I'm a young widow..55.(I think that's young). My husband died 3 years ago after 30 years of a truly wonderful marriage. Sometimes I get overwhelming feelings of I really can't believe he's not coming back and I'll break down and have a good crying session. I finally cleaned out his closet,,,,not all of it and yesterday I attempted to clean out his desk. He had saved all our letters and the kids cards and letters. That was hard! I know I'll see him again in heaven although I also know I won't be his wife which is crazy hard for me to believe. But here's the really wierd part. I'm getting married this summer to a man I've known all my life. He introduce me to my husband and was even in our wedding although I hadn't seen hiim for 20 years. I do love hiim but whenever I try to imagine taking down my husband's pictures or finish cleaning out his things, I have a very hard time. Loyalth and faithfulness were very important in our marriage and I guess I feel unloyal when I think of having another man in my life. My husband gave me his blessing to remarry before he died but still I have these thoughts. My fiance is very understanding and thinkd maybe I should get counseiing before we marry. Has anyone here remarried and how did you handle all the pictures, thoughts, and memorabilia? thank you

I am not a widow (Thank you God) but I am going to give you my .02 anyway.

I saw a show once about a widow of 9/11 and she was also getting remarried. Like you, her husband was friends with her fiance. They had all been friends for many years before 9/11. The fiance was also very understanding and there were pictures of her deceased husband around the house. She donated his clothes and some things to a local shelter. She allowed her self one large carton for things she wanted to keep ( cards from their courtship, his favorite shirt, his baseball collection, etc) and put that in a closet.

She said something that at first struck me as odd, but after a few days to process, I understood.

She said " Mark( fiance) knows I love him, and appreciate him and want to be his wife. He also knows that if John (deceased husband) was still here; he wouldn't be."

I think it takes a very strong man to marry a woman knowing that in her heart she loves another as well.

Perhaps you should both go to counseling and work this out as a couple before you get married. What's the rush to make it this summer?

I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to cry for your husband, as much as you want. I can also imagine it being terribly hard to part with his belongings.

Maybe you really aren't ready? Maybe you are, and just need to move past the guilt of marrying someone else.

I truly wish you the best, I do not envy your situation, but I admire you for acknowledging the possible issue.

Good luck!

I'm not a widow, but I agree with your fiance. It sounds like you could really benefit from getting some type of counseling, whether it be through church or a professional therapist. It's completely normal to have the feelings you are having, especially after 30 wonderful years of marriage, but I think that some counseling would help you to move on with your life. You need to remember that while your husband died, you are still living. I'm sure that nobody would expect you to forget about your husband, but you have to allow yourself to live again. You are such a young woman and it's wonderful that you have found love again and someone that you would like to spend the rest of your life with. How do your kids feel about you remarrying? Do they like your fiance?

I'm not sure what to tell you about the pictures and memorabilia. Maybe you could leave one or two family pictures up and arrange the rest in a special album that you and your children could look at whenever you want to. Discuss this with your fiance and see how he feels about you leaving one or two family pictures out.

Tim was only 34 when he was killed i have been a widow a little over 3 years
i still think he is coming home and when i realize hes not i freak. i had blankets made out of most of his clothes but they are in the attic i have no pictures out because it made us way to sad i know thats not normal but we all deal with it our own way. i know i would need some counseling before i remarry or maybe just another good cry who knows. i am glad you found someone who is there for you and understanding i wish you the best of luck.

__________________
Tim
My Husband, My Love....Best Dad
You Were Taken From Us Way To Soon
Forever In Our Hearts
We Will Always Love You
2-18-69 TO 12-23-03
http://www.freewebs.com/mcgrathville/index.htm

Thank you for taking the time to write. I really do appreciate your comments and maybe I do need counseling like you said. I will look into it. My children like him and although initially they thought it was too early to be seeing him, they agreed because he made me laugh and of course, I thought he was only a friend and it would stay that way. When it turned serious, they kind of had a difficult time with it but now they are very accepting. He has talked to them about not trying to replace their Dad and like he does with me, has been very understanding in dealing with their grief. I think they sense that he already loves them and they know he loves me and they want me to be happy. So...

Stellatj...my heart goes out to you!! Your children must be very young and I can't even imagine that. My youngest was 20 and she also is the one having the hardest time. She,as well as the others, loved him so, but she was just like him. He taught her so much because she thought like him. She misses him terribly. I will pray for you and your children.