God I can't stand it anymore and we have another week of soccer. There is a mother whose daughter does well at soccer and all she can babble about is how good her DD is and how she will defiinitly make the A team and that she is the better player on this team. She screams out to other kids about postition and just annoys the crap out of me. There are a few more but keep the obnoxious behavior a bit to themselves. This team does very well as a whole but I can't stand the sidelines anymore. Mind u these are 9 and 10yr olds and to boot the kid in school even brags that she will make the big *A* team. Whoopie! God isn't this supposed to be about teaching them to have fun, good sportmanship and the skills of the game. AGH just had to vent or I will go nuts.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

If this girl makes the A team she will be with other girls who are just as good as her or BETTER. Just think about that, makes you feel better doesn't it?!

At least she is not babbling on and on about how "bright" or "gifted" her child is. I love the ones who talk about their childrens grades like they are their own. If my child wants to talk about being on the honor roll then let them but I didn't put them there they did so I have no right to talk about them being there.

Maybe they dont even realize they are being a little overzealous in bragging. Its hard not to get hyped up when your kid is rockin a game!
She probably used to play soccer herself and is just really into the game- try not to let it irritate you or take away from your enjoyment!

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★♥Caroline★♥

My DS is 7 and this was his first year playing soccer, he never even made his first goal until the last game in fact he made 2! I was so proud of him and cheering for him and I got really excited I was feeling like a bit of an idiot but I was just so happy for him because he finally improved the last few games. He loves the soccer and we want to encourage him on it and we want him to have fun. I can't imagine bragging like that to the other parents. Some people just think their kids are perfect at everything and those are the kids that are pushed and probably will rebell against their parents later in the teen years.

I don't see why parents just can't encourage and compliment without making it a competition between the parents. My son plays because he wants to and enjoys it but as soon as he says he is done and the season it over he can try something else if he chooses to.

Don't get me wrong I cheer for my Daughter who is an excellent player as well as every other player on the team but I cheer them not coach them and to the above poster yes she does brag about how she is brilliant and how acting comes natural to her etc. etc.. Acts this way with her other children as well. She really isn't a bad person just a vent about her obnoxious behavior. What irks me most is that her precious one is acting like the mother. I have always taught my kids there will always be someone smarter, better or richer but what matters most is your happines and you don't have to be the best just try your hardest.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Well, yes and no on the grades thing. While my dd does the work and makes the grades to be on the honor roll, I feel we as her parents have had a hand in it. We've given her a good home in which to study and do homework, we've stressed from the get-go how important education is -- just like most parents do. I feel that gives me the right to brag a bit, if only to the grandparents I don't talk about it to anyone else unless they ask. I agree 100% with your first point about making the "A" team, though.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

This is why I don't coach anymore, and my d/s doesn't umpire. It is impossible to deal with parents who feel their 7 yr old is in preparation for college scouting and all the other kids on the field are there to assist in the process of creating their superstar. The kids are often embarrassed and distracted by their parents, and often just burn out and quit sports altogether.

On the sidelines, as a parent spectator, I usually deal with a parent like this by cheering my child loudly for a couple of seconds , then "reminding" myself out loud to quiet down so the coach can do their job and the kids can concentrate.

That said, when nice doesn't work, I will ask the ref to remind out of control parents that they can be ejected.

momsshops
I couldn't have said it any better myself!!!

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Actually making the A team is something to be very proud about, especially if your child has been playing a certain game for a long time, you send them to camps, individual lessons etc. I don't think it is any different than talking about your kids good grades or anything else your child does well. Now I don't agree with the bragging part, but I know that my DD is 11 and has played softball for 6 years, is a pitcher, she takes private pitching lessons from the softball coach as the University near us, she attends batting camp, pitching camp and all skills camp every summer and yes I am very proud of her ability to play softball. What irritates me more than someone bragging is those parents whose kid just starts palying the game for one or two seasons and gets mad when the coach doesn't play them as much as the better kids. Typically it is those kids that you dont' see at camps, that miss practice, that miss games, then their parents think they should be able to play. I remember last season a parent grabbed her kid out of the dugout and left because she thought her kid was sitting the bench too much, she did play part of every game, but couldn't hit the ball, couldn't field the ball and was very slow when she ran getting out easily, so she was a detriment to the team. Yes, it is just a game, but these kids and the coach (ours is the high school/junior high softball coach) are there to win. You can only teach them so much, it is up to the kid whether they want to listen/learn what they are supposed to do from the coach, he can't make them do it, he can only go over and over and over it so many times. Some kids just do not have the talent, yet their parents insist that they play. We have one kid on the team this year her mother wants her to play (we are in our tournaments this week after 4 month season), she has not had a hit all season, she's slow and she can't catch or drops every ball that comes her way. This is sad when the parents don't realize they need to look for other interests for their child, I can only imagine how this child must feel not being able to succeed at this game. Sports are not for everyone, neither of my other DD's ever showed any interest in playing sports. Then another pet peeve is when the parents think their kid can play much better than they really can, that kind of bragging bothers me more than if the kid can really play. If the kid can really play their parents are going to be proud of that. Sorry to have ranted forever and getting off topic. I am sure there will be alot of people that don't agree with what I've said, but that's ok.

