Today it somehow turned out to be MY fault that the mall was not open at 9:15 in the morning so she could get a pretzel! I have come to really dislike having to drive her anywhere - I always get in trouble for something

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Once they are teenagers.. it is always "moms" fault about EVERYTHING. Even things that you know nothing about somehow it will get turned around to be your fault. For some reason once they hit 12 or 13 thier hormones go into overdrive against MOM. I dont understand why it is never against dad. But I have just come to accept every day it is my fault about something. My 18 yr old hit a deer a couple months ago. Even that was my fault because I told her I have seen lots of deer on a couple of the rural roads around our house. Well I did not mention the road that she hit the deer on so it was MY FAULT that she hit it. I was not in the car I was at home in bed. But someone it is still my fault. I knew I should of just got out a map and told her on every street there can be deer. But of course if I did that somehow it would of still been my fault somehow.
Good luck and welcome to teen girls.

Your not alone. Ask my DS, I'm the dumbest person that ever walked the earth.

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LOL....parents know nothing the kids know it all!!!

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

When I was a teenger, my father used to say "I can't wait til you grow up so I can stop being so stupid all the time!"

Good times.

Holly

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Forgiveness is love in its most noble form. -Anonymous

yep, i was the same way at 13.. now that I have my own kids my mom is my best friend.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

The only thing my older two tell me is to stop embarassing them on their myspace pages by putting the I love you comments and posting silly stuff on there apparently it isn't cool for your friends to check on your page and see messages from your mother. and my DS said I was not allowed to call him pumpkin any more. I have called him that since he was born, he's 14 now.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Oddball, here. At first, I thought this was a girl thing, but then I see that several are talking about sons. Knock on wood, but I really don't have this problem with my boys (ages 13 and 17). I consider myself very fortunate that they both think Mom is smart....and cool! Or maybe it has something to do with not being a SAHM???? Who knows...but sounds like I should enjoy it!

cj/

Oh yeah, Alex says I can't call him Allie any more - or bean or pumpkin! But he asked nicely.

Oh my goodness! was all our sons born from the same pod or something?!?!? I've got a 9 and almost 14 year old that act JUST like your boys, my 9 year old talks NON stop, you try to explain something and he's rambling on like your not there. The other he well.... UGH!!!!!

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My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

add me to the club!!!
yesterday:
me:do you still want to argue with me?
dd 13:is that a trick question?

anyhow,I am unfair,stubborn,and I spoil her little sister!

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

I love this thread and I can relate totally to everything everyone has said! It's good to know that I'm not alone here. DD is 13 and has been driving me nuts this summer. She is ALWAYS bored. It's as if she has to be entertained every minute or else she is moping around acting depressed. WTH? When we were kids we were outside all day long playing...no pool, no Nintendo, no cell phones, no computers, no cable TV, etc. I guess we just spoil them too much...who knows? She is very moody and anything I suggest doing, she doesn't want to do. I think that next summer I'm going to try to find some sort of camp for her to attend. I thought we'd have a great summer and enjoy it, but so far...Hopefully things will improve. I love having a daughter, but if I had to pick, I'd have ten boys over ten girls anyday! My sons are so much easier. ~Lisa

I agree with this entire post.. aside from the sons are so much easier part. My DS sounds just like your DD. He's got a 360, all kinds of electronic diversions, you name it... and I'm the bad guy because I won't let him walk to timbuktu with his friends.. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

To the OP: You drove your teenage daughter to the mall at 9:15 to get a pretzel? Am I missing something here? Don't you think that is above and beyond the call of duty?

My kids are like this when DH is gone......they would defend me to the death, and I can do no wrong....when DH is home though, I can do no right......

My mom is so much smarter then I ever thought she was growing up....now she is my absolute best friend. I hope this happens with my kids.

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

WOW me too. I hate to say this but my kids are now 27,29 and 30 and i`m still responsible for everything that goes wrong. Never dad. Im the stupid one I guess.

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

This is funny my dd is only 11 but about an hour after she goes to sleep she will get up and sleepwalk and talk. The other night she wanted me and waited for me outside of the bathroom. Once I got out she told me she was BORED! I sent her back to bed. The next morning I told her what she did. It seems she is not only bored awake but asleep.

