So we are sitting here over morning coffee and chatting ...

BACKING UP:

last night DH found out he has to work the midnight shift tonight, so, his boss will not be able to leave work today early to take his Mom for an MRI because there would not be enough coverage in the office.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS MORNING:

as we are sitting here talking... DH's boss has a brother. The only person that helps the boss's mother is the boss and his wife and their sons! Not the boss' sibling! wth??

As I thought further about it... my Dad....I have 3 other siblings, and I and my dh/dds are the only ones that take care of my Dad...get groceries, cook, help clean, fix the house, include him in activities, etc! wtf?

It was like that for my Mom (the youngest of 9 kids), all of her siblings lived nearby, yet my Mom was the only one that would take my grandma to the doctor, get groceries, etc...


What the heck is wrong with all of this? Why does it fall dependent on 1 child (usually the youngest) no matter how large the family is?

Does it happen in your family too?

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SPJRNTGADL!

I think it usually falls on the oldest - or maybe that is just the case in our family. DH does everything for his mom - even though his sister lives with her. I do a lot for my mom - but my brother lives 3 hours away. So I know what you are saying. But in some ways I'm glad there are 3 other siblings griping about how you are doing stuff you know? DH and I are both the oldest sibling in our respective families.

It's the oldest here, too. My younger sister lives 12 hours away and youngest brother lives close, but is very self-centered and irresponsible. It falls on me.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I am the oldest of 4 and it's always up to me...

I do it out of LOVE but, feel like I am being taken advantage of due to my siblings being so selfish...

I'm the oldest and it always falls on me. Now in dh's family it is different. Dh is the firstborn son (3rd kid out of 6). So everything falls on him.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

I think everyone handles things differently, and taking care of an ill family member is very difficult at best. It upsets me when other family members don't help out, but, that is there problem. I do what I think is the right thing for me to do, and I'm setting an example for my children.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I live 12 hours away from my parents but I would definitely be carrying my portion of the load if I could. I'm the youngest of 6 kids and the 3 that live near my parents are there all the time helping them. the 2 that are a bit farther away visit as often as possible and I can only get home 2x per year. I'm planning on going this summer to stay for as long as we can all stand each other to help out. My folks are getting to the point where they need to be thinking about moving to an assisted living situation because my mom can only do so much and dad is practically crippled with pain. It's so sad to see them like this. Sorry to get OT, but we all do what we can and for some it's more than for others only because of proximity.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

Ugh we are dealing with this situation its all so mest up and it makes me SO ANGRY why do some get to goof off and play dumd etc.... while the responsible ones get to do all the work,

I so wish that they would volunter their help even some of the time instead of NEVER!

Oh this post is so on the money to what is going on in my family these days it just hit a nerve...

I have 2 brothers, my dad and my uncle and I was the only one who took care of my grandma. When she was alive I would go help her and at times I will admit it bothered me knowing that I was the only one doing anything for her or with her and I would complain and now that she is gone I wish she was here.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

I'm the oldest and I took care of mom until she got sick THEN the others pitched in until she died then everything was left to me again.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

Interesting how everyone who answered this post thinks they're the responsible one.

I have noticed with my DH's grandma that she will call his uncle for help when he lives 30 min. away, while we live 10 min away and she seldom calls us for help. Maybe she is more comfortable asking for help from some than others.

I am not the oldest though... I am in the middle.

my DH's boss is not the oldest either...he is the baby.

It's just sad really!

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SPJRNTGADL!

Guess I'm the odd girl out in this post. Both my sister and I helped and took care of my parents equally until they passed away. We never argued about it and both of us did what needed to be done. When both our parents did die, everything was settled without any bickering of who gets what or anything.

well, My father is the oldest and he does everything for his parents and his parents always do everything and favor my uncle My grandparents paid for everything for my uncle including rent and insurances and if they couldnt afford to pay his rent (hes 48) he would call my father and my father would pay it for him. Well my grandpa had to have hip surgery and where was my uncle???? He never even went to visit him in the hospital. But dont worry my grandparents or father dont have to pay for him anymore HE WON THE LOTTERY luckily for him since he never worked and now he has enough money to get him through life without mooching anymore Dont worry he didnt share or even pay my father back all the money that he owed him

I see this happening all the time with my job. And alot of times, there is 4-6 kids and NONE of them will help. They are to busy with their lives,kids,church or job to take the time to assist their parents. I am so thankful that this county has transportation for these folks or they would never be able to go to the grocery store or dr's office. my sister and I both watch out for mom. Dad died in 84 leaving mom alone at age 49 so she has taken care of herself for a long time but now that shes in her 70's shes slowing a little but not much.
one of us takes off to go with her to the dr's each time she goes.

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Well, when you have to fly 1300 miles to care for a sick parent when your siblings live within five minutes, yes, I think that is being responsible. I know each situation is different, and as I stated in my original post, everyone handles things differently. Some people just can't handle seeing a parent or loved one in a debilitated or weakened state, and choose to "ignore" it. I can't speak for everyone, just myself. And,I know for a fact that my siblings all think THEY are the responsible ones in the situation. I beg to differ, at times. I can honestly say they have ALL done "something", and that is what it takes, no one person doing it all, but all doing something.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

kinda strange but around here it seems to fall on the youngest my dad the youngest of 2 kids always took care of my grandma bought her car, paid off her house put air in the house, paid for my grandpas funereal. well my dad died before her so any money she had was left to the uncle, then thiers my mom she does everything for my grandma she is also the youngest of 2 kids my uncle wont do jack he lives 30 mins away & you would think it was on the other side of the country he comes over maybe once a year, my mom even drives grandma to his place just so she can see him at xmas & you guessed it she is leaving every last dime to him!!!

Then thiers my immidiate family I am the youngest & I did it all for my dad took care of him tell the day he died oldest in my family no one has seen since my grandma died 2 yrs ago she is absent from our lives all together. I am the only one who goes to see my mom my brother has to many other problems & I like I said my sis is just in her own world I guess.

So yes I do think it always falls on one kid sometimes the oldest & sometimes the youngest!!!

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mom of 3 greats girls