My DH and I have swung twice. We both enjoyed it.

We have not done it in several years, just because we have not found the right couple.

All of our close friends are aware of our lifestyle.

I was shocked to learn how many others there are!

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I found Jesus! He was behind the couch!

Wow! Imdizzy, gotta hand it to you! I love your frankness! haha!!


Yes, I know many swinging couples. Years ago, there was one one gal that hung out on the boards that I absolutely LOVED and I found out later she was a swinger. I about had a heart attack. Of course that was years ago, now.. I find it to be no big deal, pretty cool, and honestly if I could tell her one thing it would have been "GO MOMMA!" haha

However, one thing I have found is that swinging is a temporary thing. If it goes on for too long, you are only inviting a world of trouble in so many different ways. You have to be VERY strong in your relationship in order to withstand the swinging lifestyle. If not, at first it will be awesome..but will quickly become the one thing that could destroy the both of you.

I am thinking though, that this subject might be considered pretty taboo for the cafe.. I am shocked they are letting it stay up.

I like your spunk. You definitely have guts, girl! LOL

We do not. I know one couple who does and I do not like them. Has nothing to do with their lifestyle but the husband thinks because he and his wife "have an open relationship" that all couples should. I saw him at a bBQ last year and he ended up touching me where his hand had no business being and he got the slap of a lifetime (and I got applause by the other guests)

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Sexysmurf.......DH and I do not swing either but, we know the same couple. The women of the couple is really respectful she came to us and asked us to swing and DH thought for a minute (LOL) and said no thanks I don't share well with others!! HOWEVER, the guy puts his hand on one to many places and we ( DH took him to meet jesus at a new years eve party they were hosting )have discontinued the relationship.

ROFL!!! Love it!

Smurf, you are right. There are some people who are in the lifestyle that do think that everyone else is missing out, or are also just destined to be in it if they only had the chance to be exposed to it.


You should be careful though, he might have liked the smack you gave him..LOL


( I edited my blanket statement smurf.. you are right about that. Because I do know many who could care less if others are into it or not..so I had to correct).

Oh he probably did He had this stupid smirk on his face the rest of the night. Next time I'll kick him in the b@lls, but maybe he'd like that more LOL


I don't think all swingers are like this guy. I don't like blanket statements. Just put my two cents in about the one swingers I do know

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I participated in this lifestyle in "Life # 1" (first marriage). It was the beginning of the end for us...my ex thought this is the way every marriage should be, and I didn't. I guess it works when both are strong and both agree, are into it, etc. We had one that was (ex) and one that wasn't. Again, this wasn't was drew us apart, it was kind of the beginning of the end (it was already falling apart!).

DH and I (Life # 2) do not partake, and have no desire.

I don't think negatively about it, just not something that I partake in with my partner.

This topic definitely caught my eye, especially since my husband and I were just at a swingers party Saturday night. No, we don't swing, however...we are exhibitionists and voyeurs and generally enjoy the open atmosphere of "adult" parties. I was very active in the swinging lifestyle before I met my husband. He has learned a lot since being with me and even though we don't swap with others, we both now enjoy going to clubs or parties occasionally to socialize, etc.

For the people who made comments about swingers, let me just say...please don't lump everyone in a certain lifestyle together. Not all swingers are trying to convert others or have any more problems within their relationship than those who don't swing. Everyone and every situation is different. Yes, there may be some rude people out there who grab when they shouldn't or pressure others and quite frankly those people are considered rude in the swinging lifestyle as well. As far as swinging damaging a relationship...it all depends on the relationship and the reasons they want to "swing" in the first place. I have seen bad situations resulting from adding another to the mix because the relationship had issues in the first place or someone was not being entirely honest. I've also known plenty of couples who have been into swinging for many, many years and are completely open with each other, have great communication and are very happy together.
Debby

i absolutely agree with you spooky! Not everyone that enjoys this particular lifestyle is an ass! I was just refering to my one limited experience!! Hey do you guys like the movie Signs? It gives a whole new meaning to the words "swing away"!!!! LOL

exactly why I said I don't like blanket statements

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

wow, we've gotta' lot of freaks on these boards-lol...I'm just kidding. I guess I am just surprised. I have not and just think it would be too "weird" and complicated to do. I don't know anyone that does either (that I know of). So tell me, how does it work? And I'm not being goofy-but do you kind of "know" who swings and who doesn't or do you approach ppl you might be interested in, or wait for them to approach you? Are these long term things or one nighters? And also-totally being nosy here-don't answer if you don't want to-but is it a one for one swap or do you go both ways? AND, do you watch your spouse when he participates in whatever you all are participating in? Sorry for the questions-just fascinated that someone would fess to this lifestyle on these boards. And I hope they don't close the link-if everyone can stay mature about the subject, I think it should be ok.

