I have a friend who is very near and dear to me. Although we have never actually met in person we have chatted over tea nearly every morning for the past 6 years. I was chatting with her when she went into labor with her first dd, stayed up long long nites with her after her divorce. Likewise she was there for me when my oldest son was killed, lost my job, etc. You know, we are extremely close - if you set aside the fact that we have never met.
Anyway, lately my friend has been going through a tough time. Biggest problems of all lately being that she broke up with a bf months ago who is still harassing her, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and has had to put off her surgery 3 times now, once for pneumonia, once because her youngest child was in the hospital and finally again this week because she has a kidney infection. I know that my friend has a very limited income, she was providing childcare in her home but with recent illnesses it has stopped, at least for now, she is a single parent of 4 children, so she has been spending all her money on babysitters & transportation to medical appts.
Point of my post - I really want to help her but don't know how. I have offered her money many a time and she will not take it. I keep telling her if she needs anything to let me know (what she really needs are rides, babysitter & housekeeper but being 1000's of miles away I can't help her on that one )
At very least I would like to send her a care package, filling it with as much helpful stuff as possible but I don't know what to send without it looking like a handout. I know she needs food & clothes for her kids more than anything. I have considered searching and calling social service agencies in her province, not on her behalf, but to get into to pass along to her. Am just not sure how I would explain to her that I got the info. I feel so helpless. I really want to help her but just don't know what I can do without insulting/alienating her by giving her the impression I am giving charity.
Any thoughts/suggestions would be greatly appreciated,
Thank you!!!
Sherry

If you have her address I would put together a "thinking of you" basket and fill it with gift cards to local stores and resturants. Would it really be impossible to jump on a Southwest plane for a quick surprise visit?

I personally think a care package would be fine. I know she doesn't want hand outs and you don't want it to look like that. But many times people will tell you no because they don't want to "put you out" and yet they really would appreciate it. So, I would maybe include some non essential items like a book by her favorite author or CD and some gift cards like for gas, groceries, clothes, etc. (depending on how much you want to spend) And I'd send along a nice note about how much her friendship means to you and since you're so far away, this is the next best thing to being there.
I obviously don't know your friend but I do believe that she doesn't want to have a pity party and yet anyone down would be picked up by such a package without being offended!!

I dont think anyone could be offended by a gift basket but I would skip GCs and send mostly items. GCs to me feel a lot more like a "hand out" (they really are just basically money).

__________________
rhapsody112@gmail.com

On the plus side of GC's though, is she will be able to apply them to things she needs. Be it gas, food, groceries or whatever.

You could always include GC's to the local theater for the kids to see a movie. I know that is a big hit in this area.

__________________

I agree with a care package it is just basically letting her know you care, and if you throw in some gc's you at least know she is getting the essential items she needs. I don't think she would look at it as a handout and she would probably look at it like you care.

__________________
SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

I did something like that for a friend and they loved it. Going through a rough time, her husband was deployed and short on $$. Bought a few Pizza Hut GC, went to the grocery store and bought everything you could possibly need for an ice cream sundae party and went to the local convenience storre who makes the best ice cream in the world and bought GC so they could buy a few 1/2 gallons of ice cream. I think I even threw in a Bloclbuster GC. They loved it and she cried when we delivered it to her. Meant a lot to them but my kids and I really felt great! It was a great lesson to my kids-- you can't always make everything better but you can make things better for a few minutes.

I agree with everyone else. It is great kind gersture and will be appreciated. You are a friend and you are doing this because you like her and want to do it. That is not charity.

Blessings.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I've done care package/baskets for friends in transition/tough situations - and included GCs - and they have always been received well and with much gratitude. 'Course my friends know that I have shopper's disease so they probably figure that the value is much more than the cost. I think that a basket/package assembled with love can't help but go over well...

Maybe you can tuck in brochures or info (are there any books?) on resources for helping make ends meet in situations such as hers....even something like tightwad gazette....or an inspirational book might be nice.


cj/

If you just stress to your friend that this is the only way you can feel good, as it can be a helpless feeling to be so far away from a good friend, I think she will very graciously accept your gift!

I would fill it with both essential and nonessential items - it shows you really understand what she's going through, and you want to help (with the essential things) AND make her smile (with the more frivilous things).

Good luck!

All I can say is that I was completely had several years ago by an online "friend" that I tried to help. The drama sounds familiar in the sense that it seems neverending. Just be careful. This made me want to cry just remembering what it felt like to be so pulled in by someone's lies. I'm not saying that that is what is going on. The problem is, it's so hard to know. Good luck.

I think a care package would be great. Maybe you could also do some research on the internet and see if there are any organizations (local charities, etc.) in her area that could help her out in any way.

I have several on-line friends that I've met through Yahoo groups and other web sites. We all sell for the same DSA company. I've sent them care packages, etc. We even took up a collection via Paypal for one who had some damage from Hurricaine Katrina. One of my friends daughters has severe headaches and they have gone to a hospital out of state for some specialized care. I sent a care package to the daughter (she is 16) in the hospital.

I like the gift package idea.

I would call it a "thinking of you" package or a "get well soon" package.
That should not be offensive to her.

Although she may be offended by you contacting a social services agency, how about an area church? Talk to a local church in your area, they may be affiliated with one in hers.
I know we have many churches, especially the larger non-denominational ones, that do a lot of community outreach for people in the situation you are describing. They get referred by friends, medical staff, etc. So she need not even know you passed on her information. They can say they were just contacted that she might need some assistance with medical transportation.
When my dad was in Iraq, my mom got all her doctor rides from people in her church (she doesn't drive). They had a list of at home moms and retired people who were available and willing to give people rides to the doctor, store, or whatever they needed.
Would also give her the option of a great support group if she then chose to join in other church offerings.

You mentioned province, so I take it that this person isn't in the US. If she's in Canada there are a lot of social services that can help her, so she needs to talk to her doctor about support groups. Also, a care package would be kind, but gift cards won't work.

OP, what did you end up doing and how was it received? Moreover, how is your friend making out in her tough situation? I always like to hear the story's ending.

cj/

Me too!
I hope we get an answer to this!

__________________
Square dancing is friendship set to music!