I have 3 DD's, was raised with 2 Brothers and my DH has the same on his side of the family. No one in our family has just 1 child.

I told you that so you can see that I don't understand about only children. (Please if you have only 1 child don't take this thread personally I'm sure it's not your child I'm talking about) I have four friends, each with 1 child, 4 of the 4 are total brats, I am not talking about normal kid stuff I'm talking mean, smart-aleck kids who don't respect authority or do anything without their parents constantly having to explain away their behavior. "Little Susie hit your child today b/c she didn't get a toy at the store last night." Never once having to apologize for anything they break, lie about or hurt cause they didn't get their way.

Do I have crazy friends or are only children self-absorbed and bratty? Keep in mind as well these kids don't have young moms all these moms are in there late 30's early 40's. I'm 29 and seem much harder on my kids cause I don't want them to act the way these other kids are. Is it "older moms" or "only children" HELP seriously b/c I don't have a clue. What are your thoughts on this matter?

I do think that a lot of only children are self-absorbed and bratty as younger kids-because they really don't have the concept of sharing stuff or sharing mom and dad. But I have found, that when they get older, and get a broader perspective on life, they can be well-adjusted and really nice kids. DS's best friend is an only child-she is a joy to be around, and likes coming to our house w/ the commotion of four kids.

No, it's not the older mom or only child aspect. It's the parent not caring enough about the child's behavior to discipline them.

I agree, I'm a young Mother AND a older Mother had 1st child at 16 last at 37

Parents seem to be more into * It's all about ME* Instead of teaching their young Children how to be polite and have manners.

My Children have said Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir, Thank- You / No Thank- You since they learn to speak, Something thats hard to find much of anymore. ( It really IRKS me to no end to hear a child say HUH/WHAT. Ekkk !! )

I have a son with behavior problems (He has Autism) However, I don't go around saying, Opss sorry he knocked your's for a hoop because he didn't get his Meds today. If my son does something which he shouldn't have done he is PUNISHED on the spot
( I will NOT allow his disability to be a excuse for hitting ) However, I do have to excuse him at times for saying mean things or acting out ( Sorry that is a major part of his disability ) But, It's NOT used as a excuse, he is made to apologize to whom ever he has offend.

He can and does act out at times, I can't stop it. even tho it has been worked on for nearly 5 years now. It's a lot better than before his DX and Md's thats for sure.

I think alot of the times, It's the parents faults how their children behave, If you go around making excuses for every little thing your child does, then they too learn this as a behavior and will repeat what they learn.

Op, I take it that this happen to your child ( The Hitting )., If you had been me, I probably would have came back with, Oh thats OK, XX didn't get a sucker today at the store, So if she Blacks little Suzie's eye you will know why, ( NOT that I expect yours to do that, But to make her hear how it sounds to say something like that )

I worry all the time about the younger Generation that will led this country it's a scary thought for most of us.

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I'm an only child and an older mom. I was never disrespectful or undisciplined. My parents were young parents. I never had a problem sharing with my friends and was not allowed to hit, throw fits or act bratty. Oh, I had my moments, like any child but I was always put back in my place.

I have 2 kids, 8 and 6 but I'm 39. My kids are well behaved for the most part.

Personally, I don't think being an only child or an older parent has anything to do with the kids behavior.

I know my niece & nephew are each only children & one is a spoiled brat the other is not my ex was also an only child & was a spoiled brat. Now myself raising 3 kids I can see how having 3 affects the others. I think my youngest will be tough shes used to her sisters being rough & mom being busy too busy to baby her, & my middle has middle child syndrome I am positive . She has to be a show off & shes super smart I think she will always try to prove herself so shes not forgot about I am sure she feels stuck in the middle, my oldest is super responsible & dependable she has to be with 2 younger sisters so much younger. So yes I think alot has to do with birth order however I know plently of brats just down right mean who have siblings. I just think onlys are more likely to feel they are the center of the universe but not always the case either just alot of times. I mean I am the youngest lots of people would say we are spoiled but I dont think I am I always worked & paid for my own stuff since I was 11 I babysat but I do know lots of spoiled brats who are not youngest children either.

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mom of 3 greats girls

There's a difference (IMHO) between spoiled and bratty. I was (and still am) very spoiled. I was the youngest child and grandchild on both sides of the families. However, I was not bratty. My parents cared enough to raise me as a well behaved child with manners.

