I don't post much here, but read often, and think there are some very wise people on this board. I am sorry this will be so long...I have a neighbor who is driving me crazy!
A little background:
We live in the same private neighborhood.
We have sons close in age, and take turns driving them to piano.
My husband works at our son's school.
I have been timid, and not very good at standing up for myself.

What has bothered me in the past:
She is very critical, and has no problem voicing her opinions: called on multiple occasions to complain that our dining room light was too bright,left a message on our machine asking us to change the message because she was tired of it, I overheard her husband telling my son he was not allowed to sit on their furniture (they are clean freaks, and we are not dirty people).

Frequently, when I have visitors over, she knocks on my door, waiting to be invited in.

She calls ALL of the time asking me to babysit. She has one child and works part time.

All of this doesn't sound that bad, but added together it gets overwhelming, and I have been bad at standing up for myself.

What pushed me over the edge was an incident in November: I had been very ill, with a newly developed auto-immune problem. She knew I was sick, and kept on asking for favors, and I kept on helping her out, even though I shouldn't have. Then one day I was in the hospital (She knew this), and called my house and asked my sister who was watching my children to babysit for her. She said no, and my neighbor asked if my husband would after work. My sister said NO, he is going to the hospital after work. So then, my neighbor calls the school, has my husband paged, and asks him to babysit for her!!!!

After that incident, I did have a talk with her, and she apologized. She still asks for favors, but not as often.

Honestly, I have never liked her, and always feel stressed out and anxious when she is around. Now to get to the point of this post:
Last week she wrote me a letter, and said she is hurt because I am distant with her. She feels upset with me, and wants me to meet her halfway and discuss my feelings with her.

I am distant on purpose, because I don't want to talk to her!
I feel like I am in a bad position now. I don't want to talk to her at all, but I feel like I can't just ignore the letter. I don't want to write back, because I think that will just add fuel to the fire.

What should I do????

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Eventually, you will run into her again.
Tell her you like being her friend but it stresses you that she expects you to drop everything for her family (babysitting, etc...) and right now, you can't disrupt your health to be stressed so you can't go out of your way for her. I know, easier said than done but you will get a sick feeling telling her what you think/feel and after everything is said and done, things will work out for you. Either she will stop bugging you all together or be overly-nice and stop asking you for so many favors. Just don't burn your bridges...you live in the same community and your boys hang out together.

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I agree. You live in the same community; don't do anything to get her to bad mouth you, but you need to tell her your physician INSISTS you slow down, stop doing so many things, and tend only to YOUR family. You must now think of yourself first so you will be in the best health you can be considering your diagnosis to ensure you are able to take care of your family and enjoy the time you have with them.

I agree with you guys. I have told her I only have the energy for my family right now, and she has kind of listened. The bigger issue seems to be that she really wants to be "friends" with me, and I just can't handle that kind of relationship with her. One thing I didn't mention is my previous post is that she calls me every weekend asking for play dates. My son does not want to go to her house, for various reasons. Last week, I agreed to a play date, and when she tried to insist that it be at her house, I had to tell her my son didn't feel comfortable going there, but her son would be welcome at our house. She was furious! She didn't speak to me when she dropped him off, and that is what started this current dilemma. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she just keeps pushing, and pushing...

I know I need to resolve this situation in a amicable way, but I really don't want her to think that everything is all right between us, she will never leave me alone!

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I am glad you have talked to her. If she asks about the house situation just tell her DS is afraid of breaking or getting dirty her nice things.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

It is time for you to stand up for yourself. Tell her you have been doing some thinking and re-evaluating your life. There have been some things that have bothered you. You don't want any conflicts and when these things come up you will discuss them with her in a way to resolve it. I would expect this selfish woman is going to have fits when she realizes you are no longer a doormat. One of two things will happen. Either she will understand and respect you -or- she will get so mad she will not want to talk to you anymore. Either way is fine. If she tries anything to cause trouble you just let her know in no uncertain terms you will have nothing to do with her anymore.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

The problem is there may be no amicable way to resolve this. You may be in a lose/lose situation. It seems you've handled it very well thus far though, better than I would have! Just don't feel guilty about the things you have no control over. She probably won't be satisfied until things are just the way she thinks they should be. Some ppl are just like that and there is nothing you can do to change that. Good luck and I hope you are feeling better!

Write down all that you feel. Edit it to make it sound good. Make copies so she can't say you said something entirely different.
Sent her the letter and don't worry about her anymore. You have health problems and do NOT need to have her aggravating you. If she doesn't like it maybe she'll leave you alone. I would make it clear that she is a pest if I were you. If she doesn't like your child on her furniture then she is too picky and I sure wouldn't let my child go there. She may try to say he broke something.

Excuse me but you don't have to feel quilty for not wanting to be her doormat.
Be polite, certainly.
But be firm about not being her doormat any longer.

The word "No" means just that and you don't owe her any excuses,, simply "No" will do.

People who use others as doormats seem to always be changing/replaceing friends.
That is because the doormats wake up and refuse to keep being walked on.

Believe it or not neighbors like that still keep trying to reinlist you after you say No.

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Thanks for all of your support and advice. I know what I need to do, now I just have to work up the courage to respond to her letter. I sure do resent being put in this position, but I guess maybe I am learning a valuable life lesson...

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Serenitynow~ First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

You need to do for yourself and your family Auto-immune disorders are NOT fun things to live with I know from having Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, Fibro and CVID just how hard it is to be well long enough to be sociable.

This neighbor quite frankly if she were mine I would tell her point blank you are annoying go get bent and I did it to one of mine who was using my kindness too much and its 8 months later and she has been sober 7 of those months and she apologized to me and we are working on being acquaintenances first before we go back to being friends.

Everyone has said some very good things about what to do, like I said earlier you need to care for you and your family first and foremost.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy