Try not to let it get to you, that's what I do and its been working.
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Old 03-02-2007, 07:42 AM
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You teach people how to treat you. If you do not like how you are being treated, then say something or stop the relationship.
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:08 AM
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End this relationship with her now. She is not worth your time nor your worry. She is not family you owe her nothing. Trust me I had a friend like this and it caused so many problems (this was my nasty neighbor). She was a good friend we did almost everything together and then things started getting strange like what is going on with you. It took me a long time to decide that I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I do talk to her on occassion but I try to keep it at a minimum.

If a friend is not making you feel good about you then she is not a friend. She is using you to make her feel better. Why would you give that to someone else? Save that stuff for your family...they need it. Let her find someone else that she can be better than. Friends shouldn't be the biggest problem in your life they should be helping you with the biggest problems of your life.
Trust I feel great that this person is not in my life. It took me sometime to get used to not having her around. But I love it. As my daughter would say "no worries now". Bottom line end this friendship
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Old 03-02-2007, 09:55 AM
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I had a toxic friend she would call me almost everyday and talk for a good hour. She would always talk about other people and put them down. It came to the point that I would not tell her anything important because I didn't want everyone to know about it. She seemed very freindly to my face but I know she was talk behind my back. I was telling my sister about her one day and she told me to get rid of her she is no friend. And that is what I did I really haven't missed seeing her or talking to her.
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Old 03-02-2007, 05:44 PM
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I have FAKE people like that and in every bunch there is always at least 1. My advise is get rid of a fake friendship like that. She is just using you when she needs you from what I have read. I think is so sad that when you are in need you look for people all the time, but once you doing better you think you the S^!T she does not know when she may find herself again in a bad situation too bad she is too ignorant to value a true friend. I remember having a so called good friend one whose mom lost her custody to DCF and my mom felt bad enough and took her in during our Freshman year of high school. I remember the day she moved with us she was so excited that she would finally have new clothes and be able to use mine for school along with shoes because her mom didn't even provide that. The years went by and she was the one who moved out with some guy (her choice) got pregnant and had a kid from a man who used to beat on her. When it was my turn to move out and I found a guy completely the opposite she told me all the I think list from he is not being real with you, he is just going to use you bla, bla you know once they want to have something you got they are going to do anything to have you change your mind, act as if they are doing so much better when they really are not and even try to feed your own man crap at times. Good Luck finding the best solution for situation.
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Old 03-02-2007, 06:37 PM
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I am sorry for what this friendship has become for you. I've been in those situations before and have learned that I can not remain in toxic friendships that suck my energy. I don't have enough time or energy to deal with that kind of thing. I'd probably just step away, not call, not feel bad if she shows up with someone at the the parent's group... find a NEW friend. You will...

As I tell my kids, look around the room and see if someone else looks lonely. Sit by that person and drum up a conversation. Before you know it, you might have discovered another new friend. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it is okay to start fresh.
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Old 03-02-2007, 07:01 PM
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A TRUE friend is someone who will be there for you through thick and thin. If they can't help what is wrong with you they will at least be by your side for comfort, a shpilder to cry on, or what ever it takes.
They're also there with you to have enjoyable times together.
They will also keep ANY thing you say to them in the strictest confidence.

I'm fortunate enough to have such a friend, BUT they are few and hard to find such a friend. I do treasure her and love her like a sister.

Your "friend" is NOT your friend. She is there for you to assist her when she needs you. But when she isn't in need she doesn't want to be bothered with you.
A true friend wouldn't belittle you or your family or anything you have. They would be happy for you that you have come as far as you have. Even if they don't have as much or as nice as your's.

If I were in your position I would first make a paper copy of this thread. I would then sit down with her and explain your feelings to her. Ask her why she's been treating you this way. See if she's willing to give you an explanation and work on not hurting your feelings. If she doesn't cooperate I would show her what all these people say about what's been happening. I would then tell her you need a REAL friend and she just doesn't fit the description of a "real friend".
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Old 03-02-2007, 09:23 PM
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Have you ever heard the expression "friends for a season, a reason or life"? Sometimes its like that

So sorry for your loss but, is it really a loss?
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