I was so excited this morning because I get to go see my son today!! However I got a call from the nurse at the detention center who warned me he would probably fall apart when he sees me because he has not slept in days and isnt eating... Tried to call ex husband over the weekend to get permission for his to have a sleeping pill and the darling EX never called them back...
He is the only white kid in there with 119 black and hispanic kids. In a facility to house 80. Guess he is learning all the street smarts he didnt have when he got there.
As I am getting closer to the time to see him I am feeling sicker and sicker...

hope everything goes ok

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

Hope you both do ok. It must be a really tough time for you right now. I hope you're able to enjoy the visit with your son.

Remember "THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS"

Those words have helped me so many, many times. I hope they help you. I'm praying for you both. Keep us updated.

Maybe I'm jaded from having worked in a detention facility and in law enforcement, so take my opinion for what it's worth:

Teenagers are the world's greatest manipulators. If he thinks that by acting pathetic and not eating/sleeping he will somehow get out of the facility he will do it. Oh yes he will!

So what if he's not sleeping? His body will eventually give out and he will sleep. If he doesn't eat then they will force feed him by putting a tube down his throat or wait until he passes out and start an IV which will provide adequate nutrients and fluids. Remember your son is not there for having sang to loud in the church choir!

And another thing, if the facility felt it necessary for your son to have sleeping pill (and I don't know any facility that will give those out with out written orders from a doctor) then THEY should be contacting the legal guardian (your ex) not you. That is not your job. I realize that you are devastated by this turn of events, but a child does not usually end up in dention for a first offense. I think, (and again this is my opinion based on MY experience working w/ juveniles and other law breakers) you may be an enabler for his bad behaviour and would suggest family and individual counseling.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I'll keep you in my prayers. I can't imagine going through what you're going through.....hugs....

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this.

Hugs and Prayers, Shirley

I probably will get flamed for saying this, but I just don't see why anyone would post a reply here unless it was to give support to her.


One of the posts would NOT give me any comfort!!!
I like to think about how I would feel if it was me!!
Thanks to all who the kind people did post nice things for her.

I'm with Grannyshirl - I don't know why that person posted what they did - what the motive was, or how they expect the op to benefit...

Julieoh, don't forget - you are the only one who actually knows your situation - don't let anyone make you think that they know better. In another time, another place, maybe that stuff would be relevant. But it's not your baggage.

Please keep us updated. We all care!

Sometimes the truth hurts.
Maybe it has to hurt to get your attention and understand everything.
Life isn't always easy.
If I would have taken some tough advice concerning my son sooner than I did, our lives would be better than they are.
Just hang in there and do what you have to do even if it isn't what you'd like to do.
I will pray for both of you.

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

Ok--since I'm the poster who didn't coddle or offer hugs or prayers, I'm 100% sure you're referring to me.

First let me say--my experience with juvenile deliquents and individuals who have broken the law probably exceeds yours by far. So, that said, I do tend to approach it from an OBJECTIVE view point. And while that view point might not seem supportive, in all actuality it is. I don't want her next post to be something along the lines of "well, I talked the judge into letting him out because he was so miserable..." followed within a week or so by the post of "OMG, My son was arrested because he _____". Sometimes parents have to be mean, sometimes they have to be unfazed by their child's whining and crying. Sometimes a parent NEEDS to hear the truth.

I will relate a story...One of the young men I worked with in dentention managed to convince his caseworker and his mother that he would just 'die' if he didn't get out. He promised that he would follow through w/ out patient therapy, would abide his probation terms, would attend school, would graduate, blah, blah, blah....Do you know where that kid is now? Currently he's serving a 7 year prison sentence for various felonies. And this is after already having served 2 years previously. Now, I don't know that if he had stayed in dentention he would have turned out differently, but maybe...We'll never know. I saw that kid manipulate the system, his mother and the judge. We, as staff, tried to talk to all of them and advised them that when they weren't around he ate, slept and lived just fine. He didn't like living in dentention. He didn't like rules, he didn't like limits/boundaries. He was a master manipulator.

Secondly, my heart bleeds for every parent who has to face raising a "difficult" or "problem" teen. Sometimes it is the fault of the parent, more often than not the the cause/root of the problem is never known. But, if a parent hides their head in the sand, or blames the other parent (or the school, or the child's friends or the ADHD, etc) it serves no purpose but to allow the teen an excuse for bad behaviour.

and FINALLY--when you post on a very PUBLIC message board, you should be prepared that all the responses you get aren't going to be all warm and fuzzy. I've posted topics that I was slammed for. But, because I am an adult and can, on occasion, step back and see that others might be right, I have actually grown from some of the harsher posts directed at me.

