Ok, I'm new to the cafe' but have really enjoyed reading the posts and I have a dilemma I need some input on.

DD is in middle school this year - first year. Prior to this, she was in honors and receiving 90's plus on her report card. This year she is blowing off homework and getting 80's. Not because she does not know the subjects (for the most part) but because she is not doing the work...

So - we catch this late in the game with going on line to check grades... find out what the scoop is and set our foot down. This is unacceptable. It's OK to get 80's if you're struggling, it's NOT ok to get 80's because you have a 25% grade in homework -yeah, it was that bad.

She's in Chorus and was not allowed to participate in a function for chorus until she brought the homework up. Period. She got it all ironed out -with some intervention from me contacting teachers asking if she could get partial credit for make up work - she got full credit, but did the work late. I disagree with that, but I'll get with the teachers about that later.

She was told she could not participate in the BIG trip next year (New York) unless she carried her homework... Begin new semester and it's starting over again... incomplete in homework - she "doesn't know" why she didn't do it.. She just didn't do it....

My opinion? Let her fail at it. I got her out of #1 - now it's up to her. I told her this morning that it's in her ball court now, I'll loose the $150 deposit on the trip and I WILL cancel it (and I will) if she gets below a 90 due to her not pulling her weight and doing her homework. I put the responsibility back in her ball court to earn this privilege. I feel like canceling her b-day party on Saturday as well just because I'm so mad I could spit nails.... but not sure I should go that far at this point... The deal in the past was do it or no trip. Sometimes I feel that's too far in the future to get through her thick head... maybe something more present day would help set this in stone...????

DH is of the opinion he'll check her homework every night, ensure it’s done..., and hound the heck out of her in the process. He's good at telling if she's evading -I suck at it....

Any opinions? Ideas? What approach would you take??

I have an 8th grader and we too had a similar problem. We found out that it wasn't cool to turn in homework and being smart made you less popular. We also had problems with him changing clothes to the ratty shirts when we dropped him off, kids were calling him a rich kid ( definatly not, just a great deal shopping mother!!!) It took a year before he realized that what he was doing was stupid. He is smart enough to not study and make A's but if he did the work and didn't turn it in then that is really stupid. I think it was an age thing, at least for him, hopefully he will not go back. He now is popular because he is smart, class president, working on his eagle scout, going to England this summer with the scouts etc. Maybe like us it is just an age thing/ popularity.

I think they all go through stages, I know I did in sophmore year, I went from A's to D's.

School only has a couple of months left and as long as she is learning and not failing tests, or classes, I honestly don't think it's the worst thing that can happen. SHe will go through a new stage next year and hopefully this one will dissapear with the summer vacation.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I had one of those straight A's through elementary students that all of a sudden was pulling C's & D's in middle school. We had to put our precious little one on weekly progress reports. The school allowed the kids to carry a form to each teacher on Friday and the teachers would fill it out. Any missing homework meant the weekend was spent getting it done or there was no activities for the weekend except family stuff. If she did not bring home the materials to do it then she was just outta luck for the weekend...no phone, no friends, just us.

Middle school is rough. I have a problem with 6th graders being in middle school. I think schools should go back to K-6, 7-9 and 10-12. I really think that 9th graders have no business with 12th graders.

Good luck and good for you for staying on top of this. Middle school teachers have so many kids and the 6th graders are all new kids. They don't know their history, they don't know who is capable of better. Too many parents don't stay on top of this stuff and their kids are lost for the next 6 years.

Thanks... I'm trying. I do like the idea of a progress report of such. I have a few teachers that will communicate via e-mail when i send them questions... the one in question this time doesn't. It may be time for a sit down with her. I need to see how I can put the responsibility on DD to ensure it's all done - rather than the parent or the teacher. She can do it, she just isn't doing it. Sigh.

Thanks for the input!

were going through the same thing with the little girl I babysit. She went from all A's on her report card to 3 D's. Her dad took away her television for now.. It is so sad.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I have a 7th grader who doesn't want to do her homework either.but it doesn't mean that she won't do it.
I am not behind her every minutes of her day .but whne I check her grades online and a homework is missing .she loses priviliges(no phone,no computer,no tv,no music for 7 days....).
she hasn't missed a homework assignement in months.....
when you actually put down the punishements,just stick with them...

Parent of an 8th grader. Fortunately, no homework or school troubles. Rule in our house is homework before all else. No IM, IPOD, cell phone, texting friends, etc. before all else is done. That includes chores as well. We've taken her "technology" away once. That's all it took. She complained that she felt like she was living in the '40s and never wanted to go back to that again.

I agree that MS can be very trying to some kids. Stick to you guns, be consistent in your consequences and she'll pull through. Good school habits are something she's going to need for a very long time to come. I would not let her slack one bit! Yes, we only have a few months of school left and the weather is getting warmer, blah, blah, blah. Nib this in the bud and her future (and yours) will be much easier!

My son at times will fall behind. It kills me to see grades go down because he didnt turn in work. We have taken away the PlayStation and TV. We have instituted TABLE TIME. Without question he had to work 45 minutes to an hour an evening at the table. Whether he was reading, or doing homework, it was table time. Also an assignment book helps. He has to write his assignments of every class hour in this book (available for purchase through the school) We check this assignment book at home. When he had trouble last year we did the Blue Sheets provided by the school where the teachers had to sign and put comments on the pages. I think if a student knows you're there to encourage (and nag) them to get their work in, it helps. My daughter is ADHD and forgets to turn in homework, bring in items to school, remember band lessons. That was helped by medication. Don't give up! Hopefully this will turn around for you.