My fil has just one brother and as a young man, fil left home for college, continued on with his higher education receiving his doctorate degree, married and lived away from where he grew up. Meanwhile, his brother (who never went to college) stayed and lived close to his parents and took care of his mother after his father passed away. Mother lived 30 plus years after husband passed, so she most likely did rely on her son that lived nearby. Anyway, when their mother passed, she equally divided the inheritance. Afterwards, brother sends fil a letter stating that he deserved more money since he was there to take care of mother all those years. I believe he had an amount figured out which amounted to around 30 thousand dollars, that he thought he deserved. (According to fil, he thinks brothers wife was very instrumental in all of this). I do believe that fil begrudgingly paid up, but not sure if it was requested amount.

I honestly sympathize with both sides of situation.

What are some opinions on this situation?

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I believe that an Inheritance is a blessing from your parents (or others) that they choose to give, not a payment for taking care of them when they grow older. KWIM?

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

When I see this happen in a family I look at the care giver as a inhertience hunter..One who did it all for the inheritence from the get go . When a person wants to change the wishes of the decease loved person ....only one word sums it up GREED! Parents take care of the children out of love..... when they need us we should be there NOT because of money.... but because we love them!

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Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.

I too think inheritance is a gift and that it should not be expected. If the mother had chosen to give one sibling more than another, that is fine but to say it say it's split 50/50 and then tell your sibling that he/she "owes" you for taking care of mom....not right in my opinion. We take care of our parents because we want to...we love them....we value them. Your FIL's brother did not have to take care of his mother. He could have hired help, etc.

I too do sympathize with both situations. It would be hard to think that you "took care of" your parents while another child did not have to deal with it. As a parent, I would probably give the caretaker child more since more of "their life" and free time was taken from them because they cared enough to care for me. If a child expected or demanded it, they wouldn't get it though. That's wrong

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

IMO, each person has free will to do with what they want with their money/posessions. I don't take for granted an inheritance from anyone, not even my parents. All I hope for is that they live a full happy life with what they have and don't leave any bills or huge "mess" behind for those grieving to have to deal with. Too many times "inheritance" breaks a family apart and causes arguments. I have a vague idea how things will get distributed amongst my siblings, and one of them is getting probably a $200,000 inheritance, while the rest "might" be getting around $20,000??? But, that's fine, since the one getting the larger amount needs it and this is how it is to be divided.

It's a very personal thing, IMO.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I think that the parent should split the inheritance 50/50. But I do feel very sorry for the child that is the primary caregiver. This happens even when all the sibling live close to the parents. Most of the care seems to fall to one person. I can see were the brother that stayed close by would feel put out not to get more. Not because of greed but because of all he did for his mother. It would have been nice if while she was alive she gave him a gift for taking care of her by himself all those years. Then there would have been no hard feeling when everything was split 50/50. It would also be nice if the siblings that didn't do as much for the parent for whatever reason gave a gift to the one who did. They should be very grateful that there was someone to do things for that parent.

I have 3 siblings that live close by, and NONE of them talk to my Dad...they want nothing to do with him at all, they weren't even around when my Mom was alive.

Naturally, I am the sole caregiver and the only child that is involved with my Dad's life, so I am the sole beneficiary. I am absolutely positive that my money-digging siblings will be around right after I lose my only parent, standing with their mouths open and their hands out, but I am not that generous...I look at it as, all those years you COULD HAVE been involved (you could have sent pictures of your kids, birthday cards, a phone call, etc) but chose not to, well tough titties...

Do I deserve an inheritance? Only if there is something to inherit, as I have inherited much knowledge about my childhood and memories to last me a lifetime already...those things can't be bought or traded or even divided...

Those things my siblings could care less about...now if there is money involved? They WILL be standing in line at the door and will probably fight about who should get what amount.

Therefore, my unpopular belief is: If you are involved with your parents--throughout their entire life, then you should get an inheritance. If you chose to move away or become uninvolved with them while they were alive, then you certainly do not deserve anything when they are gone.

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SPJRNTGADL!

My father says my sister (who just turned 18) is getting the most, my mother said it's divided evenly, they have I think 4 houses (all have mortgages lol) and no clue on anything else, I just hope they don't leave us with bills. I don't expect my father to last a whole lot longer since he is now diabetic and just started taking insulin, and has Parkinsons and seems to be in worse shape every time I see him. My mother, I would expect to live another 30-40 years but who knows, really. Her parents are still alive. I imagine if they needed one of us to take care of them, that'll probably be our sister since she's so young.

I do think parents should divide evenly as not to create hatred and resentment among siblings. My mother's family is the perfect example of that. Eleven children~~most of them were included in the will, but 2 or 3 were left out. It created quite an uproar. The one sister that my mom was closest to (estranged from her father though) gave my mom an ultimatum if she didn't share her inheritance with her, she may never have a relationship with my mom again. This sister was quite rebellious and has always been very frank about her feelings. My mom loved her and accepted her the way she was and did end up sharing her inheritance with her. (Even though I really resented how this sister handled it)

Anyway, my point being that parents can tear their childrens' relationships apart if they give more money to one or not include everyone. I have seen it firsthand.

With fil situation, it probably would have been better if his mother did give a sizeable gift to the other son before she passed. It also would have said much for fil to offer something without being requested to. He paid his brother money (don't know how much) to keep the peace, but their relationship will never be the same.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Unless your name is on a loan or mortgage along with your father or mother, they can't leave you any bills. Adult children are not responsible for their parents' hospital bills, mortgage, credit card bills, electric bills, etc. That being said - it is up to the executor of the estate to pay any outstanding bills (with funds from insurance, home sale proceeds, etc.) BEFORE any inheritance is given out. I do not know who would be responsible for funeral expenses - I guess that varies from community to community and whatever the family would work out with the funeral directors.

Well, It is mom's decision to make....and she made it. Who knows what she gave or shared with the brother that lived closer to her? I am sure he did not announce any "extras" that he got. If Mom wanted to give to just one child, that is also her right, If she wanted to give it all to the cat next door...that is hers to give. BUT, I have seen the most unpleasant, nasty side of people come out when it comes to inheritance and money. Greed is definitely one of the seven deadly sins...

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