I thought it would be interesting to do a poll about this, since occasionally people post that they think certain posts are not nice, and also have read that some people think the debates/posts get heated.

Personally, I like a diverse contribution to the board, and like to read other people's opinions. IMO, I think some people take posts a bit too personally.

Would you rather a board where everyone agreed with one another?? Personally, I prefer dealing with individuals, and THEIR individual opinions. I think we have been basically respectful of other people's opinions and ideas.

Watcha think???

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Although I tend to stay away from debates, I enjoy these boards enough to keep on reading, reading, reading!

Oh Goodness, The Cafe is like a convent compared to many boards I've visited. The Cafe is truly tame compared to most -- we're pretty fortunate that there are so many well mannered posters here.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

I avoid most debates, as most don't pertain to me.

I'll give my two cents on something I feel strongly about, but geez... can't please all the people ALL the time, right?

Controversial? Nope.

Jason

Well, you probably know how I feel. I think a good debate is brain food. To me there is no reason this board can't operate as a discussion forum with opposing views. We are all mature adults and I think that in the past and in the present, almost all debates have been handled maturely and civily.

Anyone remember the swinging topic awhile back......heck if that one didn't sink the ship I don't know what would. LOL.

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This space for rent

I love a debate between mature people! I do not like it when people call each other names or participate in character assassinations.

I also enjoy reading everyone's opinions and insights as well as just seeing the kinds of issues and concerns that folks deal with in their everyday life.

Just like in real life, I wish that more people here were more open-minded and less judgmental. It would be neat if information and sharing changed minds on something or brought someone to a better place every once in awhile.

I also wish that there wasn't as much of the clique thing going on and the rush to defend friends. That seems very juvenile, IM(ns)HO.


cj/

I don't mind the debate. I actually like to hear opinions that are different from my own and I like to know the reason behind it. I look at things differently after hearing some comments.

But I like when we can disagree POLITELY on a subject but then agree on another subject. I see some usernames and think "Oh boy, here we go again" because some people seem to be out for others, kwim?

I appreciate everyones feedback on my posts, and I try not to take things to personnally, but try to learn from them. Maybe the only thing I learn is to ignore someone, but at least I learned something!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Qui? Moi? Pourquoi?

This board is so genteel it hurts! If you think anyone on here has been mean or nasty then try going to another, larger board that has less moderation and a larger member base (more diverse members with more diverse opinions)

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Yeah, I've noticed this, too: no matter what certain posters say, there will be a couple of posters immediately "agreeing" with them

Same thing on the Your Family Board.

This board started out pretty PC, but over the months some crappy attitudes have presented themselves..some surprises, some not, just like the YFB board.

Some things will always be the same.

When it first started it was nice but now its back to the mean and nasty way it was in the past so I don't like to post.And that is my opinion and if I offended 99% of the people on this board sorry,but that is my opinion.

I think everyone having their own opinion is fine, we are all different and we all have our own opinions on things. What I don't like is when you express your OPINION and someone tells you you are wrong (about your own opinion or it's wraong to think a certin way), well you can't be wrong because it's your own opinion. Just because someone doesn't agree with what you have said or doesn't like what you've said does not make you wrong. You are still entitled to your own opinion and it is just as RIGHT as their opinion.

AGREED Very Well Said!

I feel that this board and its members really try to have intresting discussions/posts. And I credit just about everyone for trying not to take things personally.

However, most of the "meaty" types of topics always do end up hurting someone or other. I still think the discussions are worth having, and my own perspective has been changed more than once because of some of the posts. However, I think most dissenting opinions could be handled with more care. I'm including myself in the group who need to be more careful. And I'm going to try.

ITA too. I do think people say things to purposely attack some posters and it has nothing to do with opinions at that point. I have defended someone on that, whether I agree or not with what the poster said I can't support anyone attacking another person. We can discuss like adults or we can name call and bicker like high school girls.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I didnt really know how to vote. I like a good debate but frankly would rather debate someone face to face. While I like coming here and reading, I dont feel the need to give my opinion all the time or to try and change the minds of people I dont really know.

So, while I like reading the boards, I can take or leave the hotly debated items, they usually turn into being "talking" AT each other not TO each other.

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

They are back!

I don't think we're too controversial. I do think, however, that there are some posters who like to 'stir the pot' to get at certain persons who have posted.

