I bring this up because DH and I were talking and he was saying that a lot of younger guys he has talked to are having a hard time finding good relationships because they still live at home (that's what the girls tell them). I know personally, I wouldn't have dated a guy who still lived at home past college (22 or so) because I wanted a man who could take care of himself and in my experience, men who live at home have "mommy" take care of them. My mom finally had my brother move out when he was 25 (which was too long imo).

I know things are more pricey than when some of us where "out there" but how old do you think is too old to be living at home with mom & dad? I don't mean "we're building a house and staying until it's done"...I mean I went to college (or not) and am still living with mom & dad. Does it differ for male versus female? It doesn't for me.

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Honestly I think anything after 21 is way to long. Some guys just like to live off their parents as long as they can, in that case, move them out earlier, lol. It also depends if they are in college, let them experience college and stay in the dorms, most guys won't come home after that, they enjoy there freedom.

I told my 2 boys (they are only 5 and 8 now) that once they are out of school...college they had to find their own place....so like you said about 22.... My oldest is already talking about how he wants to buy the lot of property directly behind mine (which my father owns that lot) he wants to build his house right there...I told him when he's grown up he may want to move far away!!

I think male/female doesn't matter. We are all human and can do the same things (as far as moving out). I think 22 gives them plenty of time to finish college and/or get a decent paying job. The young man that bought a home behind us is 20 and got scholarships through the end of college, so his parents took his college fund and put a big down payment on the house. He has a great paying part time job and mom and dad will help with grocereies and things until he is done with college. I think it's a great idea. In this day and age, it is nearly impossible to buy anything out of college.

__________________
Think about helping out with cancer...
Join the Relay for Life

Well you guys are gonna love this one - my dh's sister still lives at home with mommy and she is 38 (or somewhere in that range - I'm not sure exactly how old she is). Doesn't date, doesn't drink - I'm not real sure what she does for fun. Very strange in my opinion but I'm not allowed to say anything to dh as you can well imagine.

thanks for the comments. Just wanted to check to make sure my view wasn't way off LOL DH and I lived in an apartment our first year of marriage and bought our first house when I was 23 and he was 25. He had lived in apartments since his 2nd year of college. I was preparing to move out of my parents house when I met him (I was 21) but I held off 9 months until we were married (to help save $$$ for our wedding).

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Oh my! Part of the blame lies with her parents though. My DH has an aunt and uncle who house their 28 year old son (who has never moved out....not even for college), their 31 year old daughter (never left home either), her husband, their 2 kids and his 2 kids from a previous marriage!!!! None pay rent either and daughter and hubby don't work (work times conflict with their religious times is their excuse). I blame his aunt and uncle. His uncle is going to have to work til he's dead to support them!

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

The book "The Millionaire Next Door" by Stanley & Domko covers a lot of how parents set their children up for success or failure by their own actions - and addresses differences in siblings. It's amazing how the things that people do to "help" their children financially actually hurt them in the long run....kinda like enabling an addict. Interesting read.

I agree with others - my goal is to have them out of the house and self-sufficient when they are done with their undergrad.

cj/

DH's sister never went to college - never left home at all. She basically has it made and she does work but last time she got a new vehicle, she paid cash for it. I told her well if I lived at home with mommy, I could too. Hmm - guess I shouldn't have said that in front of dh and the mother in law. Oh well - it's true and I'm so tired of dh's mother babying her. And yes, it is her parents fault. Hope she's not afraid to be home alone cause when the mother in law dies, the sister in law is NOT moving in with us! She doesn't cook I know but I'm not sure about laundry. Won't ride the riding lawn mower, but will push the entire yard and get heat exhaustion!

I think that anyone who is abled body should not be living at home past high school unless they are in college and no more than 1 year after that! I mean give me a break.......I don't really think things are that much more expensive than when I moved out at 18. (and I was in college Im 29 now)
Everythings pretty comparable with the cost of living. Didn't we all have to eat noodles and peanut butter for awhile? I dont believe that your doing anyone any favors by covering for them.

Shove them
out of the nest.

