OK.....one of my friends wanted my advise and I was wondering what others would do.


She was in love with this man and he hurt her emotionally, physically. She said that the entire relationship they had seemed to be nothing but lies after she sat back and looked at it. She really loved this man and would have given him the world. The entire relationship was strange to begin with. He is married and had one child at the time. Marriage was only an arranged marriage....but he will as she knows now not leave his wife. The relationship came to an end when he told her that his wife was pregnant. *now up until this time he kept telling her that they would be together ect....* He continued to be with her until she called it off.

The relationship they had you could just feel the attraction in the air. You could tell the "love" they had just by looking at them. It was like their eyes glowed at each other. She has not talked to him for sometime months almost a year I think) and pretty much had hate for him up until a few weeks ago. She seen him in person. She told me that she still had this love for him and that just looking into his eyes she felt at peace. She wanted to know if she should continue to hate him and what he did to her or forgive him?

What would you do?

Has anyone been in this type of situation?

Could you trust someone who lied to you and then what seemed to be used you?

Any advise I can give her?

__________________
Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

She should forgive him and forget about him. Remember the lesson! She needs to stay away from him, and all men who are "taken". I think her head was full of romantic nonsense. I hope she meets somebody decent, who treats her well....then she will really understand.

As grandma would say in her broken English... he do you wrong once; shame on him!
He do you wrong twice; shame on you!

I would just forget. Easier said than done

__________________
cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

I do not forgive and forget. That said, I also do not hate. It's not worth my energy. She simply needs to move on. Forgiveness doesn't have to be part of the equation (at least to me). Would I ever trust someone that did that to me? No....never

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Definitely move on because that man is carrying way too much baggage and probably has other luggage around his airport if ya know what I mean!

Forgive but forget about it. He is married, why would she want to go through all of that?

He's a married man. Period. Obviously he's not going to leave his family... Perhaps he did love her...but the bottom line is he is married to someone else. If he did this to his wife, he would probably do it to your friend. I've known men like this...he probably was even seeing more women than just your friend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She really needs to let go and move on with her life. I know that's easier said than done, but for her own peace of mind...she needs to do this. And yes...she should forgive him. Hating him is just going to eat her up inside and make her miserable. ~Lisa

She said in the beginning that it just happened....they clicked. She did not plan on falling in love with him and she knew the entire situation revolving his marriage ect...... She honestly thought because he did not love his wife(he told her this.....does every man say this when they cheat?....you see it all the time on movies ect. LOL ), they did not have a husband wife relationship ect....taht he would leave her.

She really fell for him and fell hard. No matter what everyone told her she just could not let go of the feeling he gave her. I would say she is confused right now. She has done wonderful over the past year almost ....in not speaking to him and keeping her distant. She hated him and everything he did to her and hated the mention of his name.

How is it that she seen him once at a store and all her feelings and common sense go away?

Is there really a thing called "love" in this degree. Can you really think you belong with someone who you cannot have? I don't get it.......

__________________
Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

As grandma would also say in her broken English.... they cheata with you; they cheata on you!

Grandma is a smart lady! So true! ~Lisa

LOL .......I know I should not be laughing But when I read this all I could think about was someone little lady with a foreign accent shaking her finger and saying this.

__________________
Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

I learned a lesson you have to forgive but you don't never forget. I found that true with my husband who was seeing another woman. It has been almost a year in April. I still think about it all the time. I know I have to forgive because in order to get in heaven you can not hate and you must forgive but to forget . I don't think I will ever forget. She needs to move on with her life.

UUUHHHHH i may be stupid but who has an "arranged" marriage nowadays? I'm think that was a line!!

I know alot of people will think I'm mean for saying this, However, I don't understand WHY She feels this way Just WHAT did HE do to her ??. I see it as she did this to HERSELF, She allowed herself to get involved witha MARRIED man, It doesn't matter that HE said he didn't love his wife, Really does ANYONE think a man thats cheating will say to his *play toy* Oh BTW I want to have sex with you, But I LOVE MY WIFE ?..Not in this life time. Your friend got herself into this and IMHO she has NO right to be mad at him., He did what he did because he KNEW if he said anything other than what he said she wouldn't sleep with him ( that was his point in saying it he wanted to have sex with someone other than his wife , and if the truth was known your friend more than likely wasn't the only one either )...


I have been that wife at home with the cheating LOW DOWN SCUM SUCKING DIRT BAG HUSBAND !!
I have heard the * But he said he was Divorcing you, I didn't know he was MARRIED ( Really ? WHY DO YA THINK HE NEVER SPENT THE NIGHT WITH YOU, AND TOOK YOU TO THE OTHER PART OF TOWN, DID YOU REALLY THINK HE ENJOYED THAT 30 MIN DRIVE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN ?)

Your friend not only crossed a line between a husband and wife, she also crossed it with a child..
Once your friend found out or already knew, he was married she should have kept her hands off someone that was taken... After and ONLY after he was divorced should she step forward and gotten into a relationship with him.


I also dont understand WHY would she go back to be with him ?? is he still married to his wife ??
What would make her want him ??
She HAS to know if he cheated on his wife and his CHILD that she's not *special*Does she not understand, he will cheat on her too ? AND why is she looking the other way, Oh he dont love his wife, he only married her because it was arranged, but YET he sleeps with her, has SEX with her, SUPPORTS her, builds a HOME with her had a CHILD with her, But poor thing just not HAPPY with her and too much of a CHICKEN ^&%%$% To divorce her, it's MUCH easier to just run around and pick up women to have sex with them than to be a MAN and divorce the person he PROMISED to love and be FAITHFUL to.
And this is the kind of man your friend WANTS ? WTF ?

I would tell her, Look girl you are NOT special NEVER have been, NEVER will be, he did what he did to you because you ALLOWED it to happen. Now get your head out of your butt and MOVE on, leave him alone, because I PROMISE you. he will cheat again and NOTHING makes you too *special* for it NOT to happen to you with him.

Your friend might *think* she *Loves* him, but if you got deep down inside her , she knowns deep down inside, it's herself she cannot forgive .she has to move on and forget about being with a married man.
Love is NOT what she had with this man. I can't see ANYONE loving someone thats already married to someone else. How can someone love you if they can't give them self to you ??

You have to be honest and tell her that she knows he's married, with 2 children and till the day comes he's a FREE UNMARRIED MAN it's should be hands off.and then I would have to tell her, He's a cheater, Lier and a SCUM SUCKING DIRT BAG.

__________________
MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

[quote]Yes, I agree that this is her fault also. She should have never gotten involved with a married man(with children or without). But she was involved with him and she cannot change that. I believe that she was in love and the arranged marriage thing ect.....But I don't see how she can get involved with him again.

I think she hated him because all he did to her. She really believed that the two of them would end up together. When his wife got preg it was a shock to both her and him(of course him right) He supposedly had not had sex with his wife in over 10+ months. And it was a one night thing to shut his wife up.....

Now mind you I think the wife knew something was going on because she in my opinion planned for this baby. A lot of women think that a baby will keep there man right there at home ect.....(besides the fact that it came out after she turned up preg that she wanted a baby)



She has only seen him once according to her and it was just by chance. Yes, he is still married and nothing has changed! She said that the moment she seen him all the hate she had balled up inside her went away and all the negative thoughts she thought about him disappeared. She said that she lit up like the first time she seen him. (maybe it is because it has been so long since she has seen him)

I think she has realized that he will never leave his wife because of his culture ect. But I just can not understand why she would give him one second back in her life.

I can understand why she is hurt/mad/angry ect.....I can......Yes....it was her fault also but when you have true feelings for someone and things go sour these are true emotions and part of the human process. Most people who have been hurt by someone would turn their feeling to hate/detest being around someone just to get them out of their system. IMO I know we are supposed to forgive and let go of....but honestly I kind of wished she still hated/disliked him at least that way she was using common sense.

__________________
Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

My opinion is to move on, hating someone is not worth the energy it takes....
Forgive him ...
Forget him, but remember the lesson learned....
Move on....

Amen on "Remember The Lesson" part...that is why we go thru this stuff!! yeah, sure, forgive this guy...from a distance. Move on, life is toooo short to have a knot in your stomach.

Well tell your friend she needs to get mad again. That was the only way I got over my cheating ex. Once she is again over him she needs to forgive him so she can let her anger go. Forgive him, in her own private way, not to his face and then MOVE ON!

I am assuming that his marriage was arranged in some country other than the US. I know a few people here that had arranged marriages and while they stay married they don't seem happy in their marriage but they understand that this is the way it WAS done and this is their life. They have now chosen to live in the US and I have a feeling they will be thrilled to see their children marry who they choose, not who their parent's choose. While arranged marriages might seem odd to us there are those that respect their families and will remain in arranged marriages even though they are thousands of miles away from "home".

In the end he is a cheater. Maybe he is not married to his soul mate, his best friend, etc but he is married. If he is willing to break a bond that was created by family, faith & custom what is stopping him from breaking a bond that was created by anything else?

I think that you (oops-I mean she) should move on. I don't care how McDreamy you think he is, sounds like a loser to me.

Rebecca

I don't think he is dreamy at all...I think the entire situation is messed up. I have the old saying once a bull****ter always a bull****ter and that is my opinion of him. I gave her my opinion and it was right along the lines as the rest of you.


Maybe she will wake up and realize all of this.

__________________
Give me the wisdom and grace to understand

Tracy S
Mommy to 5 little girls
Victoria
Alyssa
Samantha & Selena
Malaya
Tracy_s5girls@yahoo.com

Middle Eastern countries still have some arranged marriages. I have a co-worker that just completed his arranged marriage.

Topic at hand, forgive him, leave him alone and move along with your life.

__________________
Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

LOL .......I know I should not be laughing But when I read this all I could think about was someone little lady with a foreign accent shaking her finger and saying this.


Tracy....
You are so right! She was about 4'10" tall, born in Italy and was sent for after her boyfriend went to America got a job and came home to marry her. He came back and earned money for her to come. The family would not hear of her going to America until she was married to him in her church.
She used to have all the cut litte sayings and would often times mix up idioms such as: If you gotta a horse and you takea him to the water if he's a no thirsty hes a not gonna drink.
You dared not go to her house if you weren't prepared to eat. As soon as you got there " I makea you coffee" I getta you something in the Frigadare. If you said No thank you grandma I'm not hungary...She would answer Whatsa matter...you no like ...I makea you something else.