I am 41 with a 3 and 6 y/o I guess that makes me an older mom and I care deeply about my childrens beahvior. They dont get away with much, nor do they try.

I think a good portion of todays kids are self absorbed, whether an only child or not. I have actually found the opposite in only children, I find them to be so much more mature since they spend the majority of thier time with adults.

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Jill
jatalamo@aol.com
Mom to Joey (8) and Gianna (6)

My sister has just one child (and will always be just one in their family), and boy she was a spoiled, bratty kid when she was 'little'. Now she's 14 and while she is still 'spoiled' (like she gets anything she wants as they can afford it and they only have one kid, so they CAN afford it!) she is now a very enjoyable, responsible girl to be around. I have found that only children generally age a lot earlier as they are around adults most of the time (but this isn't always true as all of my kids act more mature than their ages). She loves coming to my house though as I have 4 kids; she often says she wishes she had a brother or sister, but then backtracks when she sees that they have to share & don't get everything they want, ha ha. That being said, all of my kids are very well behaved and are not problem kids at all. They make straight A's and are leaders in their schools, have tons of friends, mind us well (of course we have the normal kid stuff), etc.

My sister and I were both 25 when we had our first kids (she's 5 years older than me). I was 35 when I had my last. I do not think that age necessarily has anything to do with how spoiled/bratty the child is. Maybe how consumed the parent is with his/her own life as opposed to putting the care/needs of the children first has a lot more to do with it.

Its a good thing they have only one child or the rest would act this way as well.Its a child rearing thing. My daughter is an only child and we get told how she is always polite and has good manners when she goes to her friends house.I think the main thing with only children is they get more attention from their parents but mainly if they are taught manners it doesn't matter how many kids you have.

It is definitely the parenting! I'm 37 and have an only, and he is not the way you describe. Some of his cousins, on the other hand, who come from large famlies are the brattiest, whiniest kids I've ever seen. We've all been out to restaurants where his cousins are running wild, misbehaving and not a word is said. Parents don't seem to discipline (I think Oprah had a show about this a while ago!), it's too inconvienent and too tell the truth, it's a lot of work disciplining!

I always thought my DS would have trouble sharing because of the stories I've heard of onlies...but he is the complete opposite. I don't know what we did to make him this way, but I'm so proud of him when some kid is whining about wanting what he has and he'll hand it over to them. Makes me a proud mom of an only!

I agree that overall it is the quality of the parenting and not particular to any age or sibling situation.

However, I would say in a very general sense, that older moms can be a little more comfortable with their lives.....this can mean that they can afford to focus (dote?) more on the child, and especially if the child is an only. Being more comfortable and seti n their ways can also mean that a child can disrupt the flow more and the older mom may sometimes go to lengths to keep the peace that she is used to (which is often at odds with discipline). This can also happen with working moms who want to spend their time together happily.

I guess what I'm saying, OP, is that when you combine the older mom with the only child, you probably increase the likelihood of brattiness but it's certainly not a given and there will be many, many examples of this not being the case - thanks goodness!!

BTW, I am both a working mom and an older mom (had my kids between 30-35), so I am not trying to indict either...just my own observations of myself and others.

cj/

My niece is an only child, 6 and her parents are in their lat 30's and she is the most compassionate, sweetest, most polite child you would ever meet.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I completely agree.

My son is an only child. Growing up as DH and I did, the oldest of 4 kids, and the "babysitter" and "substitute parent", DH and I agreed that we would have one child and have that child while we were young.

I am 31 and my son just turned 10.

Is he spoiled? Of course!

Is he a brat? Heck no!

We have been told by many people how sweet and compassionate our child is. He is a caring, loving child, who always thinks of others.

Do we have regrets with him being an only child? Heck no!

My son gets a lot (in the spoiled sense) but we also expect a lot from him. He has Autism, but we don't use that as an excuse. He knows what he needs to do and knows the consequences if he does not do it.

I have a niece who is an only child and the only grandchild living near grandma and grandpa. I have noticed that she acts very good around adults, but the minute she gets around my kids, she is a loud obnoxious brat. She is constantly trying to outdo her cousins and have the last word. I also have been told that she has behavioral issues at school (relating to kids). I think she just doesn't really know how to act around kids, and comes off being obnoxious.

