Ok guys, I really could use your wisdom here. My dd has been in tears for days...over what else...the obvious, BOYS...even passing her drivers test has not cheered her up. The lastest in a long line of disappointments for her is that her junior prom is Saturday and the boy who she was going with decided to tell her Wednesday that he changed his mind and is taking someone else because he liked this other girl better. Now mind you, this is the same boy who has been at my house what seems like 24/7, calling all the time, telling dd he really likes her, etc. My dd refuses to go on her own, even though other girls will be because she is not close friends with them. She had to go to the teacher and ask if she could get the money back for her ticket (it was $50 and she went even though I told her not to worry about it) and she feels humiliated. She has had similar issues with another boy because she would not do things he wanted. We live in a very small town and we do not let her hang out in the parking lots or go to parties, etc. (there are no real activities or places for teens) She doesn't drink or do drugs and we've raised her as a Christian to believe that purity is a gift to give her husband on her wedding day. Until now I've felt confident that she was strong and have been proud of the way she has handled herself. She is a beautiful, smart and kind girl... she has modelled, is a year ahead in school and has volunteered a lot of time in the community, .... but she believes that there is something wrong with her because of these things happening. She is sad that all of her friends have boyfriends and don't have time to hang out with her much. I'm scared because she has made the statement that maybe if she'd done some of the things these guys wanted (sexual) she'd have a boyfriend. I keep telling her that its not true, but I just don't know what else to do. I have worked with teens here and unfortunately I know that there are few who are not sexually active and the teen pregnancy rate is exceptionally high. Anyway, there are only 4 kids in her youth group at church and no one she has much in common with so she doesn't have the strength of her peers. Any advice for me?

Oh Kellibelle - I have no advice for you, but I wanted to stay how sorry I am your daughter is going through this. The teen years are awful to live through, self esteem is so fragile at this age. Sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship and she can talk to you about what is bothering her - you must be doing something right! Good luck, you will both be in my thoughts.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Teens can be cruel and heartless, I see this all the time (I work with a local youth group also-church youth group). Just let her know, if a guy just wants sexual things he's not really interested in her, just her looks and sex and that will never last. God will bring the right person in her life. Honestly, maybe God kicked that guy out of the picture because he was going to try something major that night, ya know. She really sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, and being 16 and having that pressure to have a boyfriend it will come and go.

Maybe instead of her going to the dance, you guys could have a girls night out, go get facials or your hair done, go out to eat. A mother/daughter date. That way you have the opportunity to cheer her up and talk about relationships and such with her.

Like above said, maybe this all happened for a reason (even though she will not be convinced of that). I would tell her that a boy that would ditch her like that, isn't worthy of her presence. Maybe she was supposed to see how shallow he was. It would be nice to see the other girl do the same to him, then he's left out in the cold.
I really have no advice, as I would want to cry right along with her. Are there other girls that she knows that are not going? Maybe they could all go out that night together for a movie and pizza or something.
Try to be strong for her.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

My heart goes out to your beautiful daughter. The only information I can share with her is: I have two sons - aged 25 and 22. Now that they have had their h.s years (the oldest was much quieter than the younger0 and their college frolics they are looking for more meaningful dates. I actually asked my oldest son whay he was calling the girl he had dated near the time he graduated from h.s. and he told me, "BECAUSE SHE TURNED ME DOWN WHEN I TRIED THING!" Of course I gave him a look. He said he wants the type of woman he can be comfortable knowning respects herself and respects a committed relationship. One that sex is not just a sporting activity to engage in with whomever. He wants a woman he can be proud of and he knows will take any vows to heart. He's not interested in settling down with floozies.

Your daughter is a gift from God!!! She is wonderful. Please tell her she is doing exactly the right things, living a good life like God wants her to. Tell her high school is such a short period of time and to just hang in there. Tell her she will have no regrets about staying pure while most of her classmates will!!! I'm sorry the guy is being such a jerk. I have two boys (16 and 22) and if they ever did anything like that I would be all over them!!! She can google Jason Everett and read about the Pure Love club for some support! Tell her we all support her!!!

This is called a disguised gift! You don't know what you have until the dust clears and you can step back and see. A girlfriend of mine got "dumped" a week before the Prom.....she didn't put out either......the girl he went to the prom with got Pregnant!!! She was so glad it wasn't her. They seemed to have a great time at prom and seemed to be going strong and reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy rubbing it in her face that she got dumped until the pregnancy test came back positive and he dumped the prom girl for one that "wasn't getting fat" Can you believe that?!?!?!????

Just have Daddy or Grandpa do something with her that night. Make it super special get dressed up and stuff. Some times a girl just needs her daddy to remind her that she is just more than "a boys desire"! I'm telling you when I would start feeling the pressure, my mom saw it coming a mile away and all it took was my dad telling me.....cause moms just don't compete in this area!!.......dads/ granddads/ close uncle I don't know what that bond is but, it did the trick here!! Good Luck, she will be fine.

GROWING UP SUCKS!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

Exactly! I think getting the others together who are not going to the prom is a great idea! Throw a party, have more fun, get dressed up or go in your pajamas. Make it a project for her to take on, let something good come out of all of this. Or everyone can take their $50 and go on a dinner cruise or something fancy?

We all know in the big sceme of things it isn't the end of the world, heck my prom wasn't that great, but to her it is devastating. Make it a night she will never forget, but for good reasons.

She is so lucky she has a mom like you! More than half of the teenage battle getting them to talk! And I'm sure someday she'll do something that you won't be happy with, but with this great foundation and support she will always recover from her slips.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Can you imagine what a nightmare it would be to sleep with a guy like that? Or worse, be married to him? Sometimes, it's just so much easier to let a bad relationship go before it gets started.