OK, long story here. A long time friend had her house burglarized back in December. The people that did it stole prescription drugs and electronics and also vandalized the house.

Well, the woman called me and told me that they caught the people that broke into her house, and of course I'm thrilled for her, but it turns out that one of the "kids" that they arrested is the son of one of my co-workers. We all live in the same neighborhood. Now, I have known this woman for about 12 years. Since her son was in elem school! He is now 20. We are not that close anymore but we shared an office for 3 years, so I do know the family well.

Here is my dilemma. Do I say anything to her about her son and that I'm sorry for what she is going through? Or, do I keep my mouth shut, because of the fact that I also know the other party involved??

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I wouldn't unless she comes to you or brings it up. I am sure she is embarrassed enough about what her son did. I know that you mean well though.

I personally wouldn't say anything at all since you know both sides of the fence KWIM? I would try to just stay out of it as much as possible. Now if you are approached by them about the situation then yes I would say I hope everything gets resolved. I think YOU are better off not saying anything to anyone. Just listen if they need to talk but other then that I wouldn't say anything.

I agree with the others, I dont think that you should say anything unless she happens to bring it up.

Darlene

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

Since she is not a really close friend I would not bring it up at all...it may look to her like gossip (which in a sense it is). She is probably mortified enough as it is and bringing to light that lots of people know will only be hurtful to her.

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

Thanks for the replies. The only reason I would bring it up is because I feel so bad for her. Even though her son broke the law, I know she's a great mom and I don't want her to feel like it's her fault as a parent.

I know you may see it as gossip, but I don't, since I know both parties involved and the information is factual. I haven't told anyone else other than DH, and certainly not anyone that we work with, and don't plan to. I hate when people spread things around.

I agree. I wouldn't say anything until SHE brings it up and only then I would express sympathies for what she is going through as a mother. HTH

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I have had kids in trouble and I have to agree. It was easier not to talk about it unless I brought it up. Some things you just don't want to discuss with anyone until you are ready.

I would send her a little card-like a "Just thinking of you card." I am sure she is embarrassed, but she needs to know that her friends will still be by her side during all of this. I have a friend who is going through something a bit similar, and you would be surprised at how many of her friends seem to have fallen off the face of the earth-and her feelings are really hurt-it's not her fault her kid was a butthead.

Thanks, thats what someone else suggested to me via email. I wonder if they make a "It's Not Your Fault Your Kid Was A Butthead" Card?? LOL

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Maybe add a note telling her that you know she is a good mother.

A card expressing just what you said would probably make her feel good...

I think you should keep quiet and not say anything. She probably doesn't want anyone to know about it and would be terribly embarrassed if she even knew that you knew about it. Unless she brings it up, you should act like you know nothing. I'm sure she's going thru a lot emotionally. She doesn't need the extra burden of other people knowing.

I agree, somewhat, with the say nothing advice. I also disagree, somewhat.

I had a teen daughter who got into trouble. It was terribly embarassing but embarassed as I was I was not going to feel ashamed and pretend it did not happen. It did happen, she got in trouble, it created some chaos for our house but goodness, I did not do it. You all live in the same neighborhood. I am sure she knows you know. So what is she supposed to do? Hide in her house, avoid you at the grocery store? I am going to toss my hat into the ring with the send a card folks. Send a "you need a hug" kind of card. Without saying the words...you son is a jacka$$...she will likely know what it means. She might need someone to talk to and so long as you are committed to talking to her in confidence and not sharing what you are told, you might be a savior for her. I am not sure how social your neighborhood is but if it is an active neighborhood she must be feeling quite small and quite scared right about now, might be nice to have a buddy to face the neighbors with.

Whatever you decide to do. Do not let yourself get stuck in the middle of anything. If the son is 20 what happened should not be a reflection on his mother, he made a stupid bad decision.