OK, so one of my things this year was to get out there and date a little more than I have the past couple years...been single for 6 yrs now, and only been out a handful of time, Past 2 years ZERO times...

SO....this one guy emailed me at myspace from the town over, we talked on the phone and he seemed really really nice....and we decided a couple weeks ago to go out and do something...HE REALLY a nice guy we hit it off on the phone, I saw pictures of him and he wasn't ugly....(not handsome either) So anyways, we went out and honestly I started picking out little things right off (in my mind) that just was NO good...Like his dorky laugh, ANNOYING!! He smoked, he was too short....blah blah blah.....SO even though he was nice...I called it an early night went home....again not a bad time, but I started picking things out about him that by the end of the night I just did NOT want to be there again, He was SOOOO into me to and I even had to give him the "let's be friends" speach....sigh, I'm not good at that!! I also dont think I need to give an explaination after 1 date!!

Now, there's this guy in town, I've been talking to...OMG!! I thought/think he is so cute, nice, sweet...PERFECT!! He came over took care of the wasp nest I had on the porch...We just talked....The more we talk the more I start picking little things apart...Like, he's my age (33) and has been married 3 TIMES!!! WHAT!!???? We were talking last night about long term relationships and he said in his life he had OVER 8 that lasted over 1 year... AGAIN WHAT??? I've had 2 long term relationships....5 and 7 years....other than that I've had a few under 6 months....Either its serious or not...so yes I started in my head to analyze what does this mean about his character....LOL He is still really good friends with his ex wife who just divorced a year ago....even hangs out with her from time to time...since he says they divorced more or less because they realized they were more friends/roommates than husband/wife....Again I just find that "odd"

I think I'm looking too much into these men...LOL just being too picky about little things!! Do have to say I AM TRYING to overlook man #2 and his huge number of serious relationships and marrages...He really seems so nice and sweet!! He has off the weekends my kids go to daddy's so we will see each then and do something, until then calls a bit and when the kids go to my mom's he stops by or we go out a bit

There's being picky and there's being ridiculous. I don't think you're being ridiculous with either of them. If you can't live with smoking - you can't. The smell of it on him - on you - on your furniture. The three X's married guy at 33? NO! RUN!

He's out there...keep looking.

i would run like the wind from the 8 serious relationships, 3 marriages and still in contact with an x-wife. that just screams commitment problem. you dont want to be #9 in a year.

as for being two picky, if you dont like them, you cant make yourself. a better idea would be to get out more rather than lower your standards. i'd recommend trying events in your city and the like over myspace since it's easier to get an idea of whether you dont like them in person (before you ever go on an official date) rather than over the phone/internet and you can avoid a lot of the awkwardness associated with situation #1.

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rhapsody112@gmail.com

Myspace I dont use for meeting men...LOL I keep in touch with my high school/college friends and this guy came around emailing....Myspace is for chatting with the people I haven't seen in years...(like MY GOSH, this guy I went to school with since Kindergarten-10th grade...we never talked he was super shy, we email all the time and he gives me the gossip around hometown!!)

Really??? so you would run from the one with so many serious relationships....He's SOOOO nice, he should have NEVER said a thing about it so soon right off...I mean friends in town know him and only have nice things to say about him.....OH I also want to say...He was married 3 times (my brother is turning 30 today and is on #3 too) the 8 serious relationships...I'm not sure if he was being completely honest, I think he may have been exagerating.....

Did #2 give you any reasons why he has been married 3 times? Maybe it wasn't his fault they ended. It is possible that the women cheated on him, etc. I,myself, would dig a little deeper and find out why before I completely blew him off but that's just my opinion. The right guy is out there for you and sometimes it takes a long time to find him. Good luck.

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"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

I think you should give #1 a better chance, you started (from what I gather) finding faults right away. Its a date not a marriage. Maybe your not ready to have a serious relationship yet? Who cares that you've been alone for 6 years if your not ready enjoy your single time.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

I'm NOT looking for anything serious!! I dont think I WANT anything serious for a long time, with the kids I just dont think it will work...I should give #1 a second date....he was nice, I CAN NOT get over the smoking though, I quit 3 yrs ago and just CAN NOT be around it!! ALSO he's about 40 and NEVER been married or in any serious relationship, which made me go HUH??? even faster than #2 with the 3 ex wives...


#2 with the ex wives... From what we talked about, #1 he caught cheating on him, which also resulted in the 1 time he ever went to jail (assult on the man he found in his house, bed with his wife) #2 he really talk too much about....#3 the recent one, was much younger than him and it turned into a friend/roommate kind of situation where she would do NOTHING, no work, no housework and just take all his money and didn't help with cleaning, cooking anything....They still are friends. I mean he is REALLY nice.... doesn't smoke, no drugs, rarely drinks, has a good job an education, we "click" liking a lot of the same things......


