I have 2 friends who are constantly calling me with all the drama in their lives.

Friend #1, a former co-worker who I became good friends with, lives with her adult (27 yr old son), her son refuses to work, my friend was working yes I said was, thats because she suports her son and I cant tell you how many times she called out of work because she did not have money to take the train/bus, I told her to buy a monthly pass but she said she couldnt incase her son needed money or ciggerettes and she did not want to be short So last week she was fired. She has an interview tomorrow and has been calling everyone that we both know asking for money so she can go to the interview; however a friend offered her a ride but she said she would rather have the cash to pay for herself which now I know means she has no interview she is just broke and her DS wants money. We have all told her to tell him to get a job but she says she cant cause he is depressed as it is.


Friend #2, I work with now, she is constantly calling out, showing up late, not doing her work like she should and wonders why they told her she is being demoted.

I have told them both what i would do if i were in their situations but they dont want to hear it, they both want me (and the rest of our mutual friends) to fix the problems for them. SO how can I nicely tell tjem when they call that I have my own issues and can not always be there to help them because apparently I am not saying the right thing if they keep calling. Esp friend number 1 she has called me 8 times already since i got to work at 830am

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Sad to say I have not learned this art form yet. My mother had perfected it. She gives them the exact same advise, say ten times in a row. Then the next time they ask (which they don't usually b/c they are sick of hearing the same advise ten times in a row) She tells them that her opinion on what they can do isn't going to change and her opinion is the same as the last time they asked. I have found that these types of ppl don't really want a solution and they are not fact finding to get them out of their current situation, they just want someone to hear them. My SIL is this way, so to keep the family peace I don't answer back anymore but I just try to listen.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

Op do you have caller id? I wouldn't even answer calls from those people after the first time or two! especially if you do not have time
I would also tell friend #1 to not call me at work, can't talk while working, boss doesn't like getting calls, whatever - unless it's ok with you to get calls from your friend 8 times in a few hours. that is crazy imo. i would have to tell her STOP calling me at work good luck

People like this (OP's friends) really irritate me. I know a few people like this, too. I just finally got to the point where, when they bring it up, I say "well, I don't know what else to tell you, since you obviously don't want to do what I've suggested. But, that's your choice. Anyway.......how's the weather out your way????" then don't even let them bring it up any more. If they do, I just change the subject. If that doesn't work, stop taking their calls. Hopefully they'll get the hint.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I have a friend that I love dearly--but she makes really poor life choices. 1st she got pregnant--and didn't know who for sure who the daddy was. Then she moves in with the NON Daddy and plans a wedding only to find out that he's been cheating on her and has a child of his own. She calls of the wedding, but continues to be involved (ie living) with him. We lose track of each other for a couple of years--so I don't know what all went on during that time. But, she now lives in a different state. She met this man, had him move in and, you guessed it, she's pregnant again. Well, she finally fessed up that current man in her life is a convicted sex offender. OK--of what you may ask? He molested his 3 year old daughter. "he only did it once," "he didn't realize what he was doing, he was doing it in his sleep," and on and on. Now, I'm pretty liberal and believe in giving everyone at least one chance--except when it comes to child molesters! anyway--now they are married and she's happier than a clam.

Anyway--my point is this: you can't help them. Your advice goes in one ear and out the other. I finally just told her "look, I think you're making a huge mistake. I will be there for you if this all blows up in your face, but I have nothing to offer you now. I can't give you any money (although I did send her a huge box of baby clothes I got for free..), I don't want to hear about what a good person your DH is, because he MOLESTED his child--I'm sorry but NO, we can talk about other things, we can be friends and I can only offer you moral support" She seemed ok with that.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Sad to have to say this, But Yes and It's my own DD. Her and Her {COUGH}DH make some really bad choices and when things goes wrong she calls me crying EVEN THO I tried my best to talk to her. help her research , Plan etc etc.. I have finally gotten to the point when she calls to tell me this or that and I have already tried to warn her. I tell her matter factually I don't want to talk about it,. You asked me XX time ago about it, I told you what will/might/ could happen , you didnt want my advice them and I'm not given it now. How's the boy's doing ? I will not talk about a beaten dead horse with her any long. No matter what I have told her tried to help her with, She always finds someone that will agree on what SHE wants to hear from them and goes with that instead of what I have offered to her. So my point is, It's their bed let them lay in it. You cannot change peoples ways of thinking ESP when they come to you wanting to hear what THEY want to hear. If you give them anything less they have NO need for you till it goes wrong and them they want YOUR pillow to come crying on. I would change the subject of just hang up with an excuse you have to do something. {BTW} Don't care what the problem might be unless someone is very ill or dying No-one better call my job 8 times in a few hours, It might be OK for them to lose their job, but mine over a call ??? Never happen. You need to point that out before you are the one needing a loan from getting fired...
Good Luck BTDT.

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

If you have caller ID, use it. If not, you can buy phones that allow you to program different ring tones for specific numbers. My home phone does this -- I have one ring for DH, one for family and another one for my close friends. That way, I know if I should run for the phone, let the kids answer, or not worry if I don't get there in time.

I would tell your friend who calls you at work that you can no longer take personal calls while working. If she keeps calling, simply tell her, "Sorry, I can't take personal calls at work" and hang up. You'll probably have to do this over and over again, but at least your boss and co-workers will know that you aren't taking personal calls while on the job.

Sarah.....mom to Jason & Devin

Op, those are not friends in my opinion! I agree with giving them the same advise over and over and over....or simply say "you know my take on it and I don't want to discuss this issue with you again". A real friend would understand. You could also say that you really aren't interested in hearing their sob stories...only good stories. Sounds like you have listened to enough sob stories for the duration of a friendship. You might even find some pamphlets on "enabling" leaches (ie: friends son) and present them to her. She isn't doing him any good at all.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003