too funny!!!
let kids be kids...have fun ,play and be active.....
having parents being over zealous on the sideline drives me bonkers.that is why we stopped letting our kids play....of course my kids were as good runners as a bunch of old ladies with walkers.but I liked the idea of them exercising and have fun.but that was just cut short,when some parents decided that their 5 year old prodigies with a bat would play all the time ,and that the other non performer would just be left out....
I just would like my kid sto have fun ,not made fun of.....my 10 year old has spent so much time in and out of hospital,in a wheelchair,several surgeries,physical therapy,he doesn't know how to run,but would love to play....he has missed 3 years of mobilitly,but at his age,the games are pretty much for winning and not enjoying.too bad...
i just would love to find teams where it is just for fun,just for pleasure ,where everybody is welcome......

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

Penny, I do think all kids should play and maybe the girl who is not so good still really enjoys the game? I was on a team in highschool and some of the best attitudes and team spirited people were the players who weren't as good, they had the heart but not the talent kwim? Maybe they can't afford the camps or the private coaching, but should not be looked down on for not being as good, she can still contribute something to the team. It is still high school and yes it's competitive, but it's still high school and they are all still learning. Winning isn't everything, maybe the lesson could be how to help your fellow teammates? Can your DD encourage her and get her to go to more practices or give her a few tips or something?

When DS is at baseball, I actually try to compliment all of the players, they are only 5 and 6 and really need the encouragement. All of us mothers and fathers sit together and clap for both teams and all of the players, we should all remember these days when they are older.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

flipper that is so sweet of you all.
What a great attitude!

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

The youth sports leagues in our community expect kids to show up for practices and games, or they are not not allowed to play. I think some of the top players are granted a little leniency on attendance because, of course, everyone wants to win. However, usually they show up for practices and games because they simply love to play.

The youth leagues do not expect kids to take private coaching or skills camps and don't hold it against children who cannot or choose not to attend these extra activities. All the children get to play and in fact, the league rules require that they play a minimum amount of time. For baseball, they may be relegated to the outfield but they do get their at-bats. I personally think this is fair and right. I've always found that all the children have something to offer the team even if it's the opportunity for the others to help and encourage a less able player - or bring outstanding spirit to the team as flipper mentioned.

Typically children who want to raise their game to the next level where they don't have to play with average and below-average kids seek out other leagues , invitational teams, or earn a spot on the A teams. That way everyone is happier, parents included.

cj/

I have an 11 y.o. who is playing softball for the first time this year. It is an intermural type league, with a more competitive "fast pitch" option next year. My daughter is a very sweet, kind person and adds alot to the team spirit. She is not a natural athlete and yes, strikes out and drops balls. The girls on her team are encouraging and supportive and I grateful for the kind parents that raised them. Their coach is to be commended.

My dd plays for the comradarie and exercise and yes, fun. At age 11, I think that's what sports should be for children. Next year, I assume the more competitive children will play in the "other" league. She is a great artist and musician - I don't think that should preclude her from playing sports, even if she isn't a superstar.

What cracks me up the most is parents gunning for college scholarships at age 10-11. If only they knew that they were spending more $ on lessons, camps and special equipment then they could ever earn in scholarships, they'd be embarassed.

