So, my cousin is in from Florida and they let their kids go to chuck e. cheese every time they come to Indiana and they invited us to go so we went (my dh, my ds, and myself). I was hesitant to go because I am 36 weeks pregnant and having very painful braxton hicks contractions all the time now but this was a pretty uneventful day for me. Anyway, my cousin said her 10 year old would watch my son because they just love eachother and it's a great match...no problem!!
I show up, we have our pizza, our drinks, and our tokens. My dh is taking my son around playing lots of games and winning lots of tickets. Well, when it was time to cash in, I told him just to get all the weight in tootsie rolls. We had 171 tickets so it really wouldn't have been THAT many. Well, he comes back with this cheapie dinosaur toy, this temp tattoo and one freakin' tootsie roll which he gave to me and my son threw a fit when he realized daddy gave his only tootsie roll to me (how was I to know??).
My husband asked my cousins daughter to watch my almost three year old son and she agreed no problem!! Well, I am sitting there chatting with my cousin when all the sudden the daughter comes running up with my son and said my son attacked a baby with the dinosaur. We "punish" him by making him sit and stay (very very hard for a child his age). Anyway, this lady comes up with her granddaughter and said...is that your son? I answered yes. She said well, he just took his toy (she picked up the toy and threw it at me) and attacked my granddaughter with it (the granddaughter was fine, not crying or upset at all) and I said well, I am very sorry. She walked off.
We decided it was time to go (we were there for about 2 1/2 hours) so we got in our cars and headed our seperate ways. Well, it turns out this lady went up to my cousins daughter and CUSSED HER OUT!! My cousins daughter was sobbing and swearing off babysitting for good! She didn't know my son was going to do that and he's just NOW getting into this bizaar behavioral phase to the point where I have NEVER seen it but others have reported it (my mother, my brother, my cousins daughter).
I guess what my questions is...what would you have done being confronted by the grandmother??
I mean, we "punished" him by making him sit (which was pure torture for him at chuck e. cheese, trust me!!) and then we took the toy away (I think we threw it away) I honestly didn't know what to say to the lady. I mean, had I known she cussed out my cousins daughter, I would have told her that was innapropriate and uncalled for (after all, we are dealing with the actions of a two-year-old who has always been a sweet but busy little boy and the 10 month old baby was NOT hurt or crying because of the actions so it couldn't have been the mountain she made out of the molehill it was) and then told her the baby is fine so let it go! What did she want from me by coming up to me and confronting me about it??
Maybe someone could shed some light on the situation for me??

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I have a 2 year old and would have done the same thing. I would also talk to your cousins daughter and apoligize again for the baby being bad. MAybe also tell her the Grandma was a bit off her rocker.

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TLJ ~ Where opinions are encouraged, not deleted

You laugh at me because I am different,
I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

I think you did all that you can do. The grandmother was obviously mad and just blowing off steam. She was out of line yelling at your cousin's daughter and then throwing the toy at you! The good news is that you'll probably never see her again!

Since the baby wasn't hurt and you did say you were sorry.
You did take care of the "punishment" for your son
Ok, What ese did she want?
I bet when that baby gets to be your sons age it will surprise grandma by doing some things.


Give the girl a hug and tell her that there are some crazy people in this world. In fact she just met one of them.

You could have said, " You wanna take this outside?"
Just kidding - you did and said all you could, dont beat yourself up about it.

I know my mom is very protective of my kids but would NEVER act like that. She would never cuss anyone out and she would never have walked up and threw the toy at you.
IMO, you took all of the appropriate actions. You disciplined your son to let him know that his behavior was not ok. Maybe this grandmother didn't know that he was being punished but you apologized and like the others said, what else did she want from you???
I wouldn't worry about it......kids will be kids and do things that we're not always proud of and sometimes their behavior does change and surprise us.
Continue doing what you're doing with your ds and take care of yourself and don't let crazy people stress you out. You certainly don't need it at this point!

Off topic, but do you know if you're having a boy or girl? Congrats and hope you're feeling ok. 36 weeks....you're getting close!

Geez some people are real pieces of work thats all I can say about this women I demo in walmart on weekends & see all kinds you wouldnt believe. This is just awful I would just try to tell this girl again & again this was not her fault & the child thats 2 is the one that hit the baby well I think ya just never know about 2 yr olds & if that lady cant see that it sounds like shes the one with the problem

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mom of 3 greats girls

I would have said I'm so sorry is your granddaughter ok. Then I would have said that the cousin told you what had happened and you had put your son in a time out. That way she would have known that you cared about what your son did and had already punnished him for it. Sometimes at those places parents let their kids run wild and don't care what they do. You did care but the grandmother had no idea that everything was taken care of. Put yourself in her shoes. Your 10 month old is attacked by an almost 3 year old. You might have been upset too. I think you handled it very well, the grandmother just didn't know it.

You really won't like my opinion... but you will get it anyway.

Part of the problem of today's children is that parents are afraid to swat the hands and the behind when it comes to punishment!

There is nothing wrong with it! Part of the reasoning is "we will hurt Johnny's feelings" to which my response is "if he is my kid, more than his feelings will be hurting!"


Now, if it had been my child that had done that to another child it would immediately warrant me to get up from whatever I was doing, retrieve my child, apologize profusely to whomever was assaulted and then take my child on a non-stop trip to the bathroom.

My child would not have to endure the torture of not being able to play at Chuck E Cheese because she wouldn't be able to sit down.

Then I would make her apologize herself to both the other child and the parents of that child. (2 and 3 year olds CAN say sorry and mean it).

a simple time out would not cut it in my house.

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SPJRNTGADL!

I've personally never understood the logic of hitting a child to teach him not to hit. It seems like it would be a confused message. Does it work?

cj/

There is a difference between spanking and hitting.

I was spanked and hit as a child--sometimes with objects and I turned out "ok"...however, my belief is that if you can't use your hand then you need to walk away.

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SPJRNTGADL!

Well, it's not exactly pc to beat your child at chuck e. cheese...they kind of frown on that (not that I am saying you said that)! I wasn't thinking about my son apologizing after she threw the toy at me...I had no idea who the person was as it was extremely busy yesterday. I couldn't ask my son because he gets add at cec. If only my husband would have just got the d@mn tootise rolls!! Everyone would have been sooooo happy...

By the way, tag114, it's a boy.

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Should we take a vote? Just kidding!

I was also spanked as a child, but I do not recall being spanked for hitting other children....lying or stealing or something like that....but not for being physically abusive to someone. That's the difference in my mind....just seems kinda hypocritical ("Do as I say, not as I do")

cj/

Emie79 - I vote that you spank DH then!

I think the first few times that we did that (even when it was us doing it as kids) we learned really quickly that we didn't like the outcome from our parents and chose to NOT do that anymore!

lesson learned on the first try...we learned to not tempt fate or push buttons (until we were much older...like teenhood).


It seems hypocritical to other adults... kids don't know what that word even means let alone how to pronounce it. Their standpoint is... if I act bad, then Mom and Dad will make it so that I can't sit down and I will end up crying.

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SPJRNTGADL!

adding:

a few trips to the bathroom where the child comes out crying is all that it takes...

the next opportunity for bad behavior then only warrants the following conversation:

mom: do we need to go to the bathroom again????? (stern voice...not a cutesy voice)

child: nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

mom: well then you better start behaving.

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SPJRNTGADL!

Glad that it works for you! Just not in my comfort zone.....but don't have to worry about it anymore anyways! There's no way that I would spank my 6', 200-lb son .... LOL.

cj/

I don't have to worry about it either anymore... youngest daughter is 16. She does need to be reminded about attitude though.

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SPJRNTGADL!

The grandma was hurt and angry that her granddaughter was attacked. I'm sure it was a huge shock to have your son come up and hit the baby with a toy. I can understand her frustration.

However, how she reacted was not right. Sorry, it wasn't. When you have small kids you realize there will be kids that hurt your child, many times unprovoked. My nephew was a biter and sunk his teeth into my kids many many times. Man it angered me so! But the difference is that I am an adult and I had to 'be better'. I don't think the grandma was better; she sunk to the level of a child by throwing a toy at YOU as well as cussing out a 10 year old.

