I have a friend who is in her 40's... no children, stays at home (disabled), and is very lonely and social.

We have a phone call scheduled for this afternoon. I have to schedule it because my life is pretty hectic with kids and so on. What I tried the last time was to tell her that I'm using a calling card (which I do!) and have 30 minutes but she sounded annoyed when I told her that?!

The problem is, when we get on the phone, she will talk for TWO hours if I let it go that long. I always have to figure out a way to cut it short. Meanwhile, the kids are running in and out and wondering why I'm on the phone for so long... the phone conversations are boring (to me!)... and I don't like talking on the phone!

But, she is a terrific friend that goes back to grade school and I have to step lightly as I do not want to lose her friendship over something trivial.

Any suggestions on how to politely get off of the phone? Thanks in advance.

Enlist the help of your children? Maybe they could have a matter of urgency come up at just the right moment.

if you have call waiting, call your house phone from your cell phone. When the phone beeps that you have another call, answer it, then go back to your friend, and tell her, "sorry XXXX I have to take that call, it's been great chatting with you".

Good Luck.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

"oh sh!t...the baby just fell...I gotta go!"
"hang on a minute...what honey?...oh, I gotta go, hubby is getting hungry and he gets grumpy when he's not fed"
"I'm gonna let you get back to your life...my kids are starting to get restless...nice talking to you"
"Well, looks like the baby just colored the tv with a permanent marker...I better let you go" (by the way, if this ever happens, rubbing alcohol tackles a sharpie just fine!)
"Oh no, the dog just got into the garbage"
have your husband/kids "in" on your plan and signal them when you want off the phone with a routine you practiced (I used to do this all the time with my former roommate...we had so much fun with it) but I would signal her and she would say...hey emie, are you going with me cause I need your help...and that would be my hurry up to get off the phone.

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"Well, dd has practice or to go to somewhere (doctor, friends, whereever) and we've gotta go. Talk to you later."

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

'Course being an honesty freak myself, it would be in my own comfort zone to explain to a good friend (for this and the other similar thread) how much I appreicate their friendship, but that my life is busy and full and sometimes I can't spend as much time chatting or socializing as I would like. "Can we try to make the most of what time I do have - and please don't be upset if I have to run?"

I'm of the honest type too... cj, I tried that a few times and she just can't handle the good-bye.

I have tried many, many of what you all are suggesting when the situations really have come up over the years. And still, she never seems to fully understand that I just can't be on the phone all day... sigh.

She is really good at putting the guilt treatment on me. I have quit calling her in the past few years because of this. It is easier to Instant Message or email and not have to hear the whine in her voice when I have to go.. Oh my.

Thank you so much for all of the great suggestions. I'm going to try the, "I have 30 minutes to talk ... I have a lot of things to get done today and I know that you have a lot to do too ... " with CJ's suggestion on the end -- I might enlist my oldest son's help too.

All I really need to do is laundry...

Call waiting is good idea but don't have it.

I'll let you know how it goes. Bugs me that I have to plan like this.

I just tell them that I have to go and I had a lovely time talking to them, and could we do this again another day! It makes them feel good while letting them know they are important to you but, it stills ends the call.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I know that this would be a "pity party" for the disabled friend. But, being in almost the exact same position myself , sans friends..heh, I know it would really hurt my feelings more saying that her life is so busy and full wheras I cannot have a life anymore. It would be like saying "Well, since I have things to do and you don't, I have to go". I understand the need/want to be honest, but I'm sure there are other ways to say it. Saying the above would just be "rubbing it in" to her. But at least, I don't think, she would have to worry about the friend calling anymore.


Please think a bit before saying whatever it is you chose to say to her on this. I don't know what her specific disability is. but if it is of a physical nature and she is powerless to change her circumstances, then reminding her that she has nothing to do won't help. If it is of a psychological nature, then you really have to be careful of what you say.

To be honest, I think somewhere in between your previous answers would be the best solution. Try to figure something out that won't hurt her feelings in the process. I'm sure you don't want to lose her as a friend, just not be on the phone with her for so long.

Anyone who knows me, knows "I gotta go, need to use the bathroom" is a real excuse

She is not so physically disabled so as to not be able to get out. She lives in a low income housing apartment and her parents and sister live in the same building. Her physically ailments do not make her home-bound at all.

Her life is busy right now... She plans weddings on a volunteer basis for friends of hers at her church. She has a very busy social life -- way busier than mine but we are VERY different in that way (and in MANY other ways).

She is currently dealing with a 'Bridezilla' so I know that it is what we will talk about (we rarely talk about my life)...

Lots of good ideas here. I'll be talking with her in an hour. I better go get some things done. *wink* LOL.

OK well that makes my answer entirely different then. I would suggest what Cjs suggested. If she is able to get out and do other things, and you are not her "lifeline" so to speak, then yes, be honest but kind.

Thought I'd do a follow up.

Well, she ended up Instant Messaging with me on the computer! She seemed tired and busy and it was easy to say good-bye when the time came. All that worry for nothing BUT, I have some good ideas for the next time we get on the phone.

Thanks for all of the help.

I'd just try to keep it on the computer as much as possible since it is easier to get away that way.
E-mail her when YOU have time and read her replies when YOU have time!

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