Controversial is fine, as long as people can be civil! Mean and nasty, it's rare here but yes, it happens.

I enjoy this board but, I could see it going away in the future for the same reason it was removed in the past. how long was it gone? 2 or 3 years or so?

I hope I'm wrong would hate to see the board go away

Luckily, based on the poll, a small minority seems dissatisfied so probably nothing to be concerned about, carol.

Ok- Here is MY .02. (This will probably be my last post before BANNED is under my username)

I have been on ALL sides of the fence here.

1. I was the moderator of YFB when it was closed( Against my wishes and thoughts) It had turned into a VERY nasty place. Old-timers will know that The Cafe is a newborn kitten compared to the BEAST that was YFB.

2. I re-opened The Cafe last year after begging Admin to let me do so. I asked Suz to co-moderate with me and I think it went very well. There were definitely HOT topics, but all were discussed in a civil manner. I am very PRO-freedom of speech, and as a mod, let almost everything stay.

3. I then became the ADMIN of the entire Shopping boards, and TRIED to make it a better place for all. My idea of 'better' was freedom of speech for all. ALL. No matter WHAT the topic or my PERSONAL opinion, each and every user was entitled to say HOW they felt. Even if that meant calling another user a "Ghetto bootied 'ho"

I guess my thinking was a bit too progressive or modern, as sadly, some members of my team thought I was TOO lenient and that we had to protect our users from being called names and being told that their opinions were "wrong."

I think in this day we, as a society have become too concerned with being P.C. and offending someone, that we compromise OUR thoughts to keep ourselves safe from ridicule for having an opposing thought.

This is shopping board! Membership is VOLUNTARY. If you don't like it here- leave. Join another board. We are ALL adults, and responsible for our OWN feelings. If someone calls me names ( Like EditBi*ch), I laugh it off and move on. I did and do NOT allow ANYONE to dictate how I feel.

Bottom line, if you feel someone is being " mean or nasty" to you, then ignore them.

If a discussion of the menstrual cycle and varied products used to contain it offends you- don't read it. But PM a mod and complain that it's graphic? That's what children do- run to mama and tattle.

Suffice it to say, if I had not resigned as admin, that thread would have remained.

I am VERY outspoken and opinionated, yes. I believe in freedom of speech for EVERYONE. Even if you want to tell me I stunk as a mod, admin and person. Will I think you are wrong? Yes! Will I ask a mod to remove your words? Heck no! YOU are entitled to YOUR opinion.

As an aside- Who is in this Clique- and why wasn't I invited?

Cici, I don't know why you would be banned for what you said, you make some great points. I really like the one where you said that membership is voluntary if
you don't like it here leave and if you don't like what someone says ignore it. Life is to short to sweat the small stuff!!!

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

I love you Cici!!!!

and I will personally pimp your site for you.

If ya'll don't know by now Cici has her on blog thats (in my humble opinion) WONDERFUL and totally uncensored (well life is too and I love her for being true and real)

allaboutcici.blogspot.com

Go everyday!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

No, some people are just way to sensitive and take everything that is posted personally. It's the internet for goodness sake. I have to assume that only a few people here know each other personally and are actual friends. If you care what a bunch of strangers on the internet have to say or think about you then you probably do think this site is too mean and nasty.

Just a word of advice: This site is extremely friendly, compassionate and helpful compared to several other sites. Some of those sites actually allow cussing and everything!

I agree with nonbeliever, I'm a member of 2 peas in a bucket and some of those women are snarky.

However, I stop participating in the conversation when ppl are going after ppl. I don't associate with ppl in my "real" life that would do that and I'm not going to start here.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I enjoy reading different things. If I don't like the topic I don't read it. But I do admit that sometimes I am a bit terse when I post. I forget that while I am not looking at you, you do have feelings and I should be kinder.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

Carrie- I like reading your comments.your spicey. keep up the good work. I love this side of the cafe. everyone is intittled to their own opinion and just let us do that.

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

You agreeing with me just surprises the heck out of me.

I believe you took something that was said way to personal and chewed out another poster because of what you took as a personal insult. Honestly? I think you owe that poster an apology. You were just downright rude to that person.

Ummm - Hello???? Talk about hypocrisy! This has to be the most ironic post on this thread!

Nonbeliever, why are you so sensitive??? Didn't you just say that some people on this board are way too sensitive??? I don't really get you.

