I do not know if it was my mom or my grandma, but someone told my brother where we are moving to.

Most of you know the backstory but here it is again to refresh your memory:

My brother, Sam*, and his girlfriend, Becky, were big Meth addicts. Becky got pregnate but decided her baby would be invincable to her drug use. When the baby, Beth, was born she was highly addicted to meth. Beth was removed from the home and put into foster care. I found out Beth was removed about 6 weeks later. Imidently I called Becky, got the name of the social worker, and started the process of having Beth placed in my home. Beth was placed with us in Sept. 2005, she was 4 months old. She was still going through the withdraws from the drugs. To add to her problems her heart had a large hole in it. She had to have breathing treatments every 6 hours day and night. In Dec. 2005 she had surgery on her littlel heart. Now she is a happy, mostly healthy (almost) 2 year old, and known to us as DD.

In March of 2006 Sam and Becky decided they didn't care about Beth anymore and stopped going to visitions and court. After a long legal battle they have finally lost parental rights to her. They do not know this. They are currently clean, sober, and pregnate. They are doing things correctly with this new baby and I am very proud of them. However I still resent them for what they did to Beth.

Just before we found out we were going to be getting Beth we moved into a 2 bedroom home. DS1&2 share a room and Beth is in our room in a toddler bed. Since Sam and Becky are unpridectable (Sam gets very violent) when using, we have kept our address from the family for almost 2 years. Now we are moving into a rental my grandma owns, in the same town as Sam and Becky, so Beth things can have her own room, amoung other things. Someone told Sam and Beth we will be moving in.

Now I am very angry. I am not ready to deal with them yet. We are in the process of adopting Beth. She has never know anyone but us to be Mom and Dad. Now we have to sit down with Sam and Becky and lay out some rules about when they can see Beth, what they can do and say around her, and what will happen if they start using again.

Thanks for listening to me rant and rave. I feel a little better.


*all names have been changed to protect the baby and the stupid*

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

People have to get a license to drive and practice medicine.........but anyone can have a baby.....its a shame. (please don't flame me, I realize everyone has a choice to have a baby but that is the way I feel)

So glad that she now has a good home with you. Is there any way to move away? Do you want them to see to her? I have a ton of questions as I didn't know the back story.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I believe that if you still have fears and concerns about the birthparents, perhaps you need to bite the bullet and not move into the house that you are planning to. I would bet this move is financially practical to you and the fact that you want your little girl to have a place of her own for her own things is very commendable. But, her and your mental health are more important than space and things. Take that into consideration and decide what is best for you and your immediate family--DH and your three kiddoes. Good luck making a very difficult decision

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

A friend of mine had a baby with this guy. He wanted nothing to do with the baby, or her when she got pregnant. When the baby turned about 3, the bio dads parental rights were terminated (willingly). The judge told bio dad, that he would then be like a stranger to the baby. He was not allowed to have any sort of contact with baby, not so much as to mail a letter to baby. I would think this would be the same in your situation. I understand you have fears about this couple since they have a history of violence and drug abuse. If they bother you, in person, via mail, etc., honestly I would call the police and file charges against them. Maybe you could get an order of protection.

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If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers... - Homer Simpson

Wouldn't you risk running in to the birth parents by living in the same town as they do and then they would find out anyways?

Just wanted to add that I would be upset at the parents too, and I am glad to hear you love the child enough to take action!!

Maybe this is harsh on my part but I just feel they don't even deserve a chance at seeing her at all.

They should have to take a drug test before any visit and if any traces show up,they should not be allowed to visit until their systems are clean.It seems like you are being dumped with all the responsibilty ,while they live the high life doing whatever they please without any responsibility,while you do all their babysiting,parentiing.and all the dirty work for them,plus fork out the bill. Do they pay child support to visit at least?