EDITED TO ADD: 2 years alone really!! I did have 2 shorter term sort of NON LIVE IN relationships since the divorce. Both of those the men were decent guys just not what I was looking for....

I don't feel that you owe #1 a second chance. If he's a smoker and you don't want to be with a smoker it would not work anyway. As far as #2 it sounds like his divorces resulted from the actions of his wives so if it was me I wouldn't pay much attention to that. I would just keep it casual and see what happens. You said you weren't looking for anything serious so why not go out with him occasionally and have some fun.
I was alone for 2 years after my DD was born before I finally met a wonderful man who took her in as his own. We actually dated for 5 years before we ever got married.
Good luck!

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"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

I dont think you are being picky by any means umm if they smoke for me nowadays would be a big no no I cant stand it now could when I was younger but now I hate anyone smoking around my kids or even me. The 33 yr old whos been married 3 times might be super nice to start off but I am 30 & at 30 I know if hes been married 3 times theirs a dark secret lurking maybe hes an abuser or a drunk or some other thing like that KWIM

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mom of 3 greats girls

THATS what I keep thinking..... like I said my brother was married/ is married, this is his 3rd right now and JUST turned 30 today, My brother is TERRIFIED about being alone so he just jumps into relationships without thinking and chooses women who are ALL wrong for him and use him!! (thats my brothers fault as to why he keeps getting married and failing).... think I'll talk to him a little bit and see what happens...I dont want a man like that either, I guess for now, since its just friends type thing I'll keep talking and seeing whats what...

There's no way that a perfect guy just keeps ending up with bad women. Honestly, I'd rather be with someone who's openly flawed than someone everyone else has done wrong by. I'd just trust the first one more

Seems to me that you weren't attracted to the first guy and so no need to go any further with that. As for the second, it seems like you do find him appealing. I don't think you're being "too picky" to be concerned about the multiple marriages/relationships. It sounds like you have your eyes open, which is great, and enjoy his company...so proceed with caution and have a little fun along the way. You deserve it!

cj/

That sounds RIGHT ON....LOL Out of the couple dozen dates/men I've seen in the last 6 yrs this is probably the only one I really like!! And we totally click!! sigh but all those marrages.....I will proceed with caution

I don't think you are being picky at all. Imagine if you settled down with one of these men & the things that irritated you before ballooned into major irritations. Don't settle for less. We have expectations for a reason. Sometimes we are better off alone than miserable with someone else. Good things are worth waiting for, so don't worry about feeling picky!

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We're off to never never land

As far as being married 3times by 33. My brother is on his second divorce and he is only 28.

The first marriage didn't work out, she was older with kids, her kids could do no wrong and she would not let my brother help with punishment. She high strong and high maintenance and things ended within a year They rushed into the marriage to begin with.

His second marriage that just ended, They dated for two years before they married, were married almost 3. She started cheating on my brother, having naked pictures of guys she met on her cell phone. Even her family was on my brothers side. My brother worked for a year on trying to stay with his wife, she wanted no part of it and filed for divorce, well now that my brother is seeing someone, wifey #2 wants him back.....

So even though your guy has been married three times, it may not be all his fault for the divorces...

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What's wrong with being picky? You have every right to be picky....and I think you should. It's not like you are out shopping for a pair of new red shoes....and you are struggling to find the perfect shade of red to match your new dress. You know what I'm talking about....you see what looks like the perfect pair, and they are a half size to small, or they are way over your budget, or the points pinch your toes...but, you buy them anyway, and just suffer a little, because you need the shoes, and you can't be picky about it anymore.

Dating is not shoe shopping....although, you are trying to find someone that "fits." And if that person isn't the right fit.....don't waste their time or your's. You know in the first 5 mins of meeting someone if there is a "connection" and an "attraction" --- and both of them should really be in place. One might feel stronger than another, but unless you at least have a little bit of both....forget about it.

I was very picky about men.....and I've dated a BUNCH (some just one or 2 dates, some a lot longer, some that I don't care to admit to). Sometimes it was there, sometimes it wasn't....sometimes it was mutual, sometimes it wasn't.

If you want to go out with guy #2 again....go for it. I'm all for it. It sounds like you aren't taking things to seriously, so go and have fun. You never know what you will find along the way.

Just don't forget, if you are on the quest to find "Mr. Right"....all of those "Not Quite Mr. Rights" you find along the way can make the journey awfully interesting!!!