If you want take them out to eat once in awhile or leave a fifty in a card every now a then (cause I know thats what my parents did) then go ahead but thats the exception not the rule! Learn how to take care of yourselves. QUESTION: do you think that these parents don't think they taught their kids well enoughand they wont make it?

mrk, I agree!!!! I think these parents are afraid to see their kids fail or struggle but THAT is exactly what kids need to do! It isn't right for kids to expect to leave the nest and go into something at least as nice as mom & dads (which is what a lot of kids expect). I had to EARN this house!

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I would say past 21 or 22 & thats only if they are in school if not it should be 20 I moved out when I was 19 alone with no help & had a baby also & I did it so I see no excuse for anyone else besides they want to mooch!!! I would let my girls stay though if they were in college to avoid high dorm rent but thats it after that they are on thier own

__________________
mom of 3 greats girls

OH!! Have to add...there are exceptions.....Like in transition periods...(lets say a divorce)and they had to come home for a couple months to get back on their feet...something like that would be allowed.

Well I know my mother in law is so into everyone else's business that she LIKES having the daughter at home - not that the daughter has anything going on in her life. I think the mother in law would be scared to live alone since father in law is deceased. But it is just so WEIRD in my opinion. My dh is pretty normal - I don't understand how his sister turned out so strange. But dh's uncle is a strange one - he lives at home and grandma just passed away in Sept. and I know the uncle has to be at least in his 50s.

A year or so after they get out of school. If my kids are in grad school/law school/med school and not making any money still at that point, living at home would be fine with me.

So for me it's not an age but a point at which they are financially stable, which I would put at a year after whatever their last graduation is.

__________________
rhapsody112@gmail.com

I think it depends on lots of stuff, no hard and fast rule.

I lived home for a long time, as did my brothers but we all moved out in our 20's into our own homes.
We all paid rent to my parents, helped out with cooking,grocery shopping, painting cleaning outside stuff.
Just seemed silly to move out and pay rent, when it was enjoyable for everyone to stay home.

I was 24 when I bought my first house- dh was 23.
My brothers were slightly older but by themselves bought much nicer homes.
It totally worked for us and don't really regret it or feel like I was babied.

__________________
Sheri

Sheri,
I think you are the exception to the rule! *most* people who live at home DO NOT pay rent and most I know do not contribute to the house in any way.

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I think by the time someone is 23 they should be out on their own.

Every since my children have had a job my rule has been you have to save half of your money. First prioty is buying yourself a car then the next prioty is to save for furniture & moving expenses. I have always told them this only chance you'll have where you can bank all or most of your check ..Take advantage of it! I don't want you to struggle like me and your dad did.

Well that scernio didn't work for dd..We caved in and help her buy a car but were making her pay back half of the money we spent. Her plans is to move in with her BF this summer I really don't think he is finacally set up neither .. He was living with his aunt and now moved back in with parents since the aunt increase the rent He does have a decent job ( he has been working their for alittle over 6 months.. ) DD(19) & her BF (20) have been looking at homes to buy..I really thnk they are in" la la land." I really can't see a bank giving him a home loan being he hasn't been on the job that long

Ds has save nearly every dime he has made..He'll have a decent car when he moves out & should have a pretty good savings already established. If both of my kids decides to stay after their graduate this year from highschool. I won't charge them rent as long as they are saving their money.

__________________
Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

My ds8 has informed me that he is never leaving home. Granted he has developmental delays but he is probably right. I'll have him forever.

I feel your never too old till mom says you are. I had to be out by 18 (graduated 17)and with absolutely no help from my parents when it came to anything it was very hard,added to that my being very imature didn't help much either.One can get thereself into one BIG MESS if they have to leave the nest too early.I think one should be able to live at home as long as they need to as long as they abide by whatever rules and terms the parents have laid out.

The kids of today want and get instant gratification. They go into debt to get what they want, when they want it. I know it's not all learned... but it's out there and rampant. It's scary too. I'm trying to teach my kids to save and budget for items they would like to get.... and work for them. We'll see how far it gets me

I don't understand when it became a requirment to be financially sound to move out... I had roommates and didn't buy anything that wasn't necessary, drove a beater car that should have been put to death... but I made it - I think I'm stronger for it. This was during college too... I worked, I went to school, I lived with others while I did this, I ate a LOT of Top Ramen soups because it was what we could afford - period. Since when is it assumed that kids coming out of college and into the work force will be financially set and buying houses? Living well? I remember struggling and my parents helping a little here and there, but not bailing me out if I overextended on other than necessities. If it were medical, they would help - if I bought a hotrod car, they would have let it get reposessed. It's called taking responsibility for your own actions... I see my neices and nephews over extended to the point it scares me. I don't know how they will ever pay back loans that they took out all so they could live in a nicer place with nicer things...

Also, there was an article in our Sunday paper about the "no downpayment loans" for homes you can get now... they are adjustable rates and now the homes aren't worth what folks paid for them... they are being forclosed on left and right... all becasue folks overextended... it's scary.

But why have your kids struggle and eat poorly , if they can save and live and learn from you at home?

__________________
Sheri

I moved out at 19 with my boyfriend. NO money set back or anything. I just couldn't handle watching my father be ill anymore. I worked 3 jobs and had a place with a deadbeat.
I want my kids to stay till they need too. They will be out by 25 and they will be paying me rent out of highschool unless they are in college.. They are 2 and 4 and have chores now that they get paid for. Half goes into the bank!

__________________
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I notice that most of you are talking of what you WILL do when your child is such and such age. Let's ask this question again in about 10-15 years when those who are so hard-nosed about their kids moving out at 18-20, etc. and their kids are that age then. Let's see where they are!

I think it depends entirely on the circumstances of each child. I have one who is married, completely independent and one has moved in/out 3 different times. It depends entirely on circumstances and I don't think you can actually set a 'you will be gone' by a certain timeframe. There are situations where your child will need your help and parents should be the soft cushion to fall back on.

You can teach all you can about money, self sufficency but it all comes down to that particular child's personality and genetics. I should know -- I have twins and they have turned out extreme opposites, yet they were raised the same!!

from my stand point, I learned that I had strength. I COULD do this on my own... I could make things work for me. It made me a stronger person.

Flip side to this is a girlfriend who never grew up - daddy paid for new cars, school, everything. She appreciated nothing. She didn't have a sense of accomplishment, she flunked out of college after college.

She HAD everything - keying in on the "things" clothing in closets that had tags still on them that eventually went out of style before being tossed out... tags still on them... she had it all, but I felt sorry for her because she seemed so lost. There was no rewards to her life.

But that's just one womans opinion.

well I don't think I'm being hard-nosed just because my opinion is different than yours and give me your address I will
mail you how they do!! We only have a few more years with them.

I think that there is a reason thats says give your children roots AND WINGS!! Dh and I never learned as much as we did when WE were totally responsible for ourselves. Both sets of parents are very well off and being at home you take things for granted what you would not if you did it on your own. No one in either one of our families have had to move back in or file bankruptcy or made any sort of major financial mess of our lives. I don't want to hear about being lucky either......cause we all had to make choices, we learn from the start the right ones to make. No one is saying anything about the PRIDE and SELF-ESTEEM you get when you accomplish something for yourself......alot of younger people do expect to be given things.....it makes me crazy!!

I am embarressed to say this. My Dad will be 50 this year and still lives at home with his parents. The only time he didn't live with them was whem He and My Mom were married. They were married for less then a year.

I think once a child is out of collage he/she needs to be working and living on their own. While in collage I believe a child should have a part time job and either pay a small amount rent (that most parents save and give back to them for a down payment for a house) or be paying towards their school costs.

That said.... DS2 (6 yrs. old) wants to marry me when he grows up. I told him he could when he is 18 if he still wants to. I just don't see the point of breaking his little heart.

__________________
TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

It's not a requirment to move out but when you plan on buying a home it is..Like I said I think they are in lala land.. I really doubt they will be able to buy a home in june like they are planning too

I want my children to have a easy start at life. There is nothing wrong with it Having a well established savings account it is better than have nothing at all .

