We have just lost a close friend, he was murdered by 2 men on Friday evening as he worked at a local video store here in Sanford, FL. This was his 2nd job he only worked 1 night per week to get some xtra cash to do stuff with his kids and buy them xtra little things. He has 3 children all boys 6yrs, 3yrs & 25 days old!

We are all in shock...Much anger as well, how could such a wonderful loving person be taken so tragicially. Over a few bucks in the register that he would have given them???

I need help guys...please I am trying to think of a nice gift to give the family, flowers are great but I would like it to be something they can keep. Anyone have any creative ideas?

I am also thinking about starting a trust fund account for his wife & kids... She has already said she has to go back to work, but also has a baby only 25 days old!!! My heart just breaks for them all, I just cannot imagine where I would start to pick up the pieces & continue forward. Their anniversary is today as well

Sorry, I just needed to get some of this off my chest... Any help & prayers for the Shaver family would be greatly appreciated!!!

Thank you all!!!

Prayers go out to you and to their family too. I had a good friend murdered years ago, shot in the head then his body rolled up in a carpet then dumped in a ditch. It is so unnerving, it shakes your whole world up, makes you question why/how something like this could happen, you will be going through a range of emotions over the next few months yourself as well as the wife. Money is probably going to be an immediate need, sometimes it takes awhile for life insurance to get paid (did he have life insuance). Then there will be funeral costs. Maybe you can help the mom out by getting her/driving her to get food stamps, WIC, energy assistance, she may not know about the programs and she may not be able to do it on her own right now. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your friends!

Immediate concerns would be helping her get through the next few days of the wake and funeral. Helping coordinate food donations and making sure you are there to lend a hand with whatever is needed. The kids will need to be dressed, bathed, comforted as will his wife. The hardest part will be when the funeral is over and the reality sets in... that he's no longer there. If you are in a position to be the one she can come to for help that would be wonderful. Don't ask "what can I do?" - just DO.

We just buried my father in law Saturday. And if I had a nickel for everyone who said "if there's anything I can do, call me" I'd be a rich woman. Things need to be done. Friends need to just do these things. Be there for the widow after it's over.

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I totally agree. It seems like a nice gesture to say it, but, honestly, at times like this, people just need you to DO, not let them come to you.

How about a tree planted in his honor?? The kids can water it and fertilize it, etc.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I agree with the others. Take the kids, bathe them, feed them, ect. The Mom aslo does not kow how to pick-up the pieces and continue forward. Before the funeral there will be lots of people around to help. Be sure to be there after when everyone gets back to their everyday life.

If you have time gather up photos for her and make a scrap book. Or take them to get put on a DVD with music. This can be expencive for a good one, the ones that charge $1 per pic do not do a very good job at all. Pictures and memories are all she has left of him now. These kinda things are priceless.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

Setting up a trust fund that others can contribute to and keep going is great. May I also suggest that you and other friends/family of this Mom and 3 boys set up a schedule to go in, maybe once a week, for the next six months, to help her with cleaning, cooking (take a day where you can go in and cook up enough stuff for a weeks worth of frozen meals), relieving Mom for some "me" time....and, more importantly to let them all know you remember and miss their dad and husband too. In cases like this there is usually a huge outpouring of support...but that quickly can dissipate to nothing. The support group you set up for weekly visits will let them know that your love and rememberance will remain also. I know most or many of you will have families and needs of your own, but if you set it up right, even with just 3 other people to help it would only be a one-day-a-month commitment.

Bless you for wanting to take them in your care. I will keep you and their family in my thoughts and prayers.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Thank you all for your input & wonderful ideas. I am making a list of all your ideas so we can put a plan into action. I think planting a tree will be a wonderful memorial for the entire family & friends. Maybe we can even get a rock or plate made to put onto the tree.

Many thanks for your prayers, if anyone has any other input ot ideas please let me know. I greatly appreciate everyone's support in this trying time

Oh, forgot to mention that his spouse has mentioned that she would like to have 5 white doves released at the funeral to signify the 5 of them. Does anyone know how this works or who I could contact?

TIA for any help!

I would think if you called the funeral home (or any other that performs funeral ceremonies) that they would have this information.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.