These are some of the most common phrases or words I hear at Bingo!

There is my 69er

Who needs a quickie? anyone need a quickie? I got your quickie who wants one? (old man selling speed games called quickies)

Profanity PROfanity PROFANITY!!!!!


Anyone else have anything to share that they have heard come out of the elderly??


I know another one about a lady in the nursing home but it is sooooo disgusting and shocking I would like to be able to stick around this board so I won't repeat it but I was floored when I was told. My husband felt ill when I told him.

Of course I think that lady wasn't in her right mind, but they say some funny stuff.

LOL at Carrie LOL

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

My Grandfather and Grandmother are probably like yours. Wealthy and have class, which is why they don't understand me at all, I have no social grace.

One day my grandma asked me if I had any popsicle sticks and I said yes. So she asked if I could bring them over cause the Viagra wasn't working!!! I laughed so hard I peed myself!

__________________
Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

You are so funny!!!The grandparent stories are so funny! Not only my grandparents and parents, but I grew up in an area referred to as "The Bible Belt" and people wouldn't say shi... even with a mouthful. So my story is nowhere as funny as yours.
Whan I was in Jr.High I would visit and spend evening with my grandparents> They lived about a mile to 1 1/2 miles from us and no one locked their doors, let alone was to be afraid to be out at night alone. I thought nothing of walking the distance home at 11 at night. As our conversaTIONS WOULD TURN TO VARIOUS SUBJECTS MYy grandfather would always ask if I was seeing any "young whippersnappers". I never mentioned any whenever he asked. then one evening he started talking about the young Robinson girls. He told me this and that about them, and my ADD must have been playing games with my attention because I asked hime where these girls lived, and when he told me I didn't go to school with anyone that lived on that road (went to high school with about 100...so everyone knew everyone). He continued to talk and continued to listen and finally after various questions about these girls I could not place them in my school no matter what. I finally asked him how old these girls were thinking they were either a few years older or younger than myself.... Grandpa replied....Well, the older one must be around 90 and the younger one in her late 80's. GRandpa was in his early eighties at the time, and I laughed so hard I thought I would die... Somewhere in the conversation that I had missed must have been the part about these girls being in school when he was my age, and not girls that were my age. I never had the nerve to tell him why I laughed so hard; but to a 13 or 14 year old the title of Young Robinson Girls does not envoke the image of a 90 year old woman!

**Not My Grandma**

I had a FUN party (For Her Now) and the lady that sold the gear was a bit on the older side. I couldn't spot laughing every time she said d***. It was like hearing my own grandma saying it.

__________________
TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I was eating dinner at Pizza Hut one evening with my mom, my step-dad, and my step-grandma. I think I was about 21, and my step-grandma was in her 70's. In the middle of dinner, my step-grandma looks at me and says "So... are you having sex?" My jaw just about hit the table! I had never had any kind of talks about anything like that with my step-grandma and it just came out of nowhere. Needless to say, I didn't answer her. I was, however, dating my husband at the time.

I've never heard an old person say anything nasty which is amazing since I used to work in nursing homes.My mom,dad,grandparents have never said a bad word in front of me my entire life, which made it even worse when I occasionally slipped one in. The only shocking thing I have ever experienced with an old person was ,this one nursing home I worked at ,had a very old lady.that whenever I walked into her room,she would lift up her gown and start masterbating .

We had an experiance at an old folks home.........Okay it wasn't my experience but a friends........ The local private (CHRISTIAN) school went to a very upscale "assisted living facilities" to sing at christmas time. Fun!! So this women went to walk down the halls and see if any residents might want the children to come by and sing a song. The director told her just to tap on the closed doors and then open them b/c some of the "clients" are bedridden. So she does. Not a soul in any of the rooms except the last door. She taps and heres "come on in", she walks in and there are three women sitting on the end of the bed. A old man and a old woman are getting there freak on...the others are just watching!!! The old guy looks up and says "honey I only have enough medicine to last for these three"!!!! Needless to say she almost threw up!!! I swear thats a true story!

__________________
Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

My dear wonderful late grandma used to call hugs "loves" - so she'd say "come here and give me a love" and then she'd give you a big hug. We all knew what she meant and never thought much of it, it was just what she said. She was a real lovey-dovey, so she was always hugging us.

Well, one day we were with some distant relation. One couple had recently gotten married and my grandma asked this woman--out loud in front of several people -- if her husband was a good "lover". She did not mean what everyone else thought and this woman just kind of blushed and awkwardly said, yes. I about died. That was so many years ago and I still remember it!

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

When I was little my mother used to take me to Bingo with her. Whenever the same numbers started coming up repeatedly, you could hear everyone yell at the caller "Shake up your balls!". My mother, ever the prude, would sit there and say tsk, tsk, tsk dirty old people... Of course I repeated the phrase when I got home but quickly stopped after my third Camay soap lollipop... Wasn't until several years later that I understood what my mother thought they were inferring.

__________________
Get Involved!
http://musicrising.org/ * http://one.org/ * www.data.org * www.amnestyusa.org

Our next door neighbor was pretty loud. She'd get angry at her boyfriend or one of her kids and you'd be surprised at the language you could hear coming from her house. Especially in the summer when the windows were open. My grandma lived with us. And she was well into her 80's at the time. She didn't like bad language and would say something to us if we just used the "s" word. One day, in an especially loud argument next door, every other word seemed to start with an "f". Out of the blue, my grandma says "it's just f*** this, and f*** that. I've never heard so much f***ing in all my life". We all just looked shocked, then we all laughed. This just sounded wrong coming out of this sweet little old lady.

__________________
I'm in a constant search for the next great freebie or deal.

This isn't "bad"but was funny at the time. My husbands grandma was in her mid 90's and was starting to have trouble getting around. When she had to go to the rest room someone would have to help her down the hall with her walker. One day when we were there with our kids she started down the hall with my MIL and suddenly farted really loud. My teens were sitting there about to die from trying not to laugh when grandma turned around and said "Now that wasn't ladylike was it?" and then chuckled herself. I think we all laughed until we were in tears.

Oh my goodness!! I wish I had something to contribute, this is hysterical. Especially mrk11118.

Our neighbor man is 80 and a wonderful person, drinks PBR beer, tells us that he had a couple..."Six packs!" The man is deaf in one ear and can't hear out of the other/..LOL
Well one night we were talking about their 5 kids and he said"When we had S#@ we didn't screw around..."

Well stuff comes out of this mans mouth all the time like this..

n ow this is n ot an old people line but up here in wisconsin a line that must have been popular when they were young still lives on in the over 70 set! it's "HOLY BALLS" or just "
BALLS"

But the other day I was in line at the pharmacy and this woman who had to be 90 had a tatoo around her ankle! I often wonder how the young with all the tatoos will feel about them in 40 years!

__________________
Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version of someone else.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

One day at work I had a grandmotherly-looking lady come up to me and ask if I could help her find a movie. I asked what the title was. She kinda looked around and then whispered "Jackass". For those who don't know, "Jackass" is a movie where guys do a bunch of stupid/disgusting/dangerous stunts and IMHO, it is funny. I figured she was buying it for a grandchild as I showed her where it was. As she was picking it up off the shelf she made a confession: IT WAS FOR HER!

I cracked up and so did she. She said she knew it was dumb and the language was bad but she thought it was so funny. We had a little chat while she asked about the availability of some other dvd's that you wouldn't think little old ladies would be into such as "In Living Color" and "Mad TV." She was one of my favorite customers ever, I never expected to discuss skits from "Mad TV" with a senior citizen(we were both huge fans of the "Stewart" character)

I wonder if she got "Jackass 2"?

__________________
Jesus SAVES by shopping smartly and using double coupons!

Back when I was in high school, my great grandma was probably in her early to middle 90's. She lived until she was 101. I don't think I will ever forget the time she was trying to be funny. She loved plants and had several ferns out on her back enclosed porch. One day when we were leaving, she whispered to me that it was marijuana and then snickered. I think I was about 15 at the time and I just about peed my pants from laughing so hard. All I could think of to say was "GRANDMA !!!" Of course she was the very prim and proper type of grandma you wouldn't think would say something like that, lol.

I still have fond memories of Grandma Kate and her "marijuana ferns". LOL

OMG some of these are so funny...I couldn't think of anything except for what my mom recently said to my brother in a huge fight...MY brother is really really mean and my mom just got so angry she yelled "YOU SON of a ***" .......LOL like MOM, thats more of cursing at yourself....she laughs about it now, she rarely says a bad word and when she does is just come out wrong or sounds weird...like she;s trying to hard....

OH OH OH OH...I know THE ULTIMAT grandma story....About 20 yrs ago my grandma rented the rooms out in her hUGE house...anyways we came to visit and she wanted to show my mom and dad some of the pretty house plants she was growing from the seeds she found from a tenant who moved away........There in the porch window was like 4 ft tall Cannabis plants!! LIke a BUNCH of them...she thought they were so pretty...I remember that weekend my MOm and aunt were trying to figuere out how to dispose of these plants...I remember one suggested burning them in the backyard, then they decided that was a VERY BAD idea and I think they just dumped it in some store dumpsters....

OMG, I nearly choked on my tea as I read this !! WOWZA ROFLMBO

__________________
MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

My Mother has shocked us a few times over her 71 years,,

I never really knew my dad, I have seen him a few times over the last 41 years,but not gotten to know him( IYKWIM)

Well,oneday while sitting around talking about much of nothing at all, all of a sudden shelooks at me, my dh, niece and my dd, she said, yall know Jimmy ( thats my dad ) and me use to "do it all night long every night " We all was speechless LOL,. what can you reply to a statement like that LOL.
I dont have a clue as to where that statement came from as we were NOT talking about anything like that LOL.I guess she wasn't listening to us and was dreaming about days gone by

__________________
MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

My grandma said the only reason why she ever watched football is because she liked those men in tight pants

Another one she told me when I was a teenager she was asking me about boys in my grandma's words her statement was " OH I use to just LOVE to french kiss when I was your age"

TMI grandma, TMI

One time in Vegas my sweetie and I went to see a variety/burlesque show in one of the show rooms. We shared a table right down front with an elderly couple. I'm guessing these people were well past 80. The show was very entertaining with singers, magicians, and such. And in between each act they had a group of topless dancers come out.
These gals are pretty much right over our heads, shaking and gyrating. The old guy looks at us and hooks his thumb at his wife and says "She wanted me to sit way in the back."
We just about shot our drinks out our noses laughing so hard.
They turned out to be a lot of fun to pass the show with.

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

These are all so funny. I'll never forget one incident when I was 12 and was visiting my Grandma for the summer. We went on a walk around her neighborhood with my cousin who was the same age. We were walking & talking and then all of a sudden Grandma asks me "Are you menstruating, yet?". I wanted to crawl into a whole and die. To make it worse she said right in front of my cousin that she had been getting her period for a few months already. We both just turned bright red and didn't say much for the rest of the walk home. Akward.

__________________
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ----Edmund Burke