I can say that I have gone through most of my life feeling quite good about things and never really holding a grudge. But I must say, this last year has really made me feel bitter about a few things.

#1-my extended family all lives in Iowa. My 16yr. old son was diagnosed w/ cancer last May-he has not received one card or any words of encouragement from these ppl grandparents/great aunts/ 6 aunts/7 uncles/20 + cousins/ that I so looked up to all my life.../

My parents-my sister always made really bad decisions in her lifestupid divorce decisions, -my parents they bought her a HOUSE and then we (me and my mom) delivered her a car.. My sister has lived her life making the worse decisions ever and my parents just keep paying her bills. We have hospital bills coming out of our rear, and my parents have never asked how they can help. They have plenty of $$. I would never want to ask for a dime-but pls tell me is it rocket science to know that we could use some helP? We will be fine. But today, my mom (who has plenty of $$)., asked "So how many millions or thousands do you owe to the hospital?" I told her 15. Her blatant response was millions or thousands and she thought that was so funny. These are the same parents who have bought two new vehicles and planned several vacations all this year and just want to show them off. It just makes me so insane that I never want to speak to my mom again. How can she be so insensitive? And what should I do w/ this?

OMG you are telling my story. My mom and me had a great relationship until about 2 years ago. My sister had a baby and divorced her 5th husband in the middle of giving birth. She said that she would not let the dad see the birth or come to the hospital when the baby was born. I said it was wrong and he had a right to be there. I told her not to give me any info about the arrival because I could not swear that I wouldn't let it slip to him since I felt so strongly he should be there. I guess that meant that I chose the wrong side. Since then, I have basically been cut out of my sisters life. I am not allowed to know where she lives or her phone number. My mom has taken her side completely. I used to see my mom at least once a month and we would talk and craft together (She lives 2 hours away) Anyway, now it is as if I have no family. I cried for months because of all the hurt. I would definitely say I am bitter. There is much more to the story but I do understand what you are saying. Try to focus on those who have been there for you and let them know how important they are to you. It is amazing, when times get hard you know what people are really made of. I pray everything gets better for you. We will have to forgive and go on at some point. It doesn't do us any good to hold on to anger. It will only hurt us in the long run.

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Proverbs 31
dran1168@sbcglobal.net

I feel your pain. I grew up with a bipolar mother who was in a nutshell was violent and a compulsive liar. My father was prominant, so money was not an issue other than it was the only thing that gave her any sense of security along with superiority over others. She now has alzheimers so all her money isn't helping her....just her children (3) who are keeping her until she no longer know us of is so incapacitated that she must go to a facility...and we've chosen a lovely one.
I have learned though that you have to let go of your anger to move on. When I was young i thought why me...now I think why not me. I learned in my 20's to walk away , not believe ANYTHING she said, and never leave my children with her alone. My father died 10 years ago and she was such a beast because she refused to take her medicine that anyone who knows her where she lived will not have anything to do with her. She has alienater herself because of her treatment of others.
It hurt when your sister is showered with attention because of her lousy behavior and you are ignored, but to ignore you grandchild to me if unforgiveable. My mother and law and I have not always agreed on everything, but her grandchildren are the most important thing to her. Her husband is a cancer special and was offered to run a clinic an 18 hour drive away. SHe told him she loved him and if he wanted the position she was giving her blessing, but she was not going with him, or in other words moving more than a 1 hour drive away from her grandchildren. The fact that she loves them so makes her a wonderful person.
I wish you luck with you dilema. It is not easy and takes years often times to get over these things, but don't dwell on it. Hug your son... if he asks tell him you are sorry your family has not recognized that your family meeds emotional as well as financial support. Let him see that there is a lesson to learn about people. Don't hate them because of what they haven't done. Forgive them, but don't forget...so that you don't let them do it to you again.

I would have to get this off my chest with my mother in hopes the situation could get better. I would approach her for a heart to heart and say 'Mom, we may appear invincibly strong and it may have looked to you that we sailed through this nightmare with Patrick, but is has been devastating to all of us emotionally, and difficult financially. I am feeling alienated from you and the rest of the family because we didn't get the kind of support we had hoped for. Do you think we can talk this through?' I have to think that taking the bull by the horns and hashing it out has got to be better for you than holding it all in. That said, when I have taken this approach with family members on a couple occasions, I didn't get the response I was hoping for, and that was difficult. But not as hard for me as holding it in. Good luck.

OP, I completely understand how you feel, although mine is with DH's family and they don't have the means to bail out siblings, but they do it anyway. My advice to you is to let it go and move on (and I should take my own advice <lol>).

My family is way the other side -- everything has to be 'equal' between my sister and I, which it never really is (I am ok with that and got over it a long time ago when I met DH) and I wish they would quit saying it is equal when it's not.

I am also bitter with my mom. I am always working to get past this as it feels so immature to me but then every time we are together, I realize that she has not and will not ever change.

Story is too long to tell here but the gist of it is that but she is a very bitter woman and I just can not tolerate being around someone who always, always, always looks at the cup as half empty...

She is extremely hard on my youngest son and goes easy on the oldest. She did this with my brother and I when we were kids (I was the youngest and she was so obviously easier on me, yuck) and I will not let her do that to my children -- I am maybe overly protective of them because I know how hard it was on us...