I just cann't wait to embarrss her in public and to be ask if I am going to wear that!

my mom is STILL to blame for everything that goes wrong in my younger brothers life. Oh, and he's turning 30 this year....

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Caddylisa....

Can I just offer a little advice from "the other side?" I have 4 older brothers, I am the only girl and the youngest. I'll be 38 in October. To this day, I'm still crushed inside from when I remember overhearing my mom tell her friends/family/whomever that "my one girl is harder than all 4 of the boys put together!" (Bear in mind that of my 4 brothers - one got married when he was 18, going on 19 because he got his girlfriend pregnant; another brother ELOPED the weekend of my parents' 25th wedding anniversary, a HUGE surprise party that my brothers and I had planned for months - he eloped that weekend and missed it!; another brother dropped out of school practically in middle school, spent time in a psychiatric facility, juvenile hall, etc due to missing school and also dropped out of Air Force basic training after just a week or so; various DUI's, etc, that can be attributed to a brother.) I did NONE of that, was just a typical (moody) teenager that managed to do well in school and actually get married and have children in the proper order, without any arrests, LOL!

I know that teenagers can be difficult. I have a 12 yr old DS and I can relate to nearly EVERYTHING that has been posted on this board.

I just want to say, from someone who still doesn't have a very close relationship with her mom - even if you do feel that you'd rather have 10 sons than 10 girls - please don't let her hear you voice that.

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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. - Lemony Snicket

Sorry for the confusion - She had a doctor's appt. early this morning and wanted to stop for a pretzel on the way home - was very annoyed when I told her the mall didn't open till 10.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Thanks for giving me your view from the other side...I do appreciate it...I know that all kids are different and it's not really fair for me to lump them all into one category according to gender...She is just very difficult and has been since she was born...I make every attempt for us to be close because I'm VERY close to my mother...She's my best friend and we do alot of things together...I keep hoping that my daughter and I will have the same type of relationship...I try to get her to go shopping with me (my favorite past time!) and she doesn't want to go...She only likes to go if we are shopping for her and only go to her stores...I'm not allowed to look at anything...LOL...It's just very frustrating...I love her just as much as I do my sons and I would never make the comment I made in my earlier post to her...I know it would hurt her feelings and I would never want to do that to her...She's a good girl...A good student who is shy and never gives me any trouble...I need to count my blessings...If she's moody, then I guess that's the least of my problems...I have to be thankful that she's not boy crazy or drinking or doing drugs...Thanks again for putting things into perspective for me! ~Lisa

We had 4 daughters.
I can tell you that YOU will be a lot smarter as SHE gets older.
I got smarter when my girls grew up!

I do remember thinking that my mom was old when I was young.
She was 20 when I was born,
Time and age changes a lot of things.

thankfully I haven't had to deal with a teen where Mom is wrong...

and I will be damned if I will drive my teen anywhere at 9:15 am so she can get a pretzel! If she needs food that bad there is always BREAKFAST...as far as demanding to be driven anywhere (other than an Emergency room for treatment) gets the response "excuse me???? are your legs broken????"

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SPJRNTGADL!

FINALLY....!! Somebody has said what I have been thinking all along!! I have a 14 year old daughter---no she is not perfect and sometimes has to be reminded about her tone of voice (it isn't what she says but how she says it). Not in a million years would I drive her to the mall because SHE wanted a pretzel. Give me a break!! For the most part, she is respectful of us, and we are respectful of her. When she gets an attitude, I remind her that we do not speak to her like that, nor will she speak to us like that.

Here's the thing....we all tried this stuff when we were teenagers. The difference between us and the behavior of teenagers today is that PARENTS TODAY TOLERATE THIS BEHAVIOR! Not in my house and not in my lifetime!! I think it's pretty simple and I've explained it to my teenage daughter like this: It's your choice...you want the next couple of years in this house before you leave for college to be miserable, well than you go right ahead. It can be pretty pleasant around here. Do what you are asked to do the first time, acknowledge that we your parents actually do exist, say please and thank you every time we do something for you (as we do to her) and we can all get along fairly well.

I do long for my little girl simply because the time is going by so quickly, but I don't mind the teenage years.

just wanted to reinforce that it's not only the teenage girls-I have two teenage boys and EVERYTHING is my fault. Oh, forgot, it's that way w/ my 8yr. old and 5yr. old sons too................So often I hear -say it w/ me-Moooooooooooooom, I have gotten to the point where I say, "Would you please quit calling me that?"

I can understand the OP getting her daughter a treat after going to the doctor. I do that with my kids.

Rebecca

I understand this also when the OP explained the situation.
It would be nice if posters would read all the posts before jumping in with an attitude thinking the OP had made a special trip to the mall at 9:15 a.m. to get her DD a pretzel.

I saw it too late, but my response would not have changed!

The answer to anything other than breakfast at 9 am in the morning is NO.

our youngest dd is 16, and like another's daughter, is not perfect but does get reminders about attitude and tone of voice.

However, if you think I have an attitude, you ain't seen nothin yet, because I can certainly fall into the group of mc'ers whose names always begin with a capital B.

I think that parents in today's world are more of the kind that say "no honey it's not nice to hit xxx in the face" when in fact that would be the time in our house where the child couldn't sit for a week!

It's kind of like the parents whose children are having temper tantrums because they aren't getting their way so the parents give in... in our house... you pull that crap you can expect to get a huge spanking when you get home.

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SPJRNTGADL!

I have ZERO sympathy for all you moms who have teenage daughters. You WANTED kids. You HAVE kids. Suck it up, for gods sake.

Our 3 girls are so good, and so honest, at ages 9,7, and 4. They're just priceless. NOTHING like your TEENAGERS.

Huh?

My girls will what?

Grow up?

No.

They stay this age forever, don't they?

Grow up, huh?

3 teenage girls in the house at the same time? Me? In MY house?

In MY bathroom?

They'll WHAT?

Not in MY house.

Huh?

Where's the closest Motel 6?

Red Roof Inn? How long am I staying? 3 years?

Please?

Pretty Please.

Umm... Could someone just delete this thread...?

I'm scared. VERY scared.

I'm sorry.

Jason

Okay, I don't usually respond to these types of threads, but maybe my perspective will have value this time. I really am not one to share personal stuff about our kids very often.
6 kids, all adopted from the U.S. and foreign countires. 4 boys before DD#1 came along.
I used to pity moms with daughters cuz my first 3 boys were sooooooooooo much easier as young boys to parent than what I observed with my friends' daughters. My first 3 boys treated me as queen of the universe, as if I hung the moon.
DD#1 came along when she was age 2, and she came with some life altering disabilities due to early deprivational background. Was hell on wheels to parent for the first coupla years, still is not an easy child to parent. Whilst I *loved her (as in the verb meaning to put another's best interests before my own, not the kinda love that most folks think means a warm and fuzzy feeling) I did not like her the least little bit. She was not at all likable, but *all* kids are lovable in my book. And so I loved her. Nearly killed us to do so, but that's our slant on parenting.
DD#2 came to us with an equally horrific early start, and she came to us at age 7 (DS#1 was from the same country as she was, and we actually traveled to pick her up in her native country and met her for the first time on her 7th b'day in a country where b'days are not celebrated).
Despite DD#1's difficulties/disabilities (and Lordy, this child can drive me postal more often than I'd ever like to admit), I am surprised to find out how much easier she has been to parent during her pre-teen yearsthan my first 3 sons.... kids who all had much better starts in life than she had.
DS#1 has a brilliant mind, everyone outside the fam thinks he's every mom's dream child, was hs valedictorian - you know the type of kid? ;-) . But we had some very serious difficulties we never coulda anticipated during his teen years. Now at age 20 he is doing fabulously and actually comes to us for advice.
DS#2 turned out to have serious mental illness and autism. He was tough when younger, went through cycles of being easier and then being so difficult it had us nearly ripping our hair out. He is now 19yo, just graduated regular high school with honors, and after about 18 mos. of hell on earth parenting him, he has once again turned a corner towards being a kid that doesn't have us wondering why we ever wanted to be parents.
DS#3 is what is euphemistically called *a spirited child*, came to us a preemie straight from the hospital. The kid is a real molar grinder, but there is something, have never been able to put our finger on what it is, that makes him irresistable. Lucky for him, I say ;-) He is, however, currently our hardest kid to parent and is age 12. Lord help us in the next year or so when this kid who would be king (or rock star if you ask him ;-) actually is in full blown puberty.
DS#4 is sociopathic, we never could get through to him, his teen years nearly destroyed our fam with his false reports of abuse. Whilst we love him to this day, he is someone who can never again live with our fam. He has chosen *not* to live with us for the past 7 years, was with us for 3 very long years before it all fell apart in the most hideous way we coulda ever thought would happen to our fam.