What's hard for me is that grandma and grandpa thinks she is the best behaved child, and my children are the wild ones. They don't often see this girl around other kids and see her behavior.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I think it is the way the world is today. less discipline and more" give the brat what they want so they will shut up" kinda thing. THe brat the used to live down the road from us had the guts to call social services on her mom and tell them that the mom was beating her . she was p.o'ed at the mom for not letting her date at the age of 13 and the man she wanted to go out with was 19. anyways, they showed up at the house one day before mom got home from work and was waiting for mom when she got there. the mom came in and found them sitting on the couch with her daughter and her daughter had a nice smirk on her face. so the s.s. lady started talking to the mom and the mo told her to wait a sec and let her go put her coat and purse up since she just came home from work and while she was doing that, she also grabbed a arm load of cloths of the daughters and took them back in the den and dumped them on the social service ladies lap and told her if she didnt think she was raising her right, to take her with her.
the social service lady left and the daughter still didnt get to date .
kids now adays know that they can call and report their parents and lots of times get the parents in trouble for something they didnt do . they hold that over the parents heads so the parents are afraid of what will happen if they do something. a kid who went to school near here reported that her dad and brother was sexually abusing her and social services took her for test and she had been active. but the problem was, she wasnt active with either of the people she placed blame on. her dad went to prison and the borther was taken from the home and placed in a foster home.this happened about 15 or so yrs ago. anyways, the dad was put in prison and then later when the girl was grown, she confessed that the dad nor the brother had ever touched her but she was fooling around with some guy and was afraid she was pregant so she blamed her brother and dad. dad was in prison for 8 or so yrs.
kids are not raised like they used to be. you can spank your child and go to jail for it now. even a smack on the hand can turn into a beating in the eyes of social services

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Ditto!

Except...my Autistic son just turned 10, and I'm 40.

He is spoiled...but not bratty, is very polite, is generous, and he is compassionate and kind. Poople are always stopping me and telling me what a great child he is.

I agree with the previous posters that it is a question of parental self involvement vs. being involved with their children, as well as discipline and loving, consistent correction.

OMG that samething happen to me also with my now 25 yo, But she called them 2 TIMES on me.
1st was when she was 14 and wanted to date this guy that just got out of jail in Mississippi, his *Mother* if thats what you could call her , told my DD if she lived with THEM she could date him. BTW he was 20 ( She met him Thur the sister that went to school with my DD ), So my DD told the CPA i had beat her, she didn't know they would check her, and they did 3 TIMES because she told them 3 different stories about this beating , Well the Judge gave her 11 days in the Juvi for filing a false report and wasting the courts time.

2nd time when she was 18 YES 18 A LEGAL ADULT (Talk about STUPID LAWS ), ANY HOOT, she wanted to date this boy from school, He told me in my kitchen he was into wicca,( Not know what the heck that was, I asked ) he told me he could cast spells, harm people etc etc, any hoot, after he left I told DD as long as she lived here she couldn't see him, I was cleaning her room a few days later for this notebook where he want her to be sacrifice ( WTH ?? ) He told her you will not be KILLED, only have blood pour on you, (OMG I FREAKED OUT YALL HEAR ME ), I went and withdrew her form the high school that day and was going to put her in private school for the remainder of the school year., so since she couldn't see him she called CPA AGAIN this time she told them I was making her drink BLEACH for a punishment, the lady told me right off, * we know its a lie because had you made her drink it she would be DEAD, but by law we have to investigate it.* the next day DD *boyfriend* broke it off with her and she took a OD. Back once again came the CPA, I told them when she recovers yall take her she cannot come back here. I packed all her clothes, sat in the ICU for 8 days, she was moved to a Psy ward in the next state for 15 more days, after she got released, I called the lady back told her, her bags are pack COME GET HER ( Sorry she was 18 in 32 days she would turn 19 anyway ), they came got her clothing and she moved in with her dad for the next 7 months till she got preggo and married.
She nearly cost me all my kids and we all had to sign a paper saying she would NEVER be left alone with her brothers and sister due to the way she OD., I told them if I couldn't walk to my mail box w/o either having the other kids walk with me, then she couldn't stay here, what was I suppose to do when I had to go to the bathroom and she would be alone with the kids till I got out, I was told, you take the other 3 with you, OMG Thats INSANE. so I kicked her out. BTW, She OD on aspirins, . so because of all her LIES, she nearly cost me my other children and she also wasn't allowed to even be left alone with them at all, OH BTW, I was also told all the kids MUST sleep in the bedroom with me and DH because she was living in the same home and because she couldn't be left alone with them this meant even while everyone was sleeping.
So I have been there done that 1 with the CPA. I feel for that MOM, BUT way to go mom !!! I bet the girl never saw that coming her way did she, LOL./

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. Did your daughter say "please" and "thank you" when she turned you in to the CPA? LOL

Very well said! I totally agree with you.

