I just found this section of the boards... any opinions would be appreciated!
Either my husbandor myself has been taking care of my daughter since she was born, she is now just over a year old. We recently moved to a new state so that my husband could join the family business, which i was to work in as well. Things get kind of complicated here but the end result is that although we had made it part of our agreement that one of us would always be watching my daughter, we had to agree that there would be two days a week for four hours a day which she is being cared for by her step grandmother. (this was a very difficult decision for me, but our original amount of pay was going to be lowered if i didn't agree to it and with the original amount we barely get by) Here is the problem: Things were going well until last week when her step grandmother went to the hospital because she was really out of it. Apparently she was using a tension relieving presciption as a sleeping aid. Her stay ended up lasting a week where she underwent psychological testing (she has always had a form of mild bi-polar disorder:highs and depressions). I found a little more out about why she was hospitalized and it has to do with a lot of conflict within her house between her teenaged daughter who is out of control and my father-in law. During her stay there were times she said she didn't even want to go home, she preferred the hospital.

Now i have had many friends with varying forms of depression and psychological issues, however, I am really unsure of what to do in this situation. My father-in-law will want to go back to the same arrangement, but I am really stressed about this. Although she has been an excellent caregiver... loving, nuturing, teaching her various things... I am concerned that things got to this degree. I want to stop sending my daughter to her, but I know that others think that im overreacting. I'm not concerned with making waves with the family I just want to make the right decision for my daughter. I really need a third person perspective here, i want to make as informed decision as i can b/c this is going to cause a lot of issues: I can't afford a daycare so it will be me taking care of her, meaning that fil will most likely take away that portion of our income so i will need to find a nice night job!
I hope i made sense, Im sooo stressed!

You really need to go w/ your gut here. There is a reason you are having doubts and you need to do what's best for your daughter.

You have to protect your daughter. Maybe once Step grandma gets her condition under control you can return daughter to her. If they cut the pay then get a night job.

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I would quit sending dd thier right away what if grandma falls asleep & your child gets into something shes not supposed too. That would be a major concern with me other than everything else that would be a great possiblity ya know. Maybe say we decided dd needs some frineds & is going to a daycare where thier are other kids or you just cant work thier anymore or whatever.

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mom of 3 greats girls

I'm sorry that my answer dounds like the others...my mother is bipolar and my children are 27, 25, and 22. She has never watched them alone, and only 5 times when my father was living. My mother was never really stablized until a few years ago. In my youth the meds were much different than today.
You need to tell them that her step grandma needs a little rest right now and once she is al stabilized you would love for her to again be with the baby if she feels ready.

I agree with get you baby girl out of there and don't send her back your daughter well being is more important.

I'd find another babysitter to give the step-grandma a rest so she can heal, and encourage the in-laws to spend time with your daughter whenever possible, as family, not as babysitters. It's truly wonderful having good grandparents, but it's also important that people who've been unwell get time to recover. I don't think bi-polar disorder is really the danger here so much as the medication.

Stay with your daughter. Financially it will be tight for you but for her sake it will be worth it. Best of luck to you and perhaps in the future you can find a job that will fit your schedule better. Take care and love that angel!!!! (ALSO, this is amybe a good thing that happened so that you found out about the conditions of where she was staying before something might could have happened to your daughter)

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I think a mom's gut instinct rules over all...if your gut says no, say no. Maybe you could check with a couple of local churches and see if they have room for a couple of half days. It would give your daughter a chance to socialize with other little ones and would be sort of play days for her. It might cost you what you make in those few hours but your peace of mind would be worth the money. As far as explaining goes, just tell the family you felt it was necessary to make back up plans and you would like to stick with the plan for a while so that your daughter has this play date time and you might get to meet other moms with kids in the area.

I'm not one to tell others what to do (outside of the workplace and my own home ), but I can say that I would not choose a person with this type of medical/psychological issues to care for my child. I'd be too concerned about the safety and welfare of my child...

It sounds like you were working 2 4-hour periods a week for the business. Any chance you could do something for them from home - book keeping, answering phones, scheduling, orders, mailings, etc? - so that your finanical situation would not be hurt.

cj/

I'm wondering what your real issue is -- the sleep or the BPD or what? Because everything was just fine until she had the sleeping problem, it sounds like. I understand being concerned about abuse of prescriptions, if that's on ongoing problem. But has anything really changed between before, when you were happy with the care, and now?

Thanks for all your replies! I guess my main concern is my smil's instability at this point in time. She has always been been great up until now. I think she has just been going through too much for one person to handle much less for someone who is fragile. But I have definately decided to keep my daughter with me and have applied for an evening job... I really feel relieved! Even if my instincts are off (which a mother's instincts never are) At least I have peace of mind
I agree that my smil really needs time to heal... I just hope my inlaws won't take it personally! (it hasn't come up yet because as of today she was still in the hospital!)
Thanks to all