This is a long story so please bare with me as i try to give as much detail as i can. A few years ago my grandmother sold her house after her husband died and she had a lot of money left over from her house sale. She had fallen ill and had to go in to a nursing home and she was diagnosed with lung cancer while in the nursing home and was told she only had possible 6 months to live. Under the advice from a lawyer and my father was granted power of attorney over my grandmother the lawyer told my father to dispense the money to family as gifts so that the nursing home would not take all of her money. My grandmother wanted my dad to pay off the house with the remaining of the money so that she didn't have to worry about them.
My father dispensed quite a bit of money to my brother to be put in to an account until my grandmother died and then handed back to my father and my brother said he would do that and he knew exactly what was to happen and he agreed to it. There was 3 checks handed to my brother and honestly i'm not to sure what my dad said if my dad signed them or my brother forged my fathers name on them. My father was on my granmothers checking account. The checks was blank tho and my brother put the amount on all 3 checks. Each check was to be made out to so much as you can gift so much money to people. Last year my grandmother passed away and not long after my father called my brother and asked him to transfer the money back to my father and he gave my father the run around..eventually he transfered a portion of it and then said the rest was a gift to his kids and he wasn't going to transfer the remaining 12k over. He then hung up on my dad and refused to talk to him further. My dad was very hurt and never expected his son to do that to him, but according to a lawyer there really isn't much he can do as it did say gift and can't remember what else the lawyer said. My brother and his wife are not the nicest people and have showed their hate toward the family for years, but we really didn't ever expect this to happen. He told my mother over the phone that my grandmother said he could have the money, but why didn't he ever tell my dad that she said that before she died? She was on morphine and she was out of it half the time and had no clue what she was saying most the time. She would never give my brothers kids money without giving all her great grandchildren money as well. My brother knew what he was doing the entire time and never ever told my father what he was going to do.
My father used to make a lot of money years ago, but when the business he was with for over 30 years closed he was out of a job and had to settle for a lot less and that put them in a bad spot financally and thats another reason my grandmother wanted my dad to use the funds and pay off the house. I have just been so tempted to call my brother and give him a piece of my mind over the deal about how he screwed my parents over, but i won't because it isn't my place and he would be very hateful to me and probably say a lot of not nice profanitys at me and just spew his hate all over the place. Is this just a lost cause and needs to be forgotten? I just can't help to think that there is something my dad could do to try to get it back. My dad has witnesses that heard my grandmother say what her wishes was, and heard the deal with my brother. I know hear say isn't amissable in court im sure. I just can't get over what he has done to them and it eats at me all the time. Thoughts? opinions?

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

It sounds to me like nothing can be done & take my word for it families & people get greedy when it comes to money they all fight even over little amounts. My dads death tore most of my family apart & then my grandmothers death finished it off. No one on my dads side will speak to us now. Oh well they were greedy ya know whats & now they are chicken to show thier faces to us. And heck the stuff we wanted wasnt even money some stuff we wanted from my grandmas was just my dads things that my Aunt & uncle sold off like a bed my dad made in HS things like that & we also asked to see the house one more time before they sold it they never did let us. Alot of it with my grandma was my dad paid the house off & remodeled it but since my dad died first then grandma her only living child got the house & everything else.

Its so sick I have seen families split up so many times over death & money WHY I have no idea. All I can say is I know I & my kids are better off without people like that. We didnt even choose not to speak to them anymore they choose to do it to us they were to scared we would want stuff so they cut off communication with us. Better for me I should have cut those people out of my life years ago.

In your families case the only thing I can see happening is your dad can let the brother know he will be written out of your dads will maybe then he will come around if not who needs him write him out.

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mom of 3 greats girls

First off, I'm sorry this is happening to your family.

2nd: you are right. It's not your place to do or say anything. The problem is that it's EXTREMELY important to get things in writing, especially with family. If your dad and brother had nothing signed up contractually about the money then in the eyes of the law, it's your brothers money I am sure. Especially if it said "gift" on the check. It is very sad that your brother chose the route he did Money changes people in horrid ways sometimes.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Thanks guys for the input. It is sad and it burns me up to think he did something like that. My dad was stessed at the time and he didn't think it throughly like he should have about having things written up and signed. I am sure he blames himself for that. But it is over now and not much can be done. I just feel awful for my parents that their son is so greedy and nasty. I try to help my parents as much as i can financally i give them what i can to help them out, but its all i can do for them at the time. All i keep thinking is one of these days it will come back to bite my brother.

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

I DO believe in karma. It WILL come back to bite him...I"m sure of it. You just never know when.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I agree what goes around comes around

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mom of 3 greats girls

This is so awful. By the sounds of it, your dad didn't clearly think this through. You said that your brother filled out the amount on the checks, and you're not certain how much? And maybe he even forged your father's name? First off, I would go to the bank and get a copy of those checks to make certain that it is your father's signature. If not, it is forgery, and he could get into trouble. Your dad really should have set this up with some sort witness or attorney. He really had a lot of faith in his son, didn't he? Is it just you and your brother? Too bad he didn't approach you instead of your brother.

I don't know how a son or daughter could do this to a parent/grandparent. Your brother screwed your dad, but you too. Is he willing to write the whole family off for this money? He basically is doing that.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family.
First, if a lawyer was hired to give advice, he should have drawn up paperwork. If he did not... shame on him.. If your brother signed checks and did not have POA that is illegal. When I use my mother's account ( she has alzheimers) until the bank manager got to know me I had to produce the POA and a government photo ID. This way they knew it was me cashing checks, etc.
Our family is in somewhat of a similiar situation now that there are two people who have POA for my mother and I have given evidence to HER attorney that I believe the other party has misused money...about $20,000. Once the attorney settles I hope this individual will have to pay back the money , or workoff the amount for the estate.
Good Luck to you and your family. I cannot imagine being so hard up for money. In my situation the person has a business and business has been very bad the last couple years. This year things have started to pick up. The only other reasoning I can see that this individual did this was they saw it done in their own family, and I know this for a fact. So maybe they saw a parent get away with it and thought it would work for them too....This time the family is not as dumb as the last.

I'm so sorry your family had to go through this. Unfortunately, if the money was a 'gift', there is nothing that can be done. The lawer that instructed your father to give away as much money as possible was giving good advice, however, depending on the laws of the state where your grandmother lived. Because the money give-away needed to be a gift for tax and/or estate purpose, there is no way your father could have drawn up some written agreement with your brother saying otherwise.

If I were you, I would stay out of it. It isn't your business and honestly it will probably do more harm than good if you get into it. We had a money situation in our family and DH & I choose not to be quite about it, although it was not our business. Lets just say that it didn't end well.

Money and family situations can turn bad quickly -- it's a shame but it happens more than people know.

Sarah.......mom to Jason & Devin

Sarah, I am not getting in the middle of it, my parents talk to me about it all the time, but i don't get involved i just try to be supportive of their choices. I had an awful feeling from the get go that this was going to happen and i wish i advised them ahead of time not to do it, but i really didn't know what was being drawn up at that time. Unfort yes my brother doesn't care much about his family he has really made it known now how he really feels about us. He has always had this awful hate for us and we have no idea why. Thanks for all listening and letting me rant it just has bugged me for so long. I miss my brother, but i hate him for what he has done to this family. hope that makes sense.

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

Your brother will have to live with his deceit for the rest of his life.
Try to forget about it so you don't have to live with it for the rest of yours!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I am sorry this is going on in your family. You would think you can trust family to do the right thing. We are going through this also for years!!! It really broke up the one side of the family with my aunt. I stay neutral and realize they are silly and life it to short for all this money nonsense. Money can't buy happiness! They are the ones that have to go to bed at night with their conscience not clear. Family is more important! They need to realize that! Good Luck!!!

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Carolyn
At the Jersey Shore

My parents hate to give money to relatives ,even if its just borrowing.They drilled it into our heads at an early age like a commandment to never ask for money from them,and we don't.When my grandmother died I found out through the grapevine that she left my brother and I an inheritance,they never gave it to me and I never asked for it.My mother has even told me out of the blue(for no reason whatsoever) that they were not leaving my brother and I any inheritance.(They are very well off) I really don't care anyway,as its "blood money" to me.But I can't help but wonder who they are going to give it to. My parents and I have a very good relationship,but I have to be very careful about what I say around them,because they have this big fear about people wanting their money.

I cannot imagine parents that would not leave their children the bulk of what they had, unless the children already were very well-to-do, and didn't need the money. Could your parents be telling you this so you and your brother work hard to earn financial success? Maybe they somehow think their children will become underachievers if they are relying on an inheritance. They just might be drilling this in your head, but in the end, will leave an inheritance. As far as your grandmother leaving you an inheritance, it should rightfully belong to you when of legal age.

It seems like your parents have a distorted view of money/inheritance.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

No, I don't feel its because they are worried about us becomming underachievers ,we will always be that,lol.
They are more concerned with our happiness,than our goals.
I can also believe that when they say ,we won't be getting an inheritance that we won't.My parents are very honest about everything,and when they say something you can believe what they are saying is true.
As healthy as my mom is,she will probably out live both of us anyway,lol.At 70 years old,she works out at the gym everyday,goes bowling almost everyday,shovels the driveway,mows the lawn, and manages to keep a 50 year old house looking brand spanking,shiny new.As long as I have my mom and dad,thats all the inheritance I need.

I've read the original post several times, and am still confused about the part of the Nursing Home eating up all the money. Was your G'mom afraid the staff would steal her money? Just trying to make sure I understand the situation.

thanks.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I think OP means that if grandma didn't gift all her money away, the nursing home would have taken it all up in costs. Nursing homes aren't cheap. If the grandma doesn't have money before going into nursing care, insurance, medicare, medicaid, government...someone else pays for it (don't know who for sure). Lots of people get rid of their houses and money before entering a home so that their family gets something instead of all their money going to the nursing home

OP, correct me if I am wrong

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Yes, exactly. I read that on average, nursing homes cost between $45-$60,000 a year. It would not take too long to depleat all ones money. I agree with the strategy of gifting it out, but in OP's case, it should not be gifted to just one person or should be under the guidance of an attorney.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!