I was a young mom and the mother of an only child. He is not and was not a brat but yes spoiled with all the love that I had. I refused to be a mother that let her child throw temper tantrums or be disprespectful to others. I just wish that now at 21 my son would remember to remove his hat in the stores.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
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I am an older mom--had my first at 38 and my 2nd and last 1 month before I turned 41. Both of my kids are "well-loved" (they like that term much better than spoiled ), BUT they appreciate what they get/have and they are smart, respectful, and, most important to me, very kind and compassionate people. I don't think it has anything to do with my age or their ages or anything other than how they are taught and raised. Just my never-to-be-humble opinion sneaking out.....

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I don't know if age of the parent or singleness of the child has anything to do with being spoiled.

My theory on the very spoiled children that I have come into contact with (my children's peers) is that some of them happen to have full time working parents.

**I DO NOT think that simply being a full time working parent translates to having bratty children. However, the working parents of the two separate children that I know seem to feel guilty that their child is in daycare, and that their child is an "only" (Neither of these factors should make a parent feel guilty, IMO!)

The children are given items/stuff to replace the time their parent can't spend with them, and to (hopefully) keep the child self-entertained. One of these moms in particular has said that "Since my daughter can't have me as much as she'd like, I want her to have the things we can afford due to my working." This daughter, in particular is very self-absorbed, and never content. But how could it have gone any other way? To me, shelling out items to help appease a parent's guilt is probably a recipe for disaster.

Which is why I feel that it is the decision to throw toys/clothes/money at the child out of guilt that has created the brattiness in the kid, and not the fact that the parents are both working full time.

I totally agree.

I had my only daughter at the age of 32.

Kelly is 27 now and I can HONESTLY say that she has been an absolute joy from the day she was born.

We were, however, pretty strict parents who sacrificed to send her to a pretty strict private, Christian school.

Kelly would be the first one to tell you that she was totally spoiled, but was not "allowed" to be a brat

No, but she knew how, wasn't from the lack of not teaching her how to say it..

But she did say PLEASE COME GET ME OUT OF HERE, AND when her 11 days was up she said THANK YOU for allowing me to come back home. lol

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I'm pretty sure its the parents fault - I was an only child (and one of those super-spoiled really wanted oh so badly and we finally were able to adopt you ones). My parents were also older when they had me - again because it took so long to find out they couldn't have children and then get an adoption to go through - and frankly, I was a sweetie. To this day my mother's favourite comment about other people's children is "I just don't understand it, YOU never did that..."

I always knew without a shadow of a doubt, that if I did not behave in a way that was considered appropriate that I would pay dearly for it. I also knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I misbehaved at school, church, a friends house etc my parents would ALWAYS support the right of the adults in question to discipline me unless there was substantial evidance that I hadn't done anything wrong.

Admittedly its also not really in my temperment to be rude, mean, or cause problems for people but its certainly not 100% nature - there's nurture involved.

My husband and I don't have any kids, but we do help his siblings sometimes with theirs, and other friends etc with theirs and we get along fine with the children as soon as they realize that we're consistant about the rules and that we will not give in. Kids crave structure, support, and they want to know whats going on. I think that the whole culture of self-esteem we've created isn't the best thing for our children - they just never consider that other people have rights too. We've created a me-first society and now we're starting to see what happens when many of the children are affected (present company excluded from these vast generalizations... because obviously you all spend time being PARENTS).

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Meddle ye not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crispy, and taste good with Ketchup!

I have a favorite saying that I tell all my new moms..

What is 'cute' at 1 is annoying at 3 and out of control at 6...

my sister has 2 boys.. she had them at 40 years old I believe. She's got money had a great career.. She doesn't beleive in spanking her kids... she hovers over them. They aren't allowed to do anything...NOBODY in the family can stand them... It is a shame because they are only 5 and 4
The 5 year old came up and slapped me across the face and then went to my 70 year old mother and did the same thing. After seeing that his parents weren't going to do anything I drug him in the other room and smacked him back. I then turned to his mother and father and said if your going to have your kid grow up to be the moron that goes around and hits people then it should be expected that he will be hit back, and it starts with me. They were flabbergasted, but honestly I don't think they realized that he was old enough to understand right from wrong.. He is just precious to them.. kwim? They got the picture and so did he and it hasn't been a problem since.
The more you let your friends kids run all over you the more they will..

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

refundrus

That is the type of behavior I was talking about when I started this thread. My own children are spoiled but not brats!!

All I can says to some of this is...WOW

I dont think that all only children are brats but most are (as well as some kids that aren't only children) and not just because they are only children but bc of bad parenting . I have 3, and do I have a story for you: I was at my BIL's with my kids and his daughter (we were playing poker)well his 2 1/2 yr old pulled my daughters hair (she was 3 1/2) well she starts screaming and says she pulled my hair, well my BIL and SIL both just sat there and said NOTHING... So I said arent you going to do something, where my SIL replied "well we didn't see her do it!!!" YEAH that was not gonna fly with me. So I asked "Oh so my daughter is screaming crying and telling you that your daughter just pulled her hair and you're not going to do anything" So I turned to my daughter and told her right then, "now you go over there then and pull her hair" (Sorry but I am not about to let my kids get picked on I dont believe in violence but something has to be done) Well what do you know now they both start saying something to me We had a huge blowout and we were all yelling back and forth but they ended up saying something to their daughter. They actually must have realized that night what a brat she was and after that they started to discipline her FINALLY, but it took me speaking up to them and of course me telling my daughter since they won't do anything you need to do it yourself to actually realize that they were in the wrong. I still get shaky when I think about it. I am a young mother I was 18 when i had my first and am 25 now but I'll be darned if my kids were ever disrespectful or bratty about anything.

Some of you have mentioned "spoiled" being different than "bratty." I guess I'm confused. By "spoiled", do you mean that the parents make sure they lack for nothing they want, or that the child expects to get whatever they want?

To me, it would seem that if a child expected to get whatever they wanted, that would be bratty. I guess it might depend on how they reacted if they were ever told no. If they were told "no" and were fine with that, then I wouldn't consider them spoiled *or* bratty... but if they were told no and pouted or threw a fit, I'd say that was bratty and spoiled.

My experience with only children is that they have often been more mature, which I attributed to the fact that they spent most of their formative years with just adults, and without the competition and camradere that comes with having siblings around. Where I can send mine off to play with each other, an only ends up being with just mom and/or dad, and having conversations on that level, rather than being in the bedroom squabbling over who let the dog eat Barbie's shoes.

Onlies I've known have tended to have more "stuff," but even that is relative. A wealthy family with three kids will probably give theirs more material things than a middle class only.

I'm much more lax with our youngest than I was the oldest. Is that good? Probably not. I'm older, I'm tired, and I realize that a lot of the things I nit-picked with the first just aren't that big a deal. I'm also more distracted because my older ones exist, and need me to help with school work and projects and they need taken here and there and everywhere. When my oldest were little, their lives consisted of a lot more structure... we weren't going anywhere, so they had naptimes at the same time every day. The youngest's very existence is worked in around the activities of the olders. I'm trying to pay attention to SEVERAL kids, not just one. That means that when the littlest one is being a brat to the olders, I sometimes just don't catch it, and then they complain to me later that he did such-and-such. It's not that I don't care. It's that his needs aren't the thing that determines DH's and my schedule. When the oldest was that age, his every yawn meant we needed to stay home so he could get his much needed nap. Youngest didn't have the luxury of parents who could just stay home to let him nap, because oldest has a program at school, or a soccer game, or needs picked up from a playdate, etc.

Wowitsdark,

I love reading ANYTHING that you write.....you are so insiteful(i probably did not spell that right but you get the meaning) I wanted to tell you that when I said my kids are spoiled I meant with love. I dont know what other moms mean but thats my spin. My kids are okay with the "NO" factor when they ask for things. I guess the best description that I was talking about was the one refundsrus posted.
I think that its sad that I actually cannot stand a child. I feel bad but, would anyone question it if a adult acted like this and nobody could stand them.