Well said. I agree with you.

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

I love reading diverse opinions. Often I learn the most from people whose views are the most opposite of mine. I love controversy.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Devinmom, Nfjl and Carrie,

I'm sure that someppl will call me childish but, i think i will risk it.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

enough said!!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

WOOO HOOOO!!!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

Most of the time I'm not even aware of who it is i'm responding to, I hope that doesn't seem rude. I guess I just respond to the content of the message, not the messenger. So it makes it more difficult to take things personally. For the most part this is a VERY tame board and quite enjoyable.
I enjoy the "conversation" here. I don't think it is ok to get personal, but that's just my opinion..lol.



Melissa

To answer your question about who owes who an apology.

anyone can go and read that post and see that I was asked a question and I answered it from my Dhs and my POV and what we choose to do. I stopped responding b/c I am not going to get dragged into a war over a post on the internet. I believe that some ppl continued to have that conversation on their own. I stopped reading b/c it didn't benefit me to read that. That is my opinion on the subject and ppl can read it for themselves and agree or disagree with me. That is up to them. Your opinion is yours and my opinion is mine. I do stand up for myself though, I just choose to do it differently than you.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

For what it is worth--I did apologize to you via PM because I realized that apparently what I was saying was coming out wrong. Whether you accept that apology is up to you. Since you did not respond, I assume you either did not accept the apology or you chose not to read the apology.

I know that I was not intentionally mean or nasty--I do realize that it is hard sometimes to read a post when you can't tell what tone it was written in and you can't see a person's bondy language. I realize that sometimes people take things the wrong way or assume facts not in evidence. The decisions people make on how they raise kids doesn't generally bother me as long as the kids are healthy, happy and well taken care of. One of my biggest pet peeves is when others generalize and paint everybody of a certain gender, race, religion, occupation, etc. with the same brush. That's just not right...

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Why do so many posts end up going this direction lately?

Not to flame anyone or side with anyone or......., but I voted for the last option as so many posts have a great start and then it just turns into finger pointing and bickering back and forth. Yes as posted above, I CHOOSE to come here and CHOOSE to read, but it was a much nicer read less than a month ago.

oh gee Just chill out......
this is a board that can be funny ,sad and all in between....
we can post our thoughts,questions and yes some things migh offend...so what????!!!! ,just ignore the person ,the post and go on with your life....this is the internet ,you know...i hope you all have a life outside this board....IMO ,if this board is consumming your life,your thoughts you rwell being,maybe it is time to just turn it(the internet) off....

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

Peace... peace.

marilynk

i just PMed you.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

What has changed....? Hmmmmm

{Toot Toot} That's my own horn

I thought you were a great Mc Leader and sorry to see you go! I'd just hate to see this boards turn into a free for all. i realize I'm in the minority according to the poll. but.......My point was that about a month ago, the majority of posts didn't turn into hurt feelings. Yes, a debate is awesome as it makes us understand others views. But some people use the "I'm debating", to get in some low blows. Just because you add IN MY OPINION to something does not make everything okay to post. Like if I were to say that so and so is a real witch imo. Does it make calling someone a witch okay just because it's your opinion?

I agree with you 100% on th eopinion issue. Just because something is your opinion, doesn't mean that it is correct ... you can think something, but it can be wrong (my husband does this all the time LOL )...for example, your opinion may be that the sky is green, but most would agree that's incorrect.

Just because it's your opinion and it's different than someone else, doesn't mean that it's OK to trash someone else (you know, like getting mad and telling them that you wouldn't let them babysit your goldfish, or something equally vile) just because it's your opinion. And if you say something like that first, well, then you have to expect that people might respond in kind. And it goes downhill from there.

Personally, if my opnion is founded on incorrect data or logic, I'd like to know it. Not with name calling and outrageous accusations and language and captial letters and bold font, etc, but with a factual, well-reasoned explanation. But hey, I admit it; I'm an engineer by training and livelihood and logic is in my blood. And FWIW, "Constructive Confrontation" is a value of the company I work for; it's even printed on our corporate calendar badge.

cj/

[quote=cjs216;2824027] Just because something is your opinion, doesn't mean that it is correct ... you can think something, but it can be wrong (my husband does this all the time LOL {/QUOTE]

LOL @ your husband comment!

And you hit the nail on the head- right or wrong, we are entitled to feel HOW we feel.