Anyone ever make a decision to end a relationship despite loving that person?? However you know that it is not going to work... Despite the fact that you get along with this person better then anyone on earth, they are your best friend, your soulmate...They came along at a time that you really needed someone and showed you what realtionships should be like however, there is just something nagging that says "walk away"?? Your friends love him, your kids love him, your family loves him... But....
I have been with my fiance for four years. Have been through hell and back with him... House flooded and we lost everything, him not working for months at a time, being broke, yet stuck it out because I do truly love him. But something was done that really really hurt my feelings and I don't think I can go on with this anymore.. He got a chance to go somewhere with some friends.. something I have been asking him to do for three years but there was never money or the time wasn't right or whatever... There was always an excuse but deep inside he knew this was something I have wanted to do. Well we argued about the situation for a day this week because it kept coming up even though he kept saying he didn't want to go or would not go. He would tell me one thing about the trip yet when his friends were around it was another story...I felt like he was hiding things and doing **** behind my back because everyone else knew that he was going except me.. I was hearing something different from his mouth...
This morning before leaving for work he tells me that he wants to go and is going to go. I was crushed.. Totally and utterly crushed... BUT Kept a smile and said, "Thats good, do you think we could go away somewhere for my b day in July??" and he said, "Sure we can go camping at such and such because I will need to get the camper ready for the trip with the guys.." I just sat there shocked.. the place he wants to go with me is 20 minutes, YES 20 MINUTES from our house... to me that is no get away... I have seen selfishness in the past but this takes the cake. I just looked at him and said, : ummm sure if thats the best I get..."
I think I need to just walk away... I have put up with so much **** and all I get is a weekend trip 20 minutes away... I dont need someone to come right out and tell me that I am not worth anything more.. I can read between the lines...For three years I havent been good enough to do something with yet his stupid friends call and he is off and running...
Maybe it is PMS, Maybe I need to go back on Celexa for a while, but I just cant deal with this **** anymore... Is it too much to ask to be first in your partners life??

Yes, you should be number one in is life.
Plan your move and leave while he is on his trip.
If he is the one who needs to leave, pack up all of ihs things while he is gone.
Put them in the garage or a large waterproof box or garbage bags and put them outside if you can.
Change the locks on all doors.
If there is any chance that he will get violent, have someone with you when you expect him home.
In the mean time, pray and think happy thoughts about your new life comming up!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

He wont get violent... just shocked.. And the trip isnt until August so I will be doing this sooner...
The funny part is, all these people he is going with are family members of mine or friends I introduced him too...

Just a few questions is all....I'm not being negative towards you in any way...only trying to understand better. What I am wondering is....if you believe this person to be your soulmate and you get along with him better than anyone else on earth then why not have a heart to heart talk with him about how this is making you feel? You stated you have been through hell and back with him plus other bad times and you made it through....why not work through this? Is he being selfish right now, YES. We all make poor decisions at some point in our lives that we regret. On some level, I'm sure he knows he's doing wrong by you and that's why he tells you one thing about the trip and says another with friends around. Otherwise, I believe he'd openly talk with you about the trip he's going on. At the beginning of your paragraph you sounded like you really love/care for this man.....you have 4 yrs of your life invested with him.....are you sure you want to leave him now because he's being selfish?? Remember, I'm not trying to be negative towards you....just wanting to undertand your situation better. Maybe there's more to the story we don't know.....I've just going by what I've read. I hope this helps you on some level and doesn't discourage you or make you angry. I only have good intentions!

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#1 Red Wings....Stanley Cup winners 2008

I have tried to talk. But it led to a fight where we were up until 300 am. He keeps saying he sees my point but... There is a level of resentment. When he didn't work for the past 10 months, I sacraficed alot. I gave up things that I really wanted to do because he wasn't working and I was busting my butt to keep our heads above water... Maybe I just want someone who appreciates me or shows me that. I am not getting it now and no matter how hard I try to talk and speak my mind, it leads to a fight. I just need to figure out what I need to do. I have cried about this most of the day because I am hurt... Hurt bad..
And yes he is a great guy for the most part, just selfish at times.. and I do want and deserve someone who puts me first..

This is what I would do.First make love,then right after you get up from making love tell him, "Oh and by the way,your taking me to (any place you want to go) for my birthday.Love you, (make kissy sounds)while walking away.

Yes, you do deserve someone who puts you first. It should be that way. Your well being and needs should always come first to him.....no matter what!!! Maybe you will need to leave him then to prove your point. Have you told him that this situation has hurt you to the point of leaving him?

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#1 Red Wings....Stanley Cup winners 2008

The other night when we argued, I told him I was ready to walk because of everything. That maybe we needed space apart and that would put things into perspective for us both. He kept saying that he doesnt want to leave and doesnt want to end things. I offered him more then once the chance to walk away... He continues to say he doesnt want to...
I am just at a loss as to why and how someone could be so selfish after all I gave up and sacrificed in the past for him...

Does he ask you if he can go camping with his friends? If not, then don't ask him, just tell him thats hes taking you,and tell him where and when.

