My niece is having a hard time at home. She has had her boyfriend over while my sister is at work, admited to having sex twice (but I think its way more then that), and is having a serious attitude towards her parents. Yesterday was the limit. My sister and her Dh were awaken with a call from Boyfriends parents saying he took the car and left a note telling them not to worry. Parents then asked if Niece was home. Needless to say, Niece went with him. They took my sisters ATM card, pulled out $300 and drove 6 hours to the nearest large city. Boyfriend called his parents when they ran out of money and his dad flew out and drove them home. While they were gone Sister got a call from another mom saying the same set of kids (plus other moms kid) tagged the local skate park before leaving. Sister works fulltime at the airport 40 min. away. The big kicker they are military and Dad (my BIL) leaves for Iraq monday at 1am. We have decided it would be best for Niece to come stay with us until school starts up again in Aug.

I have no idea how to handle a 15 year old girl. My kids are young (8, 6, and 2). Please help (I know I will be posting a lot of questions over the next 2 months). Any advice on how to handle her or what to expect as far as emotions go?

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

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Gee I am not a mom but took in trouble family all the time.

Let her be a kid again...she may regress. Offer her TRUST first until /if she breaks.

keep her busy...how far away are you from her home?

Not to be the downer here but, do you think it's best to take care of your niece right now? I know you must really want to help but your kids a really impressionable right now and are really going to be looking up to big cousin. I really don't mean to be the downer but, I don't think taking the authority away from her parents for the whole summer is the best thing. I do think it would be good for her to have somewhere to go for a breather....I dont have the answer for you and your family. I hope the best for your niece, 15 is a terribly hard age as I seem to remember!! Good Luck girl you are braver than I.

Maybe some responsibility would be good for her.....like some volunteer work or a job. I remember I was getting into trouble when I had time to. Especially when I got bored! Maybe giving her that self-assuredness will be just what she needs, self-reliance and some confidence.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

gotta agree with mrk on this one. If I had 2 kids are young as your youngest, I would not invite my niece who's been in trouble to stay with us.

I do think she needs some responsibility. Maybe working to help those less fortunate or cleaning up tagging in the city. If she gets bored, she gonna get in trouble no matter where she is. Good luck

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I would say set some boundaries. Let her know what you expect from her and what rules are to be followed. Tell her exactly what you will not tolerate. Give her responsibilities (li.e. volunteer work at a shelter or soup kitchen) and activities to keep her busy.

I would also say make her feel welcome and not a liability. Give her a chance to show she can change. You just may be the person to turn her life around. Sometimes a change in enviroment can help.

I commend you for stepping up and offering her a hand. I'm sure your sister is grateful too, she must be stressed from this as well as her husband going to Iraq!
Good luck to you, I really hope things work for all of you.

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I'm vaguely remembering that the two year old is also a niece or nephew? I think that you are to be greatly commended for agreeing to take these kids in and working with them.

Hopefully, you can set some boundaries (ie counselling, getting a job, curfew, etc) without disrupting YOUR home. If things are not working, I would also hope that you will be able to immediately send her home....

I'd be sure that there are some things laid out with your brother and SIL before agreeing to it.

Also...

Why is her mother not able to handle this on her own with dad gone? Is some of this acting out *because* dad is leaving and going to Iraq (that really scares kids)? Would this be another disruption in her life that could actually send her over the edge (feeling unwanted, etc.)?

Teens are hard... With hormones and a boyfriend who is willing to go to this extent to be with her. Yikes.

personally she doesn't need to just get away with her behavior if I were her mother I would press theft charges on the atm withdrawel

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Yes, she needs to pay mom back.... Thus the utter necessity for her go get a job and make restitution.

As a mom, I'd not call the police this time but I'd make it be a wakeup call be making her life miserable for the entire summer.

I don't think that an auntie can do that though. I'm thinking of my own sweet nieces though.

as the mother of a teen (16), I would NOT take in my niece or nephew who was in trouble with her parents--especially involving theft of any kind--money, atm, or car!!

Teenhood is something that parents work themselves up to... you haven't "graduated" to our level yet. lol... (sad but true)..because you have little ones still.

It's a whole new set of problems complete with attitude to go with it.

She needs to remain with her parents and face the music and be held accountable for her actions...she doesn't need a "vacation"--which is, in essence, what you are going to give her.

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SPJRNTGADL!

OH I have to agree. After going through what I have been through with my son over the past week not to mention the BS from the past YEAR or two, I would think long and hard. If she isnt listening to parents why do you think she is going to listen to you? Not trying to be mean, just honest, It could really wreck havoc in your home.
BUT if she does come, PLEASE PLEASE make her feel welcome. Give her a bed, a room if you can, her own space... And love her...

Good luck, because you're going to need it. Definitely set boundaries and make sure you ENFORCE them. Have consequences for her actions. Give her plenty to keep her busy. Make sure she realizes she's not at your house for a vacation. I'd put up all monies, credit cards, etc. and lock them up. Help her find a job. Is she going to help pay for her living at your home? A teenager is very expensive. I agree with the other posters on everything they've said.

Is she coming to your house with 'attitude'? It's obvious she hasn't had many rules and boundaries at her own house, so she'll probably really get attitude when you set out strict rules and consequences. Definitely don't back down or she will walk all over you.

You know we're here for all the questions you'll be asking. I think you're really taking on a big task and your sister should be very grateful to you.