What cracks me up the most is parents gunning for college scholarships at age 10-11. If only they knew that they were spending more $ on lessons, camps and special equipment then they could ever earn in scholarships, they'd be embarassed.[/quote]

I don't think that paying for these things is any different than paying for things like piano, dance, gymnastics and that type thing. For DD she just loves softball and has since she was 5 or 6. She is good in school and very artistic too and she enjoys throwing pottery on the wheel, drawing and painting, but softball just seems to be her thing, she wants to go to all the camps and this is her third year in fast pitch and second year pitching. She does also take art classes and this summer is taking a cheerleading class, a pottery class, a babysitting class and 2 basketball camps in addition to her softball stuff, we try to make sure she is exposed to alot of different things. She practices something in softball almost everyday because she wants to. We were lucky enough for our 12 and under team to have the junior high/high school softball coach, he wants to teach them the things they need to know to be able to get on the junior high team, that is something you try out for. He was pretty laid back for a coach, some of those coaches for other teams I thought would have a coronary out on the field screaming at the kids, I would never let my kid play for someone like that. In our league everyone has to play also, some part of the game. I'm glad your DD enjoys playing the game. Thank you for another perspective, I never thought a kid would still like the game when they can't succeed very well at it, I was feeling sorry for these kids sitting the bench, dropping balls, and striking out they just seem so defeated (my thinking here) , but they must really like it or they wouldn't keep coming back. And all the girls do support each other and yell for each other and all the parents yell for all the girls. They all get along for the most part and they all go to school together, well 5th and 6th grades, but the same school. The girls also get mad at each other when one kid loses the game for the whole team, but they get over it.

As far as extra camps and that type thing, I understand people not having the money, but most of the girls parents that play softball here can afford it if they wanted to, alot make way more than we do. Most of the better players do go to camps. But their kids have to want to go to camp and the parents have to want to pay for it. There are parents of kids who can't play too well who have spent $140 for a glove, but did that help the kid catch the ball any better, no, another spent $80 for a bat, but the kid still can't hit the ball, but if they personally spent additional time working with their kids or sending them to camps, they might learn how to do things. So if the parents are spending this type of extra money on expensive equipment then they could afford camp, use the equipment they already had, but actually learn something. We have batting cages that are free and the softball fields are within 3 blocks of our house and within 1 mile of most everyone on the teams houses (small town) and they are open to anyone anytime, but you have to actually want to go down there and do something. You really can't make kids (I don't think you should make them) practice if they don't want to and it shows on the field who practices and who doesn't. They have team practices too and if you don't show up you have to sit out the first half of the game, because of the everyone has to play rule. Most of the ones that go to extra practices and camps want to be there, I know DD has not missed a single team practice in 6 years, not one single practice, and she has only missed one game in six years and that is the day of my moms funeral.

My observation has been that often the kids who appear to be standouts when young end up being surpassed by the kids nobody ever thought would amount to much. It's a rather humbling thing to watch. I've seen the kids who rather shunned my not-so-coordinated son slowly drop off that "best player" radar screen, despite the $500 camps and only name-brand equipment. My son is hardly the best player that ever graced his preferred sport at this juncture, but he went from being last picked to the go-to guy in the course of a year.

My biggest regret for him is that I got psyched out by jock snob moms early on, and I didn't personally have the level of confidence in him that I should of had for him as his mother. I recall one mother saying, in an underhanded but obviously-aimed-at-me way, "It would be so much better if the parents whose kids obviously are not meant for sports would figure that out early on and just let the ones with the natural talent have the opportunity to play with other kids who are good, and maybe have a chance to win."

I like her, and I like her son, and he is a talented athlete. He also went from being an average-sized kid to one who, at age 12, is the size of my 3rd grader. She may regret her stance one day if it's her child who doesn't seem to have that elusive "it." Whatever "IT" is.

I didn't send my son to all the camps, and I'll be the first to say that it wasn't because he didn't want to go. It's because I wasn't investigating what was available and providing those opportunities for him... largely because I was psyched out by the snob jock moms early on, thinking we had no "place" in their circles. I didn't want him to go to the camps and be looked down upon for not being as good, even when he was just 8-10 years old, because it appeared the "IT" kids on the field had already been identified and we were not wanted.

My son is good now. Really good. Not the absolute best... but very good. That he stuck with it says a lot more about him and his character than it does the kids with the natural talent and the sports stage moms who orchestrated athletic careers for their kids.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting kids into camps and other things, but the minute they begin to look down on those whose parents, for whatever reason, are not providing them for them is the minute they lose my respect. I think it's far more important to think about others than about one's own desire to win. In the end, while everyone wants to win, the measure of a man - or woman - is how he or she treats those perceived as "less than." Putting others first when it's no skin off your own back really doesn't teach much. It's when you want something, and can have it, and maybe even rightfully should but are willing to forgo it for the sake of someone else... that's when character is built.

There comes a time, usually in high school, when kids wake up to their true talents, and those who aren't so good at this or that, be it sports, the arts, music, woodworking, mechanics, math, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, begin to gravitate towards other things, find their niches, and perfect their skills. If in those younger years they've built character, when they reach the age where like-minded, like-talented kids are converging for the same activities, the experience will be so much sweeter.

Let them all have fun while they're small. Don't push kids away who just want to try. It'll all work itself out on its own soon enough without purposely trying to send a child packing because they don't meet your expectations of "good enough to play with my kid."

JMHO, of course.

Wowitsdark, that is a great post. I feel the same way. My DH excelled at sports and didn't start playing until middle school age. My son spends most of the day playing with the neighborhood kids and shooting hoops in our front yard. He plays sports for school and the city and does well. No private lessons needed. (I saw how much Penny spends in an earlier post--all I can say is NO WAY!!!)

"The girls also get mad at each other when one kid loses the game for the whole team, but they get over it. "

Penny, sounds like your daugher hasn't learned that softball is a team sport and one child does not lose the game for the whole team. This also means that one child does not win the game for the team. Even if she's privately coached and spends her whole summer at sports camps.

Rebecca

Actually one kid can lose the game for a whole team if the game is tied and has gone into overtime and one kid does something they are not supposed to, normally it does not happen like that, but I have seen it happen in the past. The kid was crying, she knew she cost the game and her parent even asked her "how does it feel to lose the game for your team". The kids get over it no one holds a grudge or anything, but just like anything else you have to be accountable for your actions, they hopefully learn from their mistakes and hopefully the same mistake won't happen again. In the particular situation the coach had just got done telling all the playesr on the team where to throw the ball 3 times, she caught the ball and stood there holding it (never did throw it) letting the other team to score when if she done what she had just been told by the coach to do she would have thrown the ball the 5 feet and had the player out . I felt really bad for the kid, but she made a mistake, she'll get over it, I'm sure she has it was a couple of weeks ago.

I guess you are talking about the sports post a few weeks back about how much people spend playing sports? As far as private lessons and camps, like I said in my above post I don't see it any different as paying for dance, gymnastics, music lessons or any other type of extracurricular activites. It just a fun activity for the kid. My husband and I feel physical activity is very important for kids, so if I can do anything to encourage that I definately will. And softball is not the only thing she does, it's just what she likes the best, she is going to 2 basketball day camps this summer (she plays that too during BB season) this week she is taking a Babysitting class, last week she took a tennis class (day camp), she will also take a piano for a week (day camp), a t-shirt decorating class day camp) and a cooking class (day camp), a science day camp and a cheerleading day camp. I just feel these are better options than sitting in front of a tv at a babysitter for half the day (I work part time and the camps are all half day). She love going to them and alot of her friends also attend. We also swim almost everyday.

Wowsitsdark, don't be intimidated by any other moms. The kids learn a huge amount at camps and they have a ton of fun. Alot of kids coaches (around here, could be different in your area) are just parents, they don't know alot about the basics of playing a game, they don't know the skills, most are just parents volunteering so their kids can play, so alot of times the kids don't actually learn alot at their practices, they don't know what they are doing right or wrong or how to cerrect it. . At camps, they tend to be run by professionals that coach the game for a living and can give more idividualized instruction on what they are doing wrong, how to correct it and they play games and have fun learning. Like when they learn how to slide, they set up big tarps on the ground with running water (like a big gigantic slip and slide) and this is how they learn the basics of sliding, by sliding through the water, they don't get hurt, they learn the proper technique and they have fun while they are doing it.

So anyways, doesn't it just drive you nuts when parents live through their children???? Do you think this happens with all parents to some degree? With only children? Youngest? Oldest? Are these parents aware of what they're doing or not?
Just curious...cj/

I had DS in baseball for 3 years. Our agreement was that if he wanted to sign up, I'd do my duty (sales, tagging, snack stand, etc.) and he would do his (every game, every practice, not leave until the end of the season). We both fulfilled our ends. At the end of the season he said "It's not fun anymore" and we didn't sign up again. He had a decent bat and glove - the padding makes a huge difference. We did a few weeks in summer camp, it was fun and I work, so he wasn't home bored. He'd rather play tennis, though, so that's this year's camp along with 3 weeks of visual art camp.

We never had anyone do the "It's your fault we lost" when we played. Sports to me, is not about the win, it's about the effort and being a team. One player doesn't lose the game. If the game is close enough that a botched play loses it, then the team hadn't scored enough. I'd never ask DS how it felt to lose the game for his team. I'm his mom, not his coach.