Well then, I would follow through on your statement of "needing space apart" and then maybe he will be forced to think about his selfishness and the impact it's had on you and your relationship. I sincerely hope, for your sake, that he wakes up and realizes what he is doing because it sounds like you really do love/care for him. What if he were to go on his trip and then plan a trip for you guys that is somewhere other than a campground 20 minutes away....would that make things better? Just wondering

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#1 Red Wings....Stanley Cup winners 2008

Stop blaming yourself or an illness. It's normal for someone to expect to be first in their partners life and not an after thought - particularly if you had wanted to take a trip with him long before.

Have you expressed your disappointment or anger regarding the trip? Did you remind him of his statement that you would go somewhere when you had the money? If not, perhaps this is a good time to do so!

One thing I have learned is don't expect someone to read your mind. If you want something, say it.

Also only give ultimatums if you are prepared to back it up. Otherwise, the other party does not take you seriously.

See, right then would have been a perfect time to tell him you did not like those plans. Instead you just sort of agreed to it. How can he know your true feelings about the matter if you don't tell him?

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Someone who was unemployed for that long could well be depressed, and out of touch with reality. Knowing what I do of the situation, I wouldn't move on just yet, but I would have a sit-down talk when you're both calm and able to talk about things rationally. If it's PMS time for you, it's probably best to postpone the talk, just because I know normal things can hurt a lot more then, and you don't need pain from what might have been a dumb mistake. Basically, I'd find out what he wants, what he thinks you want, what you'd both need to do to be happy, and if you can make that work.

We are talking tomorrow. He is still working and of course his friends will be here for the race in an hour. There is no time for it tonight. I on the other hand have made plans to go out with friends. I dont need to or want to be around him right now...
Thanks for all the insight... I need to clear my head and figure out what is best for me...
Are there really guys out there who do put their SO first??

Is this the same man who refused to go out and get a job and put you into a difficult financial situation with a car? Everyone else is being sooooo nice and encouraging, but I really think he needs to grow up and stop being so selfish!! And from the sounds of things, he's not really ready to.

cj/

Ah, if it is the same guy, I'd ditch him. There was a lot more negative info in that thread than this one.

Yes, there really are.

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I have some questions. Where is it he is wanting to go with friends? and approxiamtely how much will it cost? Sounds like he is taking a camper with the guys so there will be no hotel bills? Exactly what type of "getaway" are YOU wanting to go on? Have you discussed your EXACT expectations of a trip with him with him? Can you afford it? Sometimes men are REALLY dense and just don't realize what they are suggesting is just stupid, to him a "getway" 20 minutes away he might think that is a great idea. What is exactly wrong with the 20 minute "getaway" place? Unless you communicate with him in a calm manner and tell him your idea and exactly what you want out of a trip (that you can afford) then give him time to decide and think about what you have said. Then if he is not "hearing" you then maybe it's time to move on. Yes, there are many men who put their wives and significant others first. It kind of sounds like you are not communicating your needs to him, have you told him exactly how you feel? and why the 20 minute "getaway" is not good? I am curious to know how far and where and what he is going to be doing with the guys?

Dear Julie,
Reading between the lines...I sounds like this is not the 1st time something like this has happened. If it is, talk to him. Explain it like you explained it to us. Men do not read between the lines, nor do they take hints. Tell him you are hurt and had hoped he would take you.

Don't focus on the 4 years invested - marriage is/should be for life and that's a lot longer than 4 years.

It will take all the backbone you have to move on. It will hurt so badly that you will physically ache. But the pain will fade, go away and you will be happy again.

If he is your soul mate and you want to stay with him. Talk to him with your heart, don't tell him what he wants to hear, like this morning...tell him what you really feel.

Don't base your decision on this one incident - look at the whole picture. Do the pros and cons of the relationship.

My prayers are indeed with you, Sweety.
Mary

PS - The worst thing you can do is give him the "boys or me" ultimatum.

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Mary

The answer is YES. I am married to one and I thank God every day for him

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#1 Red Wings....Stanley Cup winners 2008

YES, there are! If you're not feeling first, then you need to let him know in no uncertain terms (your posts sound like you are taking a passive-agressive approach and not telling him bluntly what you expect or need from him.) If he can't give you what you need, end it now before you invest from time and effort into a deadend relationship.

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Proud Wife of an Army Soldier and proud mother of an Army MP currently serving in Iraq.


"To any critics who say a woman can't think and work and carry a baby at the same time, I'd just like to escort that Neanderthal back to the cave." - Sarah Palin

Yeah, there are guys out there who put their wives/girlfriends first. I have one!

I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. My hubby always tells me that he can't read minds and if I want/need something that I need to come right out and say it. Maybe that's what YOU need to do. Tell your boyfriend that you WANT to go somewhere XX weekend and where you want to go. He can't be expected to be a mind reader. You need to let him know, specifically where you want to go.

Good luck!

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Amy
Mom to Lauren, Eryn, Naysa
and announcing......
Gavin Michael Chase, 9 lbs 10 ozs
and 21 3/4 inches long on 10/13/09!

I agree with this poster. I remember your other post about the car. Made me furious with him! You don't deserve this and it doesn't sound as though he's changed.