here you got it...
how do you handle sibling swho are constantly arguing and bickering?
I am really fed up with my 2 dd(13 and 5).they are always pushing each others buttons,and all day long they are at each other "throat".it is getting old.
dh is working 2nd shift.I am a "single mom" .the kids don;t see their father during teh week ,but only on fridays and saturdays.
right now he even works on his days off.
so I am the only one with my 3 kids.(my son is staying out of the whole squabbling thing,he is 10).and the summer vacations start on friday...
I just send them to their rooms.I am tired of being the referree.
I even warned my 13 year old,that each time I hear a peep out of them ,they are both sent to their rooms for hours.and believe me I will do it.(already did it once....)

any advice?

I am so sorry but, I have no advice to give.....my 10, 8 and 6 year old DDs are bickering all the time lately and I feel more like a referree as well....Seriously where the heck is Nanny Stella when you really need her!! I just hope that its a phase and I am not a "sister" but all the women who I have spoken to about this subject have said that they fought like cats and dogs with their sisters until they were 17/18 and then they were the best of friends!! Mine might not make it that long though...LOL.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I was hoping there was an answer to your question!

I have the same problem, mine are almost 4 and 5 and if I have to hear my son whine Ericaaaaaaa one more time, I'm gonna scream!

Sorry no advice, just sympathy.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

yeah ,I am not alone!!!!!
I fought like heck with my sister ,and it is true that we get along very well now(I am guessing, that being on 2 different continents helps...)

I had a very similar prob w/DS #1 and #2, only 18 mos apart in age and *totally* diff. personalities.
I had a small powder room and when they were younger I'd send them both there (to jail! ;-) to work out their prob and not put all their fussing on the rest of us. There was only one rule: they both had to come out alive, no physical harm done to either, and could absolutely NOT! come out till they *really* settled things twixt themselves. (they were sent back many times for not truly settling things, but just faking it ;-)
They would end up talking about how mean and unreasonable I was, and I dunno if they forgot & forgave each other for their fights or if they just bonded over how miserable a parent they had ;-)
But it worked, oy ve, how it worked!
DS # 2 is 7 years older than DS #3, and they also used to fight a lot. When I only *began* the small room lockup w/those 2 , DS#2 warned #3 about how I could hold out longer than any kid, and I never had to employ jailing them togther very often ;-)

MZ

I think it is just human nature; I have a DD17 and a DS 14 and, man, do they fight.....tell each other they hate each other even, sometimes. Makes me more sad than anything. I try to use the old "when your dad and I are gone, you will only have each other...blather, blather, blather,.....but that has not ended it. Then, I just stop and think about how my four siblings and I fought when we were kids and how we all outlived it and grew wiser. Just gotta hope that happens with all of ours too.......
Guess the best news for you, OP, is to know that you are definitely NOT alone, it has nothing to do with you, they will NOT get to the point of fratricide, and they will outgrow it.

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Have the courage to be yourself.

I was hoping to find an answer when I opened this thread! lol My husband has been working in NJ since Sept, I'm alone with four sons 13, 9, 4, and 2 pick pick pick pick I told hubby he's going to have a couple less kids by the time I get up there too. My uncle and I fought alot I was an only child , he's 7 years older than me and we was kinda like siblings. My dad and my uncle are 14 years diffrence and my Dad thinks my uncle can do no wrong. I'd send them to their rooms but it'd be so much better if we had a 6 bedroom house so everyone of us had our own room...... I might come out of mine sometime..... maybe hehehhe

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Not a big issue around here lately, but when they were younger I would send them to each other's rooms. My DD hated being in her brother's room and knowing that her brother was in her room looking at and touching all her stuff. It led her as the older child to model better behavior and avoid the bickering that would lead to this punishment.

