I guess you can say this is a vent

I always have the parties at my house (4th July, Mother's Day, Easter & etc) and most of the time I pay for everything, i have to call everyone and plan it. The only time I don't is on Easter, Thanksgiving, & Christmas.

When we have a get together it is ~

me, DH & 7 daughters
sister, boyfriend & 5 sons
my mom
MIL & BIL
brother, SIL & 7 kids
brother, SIL & 6 kids

plus a few friends

This year I decided not to plan the events and see who took over and noone did. All they did was wine to each others and my mom told them I cancelled the holiday LOL
Would it hurt one time for someone else to invite everyone over to their house??

Just like on Mother's Day my sister kept calling me and asking if we were doing anything. Why didn't she just call up and say " Why not come over to my house for dinner??"

Sorry I didn't mean to wine LOL

OK I did THANK YOU for letting me vent!!

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

I would LOVE to have parties! My SIL hogs every holiday, we don't get to have any with the family here.

A couple of years ago we went to Maine to my Mom and sister's for Thanksgiving and we have been doing it ever since. Driving 5 hours is better than having to spend every holiday in SIL's stuffy house.

Sorry you're stuck with the bill for everything, that isn't fair. Doesn't anyone ever offer to bring a covered dish? I would ask that the second I was invited?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

We don't have any family that live locally, so I don't have that problem. I do host an annual Christmas party for our friends though. I love doing it. My best friend holds an annual Halloween party, too.

Holly

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Forgiveness is love in its most noble form. -Anonymous

That's a lot of people, and I can see how expensive that can be. Maybe in the future, send out invitations that say "bring a dish to share" or flat out tell people what to bring. Maybe they don't know??? I, personally, would not go somewhere to eat without bringing something TO eat, kwim???

Also, if you don't feel like hosting the next event, call someone else and say "hey, Sally, I'm not going to be able to host the annual Memorial Day party this year, would you mind taking it this time??? I'd be glad to help you coordinate the food and such, but, just can't have it at my house this year."

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Yes... the above posters make good points!

Now that you have put your foot down one time, it will probably sink in that you will no longer be doing them every time. Maybe you can have a rotation that you go through as to who will hold the party at the respective house.

In our family, this usually falls on my MIL because she is the Grandma to all of these kids, enjoys entertaining, and her DH is ill and can not leave the house.

We ALL pitch in and bring dishes and help with preparation. It really is a team effort.

Hopefully you'll be able to change the traditions just a little bit to make it easier (and less expensive!) on yourself and be able to make everyone happy!

When we lived in our tiny house we never had holidays there. Now that we have moved we typically have everyone here. For the major holidays (Christmas-Thanksgiving-Easter) it is my family, DH's mom lives in another state and his Dad converted to Judism so there is really no celebration of these holidays on that side.

Summer holidays we always host, we have a huge in-ground pool so everyone assumes we love to host...I don't mind but I have learned to let people pitch in on the food. It got too costly, so now it is more of a potluck.

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

Anytime we ever go anywhere we take something with us! Do all people not do this? I know my SIL took some things to a party and the host was offended and was acting really cruddy to her the rest of the evening pretty much ignoring. My SIL just wanted to help out.

I just wouldn't feel right if I didn't attempt to take something or help out in some way, clean up the mess afterwards or something.

My other SIL INSISTS on doing T-Day every year that is "her" thing and she enjoys doing it, my cousin tried to take over one year and guess what? It didn't happen. Made my cousin mad and she didn't come that year but oh well.

In my family, my mother or grandmother would arrange holidays, but all sorts of things would be assigned to other people. My mother-in-law hosts things now (no longer live near my family), and we have a similar setup, where everyone gets a task and/or something to bring. I suppose that's how I thought things were in other families, too. Do you think your family would object to being told to bring a jello mold, or set the table? Is it possible that they truly don't know how to go about things?

You could still do the events and have them at your house, but assign EVERYTHING out. Since it's at your house, maybe do the paper goods, and then for example, if it's a bbq, assign everything out, like drinks and chips - pasta salad and vege tray - fruit salad and hotdogs - hamburgers condiments, and buns - that way it's not too pricey for everyone, but you are not footing the bill for everything. We just did this on Mother's day, but we had the paper goods and meat, then we assigned everything else, it wasn't family, though just friends, but our family does the same stuff... It's implied that if we are invited, we are contributing...

HUGE shock after we had our first son, we were now officially a family and REQUIRED to bring a dish to pass...AND we usually got told what to bring!! No big deal to me, in fact, I looked at it like a challenge, what can I get for free?? And then I would ask if people liked it...telling them well, it tastes so good because it was (fill in the price) or free! That usually got a laugh and it was a open conversation to couponing!! (I now get inserts from people who don't often get time to coupon...as if it takes soooo much time!!)

dawniedawn ~ good for you for putting your foot down!

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Wow, OP, that's a huge group to be hosting! Lots of kids! My mom and I pretty much split up the hosting and we always pitch in when it's not at our house.

I know a large family that does a drawing for hosting. At Christmas they write down each holiday that they want to get together for over the upcoing year and then each sibiling picks from a hat. Of course some volunteer to do extras and some siblings end up trading each other the holiday that they drew, but this really works out well for them. The hosts know way in advance what they'll be responsible for and the rest of the crew knows where they'll be headed for each upcoming holiday!

We live out of state of all of our family. We do not have the party problem that you do. I think that for a little while I would like the chance to host some things at our house. In fact, we are trying to finish our basement remodel so that we can host some parties and have more room.

I would def. tell people they had to bring something or tell them exactly what they had to bring. That is usually how we handle it with the events we go to. Also, I would never show up at a house without bringing something, even if it was family.

Darlene

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.