And if any of you, do not think that the OP and her entire family (including the ex that she has villified here) would not benefit from professional help then you are deluding yourself.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Well said.

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Well said.

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

Well, when I read these threads, I personally appreciate different perspectives. It seems the above poster is speaking from experience and even trying to help by throwing in a different perspective. Maybe by stepping back and analyzing the situation (as hard as that may be with your own son), you may be stronger for him.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I don't see where she posted for anyones advice about her son!
I think she is already suffering.

I read it that she was feeling worried sick about going there.
Excuse me if I am wrong.
I am sure not one to kick any one when they are already down!

Obviously I am not going to be able to explain anything to you. You're mind is made up that I was being "mean". And that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion--and I'm ok w/ the fact that we don't see eye to eye. If you are either unwilling or unable to read what I wrote and comprehend what I was saying then that is on you. We could go round and round about who's right, who's wrong. I don't know that I'm right in everything I have said. I hope for every parent that is faced w/ a rebellious/troubled teen that I am WRONG! I hope that with ever fiber of my being. But on the off chance that someone, just one person, is helped by my post then I have done a good thing. If one person is helped by your ultra supportive post then, you've done a good thing. I'm not going to argue this with you or anyone else anymore. I wasn't kicking her when she was down--sometimes tough love and tough talk is actually a blessing.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

As I am reading MarilynK's post, I do not see that she is offering advice, but perhaps just possibly preparing the mother for what may be in store in order for her to handle it better. I myself have seen a close family member in a center and try to lie, deceive and coax his way out. It is and was heartbreaking beyond words and more than anything made me feel guilty for putting that person there. I think she is trying to ease the OP of any guilt she may be feeling and let her know it is the son's actions that placed him there and not hers. In my own situation I was treated as I should be ashamed for placing the family member in a center. I never had even thought I would be treated the way I was in my lifetime. Afterwards, talking to the counselors helped me and basically they told me what MarilynK said above. Please do not flame her for just letting the mom know what she may be in store for. The better prepared, perhaps the better the mother can handle it.

My heart goes out to Julieoh0712 and hope that she had a good visit with her son and some of the uneasiness has passed as she was making herself sick thinking about going to see her son.

I think you said it right, you are a little jaded from having worked in a detention facility. But I don't think you are slamming the OP either. Just giving a "hard core" perspective .

JMHO

OP, I have you and your family in my prayers.

Julieoh had previously posted about her son's problems during the past few weeks or so. Sad situation.

My prayers are with her and her son and their family. I hope that the visit went well and that he is rethinking some of what he has done... on his way to recovery.

I agree.

I hope everything went well for you, we'll be thinking of you.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I find this quite offensive.

I think he'd have learned street smarts from anyone who was there, even a purple polka dot kid. The fact that he is in the minority is going to be tough, especially where they are all tough to begin with and the facility is overcrowded on top of that.

He's going to find it hard to be the minority when you are used to being the majority. I went to a college where I was one of the only caucasians AND one of the only women, not easy let me tell you.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Why?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

There is a time and a place for everything.

Obviously MarilynK feels that her experience is relevant on this thread. But I assumed, as I think Grannyshirl did, that op was reaching out for support.

Yes, a person who is posting on "a very PUBLIC" message board should be ready for all kinds of responses. I just don't want to be the one whose response caused further hurt to someone already in a bad way, as op described.

MarilynK, you've clearly had a wealth of experiences that shape your insight here. But don't let that blind you from seeing an individual - one that just might not fit into your preconceived stereotypes of the juvenile delinquent prototype. When you become that "jaded," then it's time to throw in the towel.

I have to agree with marilynk on this issue. I do not find her posts to be offensive or against-the-support of a fellow mycouponer. I think she is trying to tell the OP like it is.

I, also, don't believe your child got there from doing everything right and being a good kid--he got into trouble and he has to face the consequences---even if it rips your heart out!!

Blaming a non-custodial parent is too easy, especially when that parent is not here to defend themselves (I am sure if that parent were on this board, the story would be far different.)

I am absolutely positive that the detention center would not allow him to harm himself (starvation or excessive sleep deprivation). However, it pulls at your heart strings doesn't it?

you won't get the warm fuzzies from my reply either--I support your effort in trying to help your son get through a difficult time in his life, but if he doesn't want to change it now, it may not be "detention" later in life...it might be PRISON.

Peace and Godspeed.

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SPJRNTGADL!

I no longer work in the juvenile justice system. I didn't throw in the towel. I became pregnant and would not place the well being of my unborn child over a juvenile deliquent(we had some extremely violent offenders. I still have a scar from one of my boys). It broke my heart to leave "my" boys. I cried for days. Even though some of those boys scared the bejeebus out of me, I still loved them and cared about them. I wanted to "fix" each and every one of them. In my time there we had only about 25 boys (we were a long term facility). I saw all varities of psychological/mental illness in the kids. I saw all sorts of dysfunctional family units. ONe of the boys was a product of incest (his daddy was also his Grandfather, his aunts/uncles were also his cousins ). I saw those that were sociaopathic (those made me have nightmares on a regular basis). I saw those that were broken and abused. I so those that were developmentally disabled (and had been taken advantage of by older and "smarter" kids).
Think what you want of me. But I will continue to stand by what I said. Based on the OPs previous posts--her son is manipulative, her and ex's relationship is adversarial at best, and she doesn't seem to want to believe that her child deserves this punishment. She's mad at her ex for ratting the child out for breaking a rule. Maybe the Dad has a better perspective on what the child has become than she does. It's hard as a mother to believe that your child is not a nice/kind/compassionate/caring individual. It's hard to face that your child may be a trouble maker or bully. I have children--I feel like a personal failure when my child does something "bad" or "wrong" when I know that is not how I've raised them. But, I also KNOW that my children will make bad choices and mistakes, and the only way they learn from those bad choices and mistakes is to let them live with the consequences of their actions.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Op, My heart goes out to you in this trouble time you are dealing with.
After I had my own niece arrested when we went to court 4 days later, She begged, cried, screamed. Pleaded with me to allow her to come back to my home ( She lived with me as well as my Mother and her sister )... It was the HAREDEST thing I had ever said to anyone when I told the Judge to lock her up and place her in rehab. I thought my heart would FALL OUT of my chest right there in the middle of that court room. We could still hear her cries in the hallway. She threaten to kill her self, She threaten to kill me, She screamed I AHTE YOU FOREVER YOU BIT&&.. She told my Mother she was a B and she hated her as well.After going Thu that for nearly 3 hours, My own Mother called me worse names than what my Niece did in court. My Mother told me I was HEARTLESS and I hated my niece. Till this day my own Mother thinks I did this out of meanness and Not from love. I assure ANYONE that I did this out of love. If I had not did what I did there's no way anyone will ever make me believe my niece would still be alive today.

However, All this was very short lived. My Mother got her CLAWS back into my niece's allowed her to run the roads, She( Niece ) has told us she's done drugs since Oct. She has had 9 boyfriends ( YES 9 ) since 1 month after she was released. She has quit 7 jobs ( Longest she has worked was 4 months ). Her own Father kicked her out when he set rules she was to follow if she lived with him. And this could go on for another 2 hours with all she had did since she got out last Dec.

If I had to do it all over again. I would do it. At least for those 11 months she was away I knew in my heart she was SAFE and ALIVE.

I too visited with my niece every single week till the last 4months ( No one was allowed to visit her ). She also was locked up with some really bad kids, I remember 1 boy he set the Juvie building ON FIRE and that was BEFORE he was even locked up, he thought it would be funny to set the building on fire, He also thought it would be even funnier to set the Schools on fire as well. My niece shared a room with a girl that this marked her 11TH time being locked up. So I understand where your concern is coming from.

Try to make *PEACE* With yourself over this. Your son will be fine. They will not allow him to starve, Nor will they allow him to be harmed. The kids don't just get to *Walk* around all day, They have to attend school while there ( Even if there's no school in ) They can't *visit* each other but 15 Min's PER DAY.. ( that's always with a guard watching ). They take their breakfast, lunch and dinner at tables with a guard. At *Free Time* the boys and girls can't be out together on the same field. So to really sums this up. He is safe. Nothing will happen to him.. I too, worried over what would/ could happen while my niece was locked up, she was locked up in Juvie for nearly a year and she was never not once harmed.

Hold strong, this too shall pass.

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

I just wanted to say your in my thoughts.. I hope this will straighten him out.. please give us a followup and tell us how it goes.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

OP I am sorry for what I am about to say but grow up!!! That young man was given many chances to correct his illegal actions and he wouldn't/couldn't.

