my almost 13 year old dd is bugging me about dating ...
I said noway.she is too young.she asked me when can she have a boyfriends(my first instinct was never ) but let's be real.
too many boys are already calling home,and calling her... she doesn;t go out without dh or me tagging along.we are keeping her on a tight leash ,I guess.I just can't let go ,I do not even let her go in our front yard.she goes in the backyard(even more since a sexual predator moved 2 doors down!!!)

so ,I want so words of wisdom,of sanity....

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

I was allowed to "date" at 14 with group dating.

You know, a bunch of kids together, going to a baseball game or the mall, movies, bowling that sorta thing. I was not allowed to car date until I was 16 and my dad and brothers and uncles and grandfathers went over a few rules with them. Which were as follows

1. My daughter is the greatest thing in the world and you are to treat her like a princess.
2. My daughter is not to be touched in any way ever.
3. You will pay for the check and hold the door for her at all times.
4. You will never let her out of your site for more than her to use the restroom. If anyone else harms her while she is in your care you might as well get in your car and drive outta town b/c your parents will never see you again.
5. Have a good time

I kid you not my dad also had them printed on little tiny business cards for them. My DH still has his. My dad gave him another one on our wedding day. I am not allowed to see it though. Its for "men" only. (probably just says my dad will kill him if he ever hurts me!

These things worked well for me. Your DH can tweek them alittle to fit you guys!! ENJOY! (OMG, I am not looking forward to my daughter doing this in a few years)

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

We were very strict. As far as I'm concerned, 13 is too young to even be receiving phone calls from boys. Kids are growing up WAY too fast. I was still playing dolls on occasion at 13, and it wasnt' THAT long ago! lol

I guess what I'm saying is that I would n't even be discussing dating till at LEAST 16 and make that clear to her, end of subject. Of course you want to talk about why, but I wouldn't debate it with her.

I just did a quick search on early dating and found many interesting sites this is the one that I found most helpful ......http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Pub...ns/PM1547I.pdf there are plenty more out there so knock youself out. I thought it was interesting that early pregnancy and abusive relationships are linked to early dating.

mataje you need to make a decision you cannot be a fence sitter on this topic. Your daughter needs to know and deserves to know what your expectations of her are. My own personal opinion is 16 years old is an appropriate time to start group dating...why rush into it ,16 is still a very young and impressionable age with lots of dating years ahead. Let her figure out who she is , what her interests are, and what she would like to do with her life.


Good luck with this one, having 4 daughters I am a little scared for the teenage years.....and my husband is terrified

My rule for my daughter was 16 ... and we stuck with it. My DD talked to boys at school, not that I could stop that, before she turned 16, and she talked on the phone to boys. But, not dating until she turned 16. She knew this from a very young age, and so she did not really fight us on this one. My husband (although he can be a big teddy bear) is very imposing and intimidating, at 6'1" and about 250lbs and very deep voiced. When he first meets a boy, he is very stern looking and gives him a steady look right in the eyes. Tells the boys that our DD is precious to us and a price would be paid for any inappropriate behaviour or language. "We respect our daughter and we expect you to do the same with the same intensity we do. If you do not, not only will you be disrespecting her, but you will be disrespecting us as her parents. Neither she or I expect to be disrespected and if we are, there are consequences to be paid." Have not had any problems yet and DD is 17 and has dated 2 different boys.....who, I am happy to say, are scared enough of Dad to not want to face his wrath.
Our DD knows and understands that we love her, want her to have a great time growing up, but want her to make wise decisions that can and will affect the rest of her life.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

My 12 year old son is not interested in girls yet -- thankfully -- although I personally look forward to better hygiene when the interest in girls sets in!

He says that the only reason that girls want to date boys is because the boys will buy them things.

Ok, that's his perspective. Interesting. LOL.

Sorry OP I just wanted to address this.

I have had ppl (2) email my personal e-mail and ask me what kind of terrible parents did I have for letting me group date so young. I was fine group dating at this age. My Dh and I decided not to let our DDs group date until they our 16 b/c that is our choice. And to the person who was sure that I was having sex early, its not the case here.
My parents were comfortable knowing the kids and boys I was with and the parents all knew each other. We were raise as a community where everyone grew up in the same part of town went to the same schools and they were just fine with that. If you would like my parents e-mail address to ask them how I turned out I will be happy to give it to you.

And you don't have to know your child is dating, they can "date" at school. We have alot of kids that we are friends with their parents and they are happy to report goes on in their middle school. And trust me this isn't the "bad" part of town these kids live and got to school in.

Once again, I was not promoting teenage sex or dating , just stating what worked for me . And since our DDs aren't even that close to the ages I was speaking about I don't have any firsthand knowledge of being the parent of said dating teen. I can only tell you what I did as a dating teen and what my parents rules were.

I am so sorry OP, I seem to be a heat seeking missile on this site lately. (some ppl here are so sad)

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

My son to be 13 yr old is not interested in dating. Woohoo!