They have, by no means, lived the High Life. Sam has been in and out of jail, they have both lived on the streets, have had no money for food, ect. I am not concerned about the safety of the baby, I am just not ready to face the parents. I knew this day would come eventualy. They are really trying to get their lives back in order. I have always been able to seperate Sam my brother from Sam Beths father. We have to move back mostly for finanical reasons. At age 2 (in 4 weeks) Beth has to have her own room. If we stay where we are the prices are WAY to high for a 3 bedroom home. We are looking at $1300 per month moving into Grandmas rental, and thats a discount because we are family. This is a nice house, at the end of a coldesac with a large backyard and in a nice neighborhood. The only reason not to move would be because I do not want to deal with the birth parents. Since Sam is my brother, and Becky is pregnate again, they will always be part of Beths life. We want Beth to know her little sister and when she is old enough to ask who her "real" parents are we will tell her the truth.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I understand your need for wanting to save money, but at what risk to little Beth? I am adopted, my mother was 21 when she gave birth to me during a time when being a single mother was taboo and when there wasnt anything to help her. She came from IL to VA to live with her Aunt and Uncle for a year, not a soul in the family except her parents and Aunt and Uncle knew she was pregnant. Her Aunt and Uncle are my adoptive parents, the reason I know this is I pushed I shoved and at 15 I was told the truth and wish to haites I never did not all reunifications are pretty or civil,my birthmom resents me for having my own children and keeping them when she was as she puts is forced to give me and as I found out 9 yrs ago my half borther up for adoption, but what she doesnt know is I did the same thing I placed a child for adoption and he found me and it was the worst experience of my life second to meeting my birthmom.

I guess what I am trying to say is the emotions involved in being a adopted child who get reunified with birth parents are immense and you better be prepared for the ramifications of doing that either now or when she is a teenager and can help make the decision, but make sure that she has the emotional support she needs not just from you as parents but from professionals.

I followed your story from day one and you honestly did the right thing taking this precious angel in and raising her in a loving caring home. I will second the suggestion of a protective order on the birthparents, I had to get one on my one son after he too fell into the meth craze and attacked me.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

Nellyhill,

I think I understand what you're saying. You want your soon-to-be adopted child to know her brother/sister, and that will have to mean being a part of the lives of the parents.

I know that $$ is tight, and it sounds like the move you are making to the three bedroom house is the only option for you. Can you look into getting a restraining order on your brother and SIL? If you can't do it right now, maybe you could look into how to put one into place down the line, if need be. I'm pretty sure that, once your daughter is truly yours, and is adopted, that she doesn't HAVE to have her own room, right? Isn't that a requirement only during the foster care period? Once she's adopted, you might want to look at what the situation is, and decide from there. If living where you do at that point seems a little too close to the situation, you can decide to leave town, and bring your daughter to scheduled visits in a public place on a regular basis, or something like that.

I have been following your story, and I really feel for you. You've been amazing. Please keep us updated!

Devinmom

How long do you think they'll keep their good standards up with their new baby? Have you considered that in the future you may be looking at adopting their new baby if they mess up again ,to keep the siblings together?Just something to think about.I hope everything goes well for you and that the whole mess can get cleaned up nicely.If the parents stay on the straight and narrow do you still think its best that Beth should be separated from her parents and sibling?Do you think that Beth will resent you later in life,for not letting her live with her sister/brother and parents?Just something else to think about.

The BPs found out yesterday that they lost parental rights to Beth. I talked to them a little and they both realize they screwed up in a HUGE way. I also let them know that they are welcome to see Beth but they have to remember she is not theirs anymore and she had 2 brothers. If they want to buy Beth a gift they have to also get one for her brothers. We aslo talked about staying clean. If I hear theya re usung they will have a restraining order placed against them. If they break it I will have them arrested and we will be moved out of the house by the end of the week, I will not have contact with them until Beth is 18.

There is already a plan in place for their next baby. If they baby is removed from the home we will be called first because we have Beth. We will take in the baby while my sister goes through the paprework to get custody of the next one. Once BIL is out of the military we will move to the same town as my sister so the 2 babys can grow up together. Keeping Beth from living with her family is not our decision to make. She will know she is adopted and told who her birth parents are when she is oldenough. After she is told she will start going to counceling to help her understand why we did what we did and how do deal with her feelings. I think Beth will resent us in one way or another as she grows. I just hope that she eventually understands why she had to come live with us.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

wow, what an emotional roller coaster for your whole family. It is so selfless of you how you are keeping that baby's best interests in mind, while it all must be tearing you up and obviously causing a lot of turmoil. Stay strong! I think what you are doing is remarkable, and I definitely think your mom's lapse of judgement did not help ANY of the parties involved. Just take care of that little girl, and pray that the BP's are able to "get it right" with the new baby.