__________________
Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

My bil (hubby's brother) FINALLY moved out of his parents place. He is 25. Granted, he is going to college but he has been in college since 19 and I don't think he is even close to his associates degree yet as he can't make up his mind. On top of that, he is over at his parents house every other day and goes "shopping" there for his pantry . I have even gone out with the "boy" to teach him how to coupon and couldn't stress stocking up enough! What does he do? We get to the checkout, his mom shows up and pays the bill! On top of that, he gave her half the groceries! WTF?? There was at LEAST a month's worth of groceries in the cart and it was only $14 and he gives it away...why? He wanted to be "nice". I asked my mil why she paid for it. Turns out my bil with the motercycle, four wheeler, and overpriced car lives on champaign wishes with his beer budget! He has TOO many "latte" factors in his life and all the sudden he realizes he can't afford to live on his own and starts selling his precious recreational vehicles. Funny thing is his overpriced car is up for sale now...what's he going to drive? Well his dad bought this "near-mint" condition mercury mistique (1993) for his pleasure...nothing else and my bil decides he is going to drive it for the interim. My fil says fine, you pay me rent to drive it and pay for the insurance as well as the upkeep and I want full coverage! My bil complains and says it's like having a car payment why would I want to do that? I think my in-laws are starting to wise up to my bils evil ways! But, he is still thinking about moving back home. He got into this really nice apartment complex because they had free green fees (golf) for renters. He hasn't cracked a single ball since he moved in! Ugh! I guess I should just be happy he isn't sponging off us...
My story (could this get any longer...) was I moved out when I was 18 and never asked my parents for money had a great roomie to this day is my best friend and my husband moved out when he was 20 but moved back in (parents house) for 6 months before our wedding to save money. We bought our house 5 months after we got married.
What's wrong with relatives??

__________________

Ah, see I don't want my kids to have an easy start at life because I think it will give them a false illusion of how life is going to be. You have to work hard and be patient... life isn't easy
Not saying anyone who differs is wrong, just stating my side

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I don't think that a start in life begins in their twenties. A good start in life begins at birth.....don't be upset just my opinion on this. I also don't believe there is anything wrong with your child having a healthy savings account. But, that should have started like around the age of 6 or 7. I am so glad to hear you want whats best for your children, there are alot off parents who don't give a flip.

OMG! That's too funny! My parents just moved in with my mil because she decided she didn't want to move into a retirement home and "gave" my parents her house (newly built in 1976 by my grandfather...perfect for entertaining) and the 29 acres that go with it! My grandmother will be 80 this year and lives out in the sticks and is so lonely since my grandfather passed so she welcomes my parents with open, loving arms...now they have to sell the house they have been in for the last 30 years...what a nightmare!
I love to tell close relatives they lost the mortgage...it embarrasses the he ll out of my mom! My dad just laughs...

__________________

What timing....my husband just left an hour ago with my daughter to drive her with a filled to the top U-Haul from Maine to Florida. She is 21 and has been married for about 6 months. This will be here first experience out there in the real world. She is a college student, and also worked full time. Her husband is out to sea right now, and is due home in a few weeks. Their new home should be all set and ready by then! I have had no problem having her live at home, but I am happy that she is going to have her own home (even if it is so far from us).
I was on my own very young. I had my first place when I was 17. I remember the days of eating ramen noodles for dinner and scrapping together enough to pay the rent. I learned many valuable lessons about life back then. My daughter is lucky and will not have to struggle to the extent that I had to, which I am greatful for.

ITA a child should have a savings account at a early age. Both of my kids had savings account by the time they were 10 years old.. but this was set only to teach them how to save money for things they wanted.

When my DS was 11 years old he mowed yards during the summer to help reach his goal quicker. My DD would babysit to help reach her goal.