My 16 yr old is allowed to date but I have restrictions. He isnt allowed to drive anyone anywhere yet so that puts a slight damper on things. He has been working a lot lately too so that helps to slow down the dating. We take each date as it comes up and then I talk to parents and find out all the details. He has no problems calling me when they get somewhere and when they are leaving to come home.


Darlene

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

[quote=LaundryOVERLOAD;2825073]I just did a quick search on early dating and found many interesting sites this is the one that I found most helpful ......http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Pub...ns/PM1547I.pdf there are plenty more out there so knock youself out. I thought it was interesting that early pregnancy and abusive relationships are linked to early dating.


Kids need to wait at least until they're 16 (which they're still immature then, but a little more wise than at 13). If they date young, psychologically, they're going to think that that having a sexual relationship is fine since I've been dating for awhile now. There's no positive angle here.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I think "dating" should wait until they are more mature teenagers. Boys and girls hanging out at a party is one thing, as long as there is no pairing off, at like 14 and 15, then once they are 16 I would let them start group dating. Going on actual dates with at least one other couple. I agree that kids are trying to grow up way too fast and it really only leads to trouble.
Vicki, I'm sorry people responded to your post that way. I think dating needs to be defined here. Car dating I think is what most people talk about, I don't think you were actually "dating" at 14, just a group of kids more hanging out.
We need to remember that we come from all different backgrounds here on these boards and what works for one person, may not be the best choice for another, but let's at least respect each other. No personal attacks!
Becky

Totally off topic...but... mrk, you can go to your User CP at the top of the boards and under Settings and Options, choose 'Edit Options'. On that page, click on 'Receive Email from Other Members'. This will prevent other users (and spammers) from emailing you. I personally prefer someone Private Message me if they need to get ahold of me. It's more *private*.


By the way, your parents did nothing wrong. I personally really like the business card idea and I think that what you offered was a good way to handle group dating. The ones who emailed you are afraid to post and probably never do post on these boards.

16 to date one on one. Group date (6 or more) at a PUBLIC place or a parents home (when they are home) at 14 or 15. Problem with group dates is sometimes can feel more pressured to do things they normally wouldn't do because the rest of the group is doing it (drinking, sex, etc). The group mentality can be worse than regular dating

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

My dd (now 16) went on a few group "dates" when she was 14-15. I personally drove them to the movie theater or to the skating rink and then picked them up afterwards. She has a cell phone and knows we could/would call at any time so she better be where she says she's going to be.
Almost all her friends respect the rules we set up before they go out. Now there were a few that wanted to "skip-out" and go do something else but,thankfully, dd knew better and told them no. Those "friends" no longer come around because they would rather be partying and drinking then having fun with a group of friends.

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Amy mommy to Ash,Zach&Alexis


MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

Totally agree with above posters.....group dating should have rules and expectations too. The following is borrowed....

Who? Only those whose standards are high, like your own.

Where? Clean places, decent places, proper places where you can be proud to be.

Why? Associating with others under wholesome circumstances helps develop friendships and permits you to learn about qualities and characteristics in others, to get to know them, to have fun together, to widen areas of choice, to achieve a wider and wiser vision of what one may seek in a future companion.

When? Not too young, not too often, not on school nights as a rule, not too expensively.

What? Fun things, wholesome things, good and useful things—…things pleasing to you, to parents, to God.

How? With others, in groups, chaperoned when proper, appropriately dressed, cheerfully, courteously, modestly, wisely, prayerfully. And let parents know where you are, with whom, doing what, and when you will return.

Have a happy time!

I didn't mean to be misleading..........

My daughter is 20 and married. SHe didn't go on her first real date until she was engaged. I know that sounds strange, but because of the situation it really wasn't! lol She did "spend time" with another young man, but it never went anywhere, and they really were just friends. Her husband was her first boyfriend! Like I said, we were very strict, but because of our daughters own personal standards, it was never really an issue. We were blessed in that sense.

Our son, well, the verdict is still out. He just left for camp/college, so we'll see. But he feels the same way our daughter does. Why date until you are ready to start thinking about marriage? In our thinking, there really is no point in it. Why not just "hang out'?

This is one of may favorite subjects.....

Sorry Momrajum.....I meant Mataje.....I guess my eyes played one of those tricks on me Where you do not read the whole name.... M and J seemed like a match

thanks!!!!
for me ,my parents were very very strict,and I wasn't "allowed" to date even at the age of 18...and the result ,i couldn;t get far enough from home fast enough.....and I moved to an another continent!!!!!but that is another story(even if my sister was allowed to date a younger age)

16 seems to be a right age,if there were any right age.as far as dating at school,she is homeschooled now .and if she goes to the movie with friends,dh or I is sitting right behind them,even if there is only girls going.we never know if therey are thinking about meeting boys there!!!!
she never went out without either of us,and won;t be anytime soon.

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends