I'd just like to ask a question regarding how far you would go in minding your own business in a situation before you would consider getting involved. Here's the story:

I have a neighbor across the street who is a single mom with two sons who are 15 and about 3 living with her. I do not personally know this woman, and I have no first hand knowledge of her activities. However, my daughter's friend dates the 15 year old and has spent a lot of time at his home with him. I hate that my daughter's friend spends so much time there because the boy's mom is rarely home, but that's another story altogether.

The problem is this: the girls have told me that the boy's mom is a druggie. She goes out to party with her boyfriend quite often, and she takes the three year old with her and spends the night there. One day she came home when my daughter's friend was there, and the girl came over to our house when she left there. She told my daughter that his mom reeked of marijuana and had needle marks on her arms. I guess the boy has told this girl a lot about their home situation, and he is scared. However, he is concerned that if anyone finds out how bad the situation is that he and his brother will be sent to foster care.

When this woman is spending the night partying with her boyfriend, she takes the three year old, thus this 15 year old boy is left alone at home overnight much of the time. I have seen her come home early in the morning to take him to school several times. Sometimes she can barely drive - she turns in the driveway really slow, stops, goes on a bit, stops again. My husband watched her come in early one morning and couldn't believe it. He said at one point she had to stop the car, open the door and just sit there a while. One morning I took my daughter to school and came home to find this boy standing on the front sidewalk looking up the street waiting for his mom to get there. She was late, and he was going to be late for school. I was just about to go out and ask if he wanted a ride when she finally showed up.

There are also times the mom leaves her car at home, and he drives it. This boy is 15 with no license. I'm not sure if he has a driver's permit, but he is driving alone and not with a parent in the car.

I'm sorry this post is so long, but I am concerned for these boys - I know a 15 year old is old enough to go to bed, get himself up and ready for school himself, but I feel his mom should be there. I hate to think what it's like for that 3 year old to be around people who are partying and doing drugs. The situation is awful, and I'm concerned. BUT since I have no first hand knowledge of this, do I just mind my own business as I have been??? Would you do something, and if so, what??? The more I see her coming home in the morning acting so out of it she can't drive, the more worried I am for her children. It's so sad I am really wondering if minding my own business is such a good idea! I'd really appreciate your feedback.

Well, if it were me, I think I would feel obligated to report her to social services. I think she definitely needs to be investigated. Honestly, she sounds like she is at a bad point in her life and needs some help!

They won't take her kids away from her if she is not doing anything wrong. But.........obviously she is! She is neglecting both of her children. She leaves a 15 year old at home alone and even worse, IMO, she is taking a 3 year old around with her living her "party life". She needs help and if you call and get social services involved...you WILL be helping her and most importantly--her children!

Good luck with your decision and please keep us updated! It truly bothers me when children are being abused--and that IS what she is doing to them!

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Mom to a beautiful 15 year old DD and my handsome little man who's 6!

~~~GO DALE JR!!~~~

Kids come first. Her kids are at risk and if she is driving drunk/high when she takes her boy to school then she is putting everyone else's kids at risk, too. Call social services- tell them the bare facts--don't embellish or use "alarmist" wording. This is what I saw. This is what the teenagers are saying. Social services will take it from there. Sometimes foster care is better than "home".

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Lyn Clarke

You need to report this woman right away. Would you honestly be able to forgive yourself if something happens to that little girl while the mother has her out partying and driving with her in the car knowing that you may have been able to prevent it, but did nothing about it? Just think of all the things that could happen to that little girl - she could be sexually abused or raped by someone her mom is partying with, someone under the influence could end up killing her, she could be abducted, she could end up getting into some of the drugs or alcohol, mom could wreck the car with her in it, she could end up going down the same road her mom is on when she gets older because that is how she was rasied, etc. I know I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if any of those things, or something else, happend and I did nothing to prevent it. You say that you don't have any first hand knowledge of things going on, but you can see that her car is gone all night with her son home alone, you see how she pulls into her driveway and enters her home barely able to walk, and you've also seen her 15 year old son driving the car by himself. Even without the information your daughter and her friend have given you I think those things alone give you enough information to know that something is not right and you should intervene.

In regards to the 15 yr old there is nothing social services will do as far as him being left alone a lot...unless there is no food, he is abused etc. The three year old is another story altogether. There are red flags everywhere in the situation. You have the responsibility to protect not only these kids but your own as well. What if for instance this woman is driving while impaired and hits kids going to school?

Just a little story from my past here but when I was growing up I had a friend who was being abused horribly by her mom. As a kid, my cousin and I thought selfishly and didn't want to tell because we did not want our friend to be taken away. When the situation got really bad we both told our parents and while they were sympathetic they did nothing. My friend did "survive" growing up, but led a very painful life. She died last summer in a horrific car accident and it haunts me to this day that she never knew a moments peace in her life because of her childhood.

I would call today!!

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

You have already received sound advice from other MC'ers. You are about to receive more.

I completely agree with other posters--REPORT HER TO SOCIAL SERVICES--------TODAY!!

If nothing is wrong, then the kids will still be in her care. However, if there is something wrong, they will step in and do whatever it takes to make the situation right for the children involved.

And that is where your concern should be--the kids!

Those children have to have some kind of support system--Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles...where's the Father?

I can't imagine a 3 year old getting high. (I wasn't born yesterday, so I know that it happens but...). Imagine this: the baby wakes up before her drug induced mother at someone's house and finds a used hypodermic laying on the floor...and being like a little one...starts playing with it and accidentally pokes herself with a used needle.

Dangerous and STUPID--but it can happen!!!

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SPJRNTGADL!

I agree with all of the previous posters. Help the kids and possibly help the mother as well...she might get treatment and things could turn out wonderfully!

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Think about helping out with cancer...
Join the Relay for Life

Call now! I worked in a day care center in the early 80's. Little Sierra used to come there dirty and hungry, often in the same clothes for days at a time. We would bath her, feed her, and she would come back in the same condition next time. Her attendance was very sporadic at best. We knew things weren't right but the day care center owner was afraid if we turned her in and nothing was done, she would stop bringing Sierra and we would not be able to do what little we could do for her. This little girl was so sweet and loving, she loved to be held and rocked. Well one morning I came into work and the owner was there in tears. Sierra died that night in a house fire. Her mom had left her alone to go party and left a fire burning in the fireplace. Apparently some ash flew out and started a house fire.

you need to call Child Protective Services NOW do not wait.

I waited too late on one of my old neighbors and they got away with abuse they moved out after CPS came in and the child was shot by the step-father whent the child tried to protect the mother from the beatings she received daily. I felt guilty for many years after I found out he died because I shoudl have called the first time he came running down the apt stairs crying that his mom was bleeding and to call 911, why the cops never did anything I never fully understood, but I think it had something to do with the fact the step-father was one of them in another county.

I called on my next door neighbor and CPS charged them with neglect and they now live with their grandmother the parents live there too under strict rules.

Please help these children save them from becoming abusers themselves as studies have shown that abused children have tendencies to become abusers in their later lives.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

those kids need someone to speak up for them. Maybe your just the person to do it.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I am sorry, but I think I have to wonder about the truth of all of the things coming from the girlfriend? I really wonder how she even knows what marajuana smells like and how did she see track marks on her arm or even know what they were? To this day, I don't know what it smells like.

I am sure her boyfriend is mad at his mom and granted she isn't a great Mom, but you don't know if it's true? Maybe she is going to a boyfriends house and taking the baby, you really have no idea if she is doing drugs ir not?

Teenagers can make up some wild stories and they have no clue of the consequences.


Just a thought.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I used to do Child protective Services. I would make a report if I were you, however keep in mind that they will only be able to investigate what you persoanlly have seen or heard, anything the girlfriend has said is hearsay and cannot be used. So you know she leaves the son alone overnight, 15 years old is old enough to be left alone, but not overnight. I know in the state I worked you had to be at least 18 for it to be overnights, I am not sure what your state requirements are. You know that it APPEARS she has come home and is under the influence of something AS EVIDENCED BY her inability to stand up out of the car, her inability to barely walk to the door, staggering etc. You know she lets the 15 year old drive the car by himself without a liscense. You know that she takes the baby with her and comes home APPEARING to be under the influence, so she has driven the car with the baby in it while under the influence.

Make the call.....Nuff said

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

As a teacher, I would be required by law to report. Even if I weren't, I think that you have enough suspicion to make a call. If they investigate and find not enough evidence, you would still feel better about yourself for taking a stand to protect children you feel need protecting. What can b e bad about that? If Mom is totally innocent, and cares about her children, she should be happy to know that others care too! Listen to your gut and your heart....

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

There are many different ways to handle a situation like this. Doing it the "right" way means help for the family and doing it the "wrong" way means no help and maybe harm. If I were you I would contact Nar-Anon and have this young man also go to professionals. Perhaps you can call a treatment facility and ask how to go about doing this. You don't want to alienate the boy or his Mom. Sometimes drug addicts know they have to change and welcome help other times they think they are living perfectly fine and resent any attempts at help. This woman has to understand how her lifsestyle and addictions are affecting her family.

I am against calling any authorities that could remove the children from the home unless the children are being abused or severely neglected because I feel putting them in foster care or something would not help the Mom and would harm the boys.

If you really want to help please do consult professionals. I was in this situation with a battered woman. I called the Women's Shelter they had a whole packet of info for just this situation and I am almost positive that drug addiction treatment and assistance centers would have some type of info or program to help.

Good luck with this. I hope that something straightens that Mom out. I know lots of people who used to be like that and have been clean and happy for five, ten, even some people who have been clean for twenty years or more. Nobody is a lost cause and I believe that deep down inside unless someone is a sociopath or psychotic they realize what is wrong about their lives and would like to do something but are scared and don't have much confidence in their ability to succeed.

When someone reaches out in a loving nonjudgemental manner it often works wonders.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Reporting is anonymous... I had to call a couple of times when I was teaching and being from a small town, I wasn't sure at all that they would be able to keep it quiet but they did and the children were better for it.

I'd call and let them investigate and make the decision.

It is for the welfare of the children.

When Social Services goes out to do an investigation, they offer services to the family if there is a need , they will connect them to the professionals they need to be referred to. They do investigate, but believe me they do NOT want to take the children if at all possible. It is their job to offer services and give parents the services they need so the children do not have to be removed. My DH is a drug/alcohol/gambling addiction counselor (I have also worked in the field) typically there are no programs that go to them, they have to be willing to come in to see someone. If they refuse treatment offered by Social Services, then Social Services can take them to court to get a court order for them to get services, if they still refuse, then depending on the situation would be whether the children would be removed or not, usually they look with palcement with a relative first before considering taking them into custody. Removing the children is a last resort. There are many programs that the mom can seek on her own if she is WILLING that are free, such as AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) NA (Narcotics Anonymous) then there is help for adult family members through ALANON and NARANON and for teenagers there is ALATEEN, the ALATEEN program is a group just for teenagers (I used to sponser/run a group). All programs are free and Social Services will have available a list to give the family if it is appropriate. Depending on your area will depend on whether it is anonymous, where I used to work if was anonymous, but we always tried to get a name and number in case we needed to get back to the individual after starting the investigation to get some questions anwered or perhaps they could give additional information. You remain anonymous to the person being investigated, the Social Worker investigating will NEVER, NEVER give out the information that you called. However, alot of people can guess who reported them, it cannot be confirmed or denied by the Social Worker. Some states require that you give your name or they won't take the complaint, they will not give out the information though. You will not be given any information regarding the situation after the investigation, if you leave your name, you might be told (depending on the state) whether or not they found a problem, but no details can be given due to confidentiality, but you must leave your name and a way to get in touch with you if you want to know the end results. Keep in mind that an investigation can take some time, we had 45 days to complete one, with initial contact to be made within 48 hours if it is not an emergency. if it is an emergency then they would go out immediately. Hope this info helps.

My SIL is a DCFS investigator ( Department of Children and Family for the Sate of Florida) They do not just snatch the children outta the home. The offer services and they work with them not against them to help put everyone in the family back to rights. If this mom has her children taken from her....then she didn't do much work at all to deserve to keep them. Does it suck to break up a family, yeah. But, don't you think a mom that is addictive to some type of drug or alchol is abusive in itself. The drug at any given moment can be more important than the child itself. I don't know how many children have been passed around for favors to dealers or other addicts b/c they were able to fix "moms" high. Pretty sure I'd rather those kids be in a group home or a loving foster families house.

Biology does not make you a parent.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

This is a no-brainer: you need to make the call.

My two cents...wait...putting on flame retardant suit...

There could be an explaination. My step daughter once told something like this to a friend when I was going through chemo...there was drugs - but nothing I wanted to take!

As a teen this also happened with my mom where someone took something I said the wrong way and they did take me and my brother to social services - when we belonged at home. It was truly a nightmare and ever since then, even if it was something that should have been reported I NEVER talked to an adult about what was going on in my home life - good or bad.

Not saying that something is or isn't wrong...just that you are hearing all this as hearsay...which like the telephone game can leave alot to be desired.

Sara

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saraedawson@yahoo.com

Mommy to Jake, Alexis, Abigail and Joshua, Wife to Matt

Any update?

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!