OK. Here goes. My 14 yo (8th grade)daughter rides the bus to school each day. Last week she came home and told me that some girls on the bus were throwing tampons and calling another girl on the bus a lesbian. She kind of knows the girl that is getting picked on. I asked her who was doing this. I specifically asked if these 3 girls, who are in 7th grade girls, and live on my block were involved. One of them thinks who she is. Another is the daughter of a mother whose house I have been to for a party and occasionally talk to. My daughter said she didn't look who it was because she really doesn't want to get involved. She did mention that the girl who was being teased was sitting next to the daughter of a friend of mine. So yesterday we went to Sunfest. My friend's daughter (who is the one sitting next to the girl that is being tormented) comes with us. I mention to her about the story my daughter told me about the bullies on the bus. When I mention if it was the daughter of the mother who I occasionally talk to and have been to her house once. She says yes.

Now. this is the part that really bothers me. This particular mother lets everyone know of her Christian beliefs. Fine. However, is the way her daughter behaving the Christian way? What would she say if she knew her daughter was calling the girl a lesbian and throwing tampons at her?

I sooooooo desperately want to let the mother in on what's happening on the bus, but I don't want my daughter to suffer any repercussion because of what I say. Cause I'll tell the mother everything I know as tactfully as I can. I don't want to have a confrontation, but I really want her to know what her daughter is involved with PLUS it totally pi$$es me off that kids bully other kids.

SO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Judi

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Can you send her letter/email so she doesn't know who it came from?

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I wouldn't worry about telling anyone's mother anything... I think you or your daughter should alert school officials (do you have a "tip" line?) and report that the girl was being bullied on the bus - so that she can get help. This is cruel behavior and adults should focus on protecting the poor girl. No one should be treated this way.

I agree with calling the school and by pass speaking to the parents. I'm sure the bus driver can back up at least the fact that someone was throwing tampons on the bus, (I doubt anyone picked them up before leaving).

The school will probably call the girl down and ask her what happened and let them take it from there...

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

My daughter was in a similar situation last year only it was in class, not on the bus. She was witnessing a boy pick on a girl and it really bothered her. My daughter was not close to either of them. She wrote a letter detailing what she had seen and gave it to the teacher, who (after asking permission from my daughter) gave it to the counselor. I don't know what ever happened, but the counselor is a friend of mine and she told me about the letter and how heartfelt it was from my daughter. My daughter felt much better and the school must have done something because she didn't talk about the bullying going on anymore. My daughter also remained anonymous. It really empowered her. She knows she has the power to stop something she does not feel is right.

Lisa

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Think about it this way-- if YOUR child was the one who had thrown tampons, wouldn't you want to know about it? I'd want to know. How can a mother correct the behavior if they don't know?

Now as far as how to let her know-- that's another story. I'd definitely let the principal know-- and tell him you want the mother called. Good luck.

Holly

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It seems like the kids who are the bullies have parents who wouldn't want to hear it, kwim? Us parents who wouldn't allow our kids to do that have kids who wouldn't do that in the first place.

I love the letter writing idea, write it and give it to the principal. Great idea!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I understand what you are saying, though I don't necessarily agree. I think many of us would be shocked at some of the things our kids do when they are away from us, particularly when "mob mentality" comes into play.
Personally, I would appreciate if another parent pulled me aside and let me know if my child were misbehaving or treating another child in such a terrible manner. However I realize not everyone is like that so I guess the safe course of action is to let the school know of the occurence.

OP I think it's great that you are considering standing up for this child.

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As I was reading this, all I can think about is the poor girl being picked on. My first and foremost thought is talk to the parents of the girl being picked on. I mean such horrible things being said and being attacked by tampons is embarassing and upseting. I am betting this poor girl has not confided to her parents of how she is being treated. She could really be enduring emotional damage from such behavior.

If I were you, I would contact the victims parents first. (If my daughter were being tormented and I didn't know it, I would be more than grateful of anothe parent to let me know. I want to be there for my children, ya know?)

Then, for the 'mean girls'. I would first put in a call to the school bus driver. The driver should not allow such behavior and hearing from you as a parent of a non-involved child will express concern verses confrontation. Personally, I wouldn't want my daughter (even thou uninvolved) having to 'see' this type of behavior. Next, depending upon how the bus driver chooses to handle the situation, I would put in a visit to the school principal and ask to remain anonymous.

I think if you advise the mothers personally, that it will bring out the mother bear, meaning she will sling mud at you rather take correct measures. * Especially if you come at the mother with "This particular mother lets everyone know of her Christian beliefs. Fine. However, is the way her daughter behaving the Christian way?" The mother will more than likely first defent her daughter and then defent her beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're saying with that, it's just that she will probably not take kindly to it.

JMO

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First, I really appreciate and respect everyone's opinion. That's why I love this board so much. I have been reading all the responses and have been mulling everything over in my mind before I make some sort of move. I asked my daughter yesterday if anything happened on bus. She said no.

So this morning I get a phone call from the parent of the girl that sits next to the girl who is being bullied. She didn't call me about this, but we eventually got on the subject. She sheds a little more light on the girl being bullied. Not really sure what the home life is like. The is a questionable situation with her parents and my friend. I hope this is clear.

Anyway, I tell her about you all and what I asked you and she said she'll talk to her daughter after school today and get the whole story. Then she said she is going over and talking to the religious mother. She lives around the corner from me. She won't even consider talking to the school anymore. They have been no help to her in the past.

So I don't think I'm personally going to do anything myself. This mother wants to take care of it. The fact that her daughter is the one sitting next to this girl makes more sense. I'll keep you posted!

Thanks for listening (reading),

Judi

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