I dont even know where to start I have told few people what is going on and I just cant keep it in anymore my heart is breaking and I dont know what to do.

My father who lives in Florida is 77 yrs old on March 13th he underwent major surgery double knee replacement, which is very rare to be done. He basically pushed the envelope. He was supposed to be in the hospital and "Rahab Facility" (which is the PC word for nursing home) for a total of 45 days and then home with Physical Therapy.

Well he is not home and he is not getting better the first nursing home literally tried to kill him, they ignored him, they catherized him and left him in bed and he wasnt getting the PT like he was supposed to, He got bedsores while there and they began feeding him mushed up food like baby food to prevent pneumonia. On May 4th my mother who will be 85 in August went to see him and his room was empty of course she thought the worst. The man who brought her since she doesnt drive went to find out what was going on, well come to find out my father had a heart attack and they sent him to the hospital. They never bothered to call my mother , they went to the ER and he had been there over 6 hrs at that point, it just ticks me off they never called her. The nursing supervisor was appalled at my fathers condition and Adult protective services got involved in part because of me. Dad was in the hospital 2 weeks he did suffer a mild heart attack and he also had pneumonia. At one point they were going to send him home with nursing care but of course the insurance compnay had their say and said no. So they decided to send him back to the nursing home, Mom put her foot down on him going back the one he came from and thank god when they discharged Dad from the hospital he went to another nursing home.

He was admitted to the new nursing home May 18th and he actually likes it much better says the food is great and Mom says the staff is more attentive which sounds good. However he is not doing well, he seems to be confused and not know people sometimes and he has fallen out of bed a few times. They are giving him his PT daily and taking wonderful care of him. But based on what the meeting they had last week about the possibilities of my father coming home it doesnt sound good, my mothr cried on the phone today when I talked to her.

It truly sounds like my father is not going to live much longer and my mom said today that she is sorry but there wont be as much in my inheritance as they wanted to leave me. I dont care about that I care about my father. I want to go down there to see him amd I want to take Stefan in hopes it might jump start him and help him gain back that spark and stubborness he usually has. But i keep hearing no dont come down. We even discussed moving down there, My DH can go with the company he is with there are 9 properties within a 50 mile radius of my parents home and three we can live on the site and the other 6 we cant as they are all adult communties but he has a job but all I hear is no dont come. My heart is breaking I know my health is a concern to them and money is also a concern, but we knew this surgery was an envelope pusher there was a chance he may not come out anesthesia even we put away enough money to get me and Stefan down there on a plane and home and I can use Dads car while down there and I have a friend who can get me from the airport. I dont know what to do right now I am confused.

I also have a 21 yr old son who got himself into some lega trouble in CO that could land him in jail for a long time its stressing me.

The 19 yr old that I disowned in KS we just found out spent time in jail for aggravated assault and is once again homeless with his GF who is pregnant and got kicked of the National Guard not due to the arrest Warants from VA he has but due to his PSychaitric problems he refuses to accept. GF also has psychiatric problems and is getting no prenatal care and neither of them should be allowed to parent a child.

At least my 17 yr old and 8 yr old are doing good.

But I am stressing and could use all the prayers and maybe some advice about my father and mothers situation.

Thanks everyone

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

That is terrible and it is so hard to be so far away. We will be thinking of you and your Mom and Dad, praying for strength and perseverance.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

If you feel like you need to go visit your mom and dad, I say go. If your DH can hold down the fort, then go. Believe me, been there , done that. You will feel much better seeing things first hand.

good luck.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

You have so much on your plate, I am sorry you and your family are facing all this. It sound to me as if you would rather go visit your Dad. If so, and it is possible, I say you should go. You will kick yourself later, I would be willing to bet, if you do not get to seem him before he passes. Let your sons and DH decide individually what they want/need to do in this regard. With so many situations going on in your life that you have absolutely no control over (meaning your adult/grown sons who have apparently made some poor life decisions, your Father situation is something over which you can, to a certain degree, control. Meaning, it is your decision whether to go or not. Your heart and gut will help you make the right decision for you. (My guess is that your Mom would probably love to have you there but because of your own life issues, may not want to "burden" you with the trip.)

In any case, my prayers are with you and your family.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Go Christine, Go!!!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I say GO! I know that old men get stubborn sometimes and dont want anyone to see them like that, but my grandfather (77) just had a 2nd hip surgery and was not doing well afterward, and I went to see him and you could tell that hes upset to be seen like that but if you make them feel comfortable I am sure that your presence will make him happy and maybe fight harder. I will keep you in my prayers.

I have been researching plane tickets online to see if I can get myself and Stefan my 8 yr old down there reasonably and so far it looks like it would just be easier and cost about the same for me to drive. But Stefan I think has SOL's still at school its the testing the schools are mandated to do under the no child left behind act to see how they are doing. School is out June 18th I might be able to wait until then but am not too sure. One thing that might hold me back is my Doctor I am on blood thinners and recently the levels went out of whack and I am back on the weekly blood work schedule and I dont know if they would allow me to go for maybe two weeks without testing.

Colegirl~ My father was stubborn before all this and now he lost his stubborness and that bothers me.

Thank you all for the prayers and good thoughts hopefully between all the forums I am on all the prayers will do something I am off to look at more flights and maybe the train.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

Sending prayers your way. You definitely have many stressors to deal with at this time. Stay strong & don't be afraid to reach out for help!

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We're off to never never land

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

As a Nurse Practitioner who works in Rehab Facility I can tell you that some facilities are much better than others. I have over the years worked in over 16 facilities and I have never seen anyone purposfully ignored. If that was the case you should immediately speak with the Director of Nursing or Administrator. It sound like your father might be experiencing what is called Acute Delerium related to anesthesia, pain medications, urinary tact infection and quite possibly depression. Double knwee replacement surgery is done all the time but not knowing your fathers other medical issues it's hard to assess whay he is haviong all these complications. By the way, they fed him mushed up food (called puree) because he might have been aspirating due to his delerium or weakness. I am sending my best wishes. Don't give up hope I think he will pull through. Establish contact with a Unit Manager, Social Worker, APRN or PA who can give you frequent updates on his condition. My experience has shown me that most parents don't tell their children what's really going on. Kind of like when we were kids and didn't want them, to know what was going on. Best wishes.

Do you have an update? I hope things are better.

Do you have a friend who could go with you?
It sounds a little dangerous for you to travel alone with a child.
You need someone who can help you with your health issues while you are gone, especially if you drive.

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

June 1st @ 3:56 am my father passed away. DH, DS and myself rushed out of here Thursday night May 31st after my mom called around 8 pm telling me they had to re-start his heart twice that day and that they thought there was brain damage and he wouldnt make it.

We think we were in SC when he passed we made an effort to get there I didnt get to say goodbye and everyone says I wouldnt have wanted to see Daddy in the shape he was in. Hes in a better place and will be with Mom 24/7 as he was cremated, he wanted no services etc. We did him proud with his Urn/Box, its Georgeous Wooden with his name and dates engraved on it, it opens to blue velvet with another box inside with his ashes so that Mom can carry him with her to the rec. center when a hurricane hits. I purchased a small about 4 inch tall silver urn with white peace doves and blue sky engraved on it. By the time we left at 6 pm last night he wasnt yet ready for pick-up, so Mom's neighbor will mail my urn to me.

Anyone who has elderly parents please if you can go to their home while they are well and be sure you know where everything is, we thought we knew from what we were told and it was far from it. We found paystubss dating back to Dad's first job in 1950, found out he was indeed a US Veteran having served n the Navy, after he told me for years he never served in any branch of the military. WE found over 20 life insurance policies we dont know which are good which were replaced by a new company etc, thankfully there is a great attorney and Mom has a great neighbor in Nancy and others in her complex, they have taken care of her for 3 months getting her where she needs to go since she doesnt drive. Even after scoruing through all nooks and crannies we were still finding things of interest and some things I had asked about for my genealogy reasearch and was told it didnt exist.

I guess bottom line is be sure that you know where everything is, make sure it is organized and understandable, my father preached that to me forever and he is of the do as I say not as I do mind-set it seems no telling what else maybe found.

We are planning on moving to FL to be with my mom, she is in an all adult community so we cant lie with her, but we can live near her with a transfer from DH's company to one of 9 properties in a 50 mile radius of her home but only after we get ours fixed up and ready to sell and sold which lately nothing is selling in this neighborhood.

Thanks everyone for the prayers etc.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

You and your family remain in our prayers...

__________________
"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Christine,
I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope that your home sells quickly so you can be near your mom.

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

My prayers are with you at this difficult time.

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I am sorry to hear of your loss and I am sending hugs and prayers,

Shirley

I just read this thread and wanted to send my prayers to you. I have lost both my parents and know how how hard it is. I'm glad you made a decision to go down to be with your mom, as she needs you now. When my FIL died 9 years ago, he left us a nice inheritance, and we had the opportunity to buy a house.

I found one within 15 minutes of where we used to live, which is the same town as my dad lived at the time. He was not well, and I was close enough to pop in every day and tend to his needs, and he also got a nurse once a week, and an aide 2 hours a day, and my sister lived in the same town also.

He died five months after we moved, but fortunately he had end stage COPD and knew he was dying and he and my brother had all the financial stuff laid out. So did my FIL, in a binder, all thet e insurance policies and what not and instrucions for what DH was to do after. he had put accounts in both their names so we could access them, and everything. But even so, dealing with an estate is exhausting.

again, my prayers are with you and hope you are physically feeling well, and taking care of yourself, as you need that to care for your mom.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

I am so sorry to hear about your father. I lossed my dad 3 years ago and still cry once in a while because I miss him. I hope your boys get their lives turned around. Stay strong and keep your head up.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers