Dh's mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I do have a question but I want to let you know what led up to the question. So maybe it will help.

Dh went to take his mom some veggies from our garden this afternoon. I didn't go as I was getting a picnic ready. He had called he yesterday and told her he would be there shortly after she got home from church. When he got there he went on in, just like we always do. She had no idea who he was. She just kept asking him if she could help him and who was he looking for. She kept eyeing him really supiciously. He said she did finally remember who he was and hugged him and told him she has trouble remembering people sometime.

Normally she remembers who we are but will tell us Dh's dad is coming in to visit (they were divorced years ago and he has been dead for 30 years). Or just off the wall stuff and repeating things she tells us a katrillion times.

My question is when we go and she has no idea who we are would it be better to just cut the visit short and leave or is there something we can do that might trigger her remembering who we are? She has been gradually getting worse over the last year or so. This is the first time it really seems to of bothered DH.

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Well, I am certainly not an expert, but you could maybe just try like you said and say some things that may jog her memory, if she gets restless and thinks still that you/your dh are not you, then maybe it best to leave and try again later or another day. Does she live alone I presume? Maybe it's time to think about (I know, it's not easy) a nursing home or a nurse if you can afford one.
My DH's dad has it and at a pretty young age, some days are better than others, but not at all like he used to be. This winter he had to go into a nursing home as it was just too hard for MIL and even with our helping out was just too much to handle, for his safety as well as our own.
Best of luck, I know it is not easy at all. My mom was diagnosed with dimentia, which can lead to alzheimer's and some days she just does not know the things she used to.
Best of luck to you and hope this helped a little.

My step-dad had Ahlzheimer's. It was so sad when he didn't remember who we were. Mom and I made him a giant board with everyone's pictures on it, and names and relations underneath. Such as: Kathy (wife), Holly (Step-daughter), etc. I swear it helped. He would look at it every day.

Holly

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My grandmother had this the last 10 years of her life and lived to be 96. It was very sad. It definately gets worse as the years go by. My grandmother would look at me like she knew me but couldn't figure out who I was. She also talked a lot about her husband who had been dead a long time. We figured she was missing about 30 or 40 years. We took her to the docotr to find out if she'd had a stroke or something. She answered questions appropriately but falsely. Like when asked what she did that day, she would say she went to work. An appropriate answer, but not the correct one. I would not just walk in anymore. You should start knocking as a guest as this will prevent her from becoming panicked and alarmed. Also, many elderly suffer from sundowners. This means that in the afternoon they are worse, so if possible visit her in the mornings.

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Personally, I would think if your MIL is living alone, it's time to consider maybe an assisted living facility? I'd be so afraid she'd wander off and get lost, put something on the stove to cook and forget about it, the list of possibilities is endless. When my granny was this way, Daddy kept turning down the gas supply to the cookstove so the flame wouldn't burn as high. Eventually, even that wasn't enough.

Great idea.

As to your question should you cut the visit short? I would say no. Why because if she is not of sound mind she should not be left alone until she "comes back" KWIM. I also agree as maybe in the near future you may want to get her a nurse or assisted living if the funds are available.

This is a very hard disease especially on the children. For your mother/father not remember you is very tramatic as it should be.

I love the picture board I just think that is a great idea!! I worked in a home w/ Alzheimers patients and wish I would have thought of that. Maybe I wouldn't have been hit by the clients so much.

Good Idea Haynes!!

Based on my limited experience: trying to explain who you are sometimes only compounds an already stressful situation.

I believe, as just about everyone has already said, if she is living alone it is time to consider finding an assisted living facility for her. Or at the very least some sort of home health aide.

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I would also consider getting a medical alert type bracelet. Then if she would wonder off and get lost, someone will see the bracelet and call the number so she can get help returning home. If she can remember the old days then maybe talking about those things will help make the visit easier. My grandma couldn't remember what she had for breakfast, but could tell you the names of all 12 of siblings and tell stories of the old days. My Grandpa's brother had this too. He was in a nursing home out of it. I went and saw him (he never married or had kids). He didn't know me, but when I mentioned Yanic (what he called my Grandpa) he always smiled. So I held his hand, smiled and him, and mentioned Yanic. We had a pleasant visit.

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My grandma had it and there were lots of times she didnt remember who I was. It was sad but I always stayed and talked to her and pretended to be whoever she thought I was. I lost my grandma aug of last year. She passed away while I was out of state and the day before I left I visited her and she didnt know who I was. She thought I was her neice.