Again, I understand her anger and can't blame her for being mad. Your son attacked the baby. But her reaction was over the top.

What would I have done? Probably the same as you. Which is safe. I am sure a situation like that could have possibly escalated if you had confrontationally. That lady could have been some whacko and someone could have been hurt permanently over this.

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I think you did all you could. How old was the lady? If it were my daughter who was curssed at I would have gotten up and confronted the woman and screamed at her for yeling at my daughter but thats just me I think you punished your son apprpriately, I would have done the same thing. I also must say that I disagree with Dreamscapes on spanking the child. I do not think there is ever a reason to hit/spank a child.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

You can't hit kids in public, whether or not you would at home. It's too bad your son's not really old enough to talk to about how grownups can lose control too.

This lady behaved worse than your 3yr old child by throwing the toy at a pregnant woman and cussing out a 10yrs old. A 3 yr old is still learning what it is to get along with others and learning how to behave in the world but this was a grown woman who SHOULD HAVE known better.

I would have made your child apologize first thing when I found out. I would have walked him over to the lady and asked if the other child was ok and apologized and I would have made your child apologize and then go sit the child down and I wouldn't let him up until it was time to leave and tell him next time he won't get to come because he behaved badly.

Where was your husband when this lady did this to you?(Not saying anything is his fault) My husband would have never allow someone to do that to me pregnant or not. If he wasn't around at the time he would walk right up to her and put her in her place before leaving.


My goodness if I were a stranger and I seen some lady do this to a pregnant lady I think I would say something and let her know how abusive she is being!!

Ohhhhh, how exciting! I hope your last few weeks go well. Sounds like the Braxton Hicks are not playing nice though. Good luck and try to enjoy this time. Soon that little boy will here.

Yes, that would have been a great way to handle that.
Good post.

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

emie , I am glad that you didn't smack your son there.
I would hate to think your second child might be born in Jail. just kidding!

I think it is always easier to think what we should have said or done later.

Babies hitting babies. Stop the cycle. LOL

I would have done exactly what you did and then stewed over it for a couple of days. What should have happened is the Grandma should have apologized to your neice for chewing her out. I haven't met a 2 year old who didn't hit someone. That's part of being 2. Time outs are enough for this offense, IMO.

Rebecca

smacking the a@@ of a child would not warrant a trip to jail.

when the girls were little (not that long ago) I spanked in public even when others gasped...now they are older (teens) and it's not even an issue. one is in the US Navy, another in medical school and the baby in high school & college--none of them are "injured"

The day the gaspers pay my bills and raise my children is the day they can tell me how to parent.

This thread was looking for opinions--I gave mine...it was not an invitation to tell me how wrong you think one way is over another. You don't agree with it, don't do it.

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SPJRNTGADL!

OH PLEASE! A swat on the behind or on the hand is NOT, I repeat NOT, like you're abusing the child! Society, as a whole, has gotten so far away from disciplining children when they misbehave that I dread going out in public where there will hordes of young children. It seems that I shouldn't tell little Johnny that just ran over my heel in the aisle at WalMart (for the 3rd time) that he needs to watch where he's going. Yes, I know he's your child. But, if you can't control him any better than you have been, maybe you should just stay at home! It seems that it's ok to let little Suzy throw herself in the floor and scream until my eardrums bleed, all because she wants a doll and she wants RIGHT FREAKING NOW! Oh and don't even get me started on the children who sit behind me on the airplane! Yes, that is my seat they are kicking and NO, it doesn't feel real good for the whole 3 hr flight!

Get a grip people! Use some common sense. Children need boundaries and limits. They need discipline. They need consequences for their behavior, both good and bad. If the parents aren't willing to do it, then who will?

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Jesus love me--you he only tolerates!

nonbeliever...I agree with you!

Christine

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Dreamscapes and Nonbeliever...AMEN!!!!

Everyone has a different idea how to discipline thier children.

When you are on the outside looking in you don't know the whole situation. Would you suggest to a parent that just adopted an abused child to spank their kids? I wouldn't. I think MOST of everyone knows what works best for thier kids. Some take it too far. Some don't take it far enough.

They are your kids and it is your job to control them not everyone elses! I am NOT referring to the OP for this comment. You can only do your best!!!

Although I agree that spanking has its place, I think that Emie handled the situation well. Everyone handles these things differently and with different children, different ages -- you go with your gut instinct.

Only thing that she might want to do next time (if there is a next time!) is have the little one apologize to the baby in front of the grandmother and let the grandmother know that he will be (or has been?) punished. Sitting down is a good one for a 3 year old. He learned from that... I'm sure!

I also agree with the other posters who said that you need to talk with the cousin and explain that the grandmother overreacted.

You honestly can't 100% believe that what the grandmother claimed happened really happened... The baby might have hit your 3yo first. Who knows???



Best of luck with your baby. That is sooooo exciting!!!

I think the OP handled the situation appropriately. Sound to me like Grandma was a psycho woman!

I agree that there is a difference between spanking and beating/abusing. I don't think that a spanking was warranted in the OP's situation simply because she didn't see what exactly happened. And had no way of knowing if her child was the aggressor or was defending himself--you and I know that it was just a young baby involved but to the 2 y/o it may have just been that the other child hit him first.

I think that the Grandma behaved like an idiot crazy person.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

ITA......Amen!!!!!

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#1 Red Wings....Stanley Cup winners 2008

Too bad there are billions of her out there just like her!

I don't know, the second I found out she (grandma) cussed at a child, it would have been on. Children don't understand when a adult cusses at them....any adult that would yell at a child like that deserves to have her behind swatted!!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

you know what, it takes all types-you were there w/ your child, and he was obviously supervised quite well, and someone just had to make a scene. You took care of the situation, and someone still had to be ugly. This really gets my goat. Yesterday, we were at a local waterpark, and this little boy was just being so mean to my kids-splashing, spitting, and talking ugly. My kids came and complained to me about it-I told them just to stay away from him. Well, they tried, but the little heathen just kept following them, so we left the area. No parent in sight-at a waterpark! So today, we had to go to the bank-had a transaction that could not be done via ATM. So, there is another little boy there-my kids went to the water fountain-this little boy pushed my son down and told him it was "HIS" turn to drink. My son came up to me very upset, and I just had him stay w/ me. Anyway, after the fact, my 14 yr. old son verified what had happened and told me that the little boy had called him a N**ger and told him they were going to fight. My 14yr. old son just laughed at him. . We are all blonde hair and blue-eyed, and this little boy was African American. I had two little boys asking me on the way to the car what that word meant. Where was his Mom? She had no clue what was going on and there were no reprocussions whatsoever for this kid. Just don't sweat it-you got a really mean and ugly mom-to probably a mean and ugly kid-and yours will be just fine!

You literally took the words out of my mouth!

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

I totally agree. I would of taken the grandmother into the bathroom and you know the rest.

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

OP did not find out until later that the grandma had unleashed her psycho on the 10yo.

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

In a perfect world...ds would be potty trained and this would work out but honestly, we have made so much progress that I wouldn't want to use the bathroom as a whipping room for the boy and then have him regress on his potty training. After all, he's asking to go potty now (woo hoo!!) and that's a major step. With all this drama that day...my son had a dry pull-up (rather feel n learn) from 10 to 10...then he decided to poop but one step at a time, right?

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Just so you know: I was not saying you didn't handle the situation appropriately. My reply was strictly aimed at those who thinking that a spanking is going to scar the child for life.

I think you handled the situation just fine. And you are absolute correct, you don't want a child that is having issues w/ "going potty" to relate punishment to the bathroom.
Now, have a nice day. Take some time today for yourself as I'm sure you are pretty miserable feeling being this hot and being as pregnant as you are

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Jesus love me--you he only tolerates!

I don't oppose spanking, but I also don't think it's wise to do it around strangers. Anything that draws attention to the situation in a negative light doesn't belong in public, especially when people with cell phones are happy to call it in as abuse. Not sure why that comment was so problematic.