I said this in the heat of the moment, but now having second thoughts. My 14 yo failed math and now has to go to summer school. It is $200 to take the classes he needs. Plus, the hassle of getting him there and back with DH and I both working. I told him that was his birthday present, the money it will take to pay for the classes. Is this too harsh?

Well, did he fail math because he goofed off, didn't do the work then yes I would stick to what you said. BUT if he truly didn't understand or could not grasp the math ...then no I would not punish him for the extra money that he would take for him to go to summer school.

I agree with forrestlayne. If he goofed off and you know that then he has to suffer the consequences, IMO. But, if you knew he was having problems throughout the year and he did all he could, you did all you could to help him and the teachers did all they could, then I probably would not punish him. I think summer school will be punishment enough for him!

The teacher did all she could, and DH and I did all we could. He just did not apply himself.

Oh goodness......If it were me, in your place, I'd probably stick to that being his birthday present then. Since you know he just did NOT apply himself. Tough call, OP! Good luck with your decision.

thanks! I am learning the meaning of the phrase Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems!

tbh, I don't think that I would punish him...especially after this comment.

"He didn't apply himself"

Have you had him tested for AP? I say this because I homeschool our daughter now, and that is what her teachers were always telling us-- "she doesn't apply herself, therefore I am failing her"... little did they know...

We had her take statewide testing for 1 grade higher, and she passed with flying colors... The reason she wasn't trying was because she was bored with the material!! This is what kids do when they are bored (it's certainly not the worst either!).

Our daughter is 16 now and attends both homeschool high school and college. By the time she graduates high school, she will also graduate with her associates degree.

(If I had listened to her "wise" (not) public school teachers she would be on Ritalin and still not be challenged enough!!)

Before you send him off to summer school as punishment, I would have him tested first!

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SPJRNTGADL!

If not applying himself means not doing homework, classwork, studying, etc. then I think your punishment is just fine. His choices are summer school for his birthday or being retained for the new school year and $200 cash money...let him decide.

Maybe he did "not apply himself" because he was frustrated because he didn't get it or understand it. Sometimes this is how teens pass off something that might otherwise be embarrassing to them. My suggestion, for what it is worth would be this:

Tell him that IF he applies himself and passes the summer course with at minimum a C, you will reward his improvement by not making this his birthday present. That would be an extra incentive for him to improve upon his grade and will make you feel better either way it goes.

Good luck with whatever your decision is.

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Have the courage to be yourself.

Well I am signing my 12 year old up for summer school today... He does have an IEP, but he is also very lazy. The school district did not retain him to 6th grade, but I felt he needed to go because he barely passed. I truly feel the punishment is him having to miss half of his summer going to summer school. While his brothers are sleeping in and his friends are out playing he will be at school.

I do understand the knee jerk punishments but you have to ask yourself if his birthday was in February this would not have been an issue, right?

So I guess my thoughts would be that he is being punished twice for one crime ie: having to go to summer school AND no birthday. I would however suggest that he pay you back for the summer school fees by working around the house, getting a paper route or mowing lawns.

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

I guess my question would be---why the "hassle of getting him there with my husband and I both working?" Why do you have to "get" him any where. He is 14 and has two sturdy legs....unless you live in outer Mongolia. He is the one who did the behavior which got him into this pickle. I would expect him to get himself out of this pickle, too. The solution would not include me calling and waking him up, running home to pick him up, or standing over him to do his homework. I would hand the entire issue to him. This is the problem and it is time you worked on the solution. If you do not fix this problem, then apparently you will be repeating grade X. It is your choice. I know you can do the right actions. If he is not performing now. What do you think his high school years are going to be like? IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

What about allowing him to earn the tuition or some part of it back (as a late birthday gift) by successfully completing the summer school course? A=$150, B=$100, C=$50...something like that?

cj/

Well maybe I am different but I wouldn't take his birthday and use it as a punishment. I would take away the television, video games etc. Ground him from friends. Make him spend an hour per subject studying.