Yes, I hold bitterness but it has been a lot easier since we moved 6 hours away and only visit twice a year for 3 days or less. We have to have boundaries like this or it gets too hard. We also no longer invite her to visit unless she comes with a friend as she will behave better if she does (she and my father are divorced).

linnybop- You might want to tell your mom that you feel neglected . But the trouble is - unless you can list specific things like "Mom, you didn't call and ask how I was doing", Mom, you didn't call your grandson when he was going thorough rough times", or "Mom, it would have been nice if you had come to help me". -- it will sound like you want money. This would be a really tricky conversation. You really do feel neglected but if you bring up your sister it will sound like sour grapes. You are in a tough position. Try making a list of your Mom's specific behaviors that made you feel badly. ..none of which can include money issues. Fine tune it until you know the list is really representative of how you feel. At that point, you might be ready to just move on or you might want to give it to your mom. Remember, you can't blame your Mom for your uncles and aunts lack of attention. Don't cloud the issue with anything except your hurt over her behavior. Good luck.

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Lyn Clarke

I am struggling with resentment also. I have been sick for the past 6 weeks with strep throat (3 times back to back). I also developed an upper respiratory infection and a lump on my back became very infected. Very few of my friends (I have very little family) have called or sent cards. They know I am sick and I can understand them not wanting to be exposed to me, but they could have called. I send cards to friends quiet frequently. I would have thought that my friends might take the time to call to see how I am or to send a card to cheer me up. I guess I am finding out who my real friends are.

That is really terrible. They could have at least called and offered to bring over some soup or something. It's hard being bitter toward someone you love-I guess I'll get over it, though I can hold a grudge for a while. Let's just hope my parents really like the house they bought my sister-cuz they can go live there w/ her when they get old! hehe....I would never really ask for the $$, I'm too proud for that. But they could have offered something. But I was thinking today as I was driving through Starbucks, that I would feel guilty driving through Starbucks or going out for dinner, or going on a vacation-knowing that someone else had helped me pay some bills. I won't mention it to my mom right now-maybe once I am a little more removed from the situation I can bring it up, but right now it's a little too sore.

So, anyone else bitter about anything (big or small) that they want to get off their chest? Sounds like a lot of us are mad at our moms/parents right now.

Bitterness sucks! I have to try really really hard not to just get swallowed up in it sometimes. And yes, it's directed mostly towards my parents. (Mom in particular). Our issues started about 13 years ago when I married dh. Dad and DH are one in the same, and both do things their way and their way only. So when dh didn't want a Catholic wedding ceremony and wanted to have the wedding 3 months earlier than my parents wanted to.. all hell broke loose. My il's tried to call my parents and beg them to just concede... my mom and dad told them that they could have me. Long story short, the rift has never healed. The closest I've been to my mom in the last 13 years was the period of time I thought I might leave my husband.. then when I decided not to she pretty much stopped talking to me. They won't watch my kids (while they'll raise other grandkids)... and then they have the audacity to complain that they don't know my kids. Okay... I have to stop now or I'll start wallowing and grinding my teeth.

The funny thing is that I look at my mom and see how bitter she is... I don't want to be that way when I'm looking back on life.

Ladies I too have a long and sordid tale of bitterness....I know that whe you forgive and move on it releases you to have an aboundant life! It doesn't change them just you and thats the best thing. Will Smith (as wise and Fine as he is LOL) once said "that hate in your heart will consume you". SO TRUE! Let it go...it only hurts YOU.

Yes I have some bitterness but I try not to dwell on it because it doesn't do me any good. I am a victim of being the picked over child. My mother pretty much told me she favors the boys over me or at least she feels something more for them. I can't understand why though, they hardly ever call her, but you know my older brother isn't well himself so I "get" that. I would never begrudge my brothers anything because it isn't their fault things are the way they are.

I think my mother resents me a little sometimes because my marriage is better then either one of hers ever were. It shows. I can't say she is all bad because she is not and I do love her despite all the other ongoing stuff.

She has been staying with me for awhile because she was hurt and I feel like I ended up getting no respect the last couple of days that she was here. She got mad because something didn't go her way. Everything was fine until then. I just don't understand how someone can be that way. I would tell more but it would take forever.



BTW I THINK YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED !!!!!!!!!!! That is really inconsiderate of your relatives especially your mother because that is where most of the nurturing and concern should be coming from is your mom.

I have got a coupla' sotries about my Mom and two sisters, ALSO about my MIL that would curl your toes..... but to type it all out will only make me PO'd
Funny, how just the thought brings that familiar feeling in your gut.....
My belief is that everything in life is a lesson. Having said that, I feel that you have to take what you have been given and retain it...meaning, if your inlaws suck, than remember that when you become someones MIL...if your mom has betrayed you, remember how it feels and think twice about the kind of mom you are. OR perhaps one of your kids will have a situation in their adult life that you can reflect on your path and can offer wisdom/comfort/inspiration.
Because isn't that what really helps, to talk to someone who has been there, done that.

This is going to sound petty but... My sister and brother in- law have GOOD jobs..Sister is a teacher and BIL work at a plant of some sort.( High level Supervisor) He works night shift and Sister days... They have my Mom watch my niece who is just over 1 all day so BIL can sleep....don't give her a dime......My sister works summers teaching Summer school becuase " she wants to not for the money"

I have two kids...8 and 10... I also work nights and would love to have Mom "watch" them so I can sleep during the summer.... but she "can't handle all 3"... I am biter and yes it sounds stupid, but my children can pretty much care for themselves and entertain themselves..... they don't need to be fed, rocked to sleep, or have their diaper changed.... .... It would not be worth me working if I had to pay for daycare so in the summer, I hurry home sleep from 7:30-10:00 am...get uo stay up the entire day and sleep again from 6:30 when hubby gets home until 10:15 and go back to work...... I just am a bit bitter that she can not let them "hang out" at her house so I can sleep.......

She my niece has Downs and needs special attention and meds, but....