__________________
Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

The day they turn 18 or Grad from High School

Just Kidding..... I really can't say, It will all depend on how well they are at spending and saving, And what they are doing with their life at that time. I would LIKE for them to be gone by the time they turn 20-22 at the lastest, However, If they move out and can't make it on their won for what ever reason, Paying THEIR bill's will not help us as a matter of fact it would HURT us more. Having them move back home would be cheaper in the long run... I hope and PRAY this isn't the casr once they are adults. But till that day reaches us I can't say what age it will be.

NOTE::::: Noway they are living here past the age of 25 !! THATS THE LIMIT, They will just have to get 2 jobs, married or a roommate, the free train WILL end at 25.

__________________
MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

I have a cousin (girl) who is pushing 50 and still is in the same bedroom she grew up in. Her parents bought a house for her brother less than a mile from them. He is 50, and has no job. His mother comes over almsot daily to do laundry and clean. The third sister bought a house across the street from the brother. Parents have a key to her house and clean and cut her grass also.

Needless to say, none have sustained relationships. Two never married, and the third is divorced, (and still looking, as she says). As long as they have mom and dad treating them like children, they never had to grow up and take responsibilty. It is really quite sad.

My nephew (25) still lives at home and it's totally his parents' fault. He dropped out of college more than a year ago (couldn't handle the "stress" and went on anti-depressants). He has a decent job-working as the computer tech for an elementary school and although he wouldn't be able to afford a place of his own--he has plenty of friends he could room-mate with. HOWEVER----he's worked since he was 16 and had to pay for alot of his own things --even having 2 jobs and going to school for several years but he's TERRIBLE with money--spends it like he's a millionaire. He has a gazillion bills and there is no way he is GROWN-UP enough to live on his own! His first year of college he even moved away (3 hours) and lived in the dorm for a year but then quit that school and came back home to community college.

I just don't see any end in sight for him not living there. My sister and her husband complain constantly about him being there but nobody is doing anything about helping him get his life together enough to MOVE OUT! My family is toxic and this is the Worst thing for this kid to continue to live there--nevermind how it's messing him up socially and emotionally and maturity-wise.

My son just turned 20 and lives at home. We just paid $2,700 to fix his car and I told him he could not move out until he paid us back. He could never afford an apt. by himself because a cheap one bedroom is at least $900 a month. I don't think my children will ever be able to afford a house. Even condos here are over $350,000. I know if we had not bought our house 15 years ago we would never be able to buy one now. Both my dh and I lived at home until we got married and we were 24 and 25. I would not have a problem if my children did that too.

Wanted to add- my parents had other rules for living home some were
no moving in and out (although I wonder if they would have said no, never tried)
rent was based on % of income
all your own bills- were your bills- cars,insurance,prescriptions, drs, clothes, non meal food etc

A funny aside, I did live with my parents (my dh and ds) for a month between home sale and new purchase.
My parents loved every second, I was ready to leave after a week.
Dh prob after second night- after you are on your own- you can't go home again

__________________
Sheri

I like the way that my parents handled it and so will probably do the same. My DH's parents actually handled it the same way. My kids have awhile to go as oldest is 12 now.

My parents allowed us to live at home when we went to local community college for first two years. When we went to University, we could live at home during summers but had to work. All money was ours to keep and I was good at saving because I had a student loan that I had to eventually pay off... They paid car insurance and at-home living expenses for us as long as grades were good. We both paid our own ways through college (ie student loans, scholarships, etc.) and were responsible for food while at college. I got good at eating on $5 a week while still in college!

I don't remember my parents ever saying you have to move out by such-and-such age but both my brother and I were ready to be on our own once we graduated from college. I also remember that if we asked for money, they were willing to give it to us but only if we asked. I think that it was their way of teaching us to budget.

If we hadn't gone to college (which we both did!), I believe college savings fund would have gone toward down payment on house or some other INVESTMENT after we got a job... I'm not sure if we would have paid a portion of rent and car insurance but that would have been feasible. I imagine my youngest son is not college material. He's only 9 but it might not be *for* him. So, we'll have to figure that one out.

Meanwhile, we continue to teach them about earning and saving money and helping out around the house. They both seem to have a good grasp of reality. We'll see!