I agree with you.

cj/

geez...if I pulled a stunt like that, my parents would have made me PAY at least half...this way I would know the value of MY dollar. I don't blame you for not wanting to shell out extra $$ for him especially when it's not in the budget...who budgets for $200 at summer school??
You are teaching him a very valuable lesson. He will get teased by his friends if he complains about it but he will soon learn it's not nice to screw with mom...
By the way, my parents made me (and my siblings) pay half of our $350 drivers education classes so we knew not to fail! If we did...we had to shell out the whole thing all over again...their reasoning...it doesn't benefit us to have you driving. In fact, insurance, cars, gas, etc...it costs us money! It's cheaper if you just WALK! LOL..

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My kids would have to leave yesterday if that had to walk to class for today.


I like the idea of seeing how he does and then deciding at the end of the summer if he earned his present back.

Maybe he just didn't get the math? I was an honor roll student every year but the year I had geometry, I could NOT get that for some reason, drove me nuts. So there is more than he didn't apply himself. Is he a good student in the other areas?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I agree with this, too. I can see saying that sort of thing, but, then knowing me, I would not follow thru with that one. Not that I don't follow thru with my punishments, but, I just COULDN'T basically take away his b'day, in essence. I can absolutely see my DS doing this, too. He is very good at math, so I would be inclined (with my DS anyway) to think he was goofing off. DS is pretty good about telling us if something is "too easy" and we can judge from that if he failed due to boredom, or what.

DH and I are more into getting DS to realize just what his actions relate to. In this case, they related to a $200 tuition fee, so, better get out there and mow some lawns buddy!!! Maybe some chores around the house for money??? Like painting,etc.

I just couldn't bring myself to not give him any birthday presents, IMO, that sends the wrong message.

good luck

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Have you given consideration to Sylvan learning center or the many other tutoring places like that?

If he didn't understand it the first time (ergo didn't apply himself), what makes you think paying the $200 for them to reteach it to him will actually work the second time around by the same teacher?? And are they really reteaching him or just "tutoring" him while he sits BORED inside a classroom for the better part of a day????

I guess my priorities are different because we homeschool, but, in no way would I allow my JOB to interfere with my child's education...that comes first. If it meant that I would need to have certain hours off work, then that is exactly what I would arrange with my employer--family comes first.

I would never hold someone's birthday as ransom for something monetary--never. It does send a wrong message.

At 14 years and older, math can be quite difficult to master, and even just one wrong calculation will throw off the entire year...because math builds on itself....when you fail to grasp a concept at the beginning of the year, your whole year is simply SCREWED!

If there was a concept that he failed to grasp nearer the end of the year, than a simple review and a little teaching to help him understand a little better to further with his studies is all that he needs.

There are MANY resources available to children who require a different method of teaching / learning. As a homeschooler, I am well aware of these resources...but if you aren't a homeschooler than I can understand why you wouldn't know about them.

Don't hold the birthday as ransom, and get him tested by some other facility before you devote $200 (or more) into a school that probably didn't teach it to him the right way for him to understand it in the first place.

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SPJRNTGADL!

Even though I don't home school , I feel the same way which is part of the reason I don't have a job. There is not enough time in the day for everything now, I couldn't imagine if I had to go to work too. I could not be as responsible enough to all of those things to do a good job at everything. My family comes first, so we don't have much money, but we are happy.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Well golly, this has gone away from the topic....

I am glad that the previous posters have found the right balance in their lives. In my opinion, it is possible to put your family first and be employed outside the home. In my opinion, it is also possible for some people to juggle much more than other people are capable of handling. Individual capabilities vary greatly. Something unmanageable for one person, is completely within the capabilities of another. Not everyone is dealt the same hand. We need to capitolize on our individual strengths and minimize our individual weakness. Being supportive of others in their chosen roles wouldn't hurt either.

It's what works for YOU that's important.

cj/

I think summer school is a waste of time. If your son didn't get it during the entire school year, what makes you think he'll get it in just a couple of months?

