Not a misprint.
My mom and man I know as and is legally my dad were childhood sweethearts. At age 18, my mom meets an older man from out of town, and is swept off her feet. She elopes with this man to another state, leaving my dad brokenhearted. 2 years and 2 babies later, my mom realizes she has made a big mistake. She returns to her hometown. She reunites with my dad almost immediately. As soon as her divorce is final, they are married. My sister and I are legally adopted about 6 years later. My dad always wanted to do it, but as a young couple with three little ones, money was tight. My dad's father, who was initially very opposed to my dad marrying my mom, is the one who paid for the adoption. My sister and I have always known the story. No one talked about it. It was simply not an issue. Some people close to us know the story, but many do not.
My children are among those that never knew. Neither do my sister's kids. I guess I felt it would be pointless to tell them as this is the man who took responsibility for me and raised me. He is their grandfather. I think I felt it would be disrespectful to tell them, as if I were devaluing his role in our lives.
Today my dad brought me some legal documents I needed as we are planning a trip to Canada. I put the envelope to the side and I proceeded to show my dad some vacation pics. DD got into the envelope. She saw my birth certificate with my 'old' last name on it, not her grandpa's. Also the legal adoption papers.
She didn't tell me until later that she saw them, and figured out what they meant. She was shocked. I guess I can uinderstand her feeling that way, even though this issue is so old and far away to me and my sister.
I apologized for her finding out that way, and spent a long time with her talking it out. I explained that in my heart, my dad was my dad, and I didn't think what those papers said made any difference to us. She seems to be getting it and seems to be ok about it. She is 15 BTW, and mature. I feel very badly that this came out in this way, and that maybe I should have told her sooner? I am not sure. I don't know whether to mention to my dad that she knows; I think it would hurt him. I don't think he has even mentioned this to his GF of 4 years (My mom passed away almost 5 yrs ago) as she has made comments on how much my kids look like their grandpa. Now I don't know- doI tell my DS, who is 12, and not mature?. I could use some perspective on this- I am hoping it doesn't turn into a big deal around here.

First I think your dad is one heck of a man and a great father!! A big hug and pat on the back for him!!!

I don't think you did anything wrong by not telling your DD. She found out for a reason and now must be the time she was ment to know.

I think I would wait to tell DS until you think he is ready to for it.

I would tell my Dad that DD found out and that doesn't change anything with her or them.


HTH

__________________
Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

I am adopted by my dad. Whenever I say that ppl stare at me like I'm crazy!! But, its true, my dad adopted me.

My mother was married to a man that turned out to be an abuser and she left the second she found out she was pregnant with me. The man who became to be my DAD met my mom right after she had me!! So he has always been in my life!! Yeah for men like that. Every heard the song by Brad Paisley,"he didn't have to be"....it always chokes me up.

My DD's don't know anything about any of this b/c no one ever thinks about it. He is my dad end of story. I will tell them eventually but, not until they are a little older. Point is your dad is your dad is your dad. End of story. I don't think it will hurt your daughter in the long run.....In fact I think that in a world where so many men don't step up and take responsibility its good for her to know that there are great men still out here!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

My mom was adopted by her grandparents and I grew up with them as Grandpa and Grandma. I was 15 when I asked her about the name my Aunt called her. She tolded me the story (she got sick and was expected to die without treatment and my natural grandma was also very sick) and I thought it was neat to have an extra set of grandparents.

I would tell the 12 year old the story of how you are truely loved by your dad.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

I have a similar situation. My mom was killed in a car accident when I was 5 and baby sister was 3. My dad remarried and my "stepmom" became the only mother I have ever known and have ever loved. To make matters even further complicated, she was married prior to my father, and had a son of her own. Now that we are all adults with our own children, some of our kids have 3 sets of grandparents as a result of this. I made my daughter fully aware of the whole situation when she was about 8. She started putting the pieces together and asking a lot of questions. My mother was not too happy--old school--kids don't need to know everything. I had a different take on it. I wanted my child to know that "mother" and "father" have nothing to do with biology. The person who loves, nurtures and cares for you when you are sick is your true parent.

I think you daughter is now questioning her own "family tree". This is really important to girls--especially at the age of 15. Boys don't much care about things like this. Just keep talking to her about it and reassuring her. I'm sure it will all turn out ok.

My husband is adopted and our sons have known about it since they were little. I think things like this need to be brought out in the open just as normal conversation and that way it's not a shock (like your daughter is experiencing right now). When your daughter is older, she may need to know what medical issues about her birth grandfather are. Your son even though he may be immature, IMO I think you should tell him.

BTW, just wondering -- you mentioned that your birth certificate has your 'old' name on it. When you're adopted, you get a new birth certificate with your adopted parents name on it. Just wondering why yours has your former last name instead of your adopted name.

I agree with total honesty. I would tell your son. I tmay slip from your daughter and then he would be angry she knew and he didn't. Also don't be surprised if your kids some day might want to find yor biological father. Everyone wants to know who their roots come from, so they maybe curious. It doesn't mean they don't love their grandpa, they might just want to know genetic things.