DD#1, (12yo), even with her significant disabilities has become *easier* and more pleasant to parent lately. Go figure, eh? I do not expect this to last much longer, she is due very soon to get her period and I *know* how that changes things with girls, even with the most pleasant ones. I have been surprised, because after 10 years of extreme difficulties parenting her, that we are experiencing some of the best times ever with her lately. I am too practical to expect this current pleasant phase to last, but my kids have always surprised me in the past (both positively and negatively), so perhaps this *may* last?,Pragmatic though I may be, I am also ever the eternal optimist, particularly concerning our kids.

DD#2 came to us at age 7 (now almost 15yo) from a background equally horrific as DD#1, but couldn't be more different. Besides DH, this kid is my fave person on earth, I have never, never, never met anyone (I'm in my 50's) as upbeat, co-operative, helpful, compassionate, and delightful. With our other kids we had no idea about how bad their backgrounds were till after the fact. With DD#2, we knew *everything* and expected her to be the hardest kid on the planet to parent, the one with the most probs. She is the poster child to encourage folks to adopt older kids. She came to us not speaking a word of english, but after a week together we (she and I) were finishing each others' sentences in the other's languages. She was very determined to take advantage of her new situation and threw herself into being (as she said) a *Merican* girl. By the time she was with us for 3 mos. she could no longer speak her native language when her birth fam called. (that really broke my heart, though)
I have come to realize that gender reallio and trulio isn't the determing factor in how difficult teens will turn out to be, I think it has more to do with each individual kid's personality, temperment, just the way they were born. (and this includes how well they can adjust to some of the worst things a kid can ever experience).
Half our kids were adopted as babies, half as older kids. And whilst all 3 of our older adopted kids came to us w/significant probs, only one was a nightmare to parent. On the other hand, all 3 of our kids adopted as babies have presented teen parenting probs beyond what we ever could dreamt of.
We also did foster care for older kids and were guardians to my youngest sister. I gotta say (and never thougth I'd say this), the girls have been *easier* (as if parenting teens is *ever* easy!;-) to parent as teens. My youngest sister/daughter was our toughest teen girl, another go figure moment, eh?
I love teens, would prefer a dozen of em over one 4yo, but it has never (except for super kid DD#2) been an easy task to parent any of our own kids or f-kids as teens.
Adolescence is a time when even the best and easiest to parent kids become psycho, if only for the briefest moments. (Yes, even golden girl has had her own brief moments;-)
It passes.
A friend of mine who had kids before we ever had our first gave me the absolute best advice about parenting teens long before we had any of own. She said not to take teen insanity/rudeness/disrespect/irresponsibility personally.
I tell myself that often with 4 teens (or nearly teens) in the house at the moment.
Keeping this in mind, am hoping that the boy who would be king will surprise us in the next coupla years ;-) He was my one kid that I actually enjoyed pareting as a baby, I have never been much of a baby person. But the boy who would be king was every mom's dream baby until he hit age 18 mos (and no, he is *not* autistic) and learned how to scream.
And btw, we are considered the strictest and meanest parents around by our kids' friends. and it is only my daughters who have told us they appreciate our strictness.
Again, go figure, eh? ;-)
MZ... who will adopt pets in the future cuz kids really wear me out ;-)

Both my kids have continued to consider us smart and cool too! (18 and 20) And I am a SAHM and always have been. Theory blown.....

Well, I count my lucky stars every day. I have two teenagers, 14DS and 17DD who both love and respect us as parents. Do they get sassy with us? Occasionally, and I really do mean very occasionally. We point this out to them and the problem disappears. My kids have both known from toddlers that we expect them to be respectful and honest and productive giving members of our society. We do not push them to do anything they don't want to or are uncomfortable with. Both of my children are very different in personality, but both are very loving and giving. They both have very good grades...but that is because they are capable of getting them and know that we expect them to live up to their potential. If we had children who were limited in their ability to C or D work, but they worked hard to get those Cs and Ds, we would be proud of their efforts. (Unfortunately for my kids, their capabilities have always been honor roll work....so they basically are stuck in that frame of reference) I have never heard the words "I HATE you, from either of my kids. I HAVE heard "but So-and So's Mom let's him/her do it or go there" My answer is always, well, lucky for So and So I am not their Mom I guess." Anyway, my kids play games, have video games, cell phones, go out with friends and my 17 y o DD even dates (of course only with us having to "pass" all of her dates---luckily for us only has had 2 boys she has gone on actual dates with), go to the mall, take drama........just all of this to show that my kids are very "normal". DD has a job, and we let her keep 50% of her paycheck to spend on herself and the other 50% automatically goes into her savings account. She has never questioned or fought this either.

And just think.....we have achieved all of this compassion, respect and joy from our kids without once having to spank or hit them....NEVER....not even once when they were toddlers.

I don't think that my kids are angels or better than any other kid. I think kids are predisposed to certain sensibilities from birth and may be affected differently by everything around them. I guess I was just lucky enough to get the lucky genes in my kids.


Of course....who knows....they could both turn on me tomorrow :O

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Oh well, then it's just gotta be the case that I AM smart and cool and there's just no denying it!! teehee.....

cj/

Momziller, reading your post was like reading my life. My kids are all natural born to us (I do wonder somtimes if they weren't mixed up at the hospital!! but...)

My DD #1 is 19, she was a great kid growing up, usual first born, over achiever, bossy, mother of the older kids. She was a great teen. Graduated with honors. Got a tatoo day AFTER graduation, would not consider allowing her to get one even though she turned 18 in Sept. of senior year. Started local community college after deciding the college 4 hours away that she was accepted to was too far away. She didn't really think she had to go to class 1st semester and was not invited back second semester. In March she moved into an apartment with her friends and just moved back. She is a dream to have living here again. I did tell her there would be now yelling at home and she has been here 1 month and hasn't yelled once!! She is a perfectionist and with 6 of us, there isn't a lot of that at home so.... She is starting college again, and understands how hard it is to have a fulltime minimum wage job and plan the kind of life she wants to have so she is appreciating being at home again. We still have discussions about boyfriend but we respect each other.

DS is 18, he has been trouble since 12 days old. He has multiple health and mental problems and last Fall had to move into a group home for the best of EVERYONE. He is a hard kid to love. I do and he has a great heart but has a lot of problems that are constantly stressfull and hard to deal with.

DD #2 is 17 and went through a horrible time in early teens, mental illness, cutting herself, deep depression. Today she is 180% better and a joy to be around 78% of the time. She has depression still and learning disabilities so she struggles but I love her to pieces.

DD # 3 is 10 and the joy of my life. She is the most outgoing and lovable child. She has ben through a lot with her older2 siblings and is being treated for PTSD due to Matthew's problems but she is a great kid and makes me smile when she walks into a room and makes getting up in the am so worth it.

I am a very realistic mother, I know my kids aren't perfect. I do expect them to do their best, try hard and BE NICE and KIND to others.

My problem with teens is that they embarrass ME! We will be walking in the mall or something and they STILL hold my hand or kiss me! 17 yo and I just got back from a walk, we laugh ourselves silly and we are walking do the street and she grabs my hand and just won't let go. Their friends say I am cool and the best cookie baker around!!!

I do love my kids but man I can't stand them ALL together very often!!! I live in a zoo!!!