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ITA....if she is alone she needs to either have someone come into the home, or move to an assisted living facility....These chooses can be very hard, but like my mom would always say, doing the right thing is not the easy thing.

Both my Grandfathers have Alzheimer's it is a very hard disease to be around. It can be frustrating to all. A memory board may not be a bad idea, but will not always help. Many times you will find that Alzheimer's patients get "stuck" in a certain time period. For my mom's dad, he constantly relives a time around World War II. You also have to watch because some Alzheimer's patients can get violent. This is true for my Dad's dad......Dad's dad has also wandered off, got into other's peoples cars, and tried to break in someone else house.....

Has she been officially diagnosed? If she has then you should bring these issues up with her doctor......HTH some.

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Thanks for all the suggestions. Yes, she has been officially diagnosed and does take meds for it. We have tried to get her to come and live with us, since we know she will fight everyone tooth and nail on going to an assisted living home. She refuses. She does have 2 daughters that live on each side of her so most of the time someone is there with her.

We originally tried to get her to come to our house before she was diagnosed. She was (still is) convinced people (kin folk) are breaking in and taking her stuff. She has nailed every window in the house down. We have put numerous new locks on her door, at first we had no reason not to believe her. But things just kept getting stranger and stranger. She did hid her money in her freezer and then she became convinced that people were finding it in there and taking it. So now her daughter keeps her money. Of which she has now decided the daughter is stealing it. All of her Christmas gifts get taken to her daughteres house for safe keeping. For example for Christmas we gave her a Walmart gift card. Since she takes items she gets to her daughters we thought maybe she would at least use it for dog food or even food for her. She will not buy cloths because again people will take them. But, here it is July and the gift card is at her daughters house.

I know without a doubt she shouldn't be there alone. But the family will not "back" us on getting her into a home. They all think they are close enough that she will be fine.

Sorry, I guess I got off on a tangent a little there it is just so frustrating/sad....

Again thanks for all the suggestions. We are going to do the picture board.

Laura

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I hope that you don't this is the wrong way, but as long as you and your DH are in agreement with what is best for his mother, and the Dr. is in agreement then you can take the family to court to get her the help she needs. I know that sounds like a horrible solution and I do not say it lightly, my mom had to do this and it was not pretty, but now 3 years afterwards everyone realizes that was what my grandpa needed.......My dad is currently going through the court system now with his Dad.....If you try and make everyone else in the family happy, you may not be doing whats best for his mom.....You never want to look back at a situation and say I should have done this, or done that.......

I do not know the extent of your families situation, so I apologize if this seems harsh.....her situation may not be as bad as my Grandparents were.

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My family is currently in a similar situation.
After an intervention with all immediate family members it was decided that my parents would live in an assisted living facility. NO if's and's or but's about it. It was for their own safety! I have durable power of attorney for both M & F for medical AND all legal matters. I carry those papers with me at all times. A lawyer drew them up for the family. My name is on all banking accounts. Doctor & dentist know to call me first. I control all medications. I do all the grocery shopping, cloth shopping, gift shopping. They live 4 mile from us. Better here nearby than in Chicago with no help or family at all. We see them and check up on them regularly.

It has been a learning and growing experience for my teen.

Some things you just need to let roll off your back. "Be like a duck!" is my motto. No harm no foul.
(ie: gift card)

When harm comes to the elderly it is often too late.
Act now before it becomes too late and too sad. In the long run it will be better for all even though it seems everyone is angry at you and you feel like the bad guy.

I totally agrree with getting the POA if you can.
MIL died almost 1.5 years ago, and dh has been lost w/out her. He developed signs of dementia long before mil's last days. She just would *not* do what needed to be done for his and her own safety.
My beloved sil has now the POA and it has helped in more ways than I can recount.
FIL thinks that his wife and twin brother and youngest daughter all died within weeks of each other. ( MIL and twin *did* die within months of each other, youngest sil died almost 15years ago)
He can't remember directions and we had to make the excruciating decision to report him to the DMV in his state to get his license revoked. We were able to do it making him think his doc made the decision, otherwise he woulda held it against all of us till he could no longer remember who did it.

It just breaks my heart every day to see him deteriorate, but we needed to consider his safety.
You have all the empathy I can possibly offer, this is one of the worst possible ways to lose a beloved parent.
XXXOOO,
MZ