Do I live though my only child? Nope. We just left Scouts after 5 years, I was Den Leader for all 5 of them. I miss it, but it was his choice. I let him make his own decisions, he takes credit for the wins and the good grades. His Scout badges were earned by his skills, with others help.

But, at the end, he'll remember, hopefully, as I did, the fun you had with teammates, the games, the nights beneath the stars at ball or at camp. I don't want him to only remember the wins or losses.

End thought - one of the nicest students in school is a star athlete, a gifted & talented student, one of my old Scouts and the most grounded boy you'd ever want to meet. I think he's exceptionally nice and I give full credit to his parents for raising him right and keeping him grounded.

My kid in the 1st game of this season was put in defense. Never played that position and made a big mistake and it cost her team a goal. I was like oh no not because my daughter wouldn't learn from her mistake but because I knew the ignorance on the sideline. The little whispers....This mother after my daughter made a goal sweep which saved the game said to me well she redeemed herself from the 1st game. Can you imagine a grown women holding on to the 1st game which we ended up tying.
If professional athletes who make MILLIONS OF DOLLARS make mistakes why do we think Children won't? Success is acheived by those who try! So what if they lose the game it's a game for fun and parents get this ego feeling that sickens me. And no I don't feel like this because my daughter isn't a good athlete quite the contrary she has been pulled aside from referees and other coaches because she is small but can run circles. I just feel like the whole sports thing is out of hand not because of the kids but the overacheiving parents. We all want our kids to do well whether school etc but you just can't always win or be the best. Just my opinion or better yet Vent out

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Flipper said something that got me thinking....

This was our first year of softball (dd#2) and we had a great team. The parents were supportive of ALL the teams, ALTHOUGH our parents were the only ones. I noticed that the other teams parents would just sit stone still until somebody did something brilliant on THEIR kids teams. We cheered for both sides and you know what.....our team was the tournanment champions! I think that says alot. Also, our team showed excellent sportsmanship on and off the field than the other teams we played.

I think the reason is they had support for the good and bad and they saw their parents lead by example!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

BINGO! And I hope any coach who's players thought otherwise would explain this to them AND their parents!

Something sad from the sidelines happened at my DDs game the other night too. We were playing a team and were winning by a few runs. Our coach made a pitching change because our pitcher was having problems with one of her fingers hurting or something. Anyway, when the new pitcher came in to pitch, the other side had a parent who was basically heckling her. I couldn't believe it. She was having problems getting the ball over the plate and started walking a lot of the girls. The father was hollering to the girls not to swing - just to let her walk them because she couldn't pitch anyway. I felt so sorry for our pitcher. Now mind you, these girls are in the 8 - 10 year old division and this was an 8 year old pitching.

I honestly wanted to go over and give this father a piece of my mind and I'm sure the pitcher's mom really wanted to.

These girls are just learning and I don't understand the meanness. I can understand wanting to win, but you honestly would have thought that this was the world series on the line for this father or something. He was pacing up and down the fence and yelling constantly - hollering at the umpires for calls he thought were wrong, etc. I was so glad when the game was over and that we don't have to play them again!

I'm sorry your team had to deal with this. We play one of those teams too in our league and it's awful for the kids and the parents. This particular team is so obnoxious, they are also one team that has one of the coaches that almost has a coronary on the field yelling at his girls. The parents are worse than the kids and I really just hate when DD's team has to play this team. We always cheer and yell out encouraging things for all our girls all the time even when they make mistakes (it's their parents that usually point out the negatives, we try not to do thet too much with DD, but DH works with her to help at if she is having a problem with something). As an 8 year old (your team) this would have probably been her first year at fast pitch too so it had to be hard on her, but if she is going to continue to pitch she will have to learn how to focus and not listen to stuff like that and concentrate on what she is doing, present it to her as a learning experience if she continues there are bound to be more parents like this in the future so it's better to get used to it now. Unfortuantely that is the way it is with alot of sports.

Back to the question at hand. Yes I do hate it when parents try to live through their kids. If I had my way DD would be taking all the art classes she possibly could LOL (since I was an art minor in college and it continues to be a hobby even today). But it's not her thing so I don't push her in that direction too much, she does show an interest in throwing on a potters wheel so I do encourage that, but she will never be like me and I have to let her go in her own direction and do what she's interested in. My 2 older DD's were more like me in that respect arts, music they are interested in that type thing. All kids are different.