I'm curious too and it's not often you get the opportunity to ask someone about it What makes me the most curious I guess is why? Is it just the adrenaline rush or do you feel it adds something to your lives that an exclusive relationship doesn't?

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I am an only child and I guess I am not good at sharing!
To each his own ~ but it is not for us!

First, I want to say that I very much appreciate the lack of flames. This can tend to be a button for some people, and I am glad you ladies that did speak were civil, and those who knew they couldn't be, didn't speak at all.

I hope they do not close this thread. It is something I am sure some people want to know more about.

I am not ashamed to admit this on a message board, just as I am not ashamed to admit it in real life. It is who I am. Just as a homosexual, this is my sexual preference. Was I born this way? I don't know.

Since you are interested, I will answer truthfully.

As far as knowing, you don't just KNOW who is open, unless you are at a party designated for such things. In all my years I have never seen someone with a sign at the grocery store that says " we swing!"

But, there are plenty out there. I am willing to bet You ALL know someone who swings. You just don't KNOW it.

There are some long term relationships, but it is my opnion that they are the exception not the rule. Most couples meet a few times and then move on.

As far as a true swap. I personally am bisexual. Some women in the lifestyle are not. They are just looking for straight swap. My husband is not bisexual. And there is no shortage of couples in the lifestyle that have Bi women/Straight men.

All couples set their rules, what makes them comfortable. Some do not kiss on the mouth, some will not reveal their personal info such as names and phone numbers.

As far as my husband and I. We are not lacking anything. We have a good life. We enjoy being with each other very much, we also enjoy other people. We are both voyeurs and enjoy the thrill of it all. We have been with two other couples and a single woman.

Couple #1 were our friends for years. One night the talk turned towards the lifestyle, and they revealed they has been participants for 2 years. We were intrigued and after talking about it for weeks we all ended up in my hottub. We are still friends with them but I am not attracted to the husband, so things are platonic.

Couple #2 are our neighbors. They suspected we were in the lifestyle, and flat out asked us. We have "partied" with them a few times, and may do it again- who knows?

As far as the single woman, she picked me up in a bar. I was flirting with her,and she approached me. I told her I was married,s he said 'great' and that was that.

We always use protection and make what we consider are smart choices. We have never exposed our son to this and are very discreet as far as he is concerned.

We have a wonderful physical relationship and do not feel like we are filling any void. I think a couple can only TRULY enjoy the lifestyle if their relationship is already concrete. Using it to save a rleationship will lead to more trouble.

I hope I helped answer some of your questions. Maybe piqued your interest?

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I found Jesus! He was behind the couch!

I don't have time and energy for sex with my OWN husband let alone someone elses!

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wow, you gave some amazing answers, so eloquently-not like what we would see on Jerry Springer. Thank you for your honesty-I could never flame you for that. As far as piquing my interests-no-still not going to happen-but not going to mention this thread to DH, just in case......

I agree with Kathytheshopper and have taken my reply out.

I think this is a terribly inappropriate topic to be discussing on the site. What if a child gets on this? They don't need to be reaing this. I hope the administrator takes it off. I, for one, would be grafeful.

My hubby and I personally have never nor will swing, but we do know two couples that do. I was shocked by the admission of one couple. I guess I just never imagined sharing my hubby, I'd be too jealous and insecure, not to mention that the lifestyle doesn't mesh with my religious beliefs. Also, as far as girl on girl encounters, how can you use protection from STD's? It seems so risky in today's world.

We have in the past. Probably we still would be if DH wasn't having problems in that area right now. As a matter of fact another lady (she hasn't posted as of yet) from this site gave me a website that started the actual meetings. We had talked about long before then though.

It wasn't something we did every weekend or anything. Only occassionally purely for fun. We have swapped with 2 couples, 1 female alone, and 1 male alone. Our kids and families know absolutely nothing about our swinging, for that matter they really don't know what we ever do when we go out.

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as long as everyone is mature about it....what is the problem. She has answered questions but not gone into detail about what goes where ......and personally my kids are not on-line without me being right beside them. Its like the radio or t.v. you don't have to click the link, you don't have to listen to that station and you don't have to look at that channel!!!