Have you tried any counseling? Your anger and hatred for your ex is feeding the anger in your son. I have hard feelings for my ex but tried (not always successful) to control the evil feelings for my sons sake. Trust me when I say I am glad that my son is over 18 and graduated from high school, I haven't felt or had the need to speak to my ex in a year.

I will pray that you get the comfort you need.

Laura

I did have a good visit. My Ex husband was there and more or less argued with him but I got to sit and hold his hand and help him understand why he is there. I tried to explain that the past is the past, but he needs to take this time to think about and evaluate the future. I am well aware that he can manipulate as he has done in the past.
But regardless it still hurts worse then anything to see you child locked up. And they could have called my for a sleeping pill for him, I am still listed as a custodial parent. ( We kept it that way for school).
Anyhow no matter what yoru child did it is still your child... and it hurts worse then anything to see him locked up...

I am a child of divorce. It is very hard on a child when the parents fight and can't put their differences aside. It is even hurtful into adulthood.

It sounds cliche but for the sake of the child, it is important for you and your ex to work together for your son.

I am glad that you visit went well ... even though it must have been one of the hardest things that you have ever been through! It sounds like you gave him some good advice. He needs to use this time wisely and hopefully you have planted some seeds in his brain. You will always be his mommy.

I still question the nurse calling *before* your visit? That is strange to me. Did they not know that you were coming to visit on that day? Why the need to worry you if they knew? I'd want some answers in regards to that.

Peace.

If you are still listed as custodial parent then you don't need your ex's permission to allow the facility to give a sleeping pill. But, has your son been evaluated by a physician? Has that physician written orders for sleeping medication to be administered? Without those two things no facility is just going to administer medication willy-nilly or at your request. (Unless it was a medication that your son was on prior to admittance).

You have got to get over the hate you feel toward you ex. That is harmful to you and your son!
If I remember correctly, your son is 16--he knows why he's there. You don't have to explain, and if he says he doesn't understand what's going on--he's playing you (unless he's has some developmental disabilities).

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I'm glad your visit went good. I just want you to know that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

__________________
Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

Okay, I read this part to mean the ex was arguing with the son.

Still, I do believe there is a lot of strife between the ex and OP and the son may be feeding off of it.
One of the worst things a parent can do is be an enabler, and that is what IMO is going on here. I think one of the problems is OP is concentrating on how bad she feels instead of the son getting the help he needs and what punishment he deserves while in the facility.

__________________
@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I am glad that you had a good visit!
You are right about him still being your child and he always will be.
Good Luck and I hope this will wake him up and make him change.

Thanks to everyone for all the good and bad posts. I have learned alot by reading here. I guess this is why I still come here and read.
He knows what he did but I am trying to give him something to focus on... Getting out and getting the help that he needs. I know he needs a psychiatric evaluation however they have yet to give him one and its been a week. He needs mental help. As someone once suggested before it could be a chemical imbalance that causes some of his actions. Maybe with the right help he will not only see but correct the errors of his ways.

I don't know the specifics of his sentencing...but depending on the facility, a psych eval may not be standard. That may have to be ordered by the judge/court. That may be something you want to find out from your court appointed advocate/lawyer--whoever you dealt with regarding your son's court appearance etc.

A chemical imbalance/mental illness is the easy answer to his behaviour, as that is usually correctable w/ medication and therapy. And I hope that the problem is organic in nature--but don't count on it. And only a few disorders are truly "reasons" for bad behaviour.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I don't normally get involved in public message boards due to the flaming involved, but upon reading this I had to speak up. My heart goes out to you. I've been there. My son was 15 the first time he was sent to juvenile detention. I watched him being escorted out of the court room and into the patrol car handcuffed. I was devastasted, didn't know how I was going to cope. I sat in my car crying and asking myself, where did I go wrong. I have three other sons, good as gold. It took me 5 years and about $20,000 to realize, I DID NOTHING WRONG. He refused to be accountable for HIS actions, HE refused to respect the law. HE refused to accept the help I got him. He was very manipulative. I thought I was helping him, but like marylnk stated, I was enabling him. He was removed from a decent facilty to a much harder one, he became street smart very quick. We would visit him and he would have bruises and black eyes. I would be so upset. Finally, I got counciling. That is when I learned that HE can help himself get better. I couldn't do it for him and the more I helped him the more I hurt him. I quit trying. The hardest day of my life was when we had to call the probation officer after he returned home to report him stealing. The sheriff came into our home, walked into his room, cuffed him and took him away again. This was on Christmas Eve. He spent the next month locked up. I refused his calls, as he wanted to blame us for him being locked up. That was when he realized, he no longer had me fighting his battle, he needed to fight his own.
I guess what I'm hoping to say here to the OP is for your own good, get some counseling . You deserve it, you've been through H3ll and it's only going to get harder, especially having to deal with an Ex. The facility knows what your son does and does not need, they will not coddle him, but they will take care of him. As Marylnk said he will sleep when he gets tired enough and he will eat when he gets hungry. You need to take care of you. You will get through this. It will be hard, but do both you and him a big favor and make him own up to his actions now, or he never will and he will be in and out of jail the rest of his life. He's still young and can learn from this one mistake and move on. The choice is his, not yours to make. Let him. My son is now 26, he had a long battle but he finally won it.
I took a paper and wrote the words "Let Go and Let God" on it and hung it on my fridge would read it everyday. It helped tremendously. Pray every day for him. I will be praying for both of you and I really hope you seek counseling. It is amazing how much it helped me. sorry this is so long.....

