Twice this week my oldest dd (11 y,o) was invited to play with different friends. Yesterday, the mom took them to the mall and treated them to lunch. I did not send my dd w/$, as I was not aware they were headed to the mall. Today, while I was at work, (her dad handled this one) she was asked to go somewhere with another friend. My dH told her to pay her own way, but she forgot the $20 he gave her to cover whatever admission cost there was. So when the mom brings my DD home, do I insist she take the $20 (i have no idea what the actual cost was) or just say thanks and reciprocate another time?

I read on these boards before that some moms were really miffed that folks send their kids out w/o $$.

I am uncomfortable about this situation and not really sure how to handle it.

thanks.

I think the first day when the mom took your dd to the mall and treated her to lunch you should not worry about it at all. She did this because she wanted to and knew that you would not be sending money with her just to go to a friends house to play. The second day when she forgot her money and was suppose to pay I would have given the mother the money when she brought her home. I would make sure and give her the money the next time I saw her.

We grew up with whoevers parents had the kids paid the money. It was always reciprocated. DH and I do this with our kids and their friends. If susie Q's coming with us we pay. If DDs with you, then you
pay. We just take care of each others, you know what I'm saying. If these aren't ppl you know very well, I would just play it off like "my DDs so silly she forgot the money we gave her. well here it is and thanks for including her." and your done. Don't give her/him time to do the beg-off, thats always uncomfortable.

I agree. Offer to give the mom the money or ask DDs friend to the movies in return, this time your treat.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

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I also agree.

What would be bugging me more is that your daughter was driven to the mall without your permission or knowledge. My kids aren't old enough to be going places with people but when I was a kid, my mom had to give permission to be driven somewhere. Am I just out of the loop or do you and the other parent have an understanding that going places is okay?

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I always try and send money with my DD's if I know what they are doing.

With the lunch at the mall I would just treat the next time because you didn't know and the mom was nice to treat.

The other one I would offer the mom the monet and if she says no then just tell her next time is on you

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

I totally agree with you... I would not be happy they had gone to the mall and I wasn't informed. Although I wouldn't address this issue with the parent but my child, letting her know the next time she's at someone's house and they make extra plans she's to ask to call and get permission.

I appreciate hearing everyone's point of view. As it turns out, the mom dropped my DD off and was out of the driveway before I was able to speak to her. My DD said she explained that she forgot her purse and wanted to pay, but the mom insisted that they invited her as a guest. I will be sure to reciprocate.

About the mall, well, I was surprised at first, but realized that my dd did say that they would have lunch, i just didn't realize they meant out at a restaurant. The mall is 5 minutes away and since the mom stayed with them, I really didn't have any problems with it.

At this age, it seems the way it happends is that the mom doesn't callt he mom, but the kids do the arranging on the phone. My dd is short on details so i am going to have to get on the phone myself in the future. Welcome to the tweens....

If the mall is only 5 min away I really do not think it is a problem. It was nice of her to invite your dd to lunch. I wouldn't worry about that. As long as your daughter is polite and thanking her for it.

The movies though I would call the mom or make a trip over there to give her the money back. Most other moms will not accept the money. I would at least make the effort. If she refused. Then I would tell your dd to invite her to the movies with you and pay for it.

I have taken many little girls with us to eat, to the movies to the mall for ice cream..etc... what bugs me the most if the child does not thank me. I just think the manners are horrible with some children. When a child is polite, whether or not they have money to pay, I have no problem taking them places, knowing they appreciate it.

I would always check with a parent before putting another child in my car, even for a short drive. I am very anxious about driving other peoples' children around. It is really a safety concern of mine -- sort of like getting permission for other peoples' children to jump on the trampoline.

My son who is 12 has learned to just give me a call before doing certain *unsafe* things (ie riding his bike home, riding in cars, swimming in friends' pools). He's really very good about that and is considerate about our concern for his safety... I truly HOPE that this continues into the teen years... He has certainly been good about it so far (knock on wood!).

Our family was in an accident about 6 months ago and it really made our entire family take a step back and take notice of our mortality and the mortality of each other.

As far as the money, I always tell friends parents... "It all comes out in the wash.". It really does... I don't have the energy or desire to keep everything evened up money-wise. Most of the boys' friends that they would go somewhere with that costs money would be the ones that we do things with over and over with and so we take turns treating. It really does even out over time AND it teaches the kids about generosity and sharing.

By the way, leagra, you handled things GREAT!