Not to mention that I don't think many kids spend their online time looking for coupons...I know mine don't! LOL....oops, there I go with the blanket statements! LOL No, seriously, my kids can find stuff way worse than this without even trying.

cj/

We do not swing and we never will, if my hubby ever decides to be with someone else he is welcome to if he desires,............but that will be right after our divorce is final!!!!

Isn't this the same thing as cheating, I know your spouse knows about it but I still think of it as an affair. Would you allow your spouse to go with someone without you?

What would you do if your children found out from other people?

Did you ever feel guilty?


I am just asking questions that I have wondered about. I hope no one takes offense.

While I know this may upset some, this topic is going to stay. I think everyone is being civil and non-graphic. Thanks for your participation!

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When I was in my early 20's a had a male friend who asked me to go to a "party" with him....I didn't go....his exGF and him were swingers and he still wanted to go, but needed a female to go with him.....

And honestly if your kids are old enough to know what swinging is ( to be reading this), then most likely they already looked up porn on the internet. Kids are not dumb.

I personally do not swing, and do not agree with it. But thats me and my husbands choice.

My sentiments exactly - when we got married we decided we were going to be with each other and no one else. I've told him if he ever decides to go outside our marraige, she better be worth it because it'll cost him half of everything plus his kids!

I've heard rumors of swingers in our neighborhood. I've never had it confirmed, but the ones I've heard it about wouldn't suprise me. For a while there was a rumor that if you had a large white decorative/landscape stone in your front yard, it was a sign that you were. Again I don't know if that's true or not, but definately checked out all the white stones in peoples yards!!

Personally, if consenting adults want to do that, I have no problem with it...but DH & I are definately not interested.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I'm not, I know some who are, and I think as adults we should reserve the right to do so if we wish. I've known more polyamorous couples (having committed relationships with multiple people) than swingers, but typically, it's not something that went well for them. I think the big danger isn't the involvement with other people, it's the hope that it'll somehow fix a fading marriage, or make it exciting again. If the relationship wasn't good to begin with, I think involving other people can cause it to break down quickly. That sounds very negative, I don't mean to be rude, but I can see where the bad reputation comes from.

ROFL, there is a huge white stone in the front yard of our next door neghbor! LOL I agree that this thread, while surprising is being very maturely discussed. As for me, I have thought abut it. When I was single I was invited to join a couple, my friend and her ex. When it got down to it, I could not do it. I did end up dating my friends ex after that though! LOL DH and I have discussed this but he says he is not into it and I know I am not either.

Funny story about something like this. About a year ago, there was a morning radio show in Atlanta had people call in regarding swinger. In one neighborhood, everyone who wanted to swing had a stone pineapple in their yard, usually by the mailbox.

Well, one of my neighbors hadn't heard the radio show and didn't know about the pineapple thing, but she did happen to have a large stone pineapple in her yard as part of her landscaping. She was not a swinger. I noticed a few weeks later that the pineapple is gone from her landscaping <lol>.

I have a big white stone right in the middle of my mulch- under my front window!!


OMG! I wonder if THAT is why the neighbor shook his willy at me last week??

Cici,

You will have to tell us more about that in your blog!!!

You never have a dull moment do you?????

OMG...My mother collects pineapples ..I will have to let her know NOT to buy a white stone one for her yard.

I don't think I know any swingers and there is NO WAY I would be involved in that type of lifestyle. But to each his own...

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Pineapples? White stones?
I doubt it. No one would ever just do that..uhh..that is urban legend I am sure.
I would look for a fondness of monkeys..

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Jean-Marc-Gaspard Itard

HUH????????

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Monkeys...swinging...

Ok, now I feel like an idiot...LOL DUUUUH!

I knew a couple years ago. He was my optomitrist (sp?) and she was in a local organization that I belonged to. I thought he was a creep...made passes at me during exams. He ended up with the *other* woman, and she ended up alone with three little kids.

Cici, cjs216 you two crack me up.

I dated a guy once that was a swinger. I founf out when his friend appeared in our bedroom one night. My BF at the time invited him. I freaked out. Swinging just isnt for me. I do know a few people that do.

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You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

This is all very shocking...

I am aware of swinging and polyamory, but I guess I just don't understand it. Call me old fashioned.. I believe in Prince Charming (Didn't marry him, but I believe in him). I think that when/if you meet your one and only there'd be no desire for anyone else. To me, swinging and polyamory is just a sign that there's something missing in the relationship that you're in.