I would have to say that they are bored and need for mom to find them something to do...something that neither of them enjoys. I am surprised by the age difference in the girls, in that they are fighting. Does the youngest one just want her older sister's attention more? I know with my two younger ones (8 and 12) they are constantly bugging the crap out of their 16 year old brother just to get him to pay attention to him. Typically if he relents and plays a game or something with them they are good for the rest of the day.

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

Well, when I was younger, my mother would lock my sister and I in the garage to 'work it out', which translated into my older sister smacking me around for awhile until I finally gave in. I do not suggest putting 2 children in a locked room at all. When we got older (Ie when we were both 15 and 17), she tried paying us $1 a day to not fight. It just made us get more creative about not fighting in front of her.

My sister and I fought til we were married. Now we are good friends and talk every day.

My dd, 14, and my ds, 6, bicker and bite constantly. I just seperate them when they get bad. Send them off to their rooms til they are ready to be nice to each other. It usually works for a little while. Yours have a big age difference like mine do, so they don't usually like to do the same things, right?

Holly

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Forgiveness is love in its most noble form. -Anonymous

Sending the kids to their rooms like you are will really pay off. It works... at least with my boys 9yo and 12yo. Neither can stand it.

I tell them to punch their pillows if they feel like they need to hit something.

So keep it up! You are being a good mom.

My DD 12 and my DD 4 are always at, along with DD12 and DS 10, and then DS10 is always fighting with DD 4, and DD4 fights with DD3, then DS 8 fights with DS 11. It really weas on everyone.....Lately when they fight, I make them face each other and they have to say 3 nice things about each other, then hug for 3 or 4 minutes, sounds weird, but I was desperate one day, and it's actually worked for them, we've had a lot less fights......

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O-H-I-O

My mom made us hold hands for thirty minutes and stare right at eachother. Which led to eye rolling and eventually giggles.....it never took us thirty minutes to get over it though...usually about 10 minutes before the eyerolling began!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

Make the 13 y.o. volunteer at the library a few hours every day and the 15 y.o. get a job (babysitting, fast food, ice cream stand, theater, etc...) seriously, it's the only way to keep your sanity! My sister and I are 14 months apart and we are lucky we didn't kill eachother during the summers or even after school. We fought and fought until about 22/23 The only time we could really stand eachother is when we had jobs that kept us away from each other. She worked at the drive-in for the summer and I worked babysitting and eventually when I turned 16, I got a job as a cashier at a grocery store. Now that I have a child (and one on the way) she really values her time with my family as she is a career girl and I am a wahm. HTH!! I bet the 15 y.o. will love the extra cash and the 13 y.o. will love being able to get out of the house and do something other than fight with her sister.

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When my kids were younger this is what I did....I sat them both down & told them I was tired of their fighting..I told them they will not be getting any more warnings from me...They are already know better not to to fight. This is what I did..

I sent them to their rooms...They had to stay on the beds..No playing with toys, listing to music, reading, or watching tv..no talking or singing...If they asked when they could come out of their rooms..I told them they just got a extra 10 minutes for talking.

When I let them out of their rooms I told them each time you fight I will double the time out...I stuck to my word & their fighting stop..They did still argue but it was a peacful debate no raising their voices or no hitting each other.

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Oh you are SO not alone! My dd's are 7 and 5 and I swear it started the day I brought my youngest home! I am a sister.....and let me tell you my sister and I fought viciously for years! We'd kick, bite, scratch, pull hair (we both had nice long hair), slap...you name it we did it. BUT it all stopped when she went to college (I was sixteen) and from then on, we've been the best of friends. I'd stay with her in her dorm and go to parties with her.....you'd never know that just a few years earlier, we hated each other!

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wow,the 13 year old is about to get home in a few minutes.the 5 year old is not in school yet.
and the bickering will start.they do not hit each other.it is just words and yelling.and the huffing and rolling eyes.....
I am sure the 5 year old wants more attention from her sister.

thanks for your input ,I will try diffrents things you suggested,and we will see....
we are spending teh summer in a waterpark ,so maybe they will get too tired to bicker(only one can hope!)