I have a 13 yr old daughter who is overly shy around others. At home, it's a different story of course (talking my ear off and bickering with her brothers). When we are out and she runs into a classmate, she has nothing to say. She has a small class of around 60, so everyone knows each other. Lastnight, we were at her brother's baseball game and we are sitting very close to one of her classmates who has a cousin who plays with my son. My daughter will not say one word to this girl; not even a "hi". Since the girl was right behind me, I start a conversation with her. It was a little odd since I am talking with this girl, and my daughter is right next to me, but doesn't really join in the conversation. I want to help my daughter; I'm not criticizing. I understand shyness as I have had to overcome myself. I just think that she needs to try a little more than she does. I appreciate her humbleness and kindness towards others, as I would never want the opposite of that.


I should mention that we did just move last summer to this area so she is one of the new kids. I knew she would probably have the hardest time adjusting and I'm right. She does still talk and email very regularly her friends that we moved away from last summer, so she does have friends.

When school starts up again, she will join volleyball (already paid and signed up) and hopefully try out for the fall play/musical. This way, she will have more contact outside of school with her classmates.

Any one else dealing with this or have in the past?

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My oldest DD has just really come out of her shell this past year. She actually tried out for the talent show this year for singing! (we are still floored over it) I tried pushing her a little and that only made her more clingy.
I was super shy until I found a comfort zone, something that I was really good at, and then was able to show the world. It was a huge confidence booster. That always helps shyness, knowing that you do something really well. My daughter can sing like an angel and then she was able to show the world. It has really helped her. Just yesterday she was at the waterpark DANCING in front of a bunch of ppl she didn't know. This time last year if anyone other than us saw her dancing she would have melted into a little grease spot on the floor. It helped me to remember all the feelings associated with why I was shy and it helped me to help my DD.

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

My friend has a son who is painfully shy and evern more noticeably when his mother is sitting there. She is a very sweet and soft spoken person so I'm not trying to make it sound as though it is her *fault*...

We were at the pool together yesterday. He wouldn't say a thing to any of us but as soon as she walked away to get her other child, he started jabbering. When she returned, he clammed up again.

My 12 year old son can tend to be the same way but I have noticed over the years that I talk for him. It really is extremely hard for me not to but I'm trying to sit back and not say anything -- let him speak -- and he seems to be getting better. I started doing this when he was a shy toddler and I've never outgrown it!!!

I noticed at the pool, that my son was talking to the other people with me around. We have both come a long way...

I imagine your daughter will always be shy but, given time, it should get easier for her. You care about her and are conscientious about it so I am sure that you will figure out a way to help her.

I was an extremely shy child until I became involved in our church youth group. I look back now and I'm amazed at how being involved in church activites really brought me out of my shell. Now when people hear how shy I was as a child they absolutely cannot believe it!!

If you can get her involved in church activities I would say that would help a whole lot. She could help with the children in the church, help in VBS, help teach, be a leader in her youth group. There's so many opportunities available that I am pretty sure she'd get over her shyness pretty quickly!!

I agree with the others your dd needs to find something that she feels good at. Let her try many things. I was shy and still not very talkative and my dh is the same way. My oldest dd was also painfully shy. I actually had a in 1st grade a parent teacher meeting on her shyness. I let the teacher know that there is nothing wrong with being shy! By 3rd grade she was in a talking role in the school play. People came up to me amazed that she talked in the play!

Give your dd time and she will come out of her shell.

Is it possible your daughter has been picked on at her new school? It just seems like if she had friends before and stuff, maybe its something with the school or the kids. We all know kids can just not be nice. Maybe thats why she's shy, just a thought. I've just seen alot of kids this way for this reason.

My 13 YO daughter used to be this way and was very careful not to label her "shy". I call her an introvert because when she's in her comfort zone, you can't shut her up. But when she's in a new situation, she has to have her own time to adjust and get comfortable. I've just accepted that and don't push her faster than she's ready. It's her personality.

When she was in 2nd grade a teacher helped a lot. My daughter had misplaced a spanish folder and wouldn't tell the teachers because the spanish teacher said they couldn't speak english in her class and my daughter couldn't tell her what she needed in spanish. The classroom teacher had lectured them on being responsible and my daughter was scared to tell her because she thought she'd been irresponsible losing it. Turns out the teacher had misplaced it. But I called both teachers and the classroom teacher told me not to tell my daughter we'd spoken. I made my daughter tell the teacher, who then helped her solve the problem and my daughter thought she had handled it all on her own. This teacher was a god-send and really helped her over the year to start to be move assertive.

She's still an introvert but she's come a long way.

Lisa

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No, this is nothing new. She's always been an observer; very cautious personality. She did find two good friends at her former school, but it took awhile. Actually, it was because she and another girl (who became her best friend) did patrol together and were put in a situation where it was just the two of them together and that's how they got to know one another. My daughter is 13, but still a kid on many levels. Seems like so many of the girls this age are wearing makeup, interested in "fashion", and boy crazy. None of this interests her. She is very quiet around people, but part of it may be that she is not interested in these girls.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!