JMO

To each his/own, I guess. But as for me and hubby, we'll take care of each other! I remember Dr. Phil once speaking about this, and his comment to the husband was 'do you really want some other guy all over your wife?' And I certainly wouldn't want some other girl all over my husband. He's mine! I think it goes completely against the marriage vows. But I honestly don't think people take the marriage vows seriously anymore anyway. IMO, if you have to 'swing', there's probably something missing in the marriage. But if that's what 'floats your boat', then it's your life and it's your business -- not mine!

But, hey, I've a nice swing on my front porch and DH and I go out there and swing all we want!!

Oh, well then I must be wrong.


I don't expect people to understand. Some were raised under fear and shame of all things sexual. There is absolutely nothing missing in my marriage. I have a better marriage than most.

I love who I am and who my husband is.

To the poster who is SHOCKED! --- I would bet you my bottom dollar someone you know is in the lifestyle. I would even be willing to go as far and say it's someone you would least expect.

We are not freaks who walk around in leather and dog collars. By looking at us you wouldn't KNOW.

We watch american idol, I am a member of the PTA, My husband is a soccer coach for our local association. Your kids have come to my house to play, you sit next to me in waiting rooms, I went to college, I am a nice looking woman, I do not smoke, drink or do drugs. I drive a MINI-VAN!

So yes, we will agree to disagree. My life, my bedroom, my choice.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the couch!

When I first read this post I too was shocked...I thought it was best for me not to post. Then I thought about it. I personally wouldn't do this but I also think it is a personal choice. My feelings on this is if it makes you happy and you feel good about it then who am I to judge. I don't think your a freak. But it is not our job to judge each other!

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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

I think we ALL need to be careful here with the judgements.

If those of us who are NOT accepting of this alternative lifestyle are expected to be respectful, then I think people who are pro-swinging need to be equally respectful.

Just because someone is personally not in favor of the swinging lifestyle, does not make them "raised under fear and shame of all things sexual."

Excellent point.

Aye

I will second the Excellent point

I have a friend that does and it doesn't bother me. His lifestyle is different than mine but it doesn't affect me and it's not illegal so more power to him. I can't say I understand the way he lives but I probably confuse him too. LOL

Thank you, I was thinking along these lines but couldn't think of a way to word it right in my little dingy head

My boyfriend and I have discussed this and I am VERY pleased to see it discussed here. I struggle with whether I want to do it or not. I am insecure and jealous. I told my boyfriend that I don't know if I could watch him with another woman. I was open to another guy for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I have NEVER cheated on any boyfriend I've ever had. The thought of it is kind of exciting to me. I just don't want to feel like I'm doing it to make my boyfriend happy. I've read about all this in books too trying to understand this choice of lifestyle. It is actually very healthy and the natural human instinct. I think personally there might be less divorces if people were swingers. I think alot of relationships might break up just because having sex with the same person for YEARS can become boring for some. I totally don't think, again personally, it would be healthy to have a "relationship" with another person or couple in your marriage. But a fling once in a while as a couple could be exciting. I told my boyfriend that I need a TRUE commitment before I would feel comfortable enough to even try it. That is part of my insecureity and he understands that. We really love each other. Sex is just sex. You CAN have sex wtihout loving the other person. As women, this is very difficult for us to understand. I'd be willing to bet that MOST of us have had sex in our lives with at least one person we did NOT love. I am SO GLAD this topic is here and has not been pulled. This is a decision I've struggled with. I would probably try it at least once. Another thing on this subject that I've discussed with my boyfriend is the fact that I already know I am NOT bi-sexual. I've experimented and do not enjoy sex with women. I'm wondering how many women in the lifestyle are not. I've read that it is a norm and almost expected that the women play with each other. This would be something I would NOT be interested in. I tried it and did not like it. No personal hang up about it or phobias, just not something I liked. So if you were a swinger and didn't want to participate with the women, would it be a "big" deal? I am very curious and hope the OP will respond to my questions.

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My sincere apologies. This came across wrong. I did not mean that to be one thought. It was supposed to be two thoughts. I type like I think- scattered sometimes.

I absolutely do not believe that everyone who is against it was raised under fear.

What I was trying to convey is that I do not expect everyone to understand. We all feel passionate about certain things.

My next thought was that I realize some people were raised under fear and shame of all things sexual, and just judge and hate the thought of anyone different than them.

Again my true tone was not conveyed. I'm sorry. Thanks to all who are non-judgmental.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the couch!

Isn't adultery illegal in some states? Michigan, at least. That's really something I think should be between a husband and wife, not a couple and the courts.