It sounds strange, but I really have too many friends and I just can't keep up. There is one really nice mom that I met at baseball, our sons are on the same team and we have a great time there, but she calls a LOT. It's not that I don't like her and I know she is having problems meeting people in town, but I just don't have the time for anyone, especially with what's going on with my Dad.

Then today when I was in the post office a lady from DD's preschool gave me her number so we could get the kids together before school starts. I couldn't turn her down, I gave her my number too, but thought oh great another person I have to call.

I liked her to, and I feel bad that I don't want to have all of these friends, it's not them, it's me.

I already have 3 best friends who I call every day, besides my sister. And it's hard to be a good friend to all of these people. How can I cut it down, besides ignoring them or not calling which already isn't working.

Maybe I just need to be meaner?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

The best way around all of this I think is to be totally honest with them and tell them that you appreciate them wanting to get together and/or talk all the time but that you have a lot going on right now and really need to focus your attention to your family. Hopefully they should be adult enough to understand that you can't be there for them everyday!!!! I wish you well!!!! You sound like an awesome friend to have!!!

I don't know if you're meaning "get rid of" as in, not ever call again, or just not so much.

The only thing I can think of involves Caller ID. If you have it and see the numbers, don't answer. They'll probably leave a message on your machine and you'll have to call them back and some point, but it would be more on your terms/time.

You could tell them you're just soooo incredibly busy at such-and-such times of day with such-and-such going on, it's hard for you to talk on the phone a lot, or something like that.

I don't know if that's PC enough to not hurt feelings yet still get the point across, but I'm sure someone(s) out there has great ideas!

If you mean to get rid of altogether, then I'm at a loss.

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I don't mind someone calling every once in a while to get together, that's fine. This woman wants to get together almost every weekend and that's too much. I did forget to call her last week, she mentioned something about a picnic at the last baseball game and with everything going on I just forgot uintil I ran into her today and she said "you never called". I tried to explain about my Dad, but I don't think it sunk in.

I really do like having lots of friends, but I want to be a good friend and right now it's hard.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I hate talking on the phone. I usually don't answer it.

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Reminisce71@sbcglobal.net

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I second the caller ID. BUT...my bestest friend who I do indeed love dearly calls constantly. When I do not pick up, like when I am on the phone with work, and the machine doesn't pick up when your on the phone...she lets it ring and ring and ring constantly making that Caller ID beep on the line..AAHH it aggrivates me.

I've been ill lately and sometimes am truly just too tired to talk or I am sleeping. She doesn't leave a message when the machine picks up but will keep just calling back, within minutes..drives me nuts. i beg my family, just pick up and tell her I am sleeping so she will stop calling. It's not that I don't love her, but I have so much medically going on with me right now, and if I am trying to tell her something important, she interrupts me by talking to her kids and then totally diverts to another topic, ignoring the fact that I was telling her something important. I just say forget it.

Go for the Caller ID or just the machine and then explain you've been busy. Some people just don't listen though and don't here you when you say you are. i know it's frustrating.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

I have a co-worker who is just like that. She'll call my house and won't leave a message then she'll turn right around and call my cell phone and if I don't answer that she'll call the house again. Irritates me sooooooo bad!!!! I love her to death but I see her everday at work and when I get home I've got other things to do besides talk on the phone for an HOUR. Yes, an hour!! I can never get off the phone with her and when I finally do she'll say "Call me back later " Uh, no! I finally just quit answering the phone.

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"Let me watch my children grow to see what they become
Lord don't let that cold wind blow til I'm too old to die young'

I would say just do what you did....tell them how hectic things are with your Dad. If they can't understand it, tough crap!! I mean, honestly, they have to understand, kwim?? I know how hard it is, tho, when you have someone constantly wanting to get together. that is part of the reason I don't make a lot of friends...I'm stingy with my time, and like to spend it with DH and the kids. You don't need the added stress of maintaining friendships. True friends will understand, and hopefully even offer to help lighten your load.

Good Luck.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

just dont answer the phone. get a machine and screen your calls.

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Flip

I have been thinking about your question and I've read most of the Ladies responses to them.

Heres my two cents:

Is she really calling you that much? Or does it just seem like she's calling you all day b/c your talking to at least 4 different women probably for more than five to ten minutes a day. Then you got the whole Dad stuff thats probably making you worried,crazy and stressed. She is not one of your touchstones and after you do all that you do with Dad, the kids, then be a girlfriend and wife, it probably just feels like shes an obligation and you start to wonder if she was a telemarketer in a former life?? Could that be it. she calls just when you are starting something cause you've just gotten off the phone or helped dad??
Juat wanted to give you a different look at it.

And I don't know how you Ladies can be honest with this kind of person, without hurting feelings. If she's that desperate for a friend she's not going to get it or shes going to be terribly hurt.

I don't know Flip, tough situation.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

OK Miss Popularity-lol....
I did have a problem like this, and unfortunately, I had to "get meaner." She was a true head case and while she was very nice, the friendship was just too taxing on me-that sure was a tough phone call. If your friend is more sane than mine was, I would just try the avoidance method-it really is a much kinder way to handle things.

For a little over 3 dollars a month you can have second number with a different ring tone. Give this number to those people and if you have a little time answer the ones you want. I have this and it works well especially for bill colectors. hee hee

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

My dh coaches a little league team, and I end up handling several phone calls a day from baseball parents. After their initial question/complaint, they always want to gossip about other parents. I try to stay neutral, and lately have been letting their calls go to voicemail and conveniently return their calls as I'm going into a store and can only talk for a few minutes
I'm sure the woman is grateful to have a friend, maybe after she meets a few more people things will settle down.

Isn't it sad, I thought of another phone number! I think Vicki hit it right, I am on the phone so much lately and so many people call that just one more is too many. She is the topper, the one that pushes me over the edge I guess. ANd then when i ran into the other lady at the PO and SHE wanted my number, it got to me.


I just don't have time for this now and I hate to blow people off and she isn't taking no for an answer.

Dad is just getting worse and I don't need these people bugging me, I need help.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer