My MIL invited us over for Easter dinner and we can't decide if we are going or not. Here's a little history of the situation. About 2 years ago my MIL and I had a HUGE fight about how she puts me down and favors her daughter over her son. Well the MIL forwarded all of the emails I wrote to my SIL and there was an even bigger fight and we basically haven't spoken since.

We do show up to gatherings and my BIL does talk to us and we are now talking to the MIL and FIL (even more than before the arguement, but it's still awkward), but the SIL ignores us. The inlaws were actually had a talk with her about how she didn't talk to anyone at Christmas when she was here, they are seeing the light a little or at least a ray of what a b**ch she really is.

My kids would have so much fun going because they would get to play with their neices. BUT it is SO uncomfortble for us (me more than DH) because I am totally ignored even though I try to strike up conversation.

Would you go or would you stay home?

I feel like if we go, we are allowing her to treat us like crap?

What would you do? Or say?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I have the feeling we are related to the same MIL so that makes you my SIL. Ilove you sis!!! We stopped going and having people over on Christmas b/c my real SIL and MIL would ruin it everytime!! B/C they treat their DD like the princess and my DH their DS like CRAP! What is with that? I have two brothers and my mom would never treat any of us "kids" differently! So, now we have our own traditions and fun things for just us. And me and DH aren't worried who's going to be a jerk and have an Escape Exit for the kids. Cause trust me we would have them!!!!! Sad when you have to plan your families exit from the house like a jewel thief.

I say go, but keep it short and sweet. Be gracious, bring something nice for dessert, then don't linger.

I woould stay home...make a nice meal and enjoy your family....maybe say you'll come for dessert... or say you just want to stay home and enjoy your family...get some movies...and have a nice day.....

I am not in the mood to deal with some crap with my Mom and Sisters...so we're staying home and maybe going over for coffee and some dessert...but again maybe not!

I wish!! My SIL and I did get along, but she really has become such a snot that I can't stand her even before the fight.

Anyway.........like Mailady said maybe we'll just go for dessert. Show up, but don't stay. I feel bad for the kids, they really like to play with their cousins, I wish DH could go without me! And bring me home some dinner of course.

My IL's have been trying to be fair and like I said they are seeing things a little more clearly, so that makes me feel better. I just don't want to go there and ALLOW my SIL to treat any of us badly, my kids are getting old enough to see these things and hers definiatly are. I would love to point that out to the IL's, but I don't say anything any more unless they bring it up.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I would go seeing you inlaws had a talk with her...your kids will have fun & you will know if she is willing to put a step forward.

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

My two older DDs know how their aunt is and even though they are sweet and polite to her.....they have no respect for her anymore. My youngest DD is ........a little oblivious b/c shes so young and she never sees anyones attitude.....gosh I hope she can hang on to that when shes older!!!! I think that its reasonable to say you can't BS a kid. They always know. And if they are watching you (and they always are) you will be taking the high road and minimize contact as much as possible and being nice when ever you can't avoid it!! They will learn the correct way to deal with an impossible person....an important lesson cause there is so many out there.

I'll add my two cents worth here...

Now that you're finally getting along with your inlaws again, I think you should go. Nobody is ever guaranteed tomorrow. I think you should take every opportunity you get to spend time with people you love. You might think "oh, there'll be other holidays", but there might not. It's your husband's family, don't take this away from him. As for your sister in law, pretend nothing has happened. Talk to everyone, be yourself, and if she's snotty... well, that's her loss. Be the bigger person.

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I'm in a constant search for the next great freebie or deal.

Marsha

I agree with you that no one is guaranteed tomorrow however, why would you want to waste your days left with someone horrible? other than being the bigger person!!!! but who wants to do that! LOL

I would go and "take the high road", be polite and courteous, as I'm sure you would with anyone. You don't have to ALLOW your SIL to treat you like crap. Would you let anyone else do that to you??? Of course not. So, don't ALLOW your SIL. How does she treat you like crap? Ignoring you?? That's on her, everyone else can see it, too, and I'm sure they think "what a childish person she is". Don't let someone's actions change the way you normally act. Hope that makes sense. Go, enjoy yourself, let you kids enjoy themselves, and THAT will tick off your SIL. If you let her effect you (or she thinks she is) she will get satisfaction from that. Don't let her!!! And, I have a super cute bunny cake if you want, I can email you the picture and instructions. JLMK.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

We always stay home on holidays and have our own family traditions with our kids. Anyone is welcome to join us but we don't leave our house. LOL! Our family lives 3 hours away but even if we lived in the same town, I would not drag my kids all over to make other family members happy.

Start your own traditions and your kids will thank you.

allinaugust,

speaking for myself.....i don't think you know these type of people......they have the mindset that you are wrong.....and SIL is a innocent vitcim who is taking the high road with her passive agressiveness. Seriously, be thankful you don't have them in your life. I do take the high road every single time.....b/c i've learned that your the only one that can change and they are sad, sad people. However, it does take alot of prida swallowing in the beginning to be that bigger person. No matter how genuinely nice you are.

After reading the background of what you've been through, I would definitely stay home and enjoy Easter with my husband and kids. I wouldn't need the possibility of all the drama occuring again. It would put knots in my stomach just thinking about what might happen. Just feeling uncomfortable like that would not help me to enjoy the day. I'd bow out gracefully. If you think you could stand it for a little while, I might just go for dessert and not stay very long. ~Lisa

I've had crappy family relations too....both sides. I gave and gave and gave. It's been over in some ways for a long time, BUT I do know that I made the effort more than they did. From what you wrote, op, I'd go, be congenial and leave in a fair amount of time. I'd be paying attention to how it goes and try to keep moving forward. If I got crapped on, then I'd probably be done. You do have the kids to think about, no one's hurt them, they deserve the family time.

In some ways, people have no idea how their words or actions appear to others. It could be that your mil had no idea how you were seeing things and she really was taken aback when you said something....as in it came from no where. Since you say it has improved, maybe she's taken an objective introspection and is making some positive changes......

My in-laws invited us to stay with them while we transferred cross country. Three days into it, FIL threw us out, and everyone thought WE were the bad ones for not thanking him for "allowing" us to stay there. I know more than you think about this type of person.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

august....OMG......I can't believe that we are related too!!! LOL Me, you and flipper should have a family reunion

Go. Go with a big smile and drive your SIL crazier than she already is. The more she acts up, the nicer you get. Act surprised and hurt and forgiving if she says anything too rude. Saccharin is your friend. Nothing makes a person like that madder than not being able to upset you. Be helpful and chatty and act as if you were all best friends. Your inlaws will see a class act and if they don't then that's their problem.

My DIL from hell was not talking to me for months before the wedding. I think she was hoping we wouldn't come. But come we did. I chatted her up every single chance I got. I smiled till my mouth hurt. I almost follwed her around, taking every chance to butt into conversations and be where she was. I hugged people and acted as if everything was perfectly normal. There were always other people around and she had to be polite. I could see it was eating her up and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

So go. Have fun with it. Think of it as a game. Who can out-nice who.

I'm really starting to think we ARE related! My SIL is one of the most depressed (and depressing)people I know besides my IL's, nothing makes these people happy, NOTHING! She has been given the world and will be glad to rub your nose in it, but still talks about what she doesn't have yet.

I do now see that I did catch my MIL by surprise when I confronted her about the problem, she never saw it coming. I was just SO tired of her negatvie additude and after the things we do for them and they did nothing for us but talk bad about us.

Ann you are very right, you know me, I am not there to take anything I can get, I am there to help you out, anyone.

I think we'll go and just try to have fun and ignore her, let her talk to me this time. Let the IL's see that she doesn't care about anyone but herself. The light will be shining bright.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Ok, Inquiring minds want to know..........did you stay or go??

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Yes, please, we need an update!!!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I talked with my FIL and MIL and explained how it's uncomfortable for me to be around her and they understood why we wanted to stay home. I didn't want them to think it was anything they did or anything. But we said we would come over really quick for dessert or something.

So on Saturday my phone rings and it's SIL, she invites my kids over for an Easter Egg hunt?! We weren't home though, we were at a birthday party, so I called her back and by then the hunt was all over, so I suggested we do another one at her partents house on Sunday and she agreed.

So we went! I didn't have my hopes up too high, because then I get dissappointed, but it was actually ok. We didn't talk a LOT, but there was some eye contact and litte interactions. I think what made it better was my MIL asking if everything was ok and actually showing that she understands and sees what I go through.

Maybe we are actually getting somewhere!

Thanks for asking!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Good. Sounds like it was OK. Glad to hear that.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.