I was thinking along the same lines as another poster --- I would contact Sylvan Learning Center or something like that. Or for $200, I think you could hire a tutor for study at home. He might just need the 'ah-ha' moment, and then understand it all completely. That happened once with one of my sons -- he just couldn't grasp the concept of writing (as in writing a story). We weren't homeschooling at the time and the teachers in public schools didn't have time to actually show him to where he could understand it. I had tried to show him but just couldn't get it into his head. So I called my niece, who is a teacher, and she tutored him for just a couple of times and I guess it was just the way she taught him -- he totally got it after that and had no trouble with writing after that. He completely understood it.

So maybe try something else before sending him to summer school. And as for the summer school being his birthday present, I think that's a little harsh. You only have a birthday once a year and to punish him like that isn't right. Everybody needs to celebrate their birthday!!!

Well the last I heard Sylvan Learning Center was quite expensive. A friend of mine had to put her son in and it was way more then $200.

Of course family would come first but sometimes in order to survive everyone has to do things a little different for their and that includes working. Any job I have ever known really doesn't give you the option of choosing what hours you want to work. Basically if they say jump you better jump.

Sorry to continue the off-topic, but many companies (Fortune 500, for sure) offer flex-time options, among other things, to their salaried, professional employees to enable the work-life balance that's needed to retain their skilled workforce and remain competitive on comp/benefits.

FWIW,
cj/

There are a LOT of big companies that will allow you some leeway in your schedule to accommodate the needs of your family... I worked at Generous Motors for a year and a half and had no difficulty getting the hours off that I needed to attend to the needs of my family... I kept them informed of what was going on, and they worked with me.
I was not a union member, so maybe that had something to do with it, perhaps not.

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SPJRNTGADL!

My son had to retake a math course that he had failed this year. The summer course is only one month (In fact, Friday is his last day, yay!). Today I received his progress slip from his teacher stating he passed.
Maybe it is easier because it's just one class to concentrate on rather than a full load. Or that they spend 4 hours per day on this one subject. Whatever the reason, I am glad he got it this time around and that it did not prove to be a waste of his time.

As for the OP, I do see the point you are trying to make. $200 is a lot of money. Plus it can be an inconvenience taking and dropping him off to school. I am sure you did not plan spending this summer doing that. However, birthdays are that one day they get that is special to them. Punishing him in that way is harsh, IMO.

I like some of the alternative suggestions given here.

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Sometimes, with math especially, concepts don't come naturally and it takes longer to sink in, or a different approach to problem solving, or a different teacher. I had to take Calculus Pass/Fail in my senior year of HS, because I was stupid with it and/or tthe teacher just wasn't teaching it in a way that I could understand. I used a Schaum's outline to teach myself over the summer and was able to test out of 3 hours of university-level caclulus as a result of self-tutoring.

Sometimes it's just that simple, and no major misbehavior, attittude, learning disability, or capability of the student or the teacher....hopefully the summer school will get your son back on track with his math!

I would not skip his birthday, but would devise some system to ensure that he's invested in recovering and doing well. Good ideas here!

cj/

Here's the thing about high school classes...
If you suck in them, you have a chance midway through the semester to pull out and get in a study hall. This is why they give out progress reports at the halfway point...so you know how your kids are doing!
So, the kid knew he was failing even after several people tried to help him and now he has to live with his mistake of not getting out while he could...
I say make him pay half or have him make up the money somehow (free babysitting, washing the dog every weekend, washing the cars, mowing the lawn, etc...) because in the end, it was his decision to continue to fail at a class that he was either bored with or just couldn't handle.
Is there an option of not doing summer school at all and just making it up through the next school year? Everyone doesn't need 4 years of advanced math...he could just take the basic math if he hasn't already. I don't know...what is his education plan? He can make up his college "points" with his SATs. Or, if he doesn't go to college, why waste his talents on a math class he will honestly never use? (unless he's going to be an accountant or going into a science or math related field).

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I would make him pay for half of it...not all, if he was goofing around.

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Freedom Stands...Because HEROS Serve

Mary

I do not agree with letting him skip the math or start his next year behind. He's only 14, too early to know where he is going with his life, and needs his math as well as parental support and guidance.

jmho,
cj/