Real scenerio.... Sold some stuff on another board...($13.87 total)
Buyer emails me all her info and ends with "I will send payment as soon as Hubby allows to spend again"???????????????????????????????????????????

I was shocked and asked what she meant...she explained since she is a SAHM she had to ask spouse for the money...... I was really just floored that you would have to ask for money...when your married isn't "our money"?

yes I have a small bank account that I have attached to paypal for spending, but if I don't have enough to cover something, I do not have to ask for money........Just go the ATM and get it....

Am I missing something... as a SAHM do I not work too? Am I not intitled to have my name on the account also.... She did send the money but I was really bothered by this thinking that if >>he<< decided to leave her and the kids..... he could walk away with everything and there would be little she could do......

Should I be grateful the bank account is in my name TOO.....

NO I dont ask my dh I work pt but for about 4yrs I was a sahm with no income really. But no one is gonna tell me how to spend money. I do know some people like this but I could never be one of them thats just not me!!! I agree its sad because of the husband left tommorrow where would she be but its also A CONTROL ISSUE which no one is gonna control me either. BTW if I needed extra when I didnt work I did extra things mowed a few lawns helped out my brother with his business & whatever else to make a little extra.

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mom of 3 greats girls

Because money is so tight for us, before either one of us goes out and makes a purchase that isn't specifically written into the budget, we discuss it. It's not really asking for permission, it's more of a "do you think we can afford this" kind of discussion. And we both do it. For example, I needed a new shower chair (since the car accident, I have to have a shower chair). Mine broke and I needed a new one and the one I wanted was $80. So we discussed it, and he wanted me to get it and just let other stuff go. I ended up waiting a couple of weeks and sitting on the dangerously wobbly one in the meantime. Then my husband wanted a lumbar cushion for work. We discussed that and ended up having to wait a week for it too.

I would never ask permission to buy something. And, when our circumstances were better, we didn't even have to discuss it first. When the money was there, we were both free to do what we wanted.

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I don't have to ask permission, but when we were really broke I always did, and I still tend to in a lot of cases now. Then again, he does too. I don't think I'd put that in a note to someone I was buying something from, but I don't think it's all that odd.

No, I don't ask permission to spend money. We both work full time and earn about the same amount of money. If one of us wants to purchase something that costs very much, we do discuss it though.

Major purchases obviously need to be discussed but I would never be ok with asking permission to spend 13 dollars.

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rhapsody112@gmail.com

I agree I mean if I am spending alot on something or something needs fixed thats gonna cost alot of course I tell my dh

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mom of 3 greats girls

Nope, it's our money period. Now, if we are talking going out and buying a motorcycle....we need to discuss it but it's something that's really never came up at our house, even in harder times

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Nah, I always go by the motto:
What's mine is mine and what's his is mine....LOL!

I don't ask permisson to buy anything but we do discuss major purchases, like when I decided I wanted to buy another car because I didn't like the color of the one I had.

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This space for rent

In the very beginning of our marriage I would ask if I could buy something & he told me flat out I don't have to ask him . Majority of the time I will still tell him I plan on buying something at such & such place. We have always discuss major purchases before buying them.

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

Excuse me ...Heck no but if it's something big, like a boat, car, motorcycle, we discuss it but besides that neither one of us needs permission to spend money

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Usually anything over $20 we discuss..he usually tells me everything ahead of time (even getting gas), mostly because he knows I am severely anal when it comes to keeping track of our money..just things like making sure charges go through right, etc. He doesn't really pay attention to that stuff at all. I am the sole earner, he is a SAHD.

Maybe she is just blowing you off until she comes up with some $? It seems weird that even if that was the case, why would you agree to purchase something, and then tell someone you will pay when your dh allows it? Weird!

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If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers... - Homer Simpson

My gosh I want to leave....I have to ask to spend a dime. We make great money or should I say he makes great money and I stay home. Again, nothing is in my name. If I want something more than groceries I have to steal his card from him. Then I get in trouble later. It's always for the kids I don't have a closet full of clothes maybe 3 pairs of pants and 6 or 7 shirts. So it's always for the kids. I hate the fact that I have to ask!!! It's funny this is up here tonight because I have been so mad about it lately.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Thats never really come up in the marriage for us......when we first got married I worked while he finished up school. I've been at home now for ten years, we have NEVER made the other ask for money. Having said that maybe this person has put them in debt with all her spending.....and maybe this is DH's way of getting some control over the finances. Don't judge or freak out until you know the whole story. And remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are....maybe she did not have the money until a certain day and figured that was the best lie to tell you cause you'd be more understanding than saying, I promised to pay you thats why I bid or said I would buy something from you , but didn't have the money yet.

She should have ASKED before she agreed to purchase something from you!!!! How long are you going to have to wait for her to get permission to spend the money????

We are always together, so if it was a large purchase we would go together to purchase it.

I am the tightwad and there is nothing I need or want . But if I did I would buy it with out asking.