Maybe it wouldn't give you any "comfort", but it would give you some information that might actually be helpful. Isn't that a good thing

Julie, I'm glad you had a good visit.

I think we all have different things to offer to OP. Some of us truly offer support and I think Julie needs that. Others offer advice based on the fact that they have been through a similar situation. In many cases, this too is comforting. Still others offer knowledge based on the fact that they have been in a situation similar to this, they've worked with people like Julie's son or both. While we may feel that some of the knowledge or advice is harsh(myself included, it felt harsh), it's the truth. I guess the biggest thing is, what was Julie needing or wanting from us? Did she start this post looking for comfort, support or advice and knowledge or maybe a little of all of that? I don't know. I could not offer advice or knowledge to Julie because I've never been in her shoes or her child's shoes. I've never worked with troubled kids. But I can come here and wish her the best. I hope that regardless of why each of us chose to respond to Julie's post, it gave Julie something positive. I hope we came here with kindness in mind, not negativity. The truth does hurt sometimes. And life is sometimes harsh. We have to get through all of it in order to make ourselves and our families better. We do not have to agree with Julie or what she's doing or has done but we can either try to help her, comfort her and support her or maybe we can read the post, roll our eyes and go on to the next post if we don't like what we read.
So Julie, I hope that each post gave you something to think about. I hope you felt supported and cared about. I hope your son progresses while he's in this facility. I hope you take care of YOU and get yourself any help you need. And I so agree with you when you said it's still your child and it hurts. We love our children always, we just don't always like what they do or how they behave.

Hope this conveys properly, I can't figure out how to quote both quotes....anyway, this is referring to HollyLew's post that she found the quote by the OP to be offensive. The quote went something like this: "he's the only white kid in with 119 blacks and Hispanics, in a facility meant to house 80.....now he's learned all the street smarts he didn't know before" or something like that.

Ok, now..........when I read the post, I had lots to "say", and it would have been along the lines of what MarilynK had to say. Not that I don't care, and have compassion, but, sometimes you need to hear it straight, no sugar coating. I opted to leave my opinion off of here for many reasons. However, when I read the part about the 119 Blacks and Hispanics, that struck me as an odd thing for someone to say, and IMO, shows that racism is still alive and well in this country. What does the fact that they were Black or Hispanic have to do with ANYTHING??? Are they the only ones doing "bad" things??? Obviously not, since your "white" son is in there. And the comment about the street smarts...hmmmm, could go lots of places with this one. I don't think the OP MEANT the statement in this way, but, wanted to show how things can be taken, and apparently, I'm not the only one who felt this way, since HoLLyLew said she was offended by this statement.

I feel very bad for your situation Julie and hope for everyone that your son can get back on the right road.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Not really,
I have not had any need, but if I did there is no way would I want to get help from people that are not professinals.
I would want to get it face to face with a local professional.

Allin:
I did not mean to offend anyone here by that comment about blacks and hispanics. I should have clarified... Racism is VERY alive and well in the city he is in and more prevelent with the teens then adults!!

you know, when I post on a message board it's not tha I'm not going to seek professional help--but sometimes an objective opinion from someone who is not emotionally invested in the situation can provide suggestions/options for me to follow up on.

And I can tell you right now, there are professionals on this board who can and do offer advice for free that is very good. Those people also suggest you contact a professional in your area, but they will tell you questions or areas that you should be investigating.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Bravo and Kudos to you for sharing something so intimate and so helpful to the OP. I appreciate you taking the time to help Julie like this.

I have not had teenagers yet and don't know how my life will be during that time.
I offer Julie and her family prayers that whatever the situation be, there can be good that comes from this because after you hit rock bottom, it's only "UP" from there.


This next part has nothing to do with Julie or her son's situation.
It deals directly with the postings for this thread...

I do have an opinion about the twist this thread took though.
I believe Oprah Winfrey's quote applies here....
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

My Opinion:
i.e. ~Don't try to convince me twice over that there can be an objective perspective after opening with maybe I'm jaded..... I saw it for what was worth .00 and passed over it, those that didn't or took issue with it finding it offensive have their own opinions/reasons.

and in for inch, in for a mile.....
In reading social ques, I don't believe if I say standing in the line at Walmart - "I'm sick to my stomach," I want the person next to me to say the words vomit, puke, hurl, yak, spew, regurgitate or tell me "so what", or tell me everything I am or did wrong leading up to that moment.
Even though in reality, that's what's happening.
Maybe the reality is that I did FORGET to read the expiration date on the food I recently consumed but feeding into my fear that I just gave myself food poisioning or how rotten it's going to be in the next few hours. ----- is not what most people would seek out of uttering the words "I'm sick to my stomach".

If I use the words I'm sick to my stomach, I NEED COMFORT!

X

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Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Chances are if you say "I'm sick to my stomach" in WalMart people are going to steer clear of you. NO one wants to be near a stranger who may/may not throw up all over the place And if you are seeking comfort in WalMart then ummmm...maybe there is something wrong with you!

My point in that thread (and why not keep it in that thread? But since you brought it up) was this: If you spill your guts in public (regardless of whether it is in a store on a message board--it doesn't matter necessarily what you MAY think you NEED you have opened yourself up to all people who may or may agree with what you need. If I overhear someone in WalMart say "I'm sick to my stomach"--my first thought is not giving them comfort--my first thought is "well, why don't you go home before you expose the rest of us to whatever you might have." And see, that comes from the fact that I worked in the medical field and know just what kind of bugs a person can pick up because someone thinks they HAVE to be in WalMart even though they feel like crap.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I wanted to just add my best wishes for your son's return to a better path in his life. Whatever the reasons, he is choosing to take the hard road, and I empathize with your pain in watching this, since they do drag us along for the ride! Keep faith that he'll find his way. They often do when you least expect it.

I also wanted to say, just my humble opinion, but I did not read the post regarding the ratios in the facility to be racist. If any of our children were a minority of one among 120, I think we would assume it could be difficult. In the circumstance of 120 juvenile offenders, many of whom may have violent histories, anything that made my child more conspicuous would concern me.

I sided with MarilynK on this thread, and I have nothing to be admonished for...there were several others that only after Marilyn's post actually agreed--one poster even said to grow up. (lol)

Anywho...I didn't start my reply with "I might be jaded..." I just said what I felt was the right thing to say for my own opinion.

However, like MarilynK, if you are standing in line with me at some checkout someplace and you verbally announce that "you feel sick to your stomach" the first thing I will do is start looking for another line to enter--because I certainly don't want whatever it is that you got. I, too, will wonder why you are standing in a line anywhere if you are sick. (You won't ever find me at a Walmart, so if that's the store of choice then it will be other people's thoughts and not my own. )

I still say... as hard as it is, babying a child that has committed wrongs only enables him, and apparently he is very good at manipulating.

Wherever he is will not allow him to harm himself--through starvation or sleep deprivation...they will get a doctor's order to take whatever steps are necessary to get him to sleep or eat. (it's a huge liability if they don't do anything.)

As far as the statistics, I found that tidbit of information strange in the OP (like why was it so important to mention the ratio???), but left it alone and didn't take it as an insult or anything--it was simply strange to see a ratios comment listed.

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SPJRNTGADL!

WTF????

That was just rude, and it could have been put in much better terms. She's upset, and while I think that the op needs to hear some of the constructive advise offerred in this post... being blatantly rude is uncalled for.

I hope that everything works out and that your son uses this time to better himself and somehow turn this into something positive. My heart is with you!!

Well julie, I hope you made it throught the visit OK.
Yes I am sure it was HARD on you.
I am sure it was NOT a "fun" visit.
BUT you seeing him probably did boast his morale and yours too.
I think thats the point of visits, to show you still care.

It's been a few weeks and have been wondering how things are going for you and your son? Hanging in there, I hope!

cj/