what makes you think "this is the one and i will never let go" i've been with my so/soon to be hubby off and on for eight years, we have a seven year old son and we talk about getting married but i just don't know if i can do it. i love him and he loves me but it's not the exciting kind of love just the "i know he'll always be there for me and our son" kind of love. hopefully you ladies can give me some advice/examples to show me that i should get married

Please don't think I'm knocking the whenyoufirstgettogetherfeelingsoflust....but it is the short and fleeting feelings between the chemicals firing in your brain. (or other parts LOL)
I believe you know when the first time you get sick he is at the hospital hovering over you, or when your dog dies he is there and maybe a little teary too, or your get plastered and his there holding your hair (b/c trust me thats not your best moment) then he puts you in the bed and undresses you and doesn't try to fulfill any werid fantasy, How about that true and undying intimacy, I believe alot of women don't know how to be intimate. Sad, Sad, Sad.
Still, you just have to know. I did and I'm sure you will too.
I don't know you from adam, however do you think the reason your doubting is b/c you guys have so much history together? You posted you have a 7 yo DS and you've been together for eight years. Did you get pregnant pretty quickly and now maybe you are regreting the time most couples have together you didn't have. I know I'm reaching here, again b/c I don't know your situation.....Could that be it?
You have to do what is right for you....I can't really explain it though, I am not the greatest writer by any stretch but, Dh and I knew from in the first couple of months that we were done with anyone else. I hope I helped.

mrk11118 has some great points and I think she pretty much sums it all up. That rush of exciting love usually just happens when you first meet. I can't really explain how I knew DH was the one for me but I just knew. I thought about him in a different way than I did other guys I dated.He was the sweetest most caring individual I had ever met and he always made my heart melt. We dated for 5 years before we got married and I feel that it made us stronger because we didn't rush into anything and had more time to truly get to know each other. My DH and I didn't have the couple time at all. I had a 2 yr old DD when we met and even at the young age of 19 he was always there for her even though she wasn't his. Here we are 8 years since we first met and he's still my knight in shining armor(or rather my knight in dirty jeans lol).

__________________
"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

thanks to both of your for your great responses. i'll give you a little more background then ask some questions if you don't mind? we were "just friends" who obviously were a little more than that when i got pregnant. he's 31 now and i''m 40 now. at the time i thought he should just go on and live his own life and just be a part of our son's life, instead of tying him down with us and pushed him away. he met someome else, they dated for about three years and broke up because he put his son before her silly "i want you to spend time with me, not him" wishes. after they had been broken up for almost a year, we decided to give it a go, moved in together and have been together ever since. the age difference gets to me at times but he says he never even thinks about it. he's a good provider for us and always comes home when he's supposed to, etc. he had that one great love in his life years ago and i think i had mine, lol, so i guess that thread got me to wondering if you can be happy with the one you are with instead of that "one true love?" does that make sense?
i also have some issues from my childhood, (abused sexually by two family members) and am just afraid of being hurt so i probably have intimacy issues also. mrk11118, what did you mean by not knowing how to have true intimacy? can you give me an example or two? i really appreaciate any help

I believe true intimacy is when you fart during sex and you laugh and finish what you are doing. LMAO

I joke but, thats what I mean. You are yourself, not trying to be different, or impress anyone. Because you don't have to. He loves you more than anyone and knows you better than anyone. You love him more than anyone and know him better than anyone. He hears a joke and he calls you cause he wants to hear you laugh, you see his underwear is worn out and you go and replace it, cause you know his size and brand.

That is what I'm talking about. The best relationships sometimes are the one where the women is a little older...if he says it doesn't bother him then it probably doesn't. Trust, honestly and lots of great sex.
The abuse is a terrible thing and if you already haven't, I would suggest some therapy (does he know about the abuse?) Don't let horrible people take the rest of your life. My mom was raped by her favorite teacher when she was fifteen. She never told and "forgot" it until she was in her early forties. She never realized the daily life decisions she made were warped b/c of the abuse.
i.e she was distrustful of my dads love for her
and she could never let her guard down until after 20 years of marriage
she regrets everyone of those days
I am not saying this is you, but if you have never let it go, you might want to just go and talk to someone now that your older and can know nothing that happened to you as a child was EVER your fault. Seriously, I wouldn't be harping on the abuse thing so much if I hadn't had first hand experience watching my mom and dad. My mom was a great mom just a bad wife. My dad has got to be the most loving and caring person around to stick with her during all of those times. Now(its been eight years) I get to watch them and they are like teenagers! Its so sweet to see. I have never, ever seen my mom blossom as much as when she let go of the past.

wow! i'm sitting here crying, mrk11118, i read the part about your mother with great interest. that is me, waiting on him to dissapoint and hurt me like those family members did but he hasn't and i don't believe he will. i have talked to someone about the abuse and was even hypnotized last year where it all came out. the hypnotist made me realize that i was basing all my expectations on being hurt again, living like i was 6-10 years old and waiting for something bad to happen. he also made me realize that i am an adult (way over the young age) and able to cope with things now that i couldn't when i was a child and realize that i have control over myself and my body. anyway, to make that long story short, it did help me to talk and i'm in a better place now, thank goodness. i see myself in your mom and will take your words to heart because i know when we have good days ( like the farting during sex and laughing it off we have a great relationship, it's just those days when i can't let things go that i have my doubts.
thanks also for the examples about intimacy, i see that we do have a normal and intimate relationship that i plan to hang onto and cherish and yes i plan to marry the guy for sure now i don't know if anything i said makes a lot of sense but plesae know you have helped me in so many ways by your words tonight. thanks again

You know I think this post has actually given me some perspective on my marriage When I was sick last year with the stomach bug I was weak and fainting, my DH held me up on the toilet because I couldn't stop going I don't know how for the life of me he did it, because I think oh gross but you know I am glad he did and I appreciate the fact that he took care of me. He was worried about me because I was fainting and he took the day off to make sure I wasn't home alone. '

He may not be perfect at all times but you know what he does go out of his way to please me and it has just sort of hit me by reading this thread.

I find this topic very interesting as I approach my 10th wedding anniversary with my husband. We met in a college class and I always say that he "rescued" me from the jerk that I'd been dating for almost 4 years. DH & I dated and moved in together, and then, got married. I think I always felt like, "Well, we've been together for 4 years, he'd better ask me to marry him." How wise I was at 25!!!

Fast forward to 8 years of marriage and 3 kids later...my favorite Auntie, who was only 10 years older than me and who was a very good friend to me and my DH, was diagnosed with liver cancer. She passed away almost a month to the day of her diagnosis. The entire time I was helping her with her final wishes, getting her affairs in order, dealing with horrible verbal abuse from other family members, he was my absolute rock...gently reminding me that I was doing the right thing.

I was able to get my Auntie home 48 hours before she died. My husband was there with her, tending to her every need. We had no idea that the end was so imminent...she was restless, in pain, refusing medication, etc. His reponse was always, "Auntie, whatever you need...you want to shift the pillows again (for the 50 millionth time), I'll shift the pillows for you. Let's do whatever it takes to make you comfortable." His focus was totally on her.

When the men from the mortuary came and removed her from her home he was crying as hard as I was.

My point is, seeing my husband with my Auntie (at 44 years young, bald, bloated, jaundiced from her horrible disease) not even skipping a beat but ministering to her needs, absolutely confirmed for me what I'd known all along - that he is indeed, a "keeper".

jnbsmommy,
I'm so glad that you have had some insight from my very tiny view point. Glad I could help. Let me know how it continues on. You can certainly PM me anytime!!

Vicki