No, I never have asked him if I could spend money. He doesn't ask me either.

I have told telemarketers that I have to check with my husband just to get off the phone with them. Maybe she is just making up an excuse. or...Maybe she has a huge spending problem and has over-spent on silly things.

I don't HAVE to ask permission, but I ask/tell DH out of courtesy. He does the same.

I do not ask my husband to spend money but we don't have alot to spend so I know what we can get and what we can't
I do feel bad sometimes because I do not work and don't have kids yet
Suzanne

When I first got married I always asked then he told me buy what you want when you want. I even teased him on how lucky he was that I am a saver not a spender or he would be in the poor house.

And yes the possibility is she spends sooo much that the husband took over and now she has to ask. In fact my dh was telling me about how that happened with a friend at work the wife shopped/spent so much they were in BIG financial trouble and the husband had to take all her cc's and now she has to ask for $$.

On the other hand there are husbands who are just controling of the money :-(

I am with the majority here. We discuss big purchases but spend small amounts whenever we please. Lat vehicle I bought I got without even asking until I needed him to sign the papers. LOL He knew I was thinking of it, but did not realize I was actually out buying! We do keep our money separate just for bookkeeping reasons. I am a sahm too but I take my portion out of his account weekly and deposit it into my account.

Aww Carrie. I'm sorry! That's terrible! Is the house in both your names? You don't have a credit card? Do you get any cash at all? What kind of "trouble" do you get in?

My DH can be a real pain and is a little controlling, but I have credit cards in my own name, my own savings and checking. I control our checkbook. I work about 1-4 days a week as a substitute teachers, so I make VERY little money.

It really does sounds like a sign of other problems. Did your parents have an arrangement like this? It really makes me sad that you can't spend family money.

I think if I had to ask to spend modest amounts of money on things that I really wanted that I would figure out how to get a "allowance" either by agreement...or by skimming off the grocery money...or by doing a little something on the side and building a small account. I don't think I'd be happy without the freedom of having some mad money.

cj/

No I do not ask to spend money unless it is a major thing and I need hubbys input.


Carrie, is there a reason that your hubby makes you ask? Or does he think he is just king of his domain?? Does he know it would be cheaper for him to go ahead and give you money now vs going through divorce? Does he know that you are entitled to half of everything he owns whether your name is on it or not?

Does he give you any spending money at all? Just to have a little fun? This sounds exactly how my parents operate and I cannot stand it. My mom has always worked up until now and I know that man probably won't give her a dime to spend

You need to work this one out because it will eat at you!!

This is not necessarily true. States like CA are equal property states but many are not. Just because you are married doesn't mean you get half of everything when you divorce

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

If it's a major purchase we try and discuss it, but other then that no.

In our house this is the way it is. I am very careful when I do get money but I don't get mad money unless I skim or take it. But even when I have mad money it's maybe 10-15 dollars a week and that usually goes to McDonalds or something like that for the kids after sports. I hate it and know it sounds so lame of me it's just one of those things that I can't change until I get a job.
Someone else asked if this is how I was raised...NO my Mom used to control the money till she got sick. I just keep this thought in the back of my mind....He is 14 years older than me and one day I will be working and he will not. I know unhealthy thinking but it helps sometimes.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

I am still laughing over this one!!!

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no I dont ask, but if its something BIG we discuss it. But I do know alot of sahm's who have no cash, credit or anything in their names. most of the hubbys say that they earn the money and the wife stays home and they ( the hubbys) should control the money so the wife wont spent it all on stuff that they dont need and they can save some for "rainy days" I always thought that was bull crap until one of my sahm friends hubby had a heart attack ( at the age of 36) he was working 2 jobs so she could stay home with their kids. he had the heart attack and was out of work for 2 months. the wife had suppose to be putting some back in a saving account just in case soemthing happened and they needed it. she wasnt. they only had something like 200.00 in the account that he thought had more like 20,000 in it. the dr finally let him go back to work but at only one job. the dr said the stress of working 2 jobs was what caused the heart attack and he could only work one. needless to say, they lost their very nice home and had to move in with her parents and live in their basement.

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Neither of us have asked each other for money for purchases. Like most of you we discuss major purchases. We both work, but even if I didn't I would not ask...just being aware of our finances would tell me if a purchase was alright to buy or extravagant, and others would have to give up things (name brand cereal, etc) for me to have it..THen I would not feel it appropriate to buy itat that time.

Well as far as unhealthy thinking I think it is completely understandable! This subject is very touchy for me because of my parents.

Sure dont! In fact since I handle all the bills and such Sparky usually ends up asking me how much money there is and if he can get something.

When we first married and were very broke, we made a deal to never buy anything over $40 without talking about it. We have become a little more relaxed in that rule but still tend to discuss purchases that we make.

Darlene

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

We have The $100 rule. Anything over $100 we discuss the purchase. Other than that, anything goes (within reason, of course)