Does your job, volunteer organizations, your family... etc. take advantage of you?

I really struggle with this... I love to volunteer and help other people out but it just seems that the more I help out, the more is expected of me.

This is honestly a huge problem for me since I have been a SAHM.

How do you draw the line without being rude (or quitting)!?

I said sometimes and I am so proud of that....b/c it used to be ALL THE TIME! Seriously I have a major softheart and in this day and age people tend to take advantage....You know the funny thing about that is most people will tell you I'm majorly headstrong and super opinionated(not always a good thing) I just had a mind set that I might as well do it because nobaody else could or will do it as good as I could....so there I was when people figured me out....they took advantage......you should see it today when people ask and i say no and they haven't seen the change yet....the look on their face of shock and horror is priceless!!! Now they actually have to hump it to find someone else to take over!!!

I put YES mainly because it feels that I am incredibly taken advantage of right now. Normally, I do not get myself into these predicaments. I actually took some time off from volunteer work last year for this very reason!

Now, I am testing the waters again BUT I will have to lay back here in the next few weeks -- things are getting out of hand and my family needs to be #1. THEY are why I am staying at home, not to do volunteer work up the whazoo.

I'll figure it out.

Nope and they never have. People can only be taken advantage of if they allow themselves and I just don't do that. I am sure many people who know me think I am a B word because I don't let them take advantage but I don't care

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Big YES here!

The SAHM thing is my problem too, people think i have all the time on the world. I end up babysitting for others (one in particular) and then if I need something they are never available for me. Totally annoying.

My FIL is a big one too for having me take him all over and then not at least paying for breakfast or giving me gas money, even when he knows things are really tight for us right now. I just don't know how to go about getting him to understand, I even said flat out that I didn't have money for breakfast, but he still didn't offer to fill my gas tank after a week of driving around.

I need ot learn how to say no.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I had a friend who used to think since I was a sahm I could be a beck & call babysitter I finally put a stop to it she was a big time user never brought diapers or anything would say she would be back in 2 hrs would come back 6hrs later. I said GOODBYE people only take advantage of you if you let them I admit sometimes I am caught off guard but then it gets to that point of taking advantage & I will stop it.

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mom of 3 greats girls

No..I don't have a problem with people taking advantage of me, but I also don't mind saying no to people, but in a nice way

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Just deleting information.

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SMURF,

we all love you no way are you the B word!!!!!

No, I do not let people take advantage of me. I did have a friend try acouple times She wanted to exchange babysitting.. I figured no problem Dh & I can have a date night ever so often.....Well her ideal was 3 or 4 times a week . I finally started making excuses why I couldn't watch her kids...

This same friend gave me some sconces she wasn't using & had no use for them.. I NEVER asked for them ..I thought it was real sweet of her..About a year later her child needed a new dresser..She had the GULL to ask me for my daughter dresser since I had two of them and figure I did not need both of them I told her I do in fact use them both...I told her you can get a cheap dresser at walmart for such & such price .. She said the ones at walmart are cheaply made and that is why her childs dresser is falling apart....She went on & on trying to conivince me to give her my dressor.

She also made a point to tell me .how a neighbor gave her their curio cabinet they weren't using because she help them clean out their basement. I thinking NO you nag them to death .. Well a few months went by and she asked for her sconces back..I'm thinking $30 in sconces verse a $500 dresser .Hmm Who 's the one getting a raw deal here ?

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

we are the same person!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I think if someone wanted 2-year-old scones, I would let them have them. After 2 years, I don't think they'd be edible anyways.

cj/

P.S. What's a scone??

lol...It's a candle holder that goes on the wall

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

Aha, sconce! A scone is a biscuit. I was curious too. LOL.

Thanks for the smile Angel!

Wierd thing for me is that up until about a month ago, I would have answered the poll SOMETIMES... but recently with a whole bunch of other stuff going on in my personal life (ie niece with anorexia, elderly friend with failing health, etc., etc., etc.), I find myself having a harder time saying NO.

I think that probably happens a lot of times not only to me but to others.

LOL..Don't pick on me ..I'm trying to correct all my typos

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

Got it now! Thanks for the smile. They are kinda crusty biscuits......LOL

ROFL...Thanks for the good laugh

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

Smurf I need your help. I don't know how to say no to anyone. I think it's a self-esteem issue for me. I also think I am always trying to prove that I am just as healthy as everyone else and should be able to keep up with everyone else. As I type this I am sitting with 3 heating pads all over my body because I hurt so bad, because I was helping someone. Funny thing is whenever I need help I can never get it.
I know I'm stupid.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

NO a resounding NO. I am almost half a century old and I have learned that people will take and take as long as you keep giving. I used to get taken advantage of simply because I did not want people to be mad at me, not like me or think I was mean or bad.
Screw that. Helping people and doing for others that is one thing. Most people are good and don't mean to take advantage but sometimes even those who are nice will let you overdo it for them.
Think about what it takes from your family, your life, your peace of mind. Then think about how good it makes you feel and how it enhances your life or the world. Then decide. Some people are so selfish they will even use guilt to get their way. Don't fall for it.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

You don't have to be mean to people. You can even start out by telling everyone you have been so tired and overworked that right now you are saying no to everyone. If you find it hard to say no to people tell them you are busy at that time. Then take that time for yourself.

Tell them the truth. Your back hurts. You have homework/housework. You don't have the energy you once had. You need some time for yourself.

Of just say "I'll have to see what I have going on and if I can do it I will get back to you".

Most people should just accept and understand "I am sorry I am busy".

Think about the things you could be doing for yourself and your own family.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

To a point, before I put my foot down.

A friend asked me to cover for her twice telling me she would cover for me whenever I needed it. I did so, including covering for her an entire week while she was on vacation. (she handed me a list of her hours while we were at a meeting).

When I was filling in doing the scheduling for our leader who had medical problems, we were short handed and I asked my friend if she would work the desk, she wouldn't because she enjoyed it where she was more. She was with the same organization and all she had to do was leave about 1/2 hour earlier to cover where I needed her.

Needless to say, she better not ever ask me to cover for her again because the answer will be a big NO!

You are NOT stupid! It does sound like you have an esteem issue. There are also different types of personalities and you sound like a *pleaser*. I am not a pleaser.

Your statement at the end is something you should REALLY think about it. Write it down in big letters and keep it where you can look at it from time to time. If you are helping people all the time and you can't get any help in return, those people aren't just taking advantage of you, they are USING you IMO. Users don't care for your emotional or physical heath. You need to decide if saying "Yes" all the time is worth your physical health. You have MS right? Do these people know this?

As said, you don't have to be mean. The first *no* is the hardest. It becomes easier. Also, you don't have to explain. Explanations are not required. Just "no". My mom used to be a pleaser and she always felt the need to explain why and would feel guilty about saying no. I'm not wired that way. Don't feel like you have to be all yes or all no. Start slow.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Just read your Easter post and then saw this........can't your fil drive? Try taking him in HIS car. Then it's his gas. As for breakfast, don't stop. Eat at home, and tell him that you have 3 hours (or whatever) to get the errands done and stick to it. With these suggestions, you aren't saying no, however you are setting boundaries of how /